Healing Herbs

The boat motor cranked to life at 6:00 AM. Breakfast, which we skipped, was served at 7:30 AM. We were, however, out of our room, with our luggage, by 8:30 AM so the crew could ready the boat for the next passengers. Morning fog greeted us but quickly burned off enough for us to see the karsts. Before we sailed, our tour guide and 2 of the kids jumped from the top deck into the bay. Of course they screamed due to the cold water, but it wasn't cold enough to prevent them from doing it again. We, along with the rest of the passengers, took photos, participated in the countdown, and yelled words of encouragement.


A feeling of tranquility enveloped our souls as we slid through the beautiful green water past the limestone monoliths. Eamonn, Phyl & I discussed the forces that shaped this area and the continuing erosion caused by the bay on the bases of each karst.

Eamonn - I feel so fortunate to be able to see this beautiful place.

P- This is why we travel. I prefer the natural things to the man made things.

G- I am constantly amazed by the beauty of Mother Earth, and the diversity is astounding.

P- Plus, I'm happy whenever I'm on the water.

Eamonn - I'm a sailor. I own a sailboat in Ireland and we sail almost every weekend. I'm happiest when I'm on the sea.

P- Sailing in Ireland may be a little too cold for my taste, but it sounds wonderful.

G- Isn't it usually cold and rainy in Ireland?

Eamonn - Well, you get use to it.

The tour guide pulled out a 200,000 Dong note, showed us the karst image on the back, and pointed ahead to the Kissing Rock Karst. This monolith stands on 4 small pillars, it's ultimate collapse inevitable. We sailed through the karsts for 2-3 hours on our return to port. At times we spoke of the surrounding beauty, pointing out different views and taking photos of one another. Other times we stood, lost in our own thoughts, trying to emblazon just a few of Ha Long Bay's 3,000 karsts upon our memories, lest we forget this gorgeous site. The memories, or the photos, in your head may not stay crisp, but the feeling is never forgotten.

It was lunchtime when we reached the dock, so we were lead to a large restaurant across the street. This is apparently where every tourist, ending a trip on Ha Long Bay, is fed before the return bus ride.

G- OMG! Look at that large glass container filled with dead animals.

P- It's some kind of alcohol.

Eamonn - You want a drink?

G & P - NO!

G- I know about the tequila with the worm and Asian alcohols with snakes and scorpions in them, but that thing has dead birds in it.

P- I know it's not good to mix your alcohols, but I guess it's ok to mix your dead animals in alcohol.

G- I think each liquor should only be allowed to contain 1 species of dead animal. Eamonn, you're Irish, you try it!

Eamonn - We may be known to drink a lot, but we don't drink things like that.

P- Can't you catch a disease from a dead pigeon?

G- Blech! The whole thing is disgusting!!

This kind of shock and horror must be experienced by a vast majority of the patrons because the wait staff was completely unfazed by our exclamations of disgust. After a time we all sat back down and lunch was served. Fortunately, the lunch consisted primarily of vegetables. Our bus was delayed due to a flat tire, so we sat on the front steps of the restaurant and waited for 30 minutes. The French couple was especially nervous about the delay because they had a flight to catch in Hanoi at 4:30 PM.

G- Phyl, what did you do to your arm?

P- Where?

G- There.  It's bleeding.  What did you cut it on?

Eamonn - Look, the clasp of the pin on her backback is open.

P- Awwwww!  My fleur de lis clasp is broken.

G- We'll get you another one.  Put something on that bleeding arm before it drips on your pants!

I fished a tissue out of my bag as our cute tour guide came over to see what the fuss was about.

Guide - I can make a medicine from a plant. 

P- What kind of plant?

Guide - Let me find it.

He returned with the stalk of a green plant which he promptly pulled the leaves off of and stuck into his mouth.  After chewing it for a while, he spit it into his hand, took Phyls arm and pressed the chewed up green mulch onto her wound.  Eamonn, the French couple, Phyl and I stood shocked, looking at each other in various states of disbelief.

Guide - Hold this on the cut for a few minutes and it will be much better.

P- Ok.

He walked off.  We all started laughing.

P- I cannot believe that he just chewed up a plant then put it and his spit on my arm.

G- I know he was just trying to be nice and helpful, but..........

French lady - It is so unusual.  So many of the things they do are so unusual.

P- I wasn't sure what to do.  It happened so fast.

Eamonn - It adds to the experience of your adventure.

G- Ok, now drop that spit soaked mulch onto the ground and clean your arm with this Purell.

P- It'll burn.

G- Tough shit, Gladys, you need to kill any possible germs you may have just gotten.

P- Alright!

Eamonn - I wish I had a video of the incident and everyone's face.

G- Me too.

Finally our bus arrived and we were soon barreling down the road toward Hanoi. Phyl & I were so enjoying talking to Eamonn that we sat in the last seat which accommodated 3 people. The road, as usual, was in poor condition and at times we literally flew up out of our seats. Eamonn shared some old Celtic music from his ipod, and we talked about our families, Ireland, America, and the state of the world. It was nice to discuss these things with someone our own age. While we enjoy the late teens and 20 somethings we meet, they have fewer life experiences.  Eamonn continuously commented on the wild ride and the crazy way they drive in Asia.  We agreed, but had ceased to be fazed by it.

As we neared Hanoi and the location of the previous day's bread sellers, the bus suddenly pulled over on the side of the freeway and stopped behind a black sedan.

P- What's going on?

G- The French couple is getting off.

P- What? Why?

Eamonn - Oh, that's right, they have to catch a flight.

G- I love it, but it is unbelievable that the tour guide called the person bringing them to the airport and instructed him to meet us on the freeway instead of the hotel.

P- That would never happen at home.

G- It is expedient.

Eamonn - They sure do get the job done.

The French people's bags were taken off the bus and placed in the sedan's trunk and they were soon headed down the freeway to the airport. Our tour guide acted as though this was not an unusual matter and soon we were winding our way through the crowded streets of Hanoi dropping off passengers at their various hotels. Upon our return to New Century Hotel, we were happy to discover that our same room was waiting for us. We dropped our bags and headed down the street to our favorite bar for a cold, draft Halida.

Hurry Up and Wait

All of the other passengers on our cruise had booked only a 1 night cruise. We were disappointed to lose our group with whom we had had so much fun, but we looked forward to meeting a new group of fun people. At breakfast we were advised that we would be moving to the other Dolphin Cruise boat because there weren't enough passengers to warrant 2 boats that night. We were not thrilled, but packed our bags, which would be brought to the other boat, and did as we were instructed. We'd discuss the matter with the hotel owner who booked our cruise. After breakfast we said our good-byes to our fellow dancers and, with our tour guide, took the tender to Cat Ba Island. TripAdvisor reviews had stated that Cat Ba was the only resort island in Ha Long Bay.




Our sweetheart tour guide.

 The fog burned off by about 10:00 AM and we were disappointed that we were not sailing through the Karsts in the beautiful sunshine. This was the first sunny day we had experienced in almost a week. In a nutshell, the day was a total waste and the activities made us cranky. If we had known what awaited us on Cat Ba Island, we would have gladly stayed on the deck of the boat and enjoyed the scenery while we dropped off one group and picked up the next.

The abbreviated version of the day goes like this: Accompanied by our guide, who we really liked, we rushed off our boat and onto a tender which deposited us at Cat Ba Port. We then sat, for 30 minutes, at Cat Ba Port, a concrete pad with a few benches and a disgusting, concrete bathroom containing a hole in the ground. While we waited we were accosted by vendors selling cookies and drinks. We then rode a very crowded bus for 1 hour to the national park to trek up a mountain that we ended up not trekking because the trail was so slippery, Phyl was worried about injuring her already hurting knee. After sitting for an hour waiting for those that did hike the mountain, we were corralled back onto the bus where we sat waiting for a tardy few. After 15 minutes of sweating and waiting, the smokers decided the nicotine withdrawals were too much and they all got off the bus and lit up. The tardy few entered the bus, but then we waited for the smokers to finish their cancer sticks.

The bus drove for another hour, through the interior of the island, dropping off passengers at different hotels. Finally we reached the primary resort area where we enjoyed a very tasty lunch, then waited for another 45 minutes for a bus to pick us up and take us back to the port. At the port we waited for 20 minutes for a boat to pick us up and take us back to our boat.

P- This is why we hate tours!! Today we did not do a single thing that we wanted to do.

G- I completely agree. This was the first day that we have seen the sun in over a week and we wanted nothing more than to sit on the top of our boat and cruise through the karsts. Instead, we have spent the day being herded on and off every form of conveyance available doing nothing of value.

P- Dammit! I wish we had known that Cat Ba Island was going to suck and we would have stayed on the boat. (We later polled people who had been to Cat Ba and every single person we spoke to felt, as did we, that it was a complete waste of time.)

G- Well, I guess every once in a while we have to do a tour thing to confirm that we hate tours. Confirmation received!

Back on the water, headed to our boat, the aggravation of the day melted away as the breeze caressed our faces and the tranquility of Ha Long Bay once again descended upon us. The highlight of the day was watching the beautiful sunset. We had been told that this boat was newer and nicer than the one we had been on yesterday, but we did not like it as much and our new room was absolutely not as large or as nice as yesterday's boat.






We washed and changed and went to the dining room where we met a new group of people consisting of: a Parisian couple just a little older than us, an Irishman (Eamonn) who was Gina's age, a 20 something couple from London, a couple from Singapore about Phyl's age, a 20 something girl from Boston and one from Australia. Of course the Parisians drank wine with us and we, the Parisians, and Eamonn had a spirited conversation about the one thing we all have in common, crazy politicians. The crew attempted to cajole us into karaoke, but no one would hear of it, so after singing a few songs themselves, put the machine away. The kids fished off the back of the boat, with little success. The evening was dramatically different than the previous night, but very enjoyable nonetheless.

Second Lining on Ha Long Bay

We dropped our bag on our bed, and did a little happy jig around our luxury room, before checking out our balcony. We met our next door neighbors, a Vietnamese couple celebrating their 1 year anniversary, doing the same on their balcony. Back in the common area, we sat down for lunch at a long table. Introductions were made, and the 3 French Canadian women sat across from us. Our group consisted of the Vietnamese couple, the 3 Canadian women, 6 Japanese kids in their early 20's, a Korean boy in his early 20's, and us.


Over lunch we discussed the recent Japanese earthquake and tsunami and inquired about the Japanese kids' families. The Korean boy was studying in Japan, and the Vietnamese man owned a travel agency. The Canadian women lived in Quebec and did not speak a lot of English, but we got by and quickly learned that they were very funny. The boat sailed as we ate lunch and got better acquainted.

P- Look at our whole fried fish and look at the 2 eaten by the Asian people.

G- Holy crap! Theirs are just bones. That's funny. (We passed our fish down to the other end of the table where the remaining meat was promptly devoured.)



After lunch we went up to the top deck and watched, in awe, as we slid past limestone, Karst mountains jutting up from the bay. We were somewhat disappointed about the weather, but the fog gave a certain serenity to the area. The water was beautiful, but nothing prepared us for the shade of green around Bo Hon Island, the location of Sung Sot Cave, at the center of Ha Long Bay. We disembarked and began the climb up the steps to the cave's entrance. Phyllis complained in English and the Canadians complained in French. The Asians scampered up the steps as though walking across flat land. I focused on taking photos, my favorite pastime.

Sung Sot Cave means Cave of Surprises, so named by the French who "discovered" it after invading Vietnam.

P- Wow! This is incredible!

G- This room is cavernous. It may be the biggest one I've seen.

P- The only one I've seen before is the one we went to in Tennessee.

G- This one is definitely bigger, but I think the quality of the stalagmites and stalactites in that one was higher.

P- What's the tour guide saying?



G- He's pointing out formations and telling you what they look like.........turtle, bird, dragon, penis....

P- He said penis?

G- No, he just inferred it and smiled.

P- You know men, everything reminds them of a penis.

G- He's cute. I think he's shy.

P- Where are the Canadian women?

G- They went up ahead in that group with the French speaking tour guide.

The cave consisted of 3 chambers and we toured them in about an hour. We emerged from the cave at a much higher location than where we entered and the view of the bay was spectacular!! After picture taking, we climbed back down the many stairs and waited for a tender to pick us up and return us to our boat which was moored at a floating fish market and kayak staging area.

G- Do you want to kayak? I'm not so sure we should kayak together.

P- I am definitely not kayaking, but you can go. Why don't you want to kayak with me?

G- Hello! We can't get on a wave runner together without flipping it over and getting into an argument. I'm thinking that skinny little kayak will bring us the same joy and that water is too damn cold to flip over into.

P- We kayaked down the Colorado River together without flipping over. I'm sure you haven't forgotten that horrible 11 mile trip into the headwind.

G- No, I'll never forget that, but it was hot and we were wearing bathing suits. Whatever, I don't want to kayak anyway; we're only here for 30 minutes and that's too short of a time to go anywhere. Besides, I want to see what's going on at the floating fish market.

P- Look at the size of those fish in that netted area. I wonder what they are.

G- I don't know, but it looks like we might be eating one for dinner.

We watched as someone from our boat pointed at his selected fish. The market worker scooped it out with a large net and dropped it on the dock.

G- Are they gonna carry it back to the kitchen while it's alive?


P- Maybe they have a bucket of water. That's what they usually keep them in until they're ready to clean them.

G- Argh!!!!! They just clubbed it over the head.

P- Ugh!!! I didn't have to see that. Ick!!!

G- OMG! Couldn't they just cut its head off in one clean motion? Did they have to club it to death?

P- We seem to be the only people freaked out.

G- The Canadian women would be freaked out too, but they're napping.

P- Yes, please, take it away so I don't have to witness anymore of this. I'll be happy to eat it, but I don't want to watch you club it to death.


G- I watched my grandpa beat a catfish to death on his peer at his camp on Lake Catherine. It had sliced that fleshy part of his hand between the thumb and index finger. He cursed it like crazy as blood spurted out of his hand. Made quite an impression on me.

P- He should've rubbed the gook on its belly on the wound. It would have made it heal faster. That really works.

G- Look at the huge crabs in that area. I'd love to eat them tonight.

P- I think people on the really expensive cruises will be eating those.

G- That's ok, I can wait until we get home and eat some boiled blue lake crabs.

After the fish clubbing and the kayaking, we sailed to the bay where we would moor for the night. Phyl and I sat on our balcony drinking a bottle of Da Lat wine we had purchased in Hanoi.

P- I wish we could drink this with dinner.

G- Me too, but I'm not paying 3 times as much as the bottle cost for a corkage fee.

Besides, we're from Nola and we don't go anywhere without our wine and beer opener.

P- Always gotta have a way to get into our liquor.

We had a pretty good buzz when we sat down for dinner where we enjoyed a few San Miguels with our new Canadian friends. Dinner was exactly like lunch, but with the addition of french fries that were quickly devoured. The meal was good, so we had no complaints.

I think that it goes without saying that Asians LOVE karaoke and mere seconds after the table was cleared, the karaoke machine was pulled out. We were each given books of song choices, in our native tongues, and the quiet Vietnamese couple wasted no time in grabbing the microphone and singing the first few songs. Then the bartender sang a song or 2 before the Canadians sang 1 in French. We joined in for the parts we knew and the whole table was swaying back and forth to the French song. The kids were too shy to sing, and the Vietnamese couple grabbed the microphones again.

P- I've had enough of them!

G- They need to stop singing these damn love songs and pick something upbeat.

P- They're a buzz kill! Let's sing this Shania Twain song.

G- Groan, I don't want to sing. You sing.

P- Sing with me dammit or I'm gonna fall asleep. Let's go stand up by the TV and try to get these people to dance before we all fall asleep. It's only 8:30.

G- Ok. (to the Canadian women) Come on up here and dance. Let's get this party crankin!



Once the Canadians followed us to the dance area, everyone else got up and stood around as we sang "I feel like a woman". We had selected a second song, but instead of the song we selected, Michael Jackson's "Beat it!" came on and that was all she wrote. No one brings the world together like Michael! Just like Byonce brought 2 Americans, 2 Chinese boys, & a Dutchman together in Thailand, Michael, may he rest in peace, had everyone on our boat dancing. Once the dancing started, the karaoke stopped and they just kept playing dance music. The old ladies.............us and the 3 Canadians...........grabbed the Asian kids and danced with them like they've never been danced with before. They may never be the same.

We soon realized that our group had multiplied and looking around discovered that the guests and staff from the boat that was tied to us had come over to our boat and joined the party. At one point, 1 of the Canadian ladies was on the floor doing some kind of wiggle that threatened to herniate several of her discs. We had to help her up when she was done. We were all having a great time, but after an hour, the old girls began to tire.

P- I'm starting a second line!!! Go get your napkin and tell everyone to get theirs and follow me.

I grabbed napkins off the table and handed them out as I told each person to follow Phyllis and do what she does. Phyl danced around the table several times, napkin spinning over her head, until everyone had gotten in line and was swinging their napkins accordingly, then she lead the second line all around the boat. Everyone was having a great time.

At 10:00 PM we had to stop dancing and turn off the music. Apparently our boat was the only one hosting a wild party and the noise was piercing the silence of the usually tranquil Ha Long Bay. No one seemed too disappointed as it had been a long day and we were all tired. The interlopers returned to their boat and we all went to our cabins. Silence was restored.

Channeling Roseanne Roseannadanna

We awoke at 6:00 AM, drank a small cup of coffee, packed a bag, repacked our backpacks and souvenirs, and arrived in the lobby by 7:20 AM. Vera & Maddie were eating breakfast and although they were also leaving for Ha Long Bay, they were taking a different cruise, so we said goodbye, hoping that we would see them again upon our return to Hanoi and the New Century Hotel.


As we stood on the curb, in front of the hotel waiting for our bus, Nam stood with us assuring us that it would arrive shortly.

P- Nam, what's going on over there? It looks like a wedding.

Nam - Yes, they get married.

G- They are getting married at 7:30 in the morning?!?!?

Nam - Yes.

P- What time did she have to get up to get her hair and make up done and get into a wedding dress to be picked up at 7:30?

Nam - (Confused look because he has no idea why we're freaking out.)

P- The wedding will happen this morning?

Nam - Yes. Very soon.

P- Will there be a reception?

Nam - I don't know that word.

P- Will there be a party after the wedding with friends and family members?

Nam - Oh, yes. They will eat and have party.

G- They'll have a party at, what, 9:00 o'clock in the morning?

Nam - Yes.

G- Oh my gawd! Kill me.

Our bus arrived and we got on, but our conversation about the wedding continued.

P- They're all up at 5:30 - 6:00 AM anyway, might as well have the wedding this early.

G- How much fun can a reception at 9:00 AM be?

P- Well they don't really drink.

G- Hell, food and alcohol are the only reasons guests are willing to go to a wedding. What's the enticement when it takes place between 8:00 - 9:00 AM and there are no drinks?

P- Your people would be late, and grouchy, for every wedding.

G- We wouldn't be late. We wouldn't go at all. Get up and be at a wedding this early on a Saturday morning? No way in hell!! I would never have gotten married if it had to take place early on Saturday morning.

P - Maybe that would've been a good thing.

G- Hmmm. Maybe you're on to something. The divorce rate would plummet if less people got married.

We drove around the Old Quarter picking up passengers. As they climbed onto the bus, we tried to pick out the fun people. A group of Asian kids got aboard; we tried, but could not identify their countries of origin. Two couples who appeared to be Canadian or Australian got on, then 3 women, who looked like they could have fun potential, were picked up.

P- They look like they could be fun.

G- Yes, but I think they're speaking French.

P- If they're traveling in Asia they must speak some English.

G- Yes, but don't you agree that the French we meet tend to speak just enough English to get by?

P- That's true. We'll find someone to party with us, or we'll just party by ourselves.

G- Agreed.

After everyone had been picked up, the tour guide stood in the aisle, slightly in front of our seat, and gave us some information.

G- Why are you leaning on me?

P- Do you see that big booger in that dudes nose?

G- Yes, I saw it.

P- Well I'm worried that if he breathes just a little too hard it'll fly out and hit me. Also, his breath smells like ass!

G- That seems like a distinct possibility. Every time he looked at me I'd rub my hand across the bottom of my nose trying to send him a subliminal message to do the same, but so far, it hasn't worked.

P- Stop that! Are you crazy? If he wipes his nose with his hand, the booger might fall on me.

G- It's grossing me out.

P- Yeah, but it's like a train wreck; you can't stop yourself from looking at it.

G- I just keep thinking of Gilda Radner doing Roseanne Roseannadanna, "there was the biggest, grossest booger on the end of his nose".

Just then the man behind us sneezed this very powerful sneeze. I think it surprise him and he couldn't cover his mouth fast enough because the spit from the sneeze rained down on us like we were standing under the spray of a waterfall.

P- What the hell is going on?

G- This is what happens when people leave their homes so early in the morning before they've had a chance to rid themselves of all of their bodily expulsions. This is why everyone should stay in their own home, or hotel room, until at least 10:00 AM.

P- Shut up, freak. I just hope he doesn't have a cold.

G- I hope he's not on our boat. I'd like a sneeze free zone on my boat.

As we drove through Hanoi, the streets were full of cars covered in bows and flowers. The tour guide confirmed that all of the cars contained brides and grooms and said that Saturday morning was the time most people got married. The 2 Canadian couples sitting behind us commented on the early hour and how different weddings were in Canada. We agreed that things were also different in America. Just then a black Toyota sedan, covered in bows, pulled up next to us.

G- Look at that wedding car. It is filthy.

Canadian lady behind me - I was looking at that too.

P- You'd think he could clean his car for his wedding day.

G- If he came to pick me up in that filthy car, the wedding would be called off. That is a very bad sign of things to come.

Canadian lady - (laughing) You are very correct.

G- I wouldn't be seen dead in a car that filthy on any random day, much less my wedding day.

P- And you know he's going to drop his wet towel on the bathroom floor, leave his dirty drawers & socks around, and dirty dishes in the sink.

G- That bride is destined to be a maid.  She needs to rethink marrying that pig.

For several miles after entering the freeway, the emergency lane was lined with people selling bread of all shapes and sizes. We watched as motorcycles and cars pulled over into the emergency lane, purchased bread, then merged back onto the highway. The tour guide seemed not to notice, while we sat nonplused. Why would people stand on the freeway and sell bread? Who needed to buy bread so urgently that they would stop on the freeway? Why was this allowed? Was the bread fresh? How did the bread sellers get there with their large bags of bread?

We crossed a large river and the city fell away behind us and the landscape turned to rice fields. After a while we exited the freeway and onto a 2 lane road through small towns where the road was lined with homes and businesses. Riding through the countryside is one of our favorite things to do because of the things we see. In addition to the bread vendors, we passed trucks full of pigs making deliveries to houses, motorcycles carrying chickens in baskets strapped to the seat, and numerous tents, of bright colored fabrics and bows, set up in front of homes where wedding receptions were underway.

Halfway through the journey, we stopped at a rest stop, built specifically for tourists, containing a snack bar and a myriad of overpriced souvenirs. Fortunately, we did not stay there long. When we arrived at Ha Long Bay we were separated into 2 groups and our group was lead to a tender that would take us to our boat. To get to the tender, we walked down about 20 concrete steps and onto the front platform of the tender. It was a fairly easy task for the surefooted, but we wondered what a person with difficulty ambulating would do in order to get onto their boat.

Once on the boat, we were seated in the main cabin for tea, given our room keys, and instructed to return for lunch in half an hour. We were thrilled to find that our room matched the photos in the brochure. looks like they're already married.