Chicken & Pickin'

 3:30 AM

P- Are you awake?

G- Yes. I can't go back to sleep.

P- Me either. What is wrong with us?

G- I don't know, but I'm not happy.

At 4:00 AM we got up, drank some coffee, and got ready at a leisurely pace.

P- When we booked this 5:30 AM train trip, I was afraid of unhappy, early morning Gina, but I like the Gina who has been awake for hours and is happy.

G- I'm not happy to have been unable to sleep, but it was a good morning for it.

P- I never see happy morning Gina.

G- Soak it all in, baby, because this is like one of those eclipses that only happens once every hundred years. You're unlikely to see it again in your lifetime.

P- I know. I know.

At 4:30 the poor guesthouse owner called with our wake up call. We confirmed that he was calling a taxi at 5:00AM. At 5:00 AM we walked downstairs, as quietly as possible, while he opened the large metal doors, a noise that could be heard for miles. The taxi pulled up a minute later and we were off to the train station.

G- Well, now we know why we never see any Asians out jogging; they do it at 5:00 AM.

P- I can't get over the number of people out here running and walking.

G- I know it's a familiar refrain, but thank Gawd I was not born Asian. I would have hated my life.

P- No, you would have just been a morning person.

G- Not possible. I'm genetically, biologically hard wired to be a night person.

P- Whatever.

When we arrived at the station, the lobby was already full of people and ladies were already circulating through the crowd trying to sell baguettes, water, fruit, and newspapers. The newspapers lady stood in front of us, for the longest time, waiving the paper in our faces.

P- You know this woman knows we can't read Vietnamese. Why in the hell does she think we'd want to buy that newspaper?

G- I have no idea. Maybe she's telling you there is no toilet paper on the train and you should buy the newspaper to use it as toilet paper.

P- That's about all it would be good for.

G- Look. It's that Dutch couple with the baby. The ones we saw buying tickets yesterday.

P- Oh, Typhoid Mary and the feverish kid?

G- Yes. I hope they're not sitting near us because I don't want to catch whatever they have.

(to the Dutch couple) Hi. How's your little girl feeling today?

Dutch Man – Much better. Her fever is gone.

G & P – That's good.

P- (whispers to me) Typhoid Mary still sounds like she's trying to cough up a lung.

I hate getting up in the wee hours of the morning, but once awake, I love the morning and seeing the sun rise. The train followed the coastline on our right and a mountain range on our left. The sunrise, over the rice fields, between us and the sea was positively gorgeous!!! The rice fields were lush and green, the sky bright orange.  We rode along enjoying all the beauty of the Vietnamese countryside. We passed a group of kids playing badminton in a field behind a little village. It was 6:30 AM. Badminton at 6:30 in the morning!!!! The quiet, however, was short lived. At 7:00 AM, the TV in the train was turned on, the volume at typical Asian, glass shattering, decibel levels.

G- My gawd!!! Can't we just ride in peace and enjoy the beauty? Why do we have to be subjected to this noise?

P- I will never have an explanation for it. No one is even watching it.

G- Why does it have to be so damn loud?! I hate it.

P- Me too. What is it? It's kind've creepy the way the little girls are dressed up like tramps, rapping, and dancing behind that guy. I've never seen an Asian rapper, and wearing a suit. Ha!

G- It looks like one of those child beauty contests, with singing. I think they're supposed to look like fairies.

P- Yes, very Jon Bonet Ramseyish. And if I have to see that damn milk commercial with that laughing cow one more time, I'm going to scream.

G- Why is it necessary to have entertainment at 7:00 AM?

P- Just wait. The rice and vegetable cart will come around soon to serve breakfast.

We laughed, but at 7:30 AM, that is exactly what happened. The food cart came into our train car, with a smell we find horrifying at that time of morning, and damn near every person bought a container of white rice and whatever else it was.

G- OMG! Look at the food cart woman!!! She is picking her nose!!

P- That is totally disgusting. She's not even trying to be discrete, she's just pickin away like she's in the
privacy of her home.

G- She looks like she needs some heavy equipment to perform an excavation.

P- What's she gonna do with it once she gets it? 

G- I can't think about that.

P- I can't believe the people are going to continue to buy food from her.  This is positively revolting?  Nasty bitch!!!

G- There you go, we just learned something good about plain, white rice. You'd be able to see it if the food cart lady puts her booger in it.

The woman behind us began feeding her toddler some kind of noodle porridge. Blech!!

G- Look at those round boats!!!

P- How can those people paddle them without going in circles?

G- I remember seeing them on Amazing Race!!!! Do you remember them?

P- You know I'm not going to remember them.

G- Remember that young boy with the big, blondish, afro looking hair? He was racing with his girlfriend who was a total high maintenance bitch. She whined and bitched at him constantly and we wanted him to kill her, but he just quietly plodded along and ended up winning the race. One of the challenges was for them to row that round boat across the water to pick up the next clue, or something like that. I distinctly remember those round boats. I wonder if they were right here for that challenge. Remind me to Google it.

P- I vaguely remember the couple, but I can't remember those boats or the challenge.

We tried to focus on the beautiful scenery and not the horrible, cat screeching sounds coming from the TV. The train passed through tunnel after tunnel, with each exit offering a new gift of beautiful mountains, beaches, rocky cliffs, or the sea.  At lunchtime the food cart came by again and we bought white rice, with a scoop of vegetables, and 4 chicken skewers. It was pretty good for train food. The older lady sitting next to us smiled and seemed pleased that we were eating the same thing as them, and eating it with chopsticks! We have become quite adept at eating with chopsticks.

P- When you go to the bathroom, look on the floor in the section where the 2 train cars connect.

G- Why? What's there?

P- 4 chickens, or roosters, I'm not sure, in 2 baskets.

G- Well, people at home travel with their dogs. I guess when you travel in Vietnam your foul can travel with you.

After she finished lunch, the older lady began talking to the man in front of her. Sometimes she'd just lean back in her chair and talk, sometimes she'd lean forward and talk through the chair and sometimes she'd squeeze her face between the chairs and talk. Every once in a while he'd respond, but most of the time he just sat there with his eyes closed.

P- That woman has not come up for a breath in hours.

G- At first I thought he didn't know her, but now I think he may be her husband.

P- The poor bastard!

G- She's Gladys Kravitz and he's poor Abner.

P- What could she be talking about for so long without a break?

G- I don't know, but it seems he's accustomed to the assault.

After lunch the Dutch man and the little girl walked by. On their way back he sat, with his daughter on his lap, in the empty seat, next to the older lady, and chatted with us. While we talked, the older lady stared at the little girl's blonde hair. She was a toe head. I guess when she hit the point when she could no longer restrain herself, she reached around and began grabbing the little girl's hair; not pulling it, exactly, but definitely rougher than one would expect. The little girl whimpered and pulled away, and the father slapped the older woman's hand and told her NO.

Dutch man – We have this problem often. Many people grab her hair.

P- Well I'm having the problem of women grabbing my breasts.

Dutch man – What? Really!?

P- Yes.

Dutch man – (Mouth gaped open and speechless.)

The train ride was about 8.5 hours to DaNang, the town, with the train station, about 30 kilometers from Hoi An. After an ordeal exiting the train – the people getting on the train won't wait long enough to let you off, so you have to fight your way off the train, while they block your path. It's insane, but apparently common practice, and the railroad employees make no effort to make them wait for you to disembark before allowing them on. Crazy! We exited the station and debated the best way to get to Hoi An while 10 taxi drivers yapped in our ears, and squabbled with each other. The motorcycles were going to be 100,000 Dong each, and the taxi driver said he could take us, on the meter, for about 300,000 Dong.

G- Damn it to hell! Look at that meter. There is no way we're getting to Hoi An for 300,000 Dong.

P- Lied to again. Surprise, surprise.

G- We should have taken the motorcycles. We learned that lesson already. Why did we let our guards down?

P- Because we're stupid and sometimes we forget.

G- Damn!!!

By the time the taxi dropped us off at the address we had provided, it cost us $20.00, an enormous sum for a taxi ride in Asia, on a backpackers budget. We were very angry with ourselves and we didn't even stay at the hotel because it was too expensive. We set off on foot and after stopping for directions 2 times, finally located a street lined with hotels. Phyl checked them out while I sat with the bags. We finally settled on a room, for $15.00 per night, which was small, but had everything we needed.

It was late in the afternoon, so we went in search of a snack and cold beer. Travel days are exhausting even when most of the day is spent sitting on a bus or train. Fortunately, we found a great little restaurant, with free wifi, called White Sail, just around the corner from our hotel. Jackpot!!

I Am NOT a Circus Freak!!!

We hung around the hotel until just before lunch when we set out in search of food and train tickets. On our way to the train station, we stopped at a Chinese restaurant. We ordered beer which was brought to us at room temperature, accompanied by 2 mugs containing a large chunk of ice.


G- Damn! We forgot to say we wanted cold beer.

P- I always forget that because it only seems normal to me that I'd want my beer to be COLD!

G- Dorothy, you're not in Kansas.

While we waited for our food, we cracked ourselves up reading the menu: (written exactly as read)

club vegetable fry with seafood
momordica charantia fry with egg
a sort of sour soup with snake head
crab soup with basella alba

momodica charantia soup with meat
tomatose soup with beef
snake head soup with ferment
sour vegetable soup with rib
dracantomelon soup with rib
soya-bean curd in banana and medium-size edible snail sauce
braised duck with citronella
boiled pig's trotters
roast fat & lean of pork
sweet & sour squid wallow in the flour
sulfurization squid with ginger
steamed glutinous rice in earthenware
rice earthenware smash and throw

Lunch was good, although nothing came out as we expected. My pork dish had been slow cooked and was almost as good as Phyl's roasted pork. She had a sweet & sour pork that she enjoyed and we shared sauteed eggplant. We contemplated eating the citronella duck to keep the mosquitoes away, but decided against it.

After lunch we went to the train station to purchase a ticket to Hoi An. We stood inline behind a lady and a girl who seemed to be purchasing several tickets. They were spending a long time talking to the ticket agent, and the man in line behind us was becoming impatient. He walked around me, stood next to the woman, and pressed money against the glass. The ticket agent was ignoring him, as was the older lady, but he did not move. One need not be in Asia for long to learn that Asians do not like to wait in line and think nothing of cutting. I am not fond of the practice and it makes Phyl insane.

G- (talking quietly to Phyl) We are not letting this Mofo cut in front of us! Stand very close to me and if the woman exits my way and cuts me off, you move in and tell the ticket agent what we want. If the lady moves to the right, I'll move in.

P- No problem. Just make sure we don't let that jerk cut in front of us.

G- Don't you worry sista. It ain't gonna happen. I'm drawing the line today.

Guy behind us – (late 20's/early 30's, looked Vietnamese) Just tell him something. Don't let him cut in front of you.

G- (turned around in surprise) We've told so many people, but for one, they don't understand what we're saying, although I have no doubt they get the gist of it, and I don't think they care.

Guy behind us – Keep telling them that it's not ok to cut in front of you. They need to be educated!

He then started fussing at the cutter, in Vietnamese. The cutter looked very surprised, ticket lady looked surprised, and the older lady buying the tickets looked surprised. Then the ticket agent said something to the cutter, who said something back to our hero. I looked at the ticket and pointed to the girl next to the older lady, then to us, then to the cutter. Our hero reiterated that the girl was next, then us, then the cutter. Finally, the cutter looked dejected, although he never moved from his position at the window. When the older lady finished, I indicated for the girl to step up to the window. After she was finished we stepped up.

G- (to the Guy behind us) Thank you very much. We are so tired of having people cut in front of us.

Guy – It's terrible that they behave this way. I don't know why they think it is ok. You keep complaining to them.

G- We will. Thanks again.

Guy- No problem.

We walked away very pleased with the way that situation had turned out without us having to come to blows with the cutter. Although I was fully prepared to pull my elbow throwing techniques, learned playing high school basketball, out of mothballs. We headed back toward the beach, stopping at a grocery for toothpaste, toilet paper, deodorant, and snacks for tomorrow's train ride.

It was a cool and very windy day, and virtually no one was on the beach. After a while we passed a woman, holding a baby of about 8 months old, standing next to a man who was presumably her husband. She began to talk to us (in Vietnamese) and held up her baby's hand to waive at us. We stopped and smiled and told the baby hello. Before we knew it, she had her hand over the baby's hand and was patting Phyl's breasts.

P- (jumping back and grabbing the woman's arm) NO! You are not permitted to touch my boobs.

G- (frowning at the woman) What the hell?!

The woman continued to reach out, still trying to cop a feel, and just laughed and said something to her husband, who looked embarrassed and unsure of what to do.

P- What the hell is wrong with you?

The woman continued to smile as we walked off, Phyl with her hands up protecting her boobs.

P- WTF?! What is wrong with these people? They have 0 boundaries!

G- I don't know, baby. I realize that they have never seen breasts as large as yours, but I cannot, for the life of me, imagine why she thought it would be ok to touch you.

P- I am not a circus freak!!!

G- I know, muffin. You want me to punch the shit out of the next woman who tries to touch you?

P- No. I don't want you to end up in an Asian jail.

G- Now that we know they'll go so far as to touch you, we'll be on guard. It just never occurred to me that we had to watch out for that. I was watching for pick pockets, not boob grabbin women.

P- That's the other weird thing. At home it's men who leer at my boobs. Here, the men don't leer, the women do. And I'm wearing a shirt that comes up to my neck. It's not like I have cleavage showing to entice them. I'll never understand this.

G- I'll be ready for it if it happens again, and I'll open a can of whip-ass on that bitch!!!

We then headed, with purpose, to an Indian restaurant we had seen advertising cheap beer. We had a few beers, ate dinner, and watched tourists walk by.

P- How's the bathroom.

G- It's fine, the usual bathroom, but I had to wait for someone to finish taking a shower, so the whole room was wet.

P- I hate that!

G- Me too. This dude must have gone crazy because water is even dripping from the ceiling.

P- I'd stay dirty before I bathe in a restaurant bathroom.

G- Well, when that's the only bathroom in your house, and it's all you know, you'd bathe in it.

P- I guess so, but it still grosses me out.

We were back in our room early, repacking our bags and preparing for the morning. Our train was scheduled to depart at 5:30 AM.!!

The Barf Bus

Thankfully, the tour that had kept us up the night before had left the hotel and we had a peaceful night sleep. We were packed and in the lobby by 8:00 AM, and Phyl ate a breakfast of yogurt and strawberries. I bought a baguette and 2 pieces of spreadable cheese. Several motorcycle drivers were in the lobby trying to drum up business and tourists came down for breakfast. If they spotted someone walking past the hotel, they would take turns jumping up and running out the door to yell at them.

Men – Hello!

Tourists – (Ignoring them.)

Men – H-E-L-L-O!!! Motorcycle tour?

Tourists – No, thank you.

Men – All day. Beautiful!!

Tourists – No.

Man – (sees Phyl's fleur de lis pin on her day pack) You give to me for souvenir?

P- No. A friend gave it to me as a gift.

Man – You want motorcycle tour?

G- We did a tour yesterday. Your friend there should remember us, he refused to give us directions.

Man – You want different tour today?

P- No, today we leave.

Laila came downstairs for breakfast and we chatted with her for a little while.

P- (to Gina) You see those 2 women over there? I wish they wouldn't do that in here while I'm trying to eat breakfast.

G- They're always plucking each others gray hairs. I think it's their favorite hobby.

P- It's one thing when they're sitting along the street, but it's disgusting to pick in a restaurant and put the picked hairs on the table. Someone will eat there later. That is just so nasty!

G- Blech! Stop looking at them.

The van came at 8:30 and we went around picking up several more people before being dropped off at the bus station. The driver went inside and got a ticket for everyone. We were very pleasantly surprised to see our bus which was new and very clean. There was a garbage can on the floor next to my seat, which was the last before the long row across the back. A Buddhist Monk got on and sat behind me, just over my right shoulder.

P- That's a good sign. Maybe he'll keep us safe.

G- Are you still worried about plunging over a cliff?

P- Yes. I hate buses!

G- I love this bus. It's so clean and I like the free bottle of water and the little garbage bags in the seat pocket.

P- It is very nice, I just hope the bus driver doesn't drive like a lunatic.

I took a motion sickness pill because I knew it was going to be a winding ride through the mountains and because of what the girl from Singapore told us yesterday about all the people puking on her bus.

We went in the opposite direction from yesterday's tour, into a pine forest. At times some of the forest had been cleared and asparagus & strawberries were growing. The road climbed and wound around the mountains. It was very beautiful!

G- You smell that?

P- It smells minty. What is it?

G- I'm not sure what it is, but I think they're pumping it in to prevent motion sickness.

P- I hope it works because if someone pukes and I have to smell it, it might make me puke. You feeling ok?

G- I'm fine. I took a pill.

An hour after leaving Da Lat, a boy around 8 years old puked on himself in the front of the bus. In the aisle, his mom helped him change his clothes while his dad cleaned up the area. The bus attendant, a guy in his early 20's, had a garbage can and was helping clean up the floor. He brought the dad a handful of the small garbage bags.

G- I see now that they're not garbage bags, they're puke bags. Poor guy. Makes me think of Bryce.

P- Hasn't Bryce puked several times on car trips.

G- Yes. I wonder if Todd & Alexis are giving him motion sickness pills yet.

P- I sure wouldn't want the bus attendant's job. It would suck to clean up people's puke everyday.

G- True dat!

Fifteen minutes later a girl in her early 20's barfed into one of the bags. It was much less of a production, and she was as discrete as possible, but there is no mistaking that sound on a closed bus. We were 1.5 hours into our trip and and the road was really snaking back and forth. We were climbing, so the driver couldn't speed if he wanted to. Somewhere in the front of the bus we could hear 2 more people barfing.



P- You still feel ok?

G- I'm fine. You ok?

P- I'm fine too, but you'd better watch your bag because the lady across the aisle from you looks like she's gonna hurl.

G- Great!

I picked up my day pack and put it on my lap. I pulled some of my barf bags out of my seat pocket and offered them to her. She waived me off, but continued to hold her head.

G- Hopefully she just has a headache.

P- I hope so, because if she pukes this close to me, I'm gonna lose it.

G- Please don't get it on me. Hold a bag.

P- And I hate to tell you this, but your guardian Monk is green.

A few minutes later we crested the top of the mountain and began our decent. Phyl went into panic mode because now the bus driver could go fast, and he was taking advantage of his new found speed.

The girl next to 'headache woman' had the grip of death on the seat in front of her and craned her neck to see out of the front window. She looked more panicked than Phyl who told me every 2 minutes that the bus driver was an asshole for driving so fast on these turns and she wished he would slow down. Thankfully, or not, the decent didn't take long, although the views were breathtaking, and we stopped at a “restaurant”.

After using the bathroom, we sat watching people eating their white rice and vegetables. A dog wandered into the restaurant looking for scraps. A few chickens soon followed him, and they squabbled over a few crumbs.

P- Look! 3 little black pigs.

G- Damn! My camera is always packed away when something like this happens.

P- They are moving much faster than I would have expected.

G- Maybe they're being chased by the big bad wolf.

P- You stupid!

Back on the bus, we drove through a few towns before we started seeing shop awnings that gave a Nha Trang address. Just over 4 hours after we began, we pulled into the Nha Trang bus station. While I got the bags from under the bus, Phyl negotiated with 2 motorcycle guys. When the deal was made, we were back on motorcycles headed to a hotel. We didn't have a reservation, but had learned to research the area where many hotels were located and get a ride to that area so we could then walk around and look at our options. We were successful at our first stop, a room with a large bed, mini fridge, wifi, and a nice bathroom, with a tub, for $10.00. Yay!

Starving, we went in search of lunch. We were ecstatic when we found a restaurant, albeit an expensive one, on the beach offering a plate of hummus, pita bread, olives, and 3 nuggets of cheese. After savoring every bite, we walked along the beach. Nha Trang is a big beach destination and has a very long stretch of parks, with walking paths, separating the beach from the road.

P- The beach here is just ok, not as nice as Otres Beach, and the waves are much rougher.

G- Yes, that's what I had heard. The water was rough, but a beautiful color and the islands create a gorgeous view.

P- Let's sit at a cafe and have a beer.

We spent the remainder of the afternoon at the cafe on the beach, then had a very yummy dinner at a roof top restaurant. Like in Can Tho, a grill and hot charcoal pot was brought to our table, and we grilled crocodile meat, fish & vegetables. We really enjoyed it, and had a pleasant conversation with 3 young Canadians (a fireman & 2 nurses on a month long trip).

P- This may be the most touristy place we've been so far in Vietnam.

G- I think so too. It's nice, but I'd be disappointed if this was our 'beach' destination.

P- Me too, but we're spoiled. I still think the Caribbean beaches are the most beautiful in the world.

G- Agreed.