The portable penis

Not exactly thrilled with the toilet facilities we'd face on our adventure, our search for a portable penis gave us hope. The choices were more than we had anticipated and we even found one site that gave a tutorial on making your own...... pass, but thank you. After considering all of our options, we made our choice based on size (it does matter) and what seemed to be a user friendly design. The result: The Pstyle.

G - Did you look at the pictures of the various kinds of peeing devices?
P- Yes, and I'm not afraid to admit that they scare me. However, falling into a squat toilet scares me more, so I'll adapt.
G- The one with the funnel and hose looks entirely to big to fit into my pants. If I'm trying to pee on a hike or in the wilderness, the point is to NOT take down my pants.
P- And, it is much too phallic!
G- And the one that is made of latex and folds looks good, but it seems too short and I don't want pee running down my leg. Plus, it seems like it would point down instead of out while you're peeing into it.
P- If I must have a penis, I don't want a short one!
G- Ok, I'm ordering the Pstyle. It looks easy to use, seems like it will be long enough and is hard plastic instead of latex, so it might last longer. One hard, hot pink penis on it's way.

A few days later a package arrived in the mail.
P- Your penis came in the mail today.
G- Good! I can't wait to practice with it.
P- Are you gonna do it now?
G-I don't even have to pee yet. Can we wait until I have to pee? I think I'll wait until this weekend. I need to try it for the first time in the shower so I don't pee on the floor. (Saturday rolls around and now I do have to pee and bathe) Ok, I'm going to take a shower and try out the pink penis.
P-Call me when you're ready, I want to watch.
G- Hmmmm, I'm not sure you can watch, I might get pee shy.
(Having read the directions, G is now standing in the shower, legs appropriate distance apart, the device in place)
P-(walks into the bathroom) How does it work?
G-I'm trying to concentrate. I'm not accustomed to peeing standing up. It's weird.
P- Maybe we should have had a few beers first.
G-Stop talking to me! Get out!
P-Why are you suddenly pee shy? From what I hear, you're supposed to be proud of your penis.
G-(Amazingly, even under these harsh circumstances, I am able to go.) Check it out! I think it works pretty well; there's no pee running down my leg. You try it when you take your shower.

Over the next few days we try it several times in the shower, then, after moving the bath mats and still sans clothes, standing in front of the toilet. After that was successful, we keep our pajama pants on. All attempts are successful and without drips. We're ready to take this show on the road!!! The NolaNomads and their portable pink penis are coming to a country near you!

Toilets in Asia

As we conducted research into living on the road in Asia and determined what items were critical to bring with us, I came across many articles about the bathroom facilities, specifically, squat toilets. This kind of toilet is not new to us as we have seen and used them in various European countries, but they were the exception rather than the rule. Based on the articles I was reading, the squat toilet will be the rule, rather than the exception in Asia. Ugh!


Instructional video on using squat toilets.:
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjfZEGLyosk&feature=player_embedded

G- Did you read those articles and look at that video I sent you?
P- Yes, and they scared me! I have visions of bodily fluids all over my $100, only pair of shoes and it’s not pretty!
G- You know, because of my IBS, my biggest fear on this adventure isn’t getting lost or mugged or having trouble with the languages, it is getting an attack of the flying shits and not having anywhere to go.
P- I know, but I’m sure you’ve already thought of and read articles on taking precautions. Maybe we should get you some “depends”, just in case.
G- Yes, we’ll do all that we can, but there is no way to be 100% safe. I’m not worried so much about getting an attack, as long as there is a bathroom.
P- Well, we know that we are not picky and can go anywhere. Hell, we have peed in some seriously disgusting port-o-john’s during Mardi Gras.
G- And what could be worse than the Pot-o-gold on the last Sunday of Jazz Fest when it is 100 degrees and damn near filled to the top.
P- We can definitely handle disgusting places, but we’ll have to carry our own toilet paper and hand sanitizer for places that have neither, and it seems like that will be a lot of places.
G- Yes, we can ‘GO’ anywhere. The problems I see that we need to practice for holding our breath and work on squatting to build our quad muscles. You’d definitely better work on that. God forbid your legs give out while you’re going and you fall onto one of those nasty things!
P- If that happens, just shoot me and leave my nasty body in a rice paddy somewhere!
G- Several articles and blogs talk about these devices that enable women to pee standing up. I’m going to check into this more; it seems like a good idea.
P – Yeah, just what I always wanted…a portable penis!!!
G- Not exactly.  I've never wanted a penis..............except maybe when we were fishing...........it is very awkward hanging your ass over the side of the boat.