Scenes from Singapore

Can someone tell us how plastic fruit conveys Season's Greetings? 

This could go one of two ways...............either Phyllis takes the bull by the horns, or Phyllis the controller of the bullshit!!!  I'm thinking the latter.

We were NEVER tempted to eat a this restaurant!!!!

Just in case you were contemplating pushing someone onto the metro tracks....... 

Disco balls decorating the huge Christmas tree on Orchard Road.  Gotta love it!!

How long will I have to sit here before I turn to bronze?

Surely you must speak one of these languages. 

We would give our left arms for an avocado & tomato salad!!!

A little idea of what to do with those old CDs. (Homos, it seems this city is calling to you!)

The concert halls on the marina looked like giant porcupines.

Symphony, and Popeye's, in the Park

G- I'm glad I set the alarm today because it's so dark in this room we would never wake up. Did you hear the housekeeping cart all night long?

P- No, I didn't hear it.

G- The hookers must have been busy last night. Why else would housekeeping be cleaning all during the night.  Really, I'm not joking, have you ever been in a hotel where housekeeping worked all throughout the night?

P- Now that you mention it, I can't say that I have, but I don't care what they do, as long as they don't wake me up or leave behind any bed bugs or STD's that make their way to my room.

We left the hotel and picked up breakfast at the 7/11. Breakfast was a peanut butter stuffed, green waffle and some chocolate milk we shared, as we continued our walk to the metro terminal.

G- Check out what that chicks wearing. Looks like she's still working this morning.  Shouldn't she have to wait until after 12:00 PM?  You know, in the same way that you have to wait until after 12:00 to buy liquor, on Sunday, in Texas & Florida; to ensure that you're going to church and not drinking.  HA!

P- Well Agnes, I know that's not her Sunday go to church clothes, so she must still be wearing that get up from last night.  And, anyone with half a brain who wants to drink on Sunday morning, but is unfortunately enough to live in Texas, can buy their liquor the night before.

G- Or last night was slow and she's hoping to pick up a Sunday morning trick. HA! Look at the sign across the street............. Holi Department Store. That doesn't look like any department store I've ever seen.

P- Hysterical! Maybe we should do some Christmas shopping there?

Our bellies full from our milk and waffle, we got on the subway and headed to Orchid Road, the major shopping street in Singapore. It makes Rodeo Drive look quaint and is more on the order of Madison Ave in NY. The malls, lining both sides of the street, are enormous and absolutely packed with people. We walked around, amazed, for a while, then headed to the Singapore Botanic Gardens. We were told, by a tall man, that it was a 15-20 minute walk. Unfortunately, it turned out to be about an hour, was exceptionally hot, and our feet were killing us. By the time we arrived at the Gardens, we were hungry and dehydrated.

G- I swear I feel like I'm about to faint.

P- Me too and I'm starving.

G- Let's walk through the garden, try to enjoy it without fainting, toward the concession area.

P- Sounds like a plan. Then we'll have to sit for a while because my knee and my feet are hurting so bad, I might fall down.

Our food selection was extremely limited, so we settled on sharing a hot dog, which actually tasted more like meat than any hot dogs we've ever eaten, and each got a bottle of water. We sat under a tree, people watching, and rested.

G- Do you hear music?

P- No. What kind of music?

G- It sounds like a symphony is playing. It's coming from that direction; let's go see.

P- Whah! I'm not sure I'm ready to get up.

G- Come on. It can't be far and if there is no symphony playing, I'm sure we can find another bench. It is Sunday, so maybe they're having a concert.

We walked down the path just a short distance and came upon a large lawn in a small valley. At the far end was an amphitheater, surrounded by a pond that was filled with water lillies. On the stage was an orchestra made up of children, but they sounded fantastic.

G- Ok, this is fantastic! Let's sit here and enjoy the music and rest. What does that sign say?

P- It says there will be music from 4pm – 7pm. I'd be perfectly happy spending the afternoon here listening to music.

G- Me too, but I sure wish we had our wine and cheese.

P- Me too, but we can't have everything. Whah! Look at those women with the champagne. I want champagne! They look like girly girls. I think we can take them! Give up that champagne!!!!

G- Didn't you just tell me we can't have everything?

P- Yes. But I can still WANT it, can't I? That woman reminds me of Coco.

G- I was just thinking the same thing....I know that I'm not seeing a bag of Popeye's chicken!!! Look at that group of boys in front of us with the Popeye's bag.

We sat on the hill overlooking the valley and the theater for 3 hours and enjoyed the music and watching all of the people enjoy their Sunday afternoon in the park. We enjoyed it very much and it was a bit of normalcy for us because this is exactly the kind of thing we enjoy doing at home.

After the concert we were rejuevenated and walked to a bus stop and took a bus back to the malls. We should have taken the damn bus to the garden, but we thought we'd enjoy the walk. It should be said that Singapore has the most incredible transportation system. It is extensive, extremely user friendly, and a fraction of the cost of the BART in San Francisco. We loved that Singapore was so clean. Gum is not for sale and I guess you face stiff penalties, and perhaps caning, if you litter. It seems to be an effective deterent system.

Back in our little, not quite as clean as the rest of Singapore, red light district, we stopped for dinner at an Indian restaurant. Restaurant may be too loose a term............it was a narrow place with some very delapidated tables and chairs, and looks like it has not been refurbished, in any way, since 1963.

G- Well, this place sure does look a little scary, but the food looks good and so do the prices.

P- Yeah, and look in the case, they have mashed potatoes and eggplant. Let's just get several things and share it.

G- Should we eat off of these forks or pull out our own?

P- I think we should use our own. I'm going next door to 7/11 to get a diet coke with ice. You want one?

G- Yes. I'll wait here for the food. If you find any napkins at 7/11, bring some back because I'm not seeing a napkin in this place.

P- Here's your coke. No napkins in 7/11.

G- Go wash your hands in that sink over there. They even have soap, but nothing to dry your hands on.

Don't touch anything on your way back, especially not the chairs you have to walk through. And check out that guy eating his food with his hands.

P- Do you see that those guys are filling up those plastic cups with water, drinking it with their food, then putting the cups back on the sink? They're not getting washed.

G- Blech!!!! See that guy? He got his food, wrapped in paper, with wax on one side. He had rice in one and what looks like a curry chicken in the other. I know a lot of people eat with their hands, but isn't it done with a little more dignity and maybe a piece of naan to help with the scooping?

P- That guy is just a pig! He has mixed everything up and is literally shoveling the food in with his whole hand like a starved animal!

G- Well, I don't know why we were lucky enough to be given plates and bowl, but I'm sure glad we gave off the impression that we like eating on cookware! This food is incredibly good!!!

P- Did you taste the potatoes yet? They're good, but so spicy! I think they have red pepper flakes in them. The food may be great, but watching that guy is making me sick.

G- I hear ya! Sophie (our dainty little Pomeranian, may she rest in peace) employed more ettiquette when she ate the neighbor's cat's shit! Try not to look at him.

P- Glad we have our own sporks. That was a good call.

We spent our last night in hooker hotel, but it was pretty quiet. I guess Sunday is a slow night.

Singaporing In The Rain

Phyl got up to go to the bathroom, and the room was still dark.

G- What time is it? Is it 10 AM yet? I don't want to sleep the day away.

P- Holy shit! It's 10 after 11:00!!! Half the day is gone!

G- Well, we didn't go to sleep until 4:00 AM. Let's hurry up and go see Singapore.

We were up and out of the room in 30 minutes. It doesn't take long to get ready when you've showered the night before, have only a couple shirts to chose from, have virtually no hair and aren't wearing make up. It was Saturday morning and the hookers were done but the area was bustling. We got directions to the metro about 5-6 blocks away and enjoyed our walk past sidewalk markets selling fruit, veggies, cooked meats and fish on ice. We purchased a metro pass that allowed us to get on and off the metro and buses as much as we wanted, needing only to add more money when it ran low. After a few minutes figuring out which train to take, we headed to Harbor Bay, thinking it would be like the River Walk along the bay. This turned out to be an error as it was a mall, ferry & cruise ship terminal. From the terminal, we did see Sentosa Island, a Universal Theme Park, just south of Singapore. After asking a man in the mall, we were directed to Marina Bay, our intended destination.

G- I'm starving! Before we leave here, we should eat something.

P- What do you want?

G- I see a McDonald's. Are you ready to cave in and eat a burger?

P- Yes, I am. With a very cold diet coke, full of ice.

G- Let's do it.

After lunch we took the metro to the City Hall Mall, exited and walked past City Hall, St. Andrew Church, and along the river. The sky was turning black and the wind was blowing. It felt fantastic, but did not bode well for walking around the city. We kept moving, but stayed close to buildings that we could duck into. Finally, as we waited to cross a major intersection, the sky opened up. We ran to a restaurant, along the marina, and waited with many other drenched tourists. Fortunately, the view was the Marina Bay Hotel, consisting of 3 glass towers with a platform across their tops. The platform connected the 3 towers, supported a restaurant and viewing area and looked like a ship. In the marina, in front of the hotel, hundreds of white balls floated on the churning waters. The whole scene was quite impressive and from what we heard, you'd have to sell a kidney to spend even one night in the hotel. The hotel was connected to the land via a really cool bridge, called the helix, but we were unable to walk across it due to the bad weather.

Once the rain stopped, we walked along the marina to the fountain statues that represent Singapore. We passed the concert halls called Theaters On The Bay that looked like big porcupines....

G- OMG! Look at that sign! It's advertising The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

P- I never saw that.

G- I cannot believe that you never saw it. I went several times to Sena Mall on Veterans for the midnight show. It was fun. More fun if you were drunk, of course. If we were going to be here, I'd say we should see the show. But I doubt it would be as fun. Plus, I'm scared to ruin my fond memories by seeing it now and thinking it's stupid.  But watching a large group of Asians doing the time warp would be hysterical!!!!

P- Yeah. I have the feeling that's what would happen.

We moved along past a WWII Memorial and the Singapore Rotary Club where we could hear a chorus singing Christmas songs. We sat and listened to the singing for a while and discussed where we'd be for Christmas this year.

It had been a long afternoon and we had walked several miles, so we returned to the City Hall Mall and sat in Starbucks drinking Mocha Frappuccinos and playing on line. We walked around the mall, amazed at it's size and the number of very expensive designer stores. Having had enough for one day, we returned to the hotel.

G- Ok, the girl at the front desk says that there is a coin operated laundromat just 2 blocks away. I'm excited at the notion of having my clothes cleaned in a machine and not in the hotel sink with dandruff shampoo.

P- Me too. Let's go do that. Bring everything.

We divided our meager clothes into 2 batches and washed. A guy slept on the bench next to us. Phyl took off her bra so it could be washed. Only afterward did we notice the camera. Hopefully it doesn't actually film anything! After folding our freshly cleaned clothes, we stopped at The Lavender Frog Porridge & BBQ Seafood Zighar  to pick up dinner.

G- You want to try one of the frog leg pots?

P- I don't think so. Frog legs taste like chicken and I've already eaten enough chicken.

G- Ok, how about fried rice and the scallop stir fry? The guy told me he could package it to go. I really want to go back to the hotel and eat in the air con.

P- That sounds like a good idea. Uh oh!

G- What's wrong?

P- I need a bathroom immediately!! My stomach just flipped over.

G- I saw a sign for one around back. Here, take pinky and the toilet paper.

I ordered the food and waited for Phyl. She returned with a look of relief on her face.

G- How was it?

P- Not bad. It was a western toilet and very clean, but thank gawd you keep toilet paper in the bag with pinky.

We ate our dinner, the best fried rice we have had since being in Asia and ironically, it is like the fried rice we get in Chinese restaurants at home. Then we showered........

P- You may want to wait a little while before taking your shower because I just took a cold shower.

G- What?  Why was the water cold?

P- I don't know, but it wasn't so terrible for me, but I know you could never stand it. 

I waited for about 15 minutes, then turned on the water and it was still cold.

G- What the hell?  I cannot take a shower with cold water!!!

P-  I'll call the front desk and see if there is some problem..................................  Well, you know that button next to the red light on the control panel?

G- The one we thought controlled the TV's electricity?

P- That one.  It appears that it controls the hot water heater.  The guy said to turn it on and wait about 10 minutes and we'll have hot water.

G- Should we have known that?  You think that they would have told us when we checked in.  I've never seen such a thing before.

P- Me neither, and I wish I had called before I took a cold shower!!!

After my hot shower, we went to bed. It seems like feast or famine, because we cannot sleep without the air con, but we have been unable to control the temperature and it was freezing in our room. I awoke several times during the night and always heard the housekeeping cart in the hallway.

We'll Leave The RED Light On

We arrived in Singapore's Changi Airport at 2:30 AM and felt right at home since we had spent 19 ½ hours there just 30 days before. We were exhausted, but not nearly as miserable as the poor screaming toddler next to us as we waited for our bags. She wailed in that miserable way that only sleep deprived children can.


P- Is that man traveling by himself with that toddler?

G- That appears to be the case. Poor little thing. She looks so damn miserable. (We smiled at the man and he gave a weary smile back.)

P- (to the little girl in a very soothing tone) Shhhhhh. It's gonna be ok.

The little girl stopped crying, but continued to do that gasping head jerk that kids do when they try to stop crying. She stared at us.

G- It's gonna be ok sweetheart (soothing tone). You'll be put to bed soon.

She calmed down, put her finger in her mouth and her head on her dad's shoulder. We helped him put his luggage on a cart and watched as he walked away.

G- He may be a great dad, but he wasn't whispering the soothing words to her. Once we did, she shut up.

P- Poor guy! She's cute, but I'm glad she's going home with him.

We found our bag, withdrew money from the ATM which was no small task since we had not bothered to determine the exchange rate and had no idea how much money we were getting, and hauled our packs to the cab stand. Fortunately there is no traffic at 3:00 AM and it only took 20-30 minutes to get to our hotel, Hotel 81 Palace in the Geylang area of Singapore.

P- (as we turned the corner) I read on line that the hotel is in the red light district.

G- Well that would explain the hookers lined up down the sidewalk.

P- It is Friday night. I'm sure that's a big work night for hookers.

G- Yep. I couldn't care less. I just want to go to sleep.

As we checked into the hotel, a John and his 'lady of the evening' were also checking in. I raised an eyebrow at Phyllis.

P- (she whispered) It's Asian David Vitter and his hooker. They're probably just going upstairs to talk. Maybe his wife doesn’t understand him either.

G- Bwahahahahahahah!!!!

We were told that they didn't have a room on a higher floor, but that we could move up tomorrow. We were given a room on the 2nd floor at the end of the hallway. The room was tiny, but pretty clean. I checked the mattress and baseboards for bed bugs, or any other bugs, and Phyl went to take a shower. The bathroom had a pedestal sink and toilet on the same wall and a shower head came out of the perpendicular wall in front of the sink. There was no shower curtain, just a drain in the middle of the floor. That explained why the toilet paper was mounted very high up on the wall above the toilet. At least the water was hot!

By 4 AM we were in bed and falling asleep. We could still hear the cleaning cart rolling down the hallway. This seemed curious, but my delirious brain could not make sense of it.