Finally Leaving KL

As expected, we learn so much from other travelers. Mike & Hannah told us about Tune Hotels, numerous people told us about the cheap flights on Air Asia, Laurie & Bo gave us guesthouse names in numerous cities, and Nancie told us about bus travel. We had been looking forward to this day; the day we'd leave Kuala Lumpur. Neither of us would say we hated KL, but we had a few bad experiences that soured us on the city. To be fair, most of the people were very friendly and helpful, but with the almost complete inability to use taxis, and the disjointed metro system, we walked and sweated more than we cared to. Overall, we just felt that KL offered nothing so wonderful to cause us to encourage anyone to visit. Everyone is different, however, and others may love KL, so decide for yourself.

One fabulous thing about Asia is that hotel check out time is usually 12:00, so you're never rushed to get out. Air Asia's hub is in KL, so they have a separate airport for the budget airlines, dominated by Air Asia. The main airport can be reached by metro, but the budget airport is reachable only by bus. We learned that buses left every hour or so from KL Sentral, so we checked out of our hotel at noon and, keeping our fingers crossed, asked the doorman to call us a taxi. As luck would have it, one company agreed to send a cab, and when he arrived, he agreed to use the meter. We were excited that we might be able to leave KL without another taxi incident. Alas, it was not to be.

G- (quietly to Phyl) – Shouldn't he have turned left back there?

P- (also under her breath) – Yes, unless he knows another way.

G- I think we're about to get screwed again. We could have walked to KL Sentral quicker. He's gonna take the long way.

P- What can we do? We have no choice but to go the way he takes us.

G- (to the driver) Why are you going this way? We could have walked to KL Sentral faster than this.

Driver – Many one way streets.

G- (under my breath to Phyl) Bullshit! He's just screwing us by driving in circles. Fucker!

P- Yes, he's running up the meter, but we'll be out of here tomorrow and we won't have to deal with these assholes anymore. Chill.

As luck would have it, we arrived at the booth just as a bus was about to leave. We paid our 21 ringgits (about $7.00) and were quickly ushered onto an almost full bus. The driver did not even contemplate taking our bags to put them in the luggage compartment, so we squeezed down the aisle with the greatest of difficulty. I took the first available seat, and Phyl sat about 5 rows back. Our pack just sat in the aisle, and I kept my day pack on my lap. The ride was much longer that we had expected, and it was about 1 hour before we were deposited at the airport terminal.

G- Well that was difficult with our packs on. You look like you were struggling. Did anyone help you?

P- No, as a matter of fact, when the jerk sitting in the seat in front of me saw me struggling to turn in the aisle, take off my pack, and get into my seat, he reclined his seat as far as it would go. I'm sure his name was probably Dick.

G- Well that was nice of him.

P- That's ok, remember what happened to that bitch who showed up at the Orpheus parade 2 minutes before the parade started, after we had been there for 5 hours, and stuck her tall ladder right in front of us?

G- Hahahah! Yes, I remember. She completely blocked our view, and she grabbed every pack of beads like an octopus so we couldn't catch anything.

P- Yeah! And you remember how I got rid of her?

G- Of course, it was classic. You grabbed that pack of long, big beads at the same time as her and yanked, then when she pulled back to rip them out of your hands, you let go and she smashed the whole dozen into her own face. LMAO!!! Had to hurt like hell and she did it to herself.

P- Immediately after she got down and moved her ladder some place else.

G- That was great! But how does that story relate to now?

P- Well, when we arrived at the airport, the man across the aisle from me helped me put my pack on and as I turned around to thank him, I spun so that my water purifier, that's clipped to my pack, flipped around and hit the asshole up the side of his head. Then I sweetly apologized.

G- Excellent! You're such a bad ass!!! You think he learned a little lesson today?

P- I doubt it.

G- Let's go see if there's a shuttle bus to the Tune hotel. I see it right over there, but it's not really in walking distance.

P- Thank God Laurie & Bo told us this airport was far away from the city and that we made a reservation for tonight at this Tune.

G- They said it was far, but I had no idea it was this far. Can you imagine how miserable we would have been if we had to leave the Olympic to get to the bus station, then to this airport by 5:30 am.

P- I know how miserable I would have been. I would've had to shoot you!!

G- Damn skippy!

We found the shuttle bus and were dropped off at the front door of the hotel. I had forgotten that I'd have to show my passport, so I had to step to the side of the counter and unzip my pants so that I could reach into my secret, interior, velcroed pocket. My mom sewed one into each of my 4 pants and they have been invaluable for safeguarding our passports, extra credit cards and cash. The pocket is a little awkward to access in times like these, but I'm getting pretty good at being discrete.

We had been told that the rooms were small, but were still unprepared for exactly how small it was. Only a Japanese engineer could design a room so feng shui, so perfectly composed, and waste not 1/16 of an inch of space. Literally, the bed was positioned on the left wall so that the door had just enough room to swing open without hitting the bed. There was about 1 foot on each side of the bed and maybe 18” between the bottom of the bed and the wall. A desk folded down from the wall at the foot of the bed and the bed was the chair.

The bathroom was similarly efficient, was very modern and had a glass enclosed shower with a large rain shower head. It was small, but we loved it! We could shower and not get the whole bathroom wet. We could wake up during the night and go to the bathroom without walking through puddles. Such little things make us happy now. The Tune is pretty cheap and you add on the extras that you require. Air con can be purchased in blocks of 12 hours, wifi in blocks of 24 hours, and you can purchase a bag of soap/shampoo/towel or use of the blow dryer. When you put your credit card style key into the reader, you are told how much time you have for each purchase.

G - You see that green arrow on the ceiling?

P- Yes. What is it?

G- I'm not sure, but there was one on the ceiling at the Olympic hotel also.  In fact, when we were in the deluxe room, it pointed toward the Petronas Towers, then when we switched to the cheaper room, it pointed toward the bathroom.  I hadn't paid much attention to it, but now I'm curious.

P- It looks like it has words on it, what does it say?

G- It says Kiblat, but it also has symbols.  I bet it points the way east so when there is a call to prayer, you know which way to face.  Google the word.

P- That is exactly what it means.  That points to Mecca, but it would be impossible to get on the floor and pray in this room.  They'd have to go out onto the hallway.

We had only purchased 12 hours of air con, so instead of sitting in the hot room, we returned to the airport to get some lunch.

G- You want rice, chicken or McDonald's?

P- None of those choices sound good, but I guess McDonald's.  Look at that sandwich, the McJoy. They make that advertisement sound sexual.

G- Maybe you can bust McWood while you eat it.

After lunch we sat in Starbucks and enjoyed the fast internet connection. We watched people come and go and uploaded several blogs, then we took the shuttle back to the hotel. Basically you're in the middle of a rainforest, so there is nowhere else to go. Upon entering the room..............

G- What the hell?!

P- What?

G- Freakin ants all over the bed.

P- Where'd they come from?

G- Beats the hell out of me. I only see them on the bed. These damn Asian ants have some kind of special powers. They can appear and disappear at will. They are so tiny! Like the ants in Ubud.

P- What are they after? The food bag is on the night stand and they're not in it.

G- Shit!!! They're in my Frosted Flakes. Whah!! How can I get them out of there?

P- Baby, don't be ridiculous. You can't save the Frosted Flakes. You'll have to throw them away.

G- ARRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!! I want my Frosted Flakes. If there was more room on the floor I'd throw myself down and have a tantrum.

P- It's ok my little crazy. We'll get you more Frosted Flakes.

G- Oh yeah, because they're on every corner. Every grocery carries them and they're so easy to find. WHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P- How about if we go downstairs and drink some beer. Would that make you feel a little better?

G- (sniff, sniff) Maybe a little bit.

We sat under a canopy in front of the hotel and had a few beers. Much to our surprise, the little cafe served shepherds pie and chicken pot pies, so we ordered one of each. They were very yummy. We talked to a few other travelers, then went to our room around 10:00 pm. The alarm was going to ring at 4:15 am!

We Can't Believe We Ate The Whole Fish!

The curtains blocked out all sunlight and because we had been staying up so late, we had been sleeping in, so we set the alarm for 8:30 am. It was morning in KL, but it was Monday night in New Orleans and we had planned to watch, or listen to, Monday Night Football (Saints v Atlanta). We were able to get online and listen to Jim Henderson on WWL, but as soon as the game came on, Jim was gone and replaced by another broadcast. Without another way to see the game, we put our netbook on a chair between our single beds and called Gina's mom via Skype. She put her laptop on a TV tray in front of the TV and we watched the 3 hour game in this way. The picture wasn't spectacular, and exact yardage was difficult to discern, but she provided the commentary. Fortunately, the internet connection held up well and we were only disconnected a handful of times. It was fun to watch the game with her and cheer for our beloved Saints together. Most of all, it was fantastic that they beat Atlanta in a critical division game.

We had been grouchy about being stuck in KL for 2 more days, but the game lifted our spirits, so we headed off to the KL Tower, which resembles the Seattle Space Needle. We exited at the correct metro stop, but then walked in circles, with several other tourists, looking for the tower. One would think it was be easy to see since it, and the Petronas Towers, dominate the skyline, but it sits up on a hill, surrounded by rainforest, and our vision was blocked by the trees. We were very thankful that a shuttle bus ran from the bottom of the hill to the tower. Once we reached the top, it was not possible to purchase a ticket only to go to the top of the tower; only package deals were offered and we were not interested in touring the zoo or riding donkeys in a circle. Also, the clouds had moved in, were growing dark and would likely block out any real views of the city.

G- Forget it. I don't to pay that much money to go up on such a cloudy day.

P- I agree. It looks like it's about to rain.

The shuttle returned us to the bottom of the hill where we spotted a TGI Friday's. It's amazing where you'll eat when you're far away from home and your options are limited. We never eat at chain restaurants at home. We were greeted by our waiter, Mr. Personality Plus, and ordered 2 beers.

Waiter – Ready to order?

P- Yes. We'll share the nachos. What comes on them?

Waiter – You have 2 orders?

G- Just 1.

Waiter – It's only 4.

G- 4 what?

Waiter – Chips.

P- The nacho plate is only 4 chips? How big are they?

Waiter – Like chips.

Phyl and I looked at each other, confused, and back at him.

P- Ok. In America the nachos are a big pile of chips with cheese, beans, and maybe sour cream, peppers, chicken on top.

Waiter – Yes?!  No. Here just 4 chips.

G- Ok, then no nachos for us. Give us the cheese dip. Does it come with a basket of chips or only 4?

Waiter – (laughs) No, a basket of chips.

While we ate our chips and cheese dip, which was very yummy, but too small a portion, we cut up with the waiter. He asked how we liked Malaysia. We told him that we liked Malaysia, but weren't loving KL. We told him about our experience with the taxi driver throwing firecrackers at us and how all of our experiences with cab driver were bad ones. He said that everyone thinks the taxi drivers are terrible. We talked about silly things people think about other countries. He guessed that there were Americans who thought people in Malaysia still lived in little huts and farmed. We learned that his vision of Native Americans resembled those of old western movies. We told him that we were surprised that Taylor Swift was being played everywhere.

Later we discussed the over the top Christmas decorations in a country that is primarily Muslim. He said that the Prime Minister had a program to encourage all Malaysians to feel as one and to support and respect each other regardless of their religious differences. (This will be difficult as long as his country contains people like the ticket taker & the fire cracker throwing taxi driver.)  He said that he was Muslim, but went to his friends' homes and enjoyed their Christmas celebration. Conversely, his Christian friends would celebrate Ramadan with him. We asked him if he knew why Christmas music was still being played and told him that in America it ends at midnight Christmas Day. He said that all holidays and festivals were celebrated for 3 days so the Christmas music should end today.

Before returning to the metro we stopped in the bathroom. It was very clean and most of the toilets were western, but there was no toilet paper in the stalls.

P- Look. The toilet paper dispenser is mounted on the wall by the bathroom door.

G- I have seen that before. How are you supposed to know exactly how much paper you'll need before you even go in?

P- I don’t' know.

G- God forbid you go in thinking you just have to pee and instead you also poo.

P- That would be bad. I guess you'd have to beg someone to hand you more toilet paper.

G- Or spray your ass with the hose. Neither option sounds good to me. Ha! This makes me think of the Seinfeld episode when Elaine goes into the stall and there is no toilet paper, so she has to ask the woman next to her for some and that woman refuses. Do you remember that episode?

P- No, I do not recall that one, but if Elaine would have had a hose, she could have just sprayed her ass.
Maybe that hose thing is not so bad after all.

G- The thing that confuses me is that if you spray your nether regions with water, you still have to dry them before you pull up your pants or it'll look like you pissed yourself. So why not just wipe in the first place and forget the hose entirely?

P- I can't answer your questions, because I'm not a hoser, I'm a wiper.

We returned to our hotel and relaxed for a few hours, then went back out for dinner. Our intended destination was the curb side restaurant we had eaten at a few nights earlier, but when we arrived, it was closed. After a short debate, we decided to eat at the place next door. It was starting to rain again and this place actually had inside seating.

G- I'm not sure if I prefer to eat inside or on the curb. The insides of these places look so dingy. They need a good scrubbing from top to bottom, a paint job, and new plastic furniture. I'm a fan of hole-in-the-wall restaurants, but blech!

P- It would be better if they were darker. They should ditch the florescent lighting. I don't want to see this place when I'm eating.

The first night we ate in Chinatown we watched a family devour a whole fish, head on, of course. We have always been freaked out about eating a fish with it's head on, and are not fans of eating around the bones. We eat filets. Period. But we're trying to branch out, so we planned to eat a whole fish while it watched us. As we told the waitress what we wanted, the man at the next table turned to look at us and smiled with a quizzical look. “Yep! We're white girls and we just ordered the whole fish. But we're not your ordinary white girls, we grew up in N'awlins, so we eat all kinds of freaky shit!! As Gawd is our witness, after tonight, we're no longer gonna be afraid of the whole, headed fish.”

One thing we neglected to consider is that it would be difficult to eat a whole fish with chop sticks, and since we had just walked down from the hotel, I didn't have the backpack or our sporks. We had no choice but to do it the Chinese way.............we pulled the meat off the fish with our fingers. Yes, we Purelled first. The skin was crispy and had a spicy seasoning. We chewed carefully so as to avoid impailing bones into the roofs of our mouths, but we ate ravinously. The fish was divine!! Of course we also had rice, what else?

Napkins are as uncommon in Asia as snow in hell. If you are given a napkin, it is usually more of a tissue than a papertowel. They come in little boxes and you pull them out just like a Puff. With the same texture as a tissue, they're pretty much worthless for wiping anything substantive off your hands. I had long ago instituted a no papertowel rule in our house and we'd been using cloth napkins for years, both to do our part to save the environment, and because cloth napkins are nice and easy to drop into the washing machine. This tissue as a napkin, when you could get it thing, was killing me. I digress....... after eating our fish with our fingers, I looked around for a tissue box and saw none.

G- What in the hell to people wipe their hands on?

P- At least the last place gave us tissues.

I made a hand wiping gesture to the waitress and she went behind the counter and dug around. After an extensive archiological expedition, she brough over a little packet of Kleenex. I think we were going to have to purchase the packet. “Nevermind, thank you.” If we had used Kleenex to clean our hands, not only would we have sticky fish on our fingers, we'd have Kleenex stuck to them too. We decided to just pour some of our water over our fingers and shake them off. We'd just have to be careful not to touch anything until we got back to the hotel and washed them with soap and water. The meal was excellent and we trudged back up the hill to take a hot shower and see if we could find anything, in English, on TV.

Cave Man

P- Did you sleep ok?


G- The bed was comfortable, but it was freezing in this room and since we're now in single beds, I don't have your body heat to keep me warm. We have to do something about that air con.

P- I keep putting the temperature higher.

G- Tonight I'm putting it as high as it goes! Did they leave us another roll of toilet paper out there?

P- No, why would they put toilet paper out here.

G- I don't know, but when they cleaned the room yesterday, we only had ½ a roll. I expected them to leave another one. Ugh!

P- They never give us extra toilet paper. It's like they want you to always be worried about running out so you don't use too much.

G- I know and I'm tired of having my toilet paper rationed!! I'd like to be able to use more than 3 quares to wipe my ass without having to worry about running out.

P- They're trying to make us use the hose.

G- I am not using the hose!!! Give me our roll. It's in the bag with Pinky. Please call housekeeping and get us another roll. We are paying too much for this hotel to have to supply our own toilet paper.

P- I'm telling ya, they think we use too much paper and that we're crazy for not hosing ourselves.

G- That's how I want to wake up in the morning...........”No, no thank you, I stopped drinking coffee, now I just spray cold water on my nether regions!!!” It ain't gonna happen.

We had read about the Batu Cave, and had already planned to visit, but when we visited the beautiful Hindu Temple a few days ago, the keeper of the shoes told us that if we loved that temple, we should definitely go to the Batu cave. Another man standing nearby told us that we could take a train for only 1 ringgit.

Wanting to see what was involved if we went to the train station on foot and by metro, we exited the hotel and went to the left to catch a different metro line. To get to this train station we went up stairs, across the street, down more stairs, up more stairs totalling 68 steps. We imagined this with our packs on our backs and our already aching feet. It was not appealling. After a few stops, we exited at Sentral Station, walked down 2 flights of stairs, across the street, around a large construction lot, past numerous buses that seem hell bent on exfixiating us, and finally, into the station. It was then that we determined that we'd have to try and get a taxi to the station on the day that we took a bus to the airport, as sherping tour shit all this way might just kill us.

We purchased our tickets from a pleasant girl at the counter and sure enough, it was only 1 ringgit (about .33 cents in USD), and headed for the bathroom. The line was long and there were only 4 stalls.

G- Have you been able to determine if there is a western toilet?

P- Yes, but only 1, so we'll just have to wait until it comes open.

G- Look, toilet paper!

P- Where?

G- Over there on that shelf. Grab it so we don't have to use ours.

Phyl went into the stall first.

G- How was it?

P- Ok, there's just so much water on the floor from women spraying themselves. I know it's only water, but it seems nasty to me.

G- I just cannot imagine how they make such a mess and not get their clothes soaked. What the hell is wrong with the toilet seats?

P- It's shoe prints. There's a sign, on the wall, behind the toilet telling them not to stand on it, but some dumb bitch must've climbed up on it and used it like a squat toilet.

G- She's lucky she didn't break the toilet. She must be the one who sprayed the place down with the hose. No matter. Still better than a port-o-john at Jazz Fest.

We found the corridor to our train and walked up to a bank of ticket taking turn stalls. After trying to put our tickets into several different turn stalls, only to have our tickets refused, we walked over to a ticket taker man and waited for him to finish answering another guy's questions. When they had finished talking, we stepped up …............

P- (showing him the ticket) The machines will not accept our tickets.

The ticket taker man, hereafter referred to as 'the douche', rolled his eyes in our direction and looked at us with a stare of disdain.

G- Are the turn stalls broken or is there something wrong with the reader strip on our tickets?

the douche - Said nothing but continued to stare are us with a look that said “I'd rather spit on you than talk to you.”

We stood there looking at him and he stood there staring with narrow eyes and a look of nausea. Finally the silence was broken by the guy he had been talking to, who directed us to the turn stall on the far side of the row, indicating that it would take our tickets. We thanked him, walked to the far side of the row, put our tickets in and went to the escalator. Neither of us spoke, deep in thought, until we reached the platform and sat on a bench.

G- Are you as incensed as I am?

P – Yes. I was wondering if it was just me or if you also have the feeling that the ticket taking asshole would rather see us dead.

G- Oh, I absolutely felt it and with every second that passes I become more outraged. I have never felt that before. That he absolutely loathes us because we're women. We certainly got the message he worked so hard to convey.

P- Yes, that we're not worthy of him wasting his breath on us.

G- I mean, surely we've experienced sexism from time to time, but nothing like this. Remember that dumbass sheriff who called you little lady and talked down to you?

P- I remember that, but he was just an old, dumb cop in a hick town. I told him he could call me Phyllis and he did. It wasn't the same kind of hatred.

G- And over the years working claims, I've had numerous men try to rattle me by talking down to me or making sexist comments, but I've never felt like this before either. Quite frankly, I'd love to tell him a thing or 2 or 30.

P- I just want to punch him in the face.

G- The tininess of that douche's pecker is probably eclipsed only by the size of his tiny brain.

P- Like a raisin.

G- I'd love to tell him “Look you piss ant. It is apparent that you feel an enourmous sense of superiority because we are women, but in case you haven't noticed, you are a ticket taker in a train station. I could run circles around you and only use 1% of my brain. I recognize that you live in a culture, in a country, that tells you you are better than us simply because you have a itsy bitsy weenie, but in my country you'd be lucky if I hired you to carry out my trash!” Then I'd like to hit him so hard that every time, for the remainder of his life, he has a nightmare about the incident, he sees my face.

P- Yikes! But that does sound good. Let me hit him a few times too. I am so pissed, I'd like to tell him “Look, you little prick, on the evolutionary scale of life we are way up here and you are still a Neanderthal. You probably still have a hairy back.”

G- “And by the way, Allah is a woman, and when you die, there will not be 90 virgins awaiting you; instead, you'll be put into a cell with the biggest, ugliest criminal to be his bitch for all eternity!” Ok now, we can't let the little penis ruin our day. We have to shake this off. I hope to gawd he does not have a wife or, even worse, a daughter. I feel sorry for any woman who would have to be exposed to him on a daily basis. A poor girl growing up around him might think that all men were as horrible as him.

P- I'm sure if he has a wife, she's wearing one of those full, black burquas.

G- ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

P- We've got to calm down. Unclench your teeth before you break a molar.

G- Unbelievable! I'm really starting to hate this city.

P- From now on, we only talk to women.

G- Really, we can't let our anger make us crazy. Most of the people here have been nothing but nice to us.

P- That's true, but it's just a feeling I get here. It's starting to bother me that all of the women are wearing headscarves.

G- I know. Me too. At least most of them don't seem beaten down, but if a little girl grows up in this culture, how can she know anything else. Blech!

The train arrived and we spent half of the hour long ride to the Batu Cave talking each other down from the over the top anger we were feeling. As we neared the cave, we could see the ***tall statue standing in front of the mountain. It was quite an impressive sight.

P- Whah! The internet article said there were a lot of stairs, but I never invisioned them to be this high.

G- It's like our pennance for being fortunate enough to travel the world. We must climb a million steps. Be careful because these steps seem to tilt backwards.

We climbed, and climbed and climbed. All told, 272 steps to reach the top. At least it wasn't 400!

The view from the top was spctacular and we could see the KL skyline off in the distance. Down a flight of steps and we were standing in a large cavern with stalagtites hanging from the ceiling. When first discovered, the cave must have been quite an impressive sight. Now the floor was blacktopped and the few veniettes that lined the walls paled in comparison to the temple we saw in KL. At the far end of the cave we climbed another flight of step and walked around an area open to the sky. Overall, we were disappointed and would only recommend making the trip to the cave if you had extra time. The temple in the city is far superior.

This outing had taken much less time than we had anticipated. It was early afternoon and we were hungry, so we headed back to the area of our hotel and stopped at a Raggae bar, in Chinatown, that advertised the coldest beer in KL. The draft Carlsberg did not disappoint, so we had a couple and ate a yummy pizza. The place was apparently a big backpacker hangout and had a chalkboard of shots prominently placed on the wall near the entrance. With cold beer, good pizza and a clean, western bathroom with toilet paper and soap to wash your hands, we knew we'd be back. We chatted with a few other patrons and relaxed.

It was early evening when we returned to our hotel. We didn't plan to leave again, so we showered and watched TV.

TNT (Take No Taxis)

I had wanted to go to the Cameron Highlands. We planned to go there from Melaka, and spend Christmas in the area. Unfortunately, there was no bus between there and Melaka and we would have to go through KL. Also, because we plan our itinerary as we go, we had no hotel reservations in the Highlands and everything we found was booked up. Finally, Phyl was not excited about traveling the winding, steep mountain roads on a bus. We gave up and went to Kuala Lumpur instead first. On Christmas Eve I picked up a newspaper in the hotel lobby. The front page story................ a tour bus, filled with Thai tourists had crashed on the way to the Cameron Highlands. 28 people were dead and the article discussed highway safety, bus maintenance, and the laxed enforcement of driving rules.


P- You see. That road is unsafe.

G- Bus crashes occur everywhere. We didn't stop driving on I-10 after the Mother's Day bus crash.

P- I agree, but I wasn't riding in buses!

G- It's a very popular tourist destination, I doubt it's more dangerous than any other thing we'll do on this trip. It's the place I most wanted to visit in Malaysia.

P- I'll go if you really want to, but I just think it's too dangerous. Even before this bus crash I had read several articles and reviews about issues with land slides, washed out roads and unsafe road conditions going into the Cameron Highlands.

G- Oh no! You're not putting that shit on me. I'm not making you go if you're afraid.

P- I'm not afraid, just being cautious, but if you really, really want to go, I'm not going to be the one to stop you.

G- Screw me! If we go and something does happen, you'll be on your deathbed and it'll be my fault for making you go. Forget it!  It has to be a joint decision.

We argued about this for several days. Bottom line is that Phyl is scarey. Hello! We just quit our jobs and are traveling around the world. Isn't that scarey? For whatever reason, this particular bus ride scared the shit out of her and even though we argued about it, she was not letting go of that fear and I was not going to be the one to force her to go. We decided we would not go, although I was still pissed about it for a few days, and we decided to stay in KL until we flew to Chiang Mai, Thailand on 12/30/10.

Although we considered moving to a different, cheaper hotel, we couldn't find anything besides very scarey budget accommodations, that were that much cheaper. We decided just to stay at the Olympic and move to a cheaper room. So this morning we showered for the last time in the large, glassed enclosure, packed our stuff, and moved to the 4th floor into a room with double beds, a view of the parking lot, and a typical shower which was a drain in the floor next to the toilet. At least it did have a shower curtain.

We set off to visit museums. It was a hot day and we were sweating before we got to the top of the driveway. We walked along the river and past the front of the Masjid Jamek Mosque. Across from the Mosque was the Sessions & Magistrates Court (built 1910) beautifully built with arches and black domes. A little further was the High Court Building (1909) built in a Moorish style, with towers and cupolas. Across from the High Court was the Victorian Fountain, a flag pole (one of the tallest in the world) flying the Malaysian flag, and the Royal Selangor Club, a Tudor style building from the British era dating to 1884. Suffering in the heat, we decided to duck into the Textile Museum (Tekstil Negara) which was housed in a beautiful brick building in an Islamic style with alternating red bricks with white pilaster bands, and onion shaped domes. The museum was virtually empty and we enjoyed the cool and solitude as we viewed ancient textiles, wedding clothes, hair combs, jewelry, and bridal headdresses.

Leaving the textile museum, we walked ½ a block and stood at a taxi stand. After waiting for 15 minutes without a taxi even pretending like it was going to stop, we began to walk. We did consult the map and determined that there was no metro station nearby and no line that could get us to our destination, the National Museum. After an excruciating 40 minute walk, uphill, downhill, upstairs, downstairs (did we mention how much our feet hurt?) we arrived at the museum, and then had to walk around the museum. Ugh!!! But we did enjoy the museum.

After our museum tour, we each paid 20 cents to use the bathroom, used our own toilet paper in lieu of spraying ourselves with the hose, rinsed our hands with water since there is NEVER any soap, and used Purell to try to actually sanitize our hands. Just outside the bathroom we declined a man's offer to pay him to allow us to hold his giant python and take a photo, and walked to the parking lot to see if we could get a taxi.

P- There's a taxi. Damn! That couple is getting in.

The taxi drove to the edge of the driveway, stopped, and the couple got out and began walking.

G- Well, either they refused to negotiate the price, or they weren't going far enough to make it worthwhile for that asshole cab driver. No other taxi in sight, and frankly, I'd rather walk than give even 1 penny of my money to those assholes.

P- Whah!!! But my feet hurt so bad.

G- Let's sit here for a while. You want an ice cream? There's an ice cream cart.

P- What is he putting the scoops of ice cream into?

G- I can't tell...........let me go see. Um, gross!!! He is putting the scoops into bread that looks like a hot dog bun.

P- That is positively disgusting!!! Who eats ice cream on bread? The bread must get totally soggy as the ice cream melts. But really...it's like the Lucky Dogs in the French Quarter, but instead of weenies on your bun, you get a scoop of ice cream! WTF?

G- Blech! Well, the people are buying it up, so apparently they like soggy, ice cream bread. How about a cone? I did see a little bag of cones.

P- Just get me a cone.

We sat eating our ice cream, resting our feet, wishing we could get on one of the many tour buses in the parking lot, and whining about having to walk back. At least the sun was setting so it wasn't as hot. After too short of a rest, we began to walk. I was still eating my vanilla ice cream bar covered in chocolate. As I climbed to the top of the stairs and started walking over a freeway overpass, a piece of the chocolate fell off and onto my shirt.

G- Son of a bitch!!!! This was the first day I wore this shirt and it smelled so good when I put it on. Damn!! I only have 4 shirts, I cannot ruin 1 of them this early in the trip.

P- Look at where it landed, muffin. On your boobs. How did that happen?

G- I have no freakin idea because it's never happened before. I have things land on my shoes, my pants, my belt, my knee, but never my boobs. It's my lucky damn day!! Ugh!!!!!

P- It'll be ok, let me get my Tide stick out of my purse and you can wash it as soon as you get back to the hotel.

G- Whah!!!!!!

We continued to walk and, following the map as best we could, tried to find a shorter route. As we walked down a large street with traffic flying by, we noticed that a taxi was slowing down near us.

G- Is he going to stop and pick us up?

P- I doubt it. Did he just throw his cigarette at us?

As we looked, 12 inches in front of our feet, at what we thought was a cigarette, the damn thing exploded and scared the hell out of us.

G- That mofo threw a lit firecracker at us!!!!! I can't believe it.

P- Son of a bitch!!!!! (Phyllis kept her head and turned and wrote down his license plate as he sped off.)

G- Well if that's not adding insult to injury. We can't get the assholes to drive us anywhere even though they are TAXI DRIVERS, but he'll stop to throw a lit firecracker at us. Unbelievable!!!!!!

P- Why do you think he did that?

G- What else is there to think? Because we're white, women, or both. What else could it be? We're walking down the street, because we can't find a taxi, minding our own business, and he knows nothing about us except what he could glean from a quick visual assessment. I'd like to ram my foot through his nuts and give him a reason to throw firecrackers at me.

P- I am really beginning to dislike this city. So far I have found nothing fantastic about it. It is dirty and there is trash everywhere.

G- Most of the people have been very nice to us. It's only the taxi drivers that we've had a problem with. But I agree, I don't love it and it is filled with trash.

We continued walking and tried to calm ourselves. Unfortunately our path led us through an area that smelled like urine and was clearly a hangout for homeless people. We walked past a police station and debated, ever so briefly, filing a complaint, but decided against that and it may have only invited more trouble. We finally ended up on a street we recognized, stopped at a Circle K to get an ICEE, and went straight to our hotel. We just wanted to feel safe for the remainder of the day so we ate dinner at the hotel.

We went to sleep lamenting the fact that we still had several more days to spend in KL.

Christmas Day

 Merry Christmas!!!

We had no intentions of doing anything this morning, so we slept late, lounged in bed drinking coffee and watched a college football game on TV. It was Christmas Eve back home and I called my dad's house where my family was gathered for the annual Christmas Eve party. The phone was passed as I talked to everyone and even took a family photo. We took hot showers, again; just can't get enough of the glassed in shower, and got as dressed up as possible. Basically all this means is that we put on a clean shirt, our long pants and a little make-up.

Yesterday we had made a reservation at the San Francisco Steak House for 2:30 pm. It seemed appropriate that we would have Christmas dinner there since we were also missing our peeps in San Francisco. We went to the front desk and asked our buddy to call us a cab. We could hear him telling them that we wanted to go to the Petronas Towers. After a few calls, he told us that he had contacted 4 companies but no one would come. Maybe if we offered to pay and extra 5 ringgits.

P- What!?!

G- Oh no! We're not having this shit on Christmas Day. Let's just go catch the metro.

P- I don't want to be sweaty while I eat Christmas dinner, and we're wearing long pants so we'll be sweating before we get to the top of the hill.

Desk clerk – Try to stop a taxi on your way to the train. Walk to left because that is direct street to Towers.

P- I can't believe this shit!

We walked to the street and started walking to the left. It wasn't long before we flagged down a cab with a driver willing to put on the meter. We turned left on the main street leading to the towers and came to a complete stop in traffic. We took this opportunity to write down the info posted in the cab on how to report any misconduct by cab drivers. As it turned out, we sat in that traffic for about 45 minutes and would have been better off taking the metro. At least this cab driver was nice enough to call the restaurant, on his cell phone, and tell them we were running late.

Finally we arrived at the towers/Suria Mall. It was more crowded than Christmas Eve!!!! Most of the people with dinner reservations weren't coming until 7 or 8 pm, so we were seated in a room all to ourselves, with a huge mural of scenes from San Francisco to one side and windows overlooking the park and fountain to the other. It was Christmas, so we were going all out!! Phyl ordered a glass of white wine and I order an absolute and tonic. We were served bread, that was fairly close to sourdough, and garlic butter. It was a set menu and our appetizer was prawns, avocado & caviar. We ate slowly, savoring every bite.

We were never rushed and the meal was served at a nice pace. The main course, was turkey with gravy (the turkey was moist and very tasty), a slice of apple and walnut dressing (too small, but yummy), mixed vegetables that included brussel sprouts, and REAL mashed potatoes with gravy. We chewed slowly and savored every single bite. It was practically orgasmic!!!! Not a grain of rice was in sight. Halfway through our meal, we ordered another round of drinks. It's Christmas! To hell with our budget!

Dessert was the only disappointing aspect of the meal. Listed as Christmas pudding, it was really some kind of fruitcake with powdered sugar and a cream sauce. We tried to pick out the bread portion and dip it into the sauce. No matter, the meal had been very yummy. We savored the remainder of our cocktails, paid our bill (about $80.00 USD) and went downstairs and sat by the fountain. The day was cloudy and cool, the area around the fountain was packed with people and we enjoyed the evening people watching and sitting.

Around 7:00 pm we took the metro, walked back to our hotel, and watched Indiana Jones as we ate butter cookies and drank milk. Once it got late enough to be Christmas morning back in New Orleans, Phyl called her family. Even though there had been nothing traditional about it, the day had been enjoyable.

Christmas Eve

G- What time is it?


P- 10:00 am.

G- Damn! It is so dark in here. What are we going to do with that a/c? I was freezing to death last night.

P- It was cold, but I didn't do it. It has a mind of it's own. I set it on a high number, like 21 C or something.

G- I think that is about 74 F, but it's still too cold. Tonight let's set it on 23 C or 24 C. I'm going to take a hot shower to warm up and just because we're paying a lot for a nice shower.

We left the hotel and headed for the Petronas Towers; today we were going to learn the metro system. The doorman gave us directions to supposedly, the closest metro station. We walked around, across, up 2 flights of stairs, down 1 and finally arrived at the ticket counter. After extensive consultation with the woman in the ticket booth and reading the brochure cover to cover, we determined that the Kuala Lumpur (KL) metro was a hodge podge of different lines, not well connected, and requiring you to purchase a new ticket for almost every segment in order for it to be cost effective.

G- Well, the Singapore metro is infinitely more user friendly.

P- Yes, this seems like it's going to be a pain in the ass.

We purchased a ticket to Masjid Jamek where we'd have to switch trains. As we exited the train, we heard the call to prayer, and realized that we were next to the Masjid Jamek Mosque, built 1909, and the first brick Mosque in the city. The Mosque was full and the men were spilling out onto the street all around it. We stood on the train landing and watched for a while, then exited, passing even more men, on their prayer rugs, lining the walls of the metro station.

P- Where do the women pray when the call to prayer sounds? All I see are men. WTF?

G- Beats the hell out of me. Maybe they just celebrate the call to prayer by taking off their headscarves and dancing around while the men are gone off to pray in their sexist little groups.

P- That's what I'd do. I take off all those layers of cloth too and dance around naked!

G- Damn! I wonder how many men are down there and in the streets surrounding the Mosque.

P- A hell of a lot. Come on! We still have to make our way across the street, through the traffic and find the station for the green line so we can get to KLCC which is the Petronas Towers stop.

Up more steps, down other steps and finally we caught the green line. Again we compared this system to Singapore's which had all lines meet in clean, efficient transfer stations with escalators. Finally, after an hour to go only a few miles, we reached the Petronas Towers' mall, called Suria. We purchased sandwiches and sat in front of the towers while we ate. The towers were very beautiful, drawing from Islamic Architecture, and appearing to be cut crystal. As we walked through the towers and the Suria Mall, we were amazed at the stores lining the main entrance: Gucci, Ferragamo, Cartier, Prada, Tiffany, Bally, Chanel, & Hermes. The main atrium was decorated for Christmas with several purple Christmas trees and a stage. Also, the place was packed. It was Christmas Eve, but in a country 65% Muslim, it seemed odd that the decorations and music would be so over the top for Christmas.

We went upstairs to get information about the tickets for the sky bridge on the 44th floor. We learned that the tickets were free, but it was a high tourist time and if we wanted tickets, we'd have to be in the queue by shortly after 7:00 am and the first group was allowed in at 10:00 am.

G- Well, you can rest easy, because I'm absolutely not getting up at 6:00 am to run that metro gauntlet, so that I can stand in line for 3 hours, to take an elevator to the 44th floor of this building. Not unless they're going to give me a million dollars when I get up there.

P- You know I'm not going to cry about that since I hate heights anyway.

G- The guidebook said that it is easy to go up the KL Tower and the view is just as good.

P- Sounds good to me.

We walked to the back of the Petronas Towers and through the park.  We passed very old bayon trees with huge hanging roots.  Of course I could not resist the urge to get up in them. Then we sat by the huge fountains and watched the people go by.

P- This reminds me a little of sitting by the Trevi Fountain. Not exactly, but......

G- I get your point. My feet are killing me and it's not as hot here, so I'm happy just to sit and enjoy the fountain.

P- Look up there! San Francisco Steak House.

G- We should check that out; they might have a Christmas dinner.

P- What are we going to do tonight? It is Christmas Eve and I'm sure you're gonna get a little mopey because you're missing home.

G- Yeah. I've been fine, even Thanksgiving wasn't that big a deal, but you know I like my traditional Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Not that we've had that in the last 2 years, since we moved to California, but at least we ate the same foods and talked to our peeps back home.

P- I'm not excited about having rice for Christmas or Christmas Eve either.

G- I saw a Cold Storage Grocery in the mall. We should check it out and see if we can find anything that we might want to eat for dinner.

P- Worst case scenario, there is a KFC in there and we can at least get some fried chicken and mashed potatoes.

G- That'll work if nothing else, but I want my Italian foods...... salami, red wine, olives, cheese, ham, and your potato salad. My gawd, I'd kill for that salami from Milan and the Italian goat cheese that Habib turned us on to.

P- That's not gonna happen, but let's see what we can do.

We walked back into the Cold Storage Grocery and passed a small wine display. Maybe there was hope.

P- OMG! They have some cheeses. Look!!!!!

G- What kind? Oh! They have Brie, Gruyere, Gouda, Gorgonzola........ I'm so excited!!!!!

P- And fancy crackers over here!! And that 3 in 1 coffee that was pretty good. Get a basket!!!

We felt as though we had hit the jackpot and scurried around the store, wide eyed, like kids Christmas morning.

P- Look in the back!!!! A small wine department.

G- I'm salivating!!!! We haven't had wine since we left home. We must have wine for Christmas Eve!!

P- Did you see the tiny deli just outside the wine area that had a selection of meats and salami?

G- No!

P- Yes! Go get us some salami and I'll look at our wine options.

I selected an Italian salami and while waiting for it to be cut, read the sign on the wall just outside the wine section...............

"It is unlawful to sell wine to anyone under 18 years or a Muslim."

G- Hmmmm. Good thing we're not wearing our burqas or we couldn't buy wine.

P- Do all non Muslims carry a card saying it's ok to sell them wine?

G- I don't know, but I'm glad we look like two big, white, westerners. I'd hate to have to beat someone's ass for this wine because I AM having wine and cheese tonight and gawd help the person who tries to stop me.

P- You get em baby!

We left the cold storage very excited and with 2 bags full of goodies........... Gouda & Gruyere cheeses, Italian salami, a bottle of Argentinian Pinot Noir, instant (but tasty) coffee, sesame crackers, chocolate chip cookies and milk!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because of the cold items, we decided to take a taxi, so we headed for the taxi stand in front of the towers.

Taxi driver #1 – You need taxi?

P- Yes. (we walked to the car)

Taxi driver #1 – Where you go?

P- Olympic Hotel.

Taxi driver #1 – 25 ringgits.

P- The sign on your car says you're a metered taxi and not allowed to negotiate. I want you to use the meter.

Taxi driver #1 – No. I not take you.

P- You will not take us with the meter?

Taxi driver #1 – No. (becoming hostile)

P- Is it not far enough for you?

Taxi driver #1 – No.

P- Asshole. (we walked a little further down the line of taxis)

Taxi driver #2 – Taxi?

P- Yes.

Taxi driver #2 – Where you go?

P- Olympic Hotel. With the meter.

Taxi driver #2 – No.

P- No? Why in the hell are you sitting at the taxi stand if you do not want to drive people anywhere?

Taxi driver #2 – 20 ringgits.

P- The sign on your car says that you are not allowed to negotiate. I want the meter.

Taxi driver #2 – No. (also becoming hostile)

P- This is bullshit!

G- Come on. Don't start shit with these assholes. We're in a foreign country!

P- Why the hell are they in the taxi line? Why are they asking us if we want a taxi if they don't want to take us anywhere? And the sign says they must use the meter.

G- Shhhh! Shut up! Let it go before you get us killed. We're taking the metro.

P- Pisses me off!!! Sons of bitches!!!

G- I know muffin. They are total assholes, but we cannot do anything about it and I don't want to be killed before I eat my cheese and salami and drink my damn wine!!! Now zip it!

P- Fuckers! My milk had better not get hot!

G- They're dicks, but don't let them ruin your evening. Your milk will be ok. Now that we know where we're going, we'll do this faster.

Phyl settled down as we road the metro back to the hotel. On the 6 block walk from the metro station to the hotel we stopped at Circle K (there's one on every corner) and got an ICEE. It was still early, maybe only 6:30, but we were in for the night, so we we showered off the sweat of the day and put on our pajamas. The movie channel was playing Santa Clause 2.

Later, after it was dark, we opened the curtains to enjoy the skyline and the Petronas Towers, so beautifully lit up at night. We used Gmail to call our families and some friends. It lifted our spirits to talk to our peeps. Then we opened our wine and ate our cheese and salami. Die Hard 1 & 2 came on TV. Well, when you're desperate for something, in English, to watch, almost anything will do. We lounged on our 2 pillows each and later had milk and cookies. It wasn't our best Christmas Eve, but the evening wasn't so terrible.