O'Hare Hotel

O'Hare airport was our choice of accommodations for the night. After people watching for several hours, we decided to peruse the concourse and scout out a spot to hunker down for the night. We found a somewhat secluded area at the very end of the concourse and agreed that's where we'd sleep. We left concourse C and headed over to B which was the only other area we could get to without going through security again and we had also been told our bar and food options were better in B, and it was time for a beer. After a monetary raping, for 2 Stella's, we grabbed a quick bite to eat and headed back to our “bedroom”. We sat around reading and watching CNN news until the airport slowly emptied out of all but us and the night cleaning crew.

P – The airport is quite peaceful at night.

G – Most places are nice when they aren't crowded and noisy.

P – I don't think I'm going to have any trouble sleeping here.

G – In 18 years I have yet to find ANY place you have trouble sleeping. I on the other hand may have a problem if I have to listen to the same news stories on CNN all night.

P – Really...I do not think the fact that Bristol Palin can't dance, but is still on DWTS, is newsworthy and needs to be repeated over and over and over...

G- I think we'll be fine sleeping here, but I'm worried about our stuff. What if someone walks off with it while we're asleep?

P- We'll hear someone approaching or touching our stuff. I can't imagine that we'll sleep soundly.

Within an hour of making this statement Phyllis was snoring. I had just started dozing around midnight when the vacuuming lady made her way over to our area and startled me. She vacuumed all around us, even under Phyllis' “bed”. I offered to move our luggage cart, but she said, “No, no! You sleep. It ok.” Thank you, kind lady. Well, it is clear that we would not hear someone if they wheeled away all of our stuff. I rummaged through the bags to see how I could safeguard them. I found the strap of a bag that I wound between the straps of the backpacks and connected to a carabiner to my belt loop. I put the strap of Phyllis' purse, which she was sleeping on, over my fanny pack, then put my head on and wrist through the fanny pack strap. It was basically a cluster F, but if anyone touched any one bag, they'd all move and hopefully, so would one of us.

We got about 4-5 hours of sound sleep until we were rudely awakened by people arriving to catch their morning flights. Inconsiderates!!!

P- Why do you have everything strapped together like this? When did you do that?

G- Around midnight, right after you slept through the lady vacuuming under your chair!

P- I did? Thank you for taking care of us baby.

G- Thank me from afar. Your breath smells like ass! Let's go brush our teeth and move over to the other section that is less crowded.

P – Good idea, cuz your breath doesn't exactly smell like roses and your hair looks like Buckwheat.

We drank coffee then washed our faces, put on fresh makeup and fixed our hair (thank God we got it cut off) and were ready to face a new day! We went to gate C16 and checked in again with the gate agents. It was easy to remember the lady's name I had spoken to yesterday, Gina, and chatted her up a bit about the freight weight. Phyl ran off and got us McDonald's so we wouldn't be starving before dinner. Shortly thereafter, Gina began calling names..... Yuan, Phan, McCall, Champion, Wursteisen...... yay!!!!! We got on the flight. We texted Jeremy, Connor and our parents. We were off to Asia!!!

P- Can you believe it? We're on a plane to Hong Kong!! I'm very excited!

G- Me too, muffin! We've been planning this for so long. I can't believe it's actually here.

Well, our adventure has begun in earnest! Last night we slept on a comfortable mattress, but the pillows were unbelievably flat. If pillows were mine and Phyllis' breasts, our home pillows would be Phyl's and last night's pillows would be flatter than mine. That sucked!!!! Although it didn't matter much because I woke up at about 4:25 AM when the assholes in the room next to ours slammed the door; of course, my monkey brain was off to the races. I tried to stop thinking and focus on my breathing, but I couldn't even hear myself breathe over Phyl's snoring. Then I tried to focus on Phyl's snoring, it did permeate the room, but her snoring was out of sync with my sleeping. I think I fell back asleep after 2 hours.


The shuttle back to the airport was uneventful and 10AM was a very doable time, but we practically had to unpack our backpacks going through security because the screener did not like what he was seeing. Turns out that the charcoal filters in our water purifiers were the culprits. In the future, water purifiers are placed in an easily accessible location. We must say that every United agent and every TSA agent was very nice and even apologized for requiring us to unpack our bags and the trouble we were having. Of course, we were very polite to them as well.

G- Go check us in. Be very sweet.

P- I'm sweet.

G- Yeah, ok. Go to the guy and maybe show him some cleavage! Get us on this flight. Jeremy says it should be no problem because there are a lot of empty seats.

P- I'll do whatever I have to do.

I sat on the floor making last minute phone calls.............

G- American Express, I'd like to add my mom as an authorized emergency contact on my account. (I give her all of the information: phone #, DOB, address, blood type, name of first born, etc.)

AmExp customer service – I need her social security number.

G- I don't have her social security number. (WTF? How many people know their mother's SS#?)

AmExp- I can't send in the information on without it.

G- (Phyl returns.) Quick, call my mom and get her social security #. (Phyl gets her on the phone and I then had a phone on each ear. Problem solved.) Now, also mark my account to reflect that I'll be in Asia for the next 6 months to a year or longer.

AmExp customer service – I've made the changes you requested. I must now read you the following information...............blah, blah, blah, blah.......

G- Yes, yes, I agree. Whatever. I don't have time to talk anymore. Just update my account!

P- They said that there are seats available but there is a weight restriction and they do not know if it will be lifted.

G- What weight? I could go into the bathroom and purge a few pounds off.

P- No ass. Probably freight weight. She told me to check back in 45 minutes.

We waited as every person got onto the plane and they started calling standby people. Our names rose to 9 and 10 on the waiting list. About 5 more ticketed people strolled up to get on the flight.

P- Damn! I wish these people would stop coming!

G- Jeremy is right. This is stressful. I feel like I'm playing craps with my last nickle at stake.

P- I agree, but quit pacing.

The announcement is made that no one else can board. There are still empty seats, but due to the weight restriction no one else can get on.

G- Damn! So close. I'll text Jeremy so he can book us for tomorrow's flight.

P- What do you want to do now?

G- Would you think I was crazy if I said I'd just prefer to stay in the airport until tomorrow so that we don't have to pay for another hotel room, sleep on flat pillows, and have to go through security again?

P- No! That is exactly what I was thinking. We'll stay in the airport.

We strolled down the concourse looking for a good, fairly quiet spot to kill a few hours. On the way we encountered a man who keeled over onto the floor and had a seizure.

G- OMG! (I ran to a store clerk and told him to call for a paramedic. People were yelling for a doctor and a cardiologist appeared!)

Cardiologist- I'm a doctor! Someone get something cold! Ice would be good!!

Phyl ran off to get ice and I put my sweatshirt under his head. The cardiologist rolled him on his side. People gathered around. Phyl returned with ice. I rummaged through his suitcase to see if he had any meds (per the cardiologist's instructions). He had a strong pulse. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the seizing stopped and he started to come around. The paramedics arrived. I retrieved my sweatshirt and we walked away quite shaken.

G- Ick! I hope my sweatshirt dries before I get cold.

P- What's all over it.

G- I believe it's drool and sweat. He was sweating profusely. Poor man! I hope he is ok.

We found a spot at the end of Concourse C where we sat for several hours. I reorganized my bag because I can never reorganize too many times. Phyl sewed patches onto her backpack because she is Suzie Homemaker!