Motorcycle Mommas

Victoria & Tom had told us about their motorcycle trip from Mui Ne to Da Lat and considered it a must do. We emailed their Easy Rider driver, but he never responded, and we were headed south to north and most of the tours run north to south. We discussed having Easy Riders take us from Saigon to Da Lat, and the guy at our hotel checked into it, but it was far too expensive. As an alternative, we hired 2 guys on Honda Motorcycles, instead of Harley Davidsons, to drive us to Da Lat, and take us sightseeing around Da Lat the following day. We were told that it would be a 5-6 hour ride and we knew the area around Da Lat would be very beautiful as it is set in a pine forest in the mountains.


Our drivers were waiting in the lobby when we came down at 10:00 AM. My guy's name was Dae, which sounded too much like DIE, and Phyllis' was named Jung. They were supposed to have a rack of some sort to which we'd attach our backs, but as is the Asian way, nothing is done as we anticipate and they consider it no big deal. Everything is OK and Same Same, when really it's not the Same Same at all. Each of our drivers put our pack between the handle bars and seat and held it between his legs. Phyl and I wore our day packs. We put on our baseball hats so they would hold our helmets still and shield our eyes from the sun.

We squeezed down the alley, almost running over a beer delivery guy, and hit the road. Phyl & I were very excited as we had really enjoyed our motorcycle time in Chiang Mai & had been enjoying using them as taxis since we had been in Vietnam. Getting out of the city took longer than we expected, and the traffic, vehicle fumes and dust were killing us. Also, with all of the starting and stopping, we were becoming much more familiar with Dae and Jung than we had hoped. At least padding separated Jung from Phyllis, poor Dae was being gored by my collarbone each time he hit his brakes just a little too forcefully.

After 2 hours, we stopped at a roadside snack shop. I purchased 4 bottles of green tea and Phyl went inside to use the bathroom. Dae, Jung & I sat smiling at each other.

Jung – War. I fight. Thank America.

G- Good. Thank you for saying that.

Jung – (smiles)

Dae – (smiles)

G- (thinking ….....) Dae cannot be older than me. How did his teeth get so brown in less than 40 years? He does smoke and drink coffee & tea. Hmmmm. It's a shame that white rice doesn't bleach teeth, or Asians would have the whitest teeth on the planet.

P- Well that was interesting.

G- How was the bathroom?

P- I had to wait for someone to finish taking their shower, so I stood in their living room exchanging smiles with the grandma.

G- Is she the lady who was sitting in the doorway when we pulled up?

P- Yes. At first I couldn't tell if she was fussing at me, but I decided she must have been talking to the kid in the shower.

G- Please tell me you didn't have to take your shoes off.

P- Hell no I wasn't taking my shoes off. I'd have pissed myself first.

The bathroom, for the home, was a concrete room with a squat toilet in one corner and a shower head attached to plastic pipes running up the wall. Just outside the door were stairs leading to a bedroom.

When I exited the house, I stood next to the table. Dae & Jung kept trying to get me to sit and I kept rubbing my butt to indicate that my ass needs a break.

G- I'm scared to say this out loud, but we've only been driving for 2 hours and already my lower back and butt hurt. My knees too.

P- I wasn't going to tell you, but I feel the same way.

G- OMG. We'll be ok for 3-4 more hours. You think we should buy one of these masks? The dust is terrible.

P- Give me the blue & yellow plaid one.

We tried on all the masks that she had, but all of the ones we wanted were too small. She tried to get us to buy the large ones that cover up to your eyes and over your ears. We declined as they seemed entirely too hot. Back on the motorcycles, we drove for 2 more hours then stopped for lunch.

G- We should be getting close. We've been riding for 4 hours now and the road is starting to climb.

P- I can't believe the number of Catholic churches we passed on that road. How can there be enough people in this area to support that many churches?

G- I don't know. They're like the little white churches in Vermont; one every 2 blocks. What are we eating here?

P- Hell if I know, but one thing I'm sure of is that it'll include white rice.

G- No doubt!

Jung & Dae ordered food and even though we insisted that we did not want the soup, it was brought to us anyway and went uneaten because it looked very scary and we were gun shy after the Na Tien blood soup experience.

P- You see this, I think this is some kind of valve.

G- What kind of valve?

P- I don't know, but it has a tube in it.

G- Please stop showing it to me. You're making me sick and I'm trying to enjoy my white rice.

Jung & Dae slurped up the soup. I mean that literally. We handed them our bowls and they fished the valves out. Apparently valves are a delicacy not to be wasted. We ate 2 tasty pieces of grilled pork each, some greens, probably bok choy, and, of course, white rice. While Phyl was in these peoples' bathroom, I was told the amount of the bill.

P- You paid?

G- Yes, and it seemed like much more than it should have been. I will never understand why our drivers always assume we are supposed to buy them lunch.

P- I hate that! Didn't we pay for the tour. It's one thing if we have to buy our own lunch, but it seems that we always get stuck buying theirs too.

G- It is so damn annoying! But that's not the part that really has me pissed off. I'm pretty sure I just witnessed a Nola style kickback. I gave her the money and a few minutes later I saw her slyly had Jung money back.

P- WTF?

G- Yeah, well, it appears that the gas that was supposed to be included is also being paid by us via lunch kickbacks.

P- I am so tired of this happening. How can we avoid this?

G- We can stop eating. OMG! My butt is begging me not to get back on that motorcycle.

P- My knees are really killing me now.

It was slow going as we climbed mountains, but the scenery was beautiful. We passed strawberry and coffee farms. The style of the houses changed and the area looked more affluent. 2.5 hours had passed and we were still not to Da Lat. It was 4:30 pm. At this point our knees, hips, backs and butts hurt like hell. We would lean forward, lean backwards, hold our legs out straight, and let them dangle off the pegs. Nothing helped for long.

A cop moved into the street and stopped Phyl & Jung.  Dae pulled over a little farther up the road.  After he made his donation to the cop, we went a little up the road and stopped again. Dae & Jung tried to get me to sit with them while Phyl went to the bathroom. For the love of God! I can't sit! I stood and tried to stretch as much as possible. I rubbed my ass unabashedly.

G- I gathered that Jung had to pay 200,000 Dong to get out of that one.  I think they said he was speeding.
Catch back is hell.

P - Maybe he's just being punished for the shit he did at lunch.

G- Kharma baby!  How's the bathroom?

P- That bathroom was a true outhouse, but much nicer than the last 2 that were inside the house. The floor was tiled and it was very clean. There's a big dog in the yard, but he's old.

Dae accompanied me to the bathroom to protect me from the dog, but he was more afraid of it than I. When we rounded the corner and the dog stood, arthritically, to bark at us, Dae jumped. The dog lumbered toward the street. I went into the bathroom and latched the rickety hook. Of course the woman's scourge is accompanying me to Da Lat; doesn't the bitch go everywhere with me now? Effin premenopause! I could see Dae waiting in the yard. I willed him to return to the front since I was taking so long, but he was still standing guard when I came out. He smiled a big, brown grin. My hero! Sweet guy.

Phyl and I stretched while Dae & Jung drank hot tea and smoked. After 20 minutes, Jung showed me his watch …..........

Jung – Da Lat 2 hour.

P- Did he say 2 more hours?

G- Ugh! That's exactly what he said. Remind me again why we wanted to ride motorcycles to Da Lat.

P- It wasn't supposed to take this long.

7:00 pm came and went. It got dark and cold. We pulled over so that Phyl & I could get our jackets. Thank Gawd we had worn long pants! I pulled a pair of socks out of my backpack and put them on with my sandals. Screw it!

P- You're gonna wear socks with sandals?

G- Yes. I don't care if I look like a dork. My feet are freezing.

P- You swore you'd never do that. You hate socks with sandals.

G- I was younger then. Now I don't give a shit. If asked, I'll just tell people I'm German.

At 9:00 pm, yes, you read correctly, at FREAKIN 9:00 PM we were driving on a very dark road on the side of a mountain. I could see lights in the distance. Motha Roo! Phyl wanted to take motorcycles because buses scare her. I wonder if she's scared enough now because we're gonna be run over by a bus. Finally, at 9:30 pm we pulled into Da Lat. We drove in circles for about 10 minutes while Jung & Dae tried to find the hotel. Finally, we found the hotel and dragged our bags to the 2nd floor. We told Jung & Dae to meet us at 9:00 am for our Da Lat tour and we went downstairs to eat. Thankfully, there was a restaurant in the hotel.

We each ordered a potato soup which contained chunks of potato and vegetables and was very good. We each had a cold Saigon. The seat was very padded, but our butts screamed in agony!!!!