Beer v Ice Cream

P- Good morning!


G- Ugh! Morning. OMG! Now both of my eyes are crusted shut.

P- Just stay there baby and I'll wet your bib with warm water.

After chocking up a pound of mucus and bathing my eyes 2 times, I was able to open them and go to breakfast. For the love of God, we wish we didn't have to sit outside in the heat and humidity to eat breakfast. Basically, EVERYTHING, besides sleeping, occurs in the heat and humidity. It's a bad thing for someone with a cold. Phyl says it's a bad thing for everyone except someone who loves to be miserable. Oh, and I forgot to mention the mosquitoes that eat us during breakfast. We have to put on mosquito repellant before we even go to breakfast. Blech!!

Breakfast makes us hot, so we jumped into the pool to cool off. After a while, we decided to go to the beach. Hello! We are in Bali, on the Indian Ocean, so we must go back to the beach before we leave.

We ran the gauntlet through the alley, dodging motorcycles, and were encouraged by the sunshine when we arrived at Legian Beach. We were immediately approached by a hawker renting beach chaises and umbrellas. We negotiated 30,000 ($3.00 USD), he wiped down the cushions and we planted ourselves for the afternoon.

P- Ah! This is the life!

G- Yes. I could get use to this. I do miss our own ice chest full of beer.

P- Well, Wayan said he had an ice chest of cold beer for sale.

G- We may have to purchase some.

P- As soon as we go in the ocean I'll need a beer to quench my thirst.

G- Why in the world would the ocean make you thirsty?

P- I don't know, Agnes, but it does. Maybe it's the salt.

G- Well, close your mouth and you won't get salt in it.

P- Well, bite my ass and if you don't need a beer, I'll drink 2.

G- Freak! Any excuse to drink a beer.

P- I don't need an excuse, I'll drink beer whenever I want.

We sat on our chaises and watched a group of naked kids playing in the surf. Thank gawd they were not trying to woo-woo us! Then we watched a group of surfing kids. It sure looks like a lot of work for a very short ride. Kind've like climbing 3 flights of stairs, at a superslide, for a short ride down. Then we watched a large, very built French speaking man take a surf lesson and head out into the waves.

P- This should be fun to watch!

G- Yes. That dude is so big, he'll neve get up.

P- I got to give it to him for trying! It looks more like work than fun.

The guy did finally get up and managed to ride a short wave. We were pretty impressed. Then he brought the surf instructor to his son, who looked about 4 years old, and the instructor took the little boy to the waters' edge with a boogy board. He showed the little boy how to stand, bend his knees and hold his arms out for balance. The little boy mimicked everything the instructor did. Then the instructor took him into the waves. The little boy clung to the boogy board as he flew up onto the wave crests. He was very brave and even when knocked off, he jumped right back on. Then the instructor got a regular surfboard and took the little boy out.

G- Look at this! The little guy is on a full board.

P- It's going to really suck for his dad when he rides a wave much better than his dad. It's always easier for kids to do things like that.

G- How cute is he? Yes, lower center of gravity and lack of fear.

In short order the little guy zoomed in on the board while dad was still floundering in the waves. Mom was taping the whole thing...... of the little boy and dad was being ignored. When he was finished, he was beaming!! He strutted onto the beach so proud of himself! We clapped and mom smiled at us.

Ice cream selling hawker – You buy ice cream?

G- Sounds good, but right now we're drinking beer.

Ice cream hawker – Beer and ice cream good.

G- No, beer and ice cream do not go well together at all.

P- Maybe in your world. You got any popcorn to go with our beer? We'd buy that.

G- Come back later.

Hawker – Ok. 10 minutes?

G- No.  Longer than 10 minutes.

We had just gotten our second round of beers when the ice cream hawker returned.

G- No dude. Not yet.

P- Still no popcorn in there?

Hawker – No popcorn. Ice cream.

G- Come back later.

Finally we bought an ice cream and the aggravating hawker went away happy. After a few hours, we headed back to the hotel.

P- What a relaxing afternoon.

G- Yes, because most of our afternoons are so stressful.

We ate dinner at a place called The Corner Bar that Rob had raved about for pepper steak. He said it was “lovely”. When it arrived, it was steak, cooked in a gravy and black pepper. We had expected it to be a steak cooked with green peppers and onions. Oh well, it was still “lovely”! The only thing we did find odd was that it had a nice gravy and should have been served with rice, but this was the one time it was served with french fries instead. Go figure!

Western Influence

This morning we noticed new people at breakfast. One guy, Ron, an Aussie, who fancied himself quite the playboy started talking to us at the pool.

G- How long will you be in Bali?

Ron – I've been on Bali for almost a month. I'll go home soon.

P- You're here alone?

Ron- No, I've got a 24 year old Balinese girlfriend. I'm 53.

G- Oh, congratulations. (looks at Phyl and we roll eyes at each other)

The next morning at breakfast...............

P- Look at Ron's girlfriend. She always has a look on her face like she wants to vomit.

G- Yes. I noticed. Trouble in paradise.

That afternoon at the pool............

G- Ron, where's your girlfriend?

Ron- She's taking a nap.

G- Yes, the young ones do require a lot of sleep.

Ron – Oh, I make sure she needs a lot of rest.

G- (thinking) Touche'.

P- ( under her breath to me) He's a dirt bag! He probably needs to buy pills from the hawkers to make his banana strong.

The next morning at breakfast he told us about his daughter. Then made reference to his wife. That's when we noticed his wedding ring.

P- No wonder his 24 year old girlfriend looks revolted by the sight of him.

G- I wonder how much he's paying her for the week.

Rob couldn't look at Ron without shaking his head.

“It's just wrong.” He'd say. “You shouldn't have to pay for sex. Did you ladies get propositioned?”

Us- What? For sex? Um, no.

Rob- I barely made it out of the drive way when some dirty bugger asked me if I wanted sex.

This same day saw the arrival of 2 brothers, Asland & Askar, from Kazakhstan. Having only a general idea of Kazakhstan's location on a map, we looked it up. Kazakhstan is huge. Askar told us it was the 8th or 9th (I can't remember) largest country (based on land mass, not population) in the world. These boys were very smart!! They spoke a few languages, English, of course, & Russian was considered their mother tongue. Askar was extremely knowledgeable about world affairs and was clearly a history buff.

We asked him many questions about Kazakhstan and his life there. He joked that he had seen the movie Borat, that it was not even filmed in Kazakhstan, but that everything most people think they know about his country is from that movie. He asked about the American politics and why it was controversial for Obama to push for health care for all. He's obviously been following US news.

Their family consisted of an older sister who was studying at Columbia University, Askar who was studying at a University in Singapore, and Asland who was studying in India. They had a younger brother, still in the high school equivalent. Their father earned the equivalent of about $1,200/USD a month, and had recently moved the family to the capital, Astana. The brothers had met in Bali for vacation and the sister was flying to Singapore to meet them and travel to Korea. My question was, of course, how they could be studying all over the world if the family was not wealthy. He explained that 20-25 years ago, the current President of Kazakhstan thought it important to focus on education and established a scholarship program. Each year 3,000 scholarships are given to high achieving high school graduates. The scholarships pay tuition, room & board, and provides a living stipend. In return, they must return to Kazakhstan and work for a minimum of 5 years.

One afternoon we overheard playboy Aussie asking the brothers if women were easy in Kazakhstan. They looked kind've stunned and perplexed. He continued with “you know, are they promiscuous?” They continued to just look at him but said nothing. Finally he said, “is it easy to get sex in your country?' This they understood and replied, in unison, “oh, no, no, no.” Phyl and I discussed this later. Of all the things he could have asked them, this was his pressing topic. It's no wonder so many countries try to curtail Western influence on their citizens.

Frolicking in the Surf

Although Rob had been in Bali for 3 ½ weeks, he had never been to the beach and was excited when we told him we'd take him to the beach. The weather had settled into a typical New Orleans pattern of morning sun and an afternoon thunderstorm, so it took a few days to get an afternoon that wasn't rainy.


We walked down the narrow alley and again had to flatten ourselves against the wall several times to let motorcycles pass.

G- This really should not be allowed. If it's a foot path, motorcycles should not be allowed to come this way. I'm afraid one of them is going to roll over my long toes.

P- Your toes? The last one that passed had a side mirror that stuck out so far it scraped across my boobs.

G- Oh, yeah, me too. HA! Really, you should have turned the mirror in. That is ridiculous.

Rob loved the beach! Really, what's not to love? We played in the waves until we were worn out. Rob was like a little kid. Then we sat on beach chairs, under an umbrella, while Rob talked of feeling the UV rays. We weren't feeling any UV rays penetrating those thick clouds, but we didn't grow up under the London clouds and fog. Hawkers came around trying to sell us crap that we declined, until a Bintang beer man offered us ice cold beers, pulled from his ice chest. Now that's something we'd like to buy!! We watched the surfers, swam again, and after a couple of hours, walked back to the hotel.

After dinner Rob tried to talk us into going to a bar to listen to loud, rave music. Um, thanks, but no thanks. We learned the next morning that he 'took a nap' because it was too early to go out, and never woke up. So much for Mr. Party Animal!

Eeeeeeeeeeekkk!!!!!!

Everything about being back at Sinur Bali was fantastic except for the dozen 'schoolies' who occupied 6 poolside rooms. What is a schoolie, you ask. Basically, they're high school seniors who have just graduated. It is common in Australia for 'schoolies' to go off on a vacation to celebrate their graduation. Unlike the American senior trip which is organized by the school, 'schoolie' trips are not affiliated with the school and are organized by the kids. Bali is a favorite destination for Perth or Darwin 'schoolies' because it's only a 3 hour, fairly cheap flight, and it's a cheap destination.

About 3 times a day the 'schoolies' had McDelivery at one of their doors.  Yes, that's right, McDonald's delivers 24/7 in Bali.  The driver arrives on a motorcycle with a McBox attached to the back of his seat.  It's sad & pathetic, but funny nonetheless. 

Overall, they weren't that bad. Not too loud, except for the one night that they returned from the bars around 3 AM and had a pool party. Prior to the pool party, which did not end until about 5 AM, the hotel left the pool bar shelves stocked with liquor. When we awoke the morning after the pool party, all of the liquor bottles were gone, but we could never get a clear answer from the staff (language barrier) as to what had happened to them.

The hotel staff seemed to breath a sign of relief the day the 'schoolies' left and the remainder of the guests weren't very upset about it either.

The information on the 'schoolies' was learned from a Perth couple, Janie & Les, we met in the pool. They explained that their daughter was also a 'schoolie' and had gone down south in Australia. The evening Janie dropped her off, a boy was streaking through the campground. She left her there anyway. Janie & Les were on a quick vacation to get away from work and the kids. We talked about the poor American economy and they advised that Australia had not been hit by the world economic crisis. In fact, their son, a new Uni graduate with a Masters in Geology had accepted a job for 120K (Aussie dollars) with a mining company. Apparently they are desperate for Geologists.

We then discussed vacation time. Aussies are guaranteed 4 weeks off per year and they strongly believe in the need for a work/family balance. They were shocked to learn that Americans do not value a balance and that we are not guaranteed any vacation time.

They thought it was crazy for employers to discourage vacations “because it's well known that happy, rested, balanced employees are more productive and healthier”.

You're preaching to the choir guys, but we're the exception, not the rule.

“Why do Americans just live for work?”

Beats the hell out of us.

And on the topic of health insurance, they were shocked to learn that all Americans did not have guaranteed health insurance.

We explained how health insurance is tied to some employment and that we, for example, had no health insurance.

“That's crazy”

Well, we think so too, but apparently most Americans do not think it's crazy that we're the only industrialized country in the world that does not have guaranteed health insurance.

We went to dinner, with Rob, at a nearby Warung. The usual hawkers aggravated the hell out of us to purchase the same crap...........flaming wallets, pirated CDs, pirated DVDs, green & red laser lights, sunglasses, and “prescription” & reading glasses (we assumed that the eye exam was optional as the hawker did not appear to be an optometrist). Halfway through dinner I spotted a mouse (well, not as small as a mouse, but not as large as a rat) out of the corner of my eye. I tried to be nonchalant so as to not send Phyl into a complete hysterical fit, but she had seen the startled look on my face.

G- Remain calm. He just ran up the side wall from the street. He's little.

P- I don't give a shit how small he is, if he runs up my leg or across my foot I'm going to have a coronary. Where is he now?

G- He's in the planter. Finish your dinner.

Rob- Are you ladies afraid of mice?

P- YES!!

G- Not really, it just startled me. He won't bother us. (just then he ran behind Phyl's chair and across the floor)

P- Oh my gawd! I gotta get out of here.

G- Finish eating. He's way over there. He won't be coming back. Look, he went down the other side wall.

P- I just got use to geckos. I am NOT dealing with rats!!!!

Rob – hahahahahahaha You ladies make me laugh. You ladies fancy some ice cream?

G- Rob, you're ruining our Asia diet.

Rob – Fair enough.

Please Cover the Ass Crack

Just exiting our room on our way to breakfast at 8:00 am.......


G- What the hell is that woman wearing? It looks like something you would wear at night... hmmmm....it is what she was wearing last night.

P- What's going on? She looks like a hooker in that get up.

G- I believe that she is a hooker. The guy from the front desk is walking her out. She came from that guido looking Aussie's room. (We later found out he was a guido looking American.)

P- She's somewhat attractive, but she should loose that leopard print, hoochie momma dress and she wouldn't look so much like a hooker.

G- On that note, let's have breakfast.

It's hard to believe, but we were still wiped out from traveling, lack of sleep, and the Balinese heat, so we spent the day by the pool. Immediately after breakfast we donned our suits and took up residency on the 2 lawn chairs nearest our room. We visited with our hotel neighbors as they came and went, swam, read and wrote blogs. After lunch JoAnn came around asking if we wanted massages. As luck would have it, Phyl had been saying for days that she needed a massage. We negotiated a price of 70,000 rupiah each (about $7.00) and JoAnn commenced massaging Phyllis right on her lawn chair. Flipping onto her back and removing her bathing suit, down to her waist, was the tricky part, but fortunately there was no one at the restaurant to enjoy a bird's eye view. After Phyl's 1 hour massage it was my turn. “Hey, JoAnn, I appreciate that you want to get my lower back, but could you at least leave enough of my bathing suit to cover my ass crack? I'm sure my hotel neighbors do not want to see my ass crack!” After our massages we lounged in a state of euphoria, our muscles feeling better than they had in weeks.

G- You ready to take a walk and sit on the beach for a while? I want to get in the Indian Ocean today.

P- Yes. Let's apply more lotion. I know JoAnn rubbed all of mine off.

After walking to the beach ..............

P- I've got to get in the water. I'm about to die from heat exhaustion.

G- Ah! This is what beach water is supposed to feel like! It's warm like the Gulf of Mexico.

P- The water is prettier today than it was the other day.

G- It's less cloudy. The water is so clear that it seems to have no color. But look at it where the waves break, it looks light green.

P- It's fabulous!!! But don't go out too far. I don't want that wave to get you.

G- Check out those 2 girls in the head scarves and bikinis. WTF?!?

P- Are they Muslims?

G- That appears to be the case. I have read that some young, progressive Muslim girls choose to wear the headscarf as a sign of respect to their religion, because it's important to have the head covered, but that seems kind've crazy!

P- Yes it does! Why cover your head and leave your tits and ass hanging out? That scarf has 20 times more fabric than that skimpy little bathing suit.

G- People do all kinds of crazy things as a supposed nod to their religions. How many Catholics do we know who haven't been to church in 20 years but don't eat meat on Friday's in Lent? I don't really see a difference. I don't imagine it would be well received if I went over and asked them about it. I'm very curious.

P- Um, No! I think you'd better stay here.

Back at the hotel we arranged for transportation to Ubud.