Second Lining on Ha Long Bay

We dropped our bag on our bed, and did a little happy jig around our luxury room, before checking out our balcony. We met our next door neighbors, a Vietnamese couple celebrating their 1 year anniversary, doing the same on their balcony. Back in the common area, we sat down for lunch at a long table. Introductions were made, and the 3 French Canadian women sat across from us. Our group consisted of the Vietnamese couple, the 3 Canadian women, 6 Japanese kids in their early 20's, a Korean boy in his early 20's, and us.


Over lunch we discussed the recent Japanese earthquake and tsunami and inquired about the Japanese kids' families. The Korean boy was studying in Japan, and the Vietnamese man owned a travel agency. The Canadian women lived in Quebec and did not speak a lot of English, but we got by and quickly learned that they were very funny. The boat sailed as we ate lunch and got better acquainted.

P- Look at our whole fried fish and look at the 2 eaten by the Asian people.

G- Holy crap! Theirs are just bones. That's funny. (We passed our fish down to the other end of the table where the remaining meat was promptly devoured.)



After lunch we went up to the top deck and watched, in awe, as we slid past limestone, Karst mountains jutting up from the bay. We were somewhat disappointed about the weather, but the fog gave a certain serenity to the area. The water was beautiful, but nothing prepared us for the shade of green around Bo Hon Island, the location of Sung Sot Cave, at the center of Ha Long Bay. We disembarked and began the climb up the steps to the cave's entrance. Phyllis complained in English and the Canadians complained in French. The Asians scampered up the steps as though walking across flat land. I focused on taking photos, my favorite pastime.

Sung Sot Cave means Cave of Surprises, so named by the French who "discovered" it after invading Vietnam.

P- Wow! This is incredible!

G- This room is cavernous. It may be the biggest one I've seen.

P- The only one I've seen before is the one we went to in Tennessee.

G- This one is definitely bigger, but I think the quality of the stalagmites and stalactites in that one was higher.

P- What's the tour guide saying?



G- He's pointing out formations and telling you what they look like.........turtle, bird, dragon, penis....

P- He said penis?

G- No, he just inferred it and smiled.

P- You know men, everything reminds them of a penis.

G- He's cute. I think he's shy.

P- Where are the Canadian women?

G- They went up ahead in that group with the French speaking tour guide.

The cave consisted of 3 chambers and we toured them in about an hour. We emerged from the cave at a much higher location than where we entered and the view of the bay was spectacular!! After picture taking, we climbed back down the many stairs and waited for a tender to pick us up and return us to our boat which was moored at a floating fish market and kayak staging area.

G- Do you want to kayak? I'm not so sure we should kayak together.

P- I am definitely not kayaking, but you can go. Why don't you want to kayak with me?

G- Hello! We can't get on a wave runner together without flipping it over and getting into an argument. I'm thinking that skinny little kayak will bring us the same joy and that water is too damn cold to flip over into.

P- We kayaked down the Colorado River together without flipping over. I'm sure you haven't forgotten that horrible 11 mile trip into the headwind.

G- No, I'll never forget that, but it was hot and we were wearing bathing suits. Whatever, I don't want to kayak anyway; we're only here for 30 minutes and that's too short of a time to go anywhere. Besides, I want to see what's going on at the floating fish market.

P- Look at the size of those fish in that netted area. I wonder what they are.

G- I don't know, but it looks like we might be eating one for dinner.

We watched as someone from our boat pointed at his selected fish. The market worker scooped it out with a large net and dropped it on the dock.

G- Are they gonna carry it back to the kitchen while it's alive?


P- Maybe they have a bucket of water. That's what they usually keep them in until they're ready to clean them.

G- Argh!!!!! They just clubbed it over the head.

P- Ugh!!! I didn't have to see that. Ick!!!

G- OMG! Couldn't they just cut its head off in one clean motion? Did they have to club it to death?

P- We seem to be the only people freaked out.

G- The Canadian women would be freaked out too, but they're napping.

P- Yes, please, take it away so I don't have to witness anymore of this. I'll be happy to eat it, but I don't want to watch you club it to death.


G- I watched my grandpa beat a catfish to death on his peer at his camp on Lake Catherine. It had sliced that fleshy part of his hand between the thumb and index finger. He cursed it like crazy as blood spurted out of his hand. Made quite an impression on me.

P- He should've rubbed the gook on its belly on the wound. It would have made it heal faster. That really works.

G- Look at the huge crabs in that area. I'd love to eat them tonight.

P- I think people on the really expensive cruises will be eating those.

G- That's ok, I can wait until we get home and eat some boiled blue lake crabs.

After the fish clubbing and the kayaking, we sailed to the bay where we would moor for the night. Phyl and I sat on our balcony drinking a bottle of Da Lat wine we had purchased in Hanoi.

P- I wish we could drink this with dinner.

G- Me too, but I'm not paying 3 times as much as the bottle cost for a corkage fee.

Besides, we're from Nola and we don't go anywhere without our wine and beer opener.

P- Always gotta have a way to get into our liquor.

We had a pretty good buzz when we sat down for dinner where we enjoyed a few San Miguels with our new Canadian friends. Dinner was exactly like lunch, but with the addition of french fries that were quickly devoured. The meal was good, so we had no complaints.

I think that it goes without saying that Asians LOVE karaoke and mere seconds after the table was cleared, the karaoke machine was pulled out. We were each given books of song choices, in our native tongues, and the quiet Vietnamese couple wasted no time in grabbing the microphone and singing the first few songs. Then the bartender sang a song or 2 before the Canadians sang 1 in French. We joined in for the parts we knew and the whole table was swaying back and forth to the French song. The kids were too shy to sing, and the Vietnamese couple grabbed the microphones again.

P- I've had enough of them!

G- They need to stop singing these damn love songs and pick something upbeat.

P- They're a buzz kill! Let's sing this Shania Twain song.

G- Groan, I don't want to sing. You sing.

P- Sing with me dammit or I'm gonna fall asleep. Let's go stand up by the TV and try to get these people to dance before we all fall asleep. It's only 8:30.

G- Ok. (to the Canadian women) Come on up here and dance. Let's get this party crankin!



Once the Canadians followed us to the dance area, everyone else got up and stood around as we sang "I feel like a woman". We had selected a second song, but instead of the song we selected, Michael Jackson's "Beat it!" came on and that was all she wrote. No one brings the world together like Michael! Just like Byonce brought 2 Americans, 2 Chinese boys, & a Dutchman together in Thailand, Michael, may he rest in peace, had everyone on our boat dancing. Once the dancing started, the karaoke stopped and they just kept playing dance music. The old ladies.............us and the 3 Canadians...........grabbed the Asian kids and danced with them like they've never been danced with before. They may never be the same.

We soon realized that our group had multiplied and looking around discovered that the guests and staff from the boat that was tied to us had come over to our boat and joined the party. At one point, 1 of the Canadian ladies was on the floor doing some kind of wiggle that threatened to herniate several of her discs. We had to help her up when she was done. We were all having a great time, but after an hour, the old girls began to tire.

P- I'm starting a second line!!! Go get your napkin and tell everyone to get theirs and follow me.

I grabbed napkins off the table and handed them out as I told each person to follow Phyllis and do what she does. Phyl danced around the table several times, napkin spinning over her head, until everyone had gotten in line and was swinging their napkins accordingly, then she lead the second line all around the boat. Everyone was having a great time.

At 10:00 PM we had to stop dancing and turn off the music. Apparently our boat was the only one hosting a wild party and the noise was piercing the silence of the usually tranquil Ha Long Bay. No one seemed too disappointed as it had been a long day and we were all tired. The interlopers returned to their boat and we all went to our cabins. Silence was restored.

Channeling Roseanne Roseannadanna

We awoke at 6:00 AM, drank a small cup of coffee, packed a bag, repacked our backpacks and souvenirs, and arrived in the lobby by 7:20 AM. Vera & Maddie were eating breakfast and although they were also leaving for Ha Long Bay, they were taking a different cruise, so we said goodbye, hoping that we would see them again upon our return to Hanoi and the New Century Hotel.


As we stood on the curb, in front of the hotel waiting for our bus, Nam stood with us assuring us that it would arrive shortly.

P- Nam, what's going on over there? It looks like a wedding.

Nam - Yes, they get married.

G- They are getting married at 7:30 in the morning?!?!?

Nam - Yes.

P- What time did she have to get up to get her hair and make up done and get into a wedding dress to be picked up at 7:30?

Nam - (Confused look because he has no idea why we're freaking out.)

P- The wedding will happen this morning?

Nam - Yes. Very soon.

P- Will there be a reception?

Nam - I don't know that word.

P- Will there be a party after the wedding with friends and family members?

Nam - Oh, yes. They will eat and have party.

G- They'll have a party at, what, 9:00 o'clock in the morning?

Nam - Yes.

G- Oh my gawd! Kill me.

Our bus arrived and we got on, but our conversation about the wedding continued.

P- They're all up at 5:30 - 6:00 AM anyway, might as well have the wedding this early.

G- How much fun can a reception at 9:00 AM be?

P- Well they don't really drink.

G- Hell, food and alcohol are the only reasons guests are willing to go to a wedding. What's the enticement when it takes place between 8:00 - 9:00 AM and there are no drinks?

P- Your people would be late, and grouchy, for every wedding.

G- We wouldn't be late. We wouldn't go at all. Get up and be at a wedding this early on a Saturday morning? No way in hell!! I would never have gotten married if it had to take place early on Saturday morning.

P - Maybe that would've been a good thing.

G- Hmmm. Maybe you're on to something. The divorce rate would plummet if less people got married.

We drove around the Old Quarter picking up passengers. As they climbed onto the bus, we tried to pick out the fun people. A group of Asian kids got aboard; we tried, but could not identify their countries of origin. Two couples who appeared to be Canadian or Australian got on, then 3 women, who looked like they could have fun potential, were picked up.

P- They look like they could be fun.

G- Yes, but I think they're speaking French.

P- If they're traveling in Asia they must speak some English.

G- Yes, but don't you agree that the French we meet tend to speak just enough English to get by?

P- That's true. We'll find someone to party with us, or we'll just party by ourselves.

G- Agreed.

After everyone had been picked up, the tour guide stood in the aisle, slightly in front of our seat, and gave us some information.

G- Why are you leaning on me?

P- Do you see that big booger in that dudes nose?

G- Yes, I saw it.

P- Well I'm worried that if he breathes just a little too hard it'll fly out and hit me. Also, his breath smells like ass!

G- That seems like a distinct possibility. Every time he looked at me I'd rub my hand across the bottom of my nose trying to send him a subliminal message to do the same, but so far, it hasn't worked.

P- Stop that! Are you crazy? If he wipes his nose with his hand, the booger might fall on me.

G- It's grossing me out.

P- Yeah, but it's like a train wreck; you can't stop yourself from looking at it.

G- I just keep thinking of Gilda Radner doing Roseanne Roseannadanna, "there was the biggest, grossest booger on the end of his nose".

Just then the man behind us sneezed this very powerful sneeze. I think it surprise him and he couldn't cover his mouth fast enough because the spit from the sneeze rained down on us like we were standing under the spray of a waterfall.

P- What the hell is going on?

G- This is what happens when people leave their homes so early in the morning before they've had a chance to rid themselves of all of their bodily expulsions. This is why everyone should stay in their own home, or hotel room, until at least 10:00 AM.

P- Shut up, freak. I just hope he doesn't have a cold.

G- I hope he's not on our boat. I'd like a sneeze free zone on my boat.

As we drove through Hanoi, the streets were full of cars covered in bows and flowers. The tour guide confirmed that all of the cars contained brides and grooms and said that Saturday morning was the time most people got married. The 2 Canadian couples sitting behind us commented on the early hour and how different weddings were in Canada. We agreed that things were also different in America. Just then a black Toyota sedan, covered in bows, pulled up next to us.

G- Look at that wedding car. It is filthy.

Canadian lady behind me - I was looking at that too.

P- You'd think he could clean his car for his wedding day.

G- If he came to pick me up in that filthy car, the wedding would be called off. That is a very bad sign of things to come.

Canadian lady - (laughing) You are very correct.

G- I wouldn't be seen dead in a car that filthy on any random day, much less my wedding day.

P- And you know he's going to drop his wet towel on the bathroom floor, leave his dirty drawers & socks around, and dirty dishes in the sink.

G- That bride is destined to be a maid.  She needs to rethink marrying that pig.

For several miles after entering the freeway, the emergency lane was lined with people selling bread of all shapes and sizes. We watched as motorcycles and cars pulled over into the emergency lane, purchased bread, then merged back onto the highway. The tour guide seemed not to notice, while we sat nonplused. Why would people stand on the freeway and sell bread? Who needed to buy bread so urgently that they would stop on the freeway? Why was this allowed? Was the bread fresh? How did the bread sellers get there with their large bags of bread?

We crossed a large river and the city fell away behind us and the landscape turned to rice fields. After a while we exited the freeway and onto a 2 lane road through small towns where the road was lined with homes and businesses. Riding through the countryside is one of our favorite things to do because of the things we see. In addition to the bread vendors, we passed trucks full of pigs making deliveries to houses, motorcycles carrying chickens in baskets strapped to the seat, and numerous tents, of bright colored fabrics and bows, set up in front of homes where wedding receptions were underway.

Halfway through the journey, we stopped at a rest stop, built specifically for tourists, containing a snack bar and a myriad of overpriced souvenirs. Fortunately, we did not stay there long. When we arrived at Ha Long Bay we were separated into 2 groups and our group was lead to a tender that would take us to our boat. To get to the tender, we walked down about 20 concrete steps and onto the front platform of the tender. It was a fairly easy task for the surefooted, but we wondered what a person with difficulty ambulating would do in order to get onto their boat.

Once on the boat, we were seated in the main cabin for tea, given our room keys, and instructed to return for lunch in half an hour. We were thrilled to find that our room matched the photos in the brochure. looks like they're already married.

Buoyant Junk

We were sound asleep in the comfort of the fluffy pillows and comforter, in the king size bed, when the shrill of children's' voices pierced the silence. It was 7:30 AM.


G- Please don't tell me that we are next to a school.

P- It sounds like we are.

G- So much for being in a room away from the street noise.

P- We're in Asia. There is noise all around.

Staying in bed, we dozed and listened to the chatter. Of course, we could not understand what was being said, and somehow that made it slightly less annoying.

P- Listen! They're singing.

G- Sounds like nursery rhymes.

P- I wonder what they're saying. It reminds me of that convent in Venice when we awoke to Italian children singing in that hall under our room.

G- Yes, you're right. Ironic that we frequently stay in lodging next to, or above, schools.

P- Kids are stalking us.

G- We might as well get up and start the search for a pair of pants for you.

P- UGH! I am never going to find pants to fit me in the country of pencil people.

G- We also have to book the Ha Long Bay tour.

The New Century Hotel was such a fortunate find. Rather, we were so lucky that the owner found us. Breakfast was included in our daily rate and afforded us the choice of eggs & toast, pancakes, or noodles. Best of all, the coffee was good. After breakfast, we sat down with the hotel owner and discussed tours.

Owner- These are the tours that I recommend.

G- Have you personally seen the boats and know of the safety records of these operators?

P- We don't want to miss Ha Long Bay, but we're nervous since that boat sank. Drowning on Ha Long Bay is not on my list of things to do.

Owner - That was an old boat and it was a very cheap tour.

G- I'd rather pay more for the non-sinking boat. I can't even imagine the terror those poor people felt trapped in their rooms as that boat sank.

P- The man who escaped said it sank in less than a minute. He also said that the boat had been listing.

Owner - These are safe Junks.

G- Maybe I'd feel safer if they weren't called Junks.

P- Yes! In America I'd never want to cruise on Junks.

Owner - (looks at us quizzically)

G- I like the looks of this boat and the tour looks like a good price. What's the difference between the standard and deluxe rooms?

Owner - The deluxe rooms are larger, there are only 2 of them, and they're on the main deck of the boat. The standard rooms are below.

P- If deluxe is not too much more, I want the deluxe. I want to be on the main deck in case the boat starts sinking.

G- It looks like the room has its own balcony.  If necessary, we could fling open the balcony door and jump off.

P- I'd prefer not to have to jump off the boat at any time during our cruise.

Owner - Yes, it has a balcony. The difference is about $30. USD. I talk to all of my customers about their experience and everyone is pleased with this tour. The only complaint is that the same foods are served each day, so when you take a 2 night tour, you'll be eating the same thing for 2 days in a row.

G- I'll eat the same food for a week as long as my boat does not sink.

P- What about life jackets?

Owner - Of course you will have life jackets.

G- Why are you worried, you have your own floatation devices. I'm screwed!

P- I'll save you my baby.

Owner - This boat will not sink.

G- We're only joking. Now is probably the safest time to be on a Junk in Ha Long Bay. I'm sure all boats were inspected after that boat sank and all of those tourists were killed.

P- I'm not worried, but I still want to be on the main deck.

So it was that we selected the Dolphin Cruises and the Cuong Thinh Junk, paying $135.00 each for a 3 day, 2 night cruise. We spent the remainder of the day in search of pants for Phyllis, without success. After scouring the streets of the Old Town, and negotiating for 20 minutes, Phyl did manage to purchase a thick, long sleeve shirt. Upon our return to the hotel, we were greeted by Nam, an early 20 something guy who worked there.

G- Hi Nam! Tomorrow we are going to Ha Long Bay. What time will the bus pick us up?

Nam - You should be downstairs to eat your breakfast at 6:30.

G- What time will the bus arrive?

Nam - Yes, you eat breakfast in lobby at 6:30 and you have enough time.

P- But when will the bus pick us up?

Nam - After you eat breakfast, the bus come.

G- (about to swallow her tongue and fall onto the floor in a convulsion) Nam, we will not eat breakfast. I cannot put food into my body before 10:00 AM.

Nam- (Stares at Gina with a look of utter confusion.) No breakfast?

P- Forget about the breakfast, Nam. What time will the bus come to pick us up?

Nam - Um, bus come at 7:30 AM.

G- And the ride to Ha Long Bay will take about 3 hours?

Nam - Yes.

P- We'll be served lunch when we get on the boat?

Nam - Yes.

G- Thank you, Nam. We'll see you in the morning. We're going to leave our large backpacks here but we'll bring them down in the morning.

Nam - Ok. Put them with the others on that wall. I watch them.

When we got to our room..............

P- I think you showed great restraint to not grab Nam and choke him when he kept telling you what time to eat breakfast.

G- The idea of not eating breakfast is anathema to him.

P- Anyone who doesn't wake up and eat their noodle bowl by 7:00 AM is insane.

G- Blech! The thought of it makes me want to vomit. And to eat a big meal before getting on a bus for a 3 hour ride! Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.

I have HIPS!!!!!

Exiting the train station we were beseiged by taxi drivers. We tried to select one with a larger car, but still only managed to get something smaller than the Flintstone mobile. We're not sure what the driver planned to do with our backpacks as he coaxed us to his car, but Gina managed to fit 2 in the hatchback and we held the rest on our laps. Fortunately we weren't going far and traffic was very light at 5:30 AM.


P- Wow! I've never seen the streets so free of cars.

G- Again we're seeing that there are Asian joggers.  They just jog at 5:30 AM and not in the evenings.

Maddie – Where is he taking us?

G- We gave him the address for a hotel in the Old Quarter. Many hotels are in that area so it should be no problem to find a place.

Vera – Do you have a reservation?

P- No. Do you?

Vera – No.

G- I'm sure we'll find a place.

When the taxi stopped, all of the hotels and businesses on the street were still closed up tight, with their steel, garage type doors, pulled down. It was still dark. Phyl knocked on the steel door which was quickly opened by a half asleep young man who advised that the hotel was full. After knocking on several doors, and waking several people, we realized we'd have to search a little harder than expected to find a place.

G- What the hell? If I was trying to sleep, all of these people would be up cooking cabbage & noodles for breakfast and acting like it was noon.

P- Why are they all asleep? Just our luck.

G- I'll stay here with the bags so we don't have to carry them around. You go find us a place to stay.

P- It doesn't seem safe for you to stand on this desserted, dark street.

G- I think it's fine.

Maddie – I'll stay here with Gina.

P- That's a good idea.

10 minutes passed and Maddie was beginning to get a little worried when a man passing on his motorcycle stopped and asked us if we were looking for a hotel. We were both very skeptical, but we looked at his brochure and the TripAdvisor reviews he pulled up on his phone and agreed to check out his hotel if Phyl & Vera hadn't found us a room. He waited with Maddie and me for another 10 minutes and we finally decided that Maddie would get on his bike and drive around to find Phyl & Vera while I waited with the backpacks. Luckily, they returned quickly and we all followed the guy a few blocks to his hotel (New Century Hotel) where we happily agreed to stay for $16.00 a night/breakfast included. He allowed us to check in at 6:30 AM, without additional charge, and fed us breakfast. We ate, showered, and went to sleep.

We awoke at noon, dressed, and headed off for lunch and to do a little shopping. We aren't shoppers, but we needed warm clothes for China, and it was much cooler in Hanoi than the rest of Vietnam. Vera & Maddie were in the lobby, so we set off together in search of food and shopping.

G- What's the address of the mall?

P- It's in the 900 block.

Vera – It should be near because this is 751.

Maddie – The address across the street says 450.

G- How can you have 400s and 700s in the same block?

Maddie – It is not like this in Norway.

P- It's not like this in America, each block is sequential based on 10,100, or 1000.

Maddie – Yes. That is how it's done in Norway too.

G- I wouldn't want to be a delivery person here.

We walked several more blocks until we arrived at a very upscale mall. Maddie tried on pants in a store similar to an Old Navy and I searched for cargo pants.

P- I am never going to find pants to fit me. Look at these pants! These people are sticks.

G- Hell, I'm not going to find pants to fit me. They don't have hips. They're like pencils. I'm going to look in the men's department.

Maddie – I might try these on. They're made of stretch material.

Vera – I think those would be cute on you.

In the men's department, the majority of the pants were in waist size 28 and 29 with very skinny legs. There were no cargo pants to be found. Phyl and I walked out into the mall and found a Jeep store.

G- Look! Cargo pants.

P- Perfect. Just what you wanted. Go get a pair.

G- Damn, they're $40.00. We're supposed to be able to find cheap clothes in Vietnam.

P- Apparently not pants to fit Americans. Get the kind you want because you're only going to have 2 pairs of pants to wear in China and I know you want the cargo pants with all the pockets.

Sales girl – Hello.

G- Hello. Do you have these in a size 34?

Sales girl – These for men.

G- Yes, I know. I have hips, so in Vietnam, I need men's pants. Do you have size 34?

Sales girl – For you size 29.

P- She wishes.

G- (to Phyl) Hey! You watch it. (to salesgirl) No way I'm getting into a 29. Do you have 34?

Salesgirl- Maybe 30.

G- No, 34. (raises eyebrow at Phyllis)

Salesgirl – No 34. Maybe have 32.

G- Ok, let me try the 32. Do you have 33?

Salesgirl – I look. You try 30.

I took the pants and headed to the dressing room.

G- (to Phyl under my breath) Here we go again. How did I manage to reach the age of 43 and not know what size pants I wear?

P- Just stupid, I guess.

G- Good thing I have Asian kids telling me how to eat and what size to wear. Am I going to have to put on these pants and show her that they don't fit on my ass to get her to bring me the size I want?

P- It seems like you will.

I put on the size 30 and showed the girl that they would not button.

G- HIPS!!!

She frowned and walked away. A few minutes later she returned with a size 32.

G- Did you look for a 34?

Salesgirl – Yes. No size 34. Have 33.

G- Please bring me the 33.

I put on the size 32 which fit, but were tighter than I like to wear pants. Again, I showed them to her.

G- Can I please have the size 33?



Gina & Maddie

 P- Asian women built like pencils. (holds up index finger) She needs room for her hips and butt.

Finally, she relented and gave me the size 33 which fit just the way I wanted.

G- (to clerk) See! I'll take these.  (to Phyl) I think her world is rocked.

P- You've freaked her out. She may never be the same.

G- For gawd sake! It's exhausting having to beg for the size I want. In America the salesclerks, if there are any at all, wouldn't give a damn if I bought a size 46 and cinched them up with a rope. Here I've got to incrementally prove the size does not fit me before she'll give me the bigger one.

P- Just laugh about it baby.

G- I am laughing. Just wait until we try to find pants for you.

P- Not going to happen.



Vera & Phyl



We rejoined Maddie & Vera for a little more shopping, then went to see a movie. We were delighted to learn that the theater sold regular popcorn, so Phyl & I each got our own trough and gorged ourselves on our favorite, delicious, salty snack. Near the hotel we stopped for a late dinner and drank cold, draft Halidas until the place closed at midnight.

Midnight Train to Hanoi

The ringing phone shocked us into consciousness at 7:30 AM. We seldom have a phone in our room, we have no one to call, and hadn't realized that we had one here. Phyl grabbed it and confirmed that we still wanted the train tickets. After a few minutes of grumbling, we fell back asleep. Five minutes later, the phone rang again. After a brief conversation with the desk clerk, Phyl threw on clothes and went downstairs. Upon her return...............




Maddie & Vera

 G- What the hell? Didn't we give them all of the information last night?

P- She had to go over everything again and she wanted money.

G- Why didn't they ask for the money last night?

P- I don't know. Maddie was down there too. I guess they also called and woke her up. She didn't look any happier than I did.

G- Yeah! It's the first damn day the construction work is not going on, it's quiet, we have no reason to get up early, and they're ringing our damn phones at 7:30 AM!!

P- All of Asia is up since 6:00 AM, so it does not occur to them that we might be sleeping in.

G- Ugh! Did you tell her we don't want to ride backwards.

P- I told her and that presented another problem because they have no common sense. I told her that we'd like to be facing the same way the train is moving. She got a horrified look on her face and told me she has no control over that. I told her to ask the ticket clerk to give us seats that face forward and she told me that she was not going to get the tickets. So then I had to explain to her that she could simply ask the person buying the tickets to request forward facing seats. Then the light bulb went off over her head, but don't hold your breath.

G- The lack of common sense, an inability to think outside the box, never ceases to amaze me. Any slight variation or personal request is scary. Let's try to go back to sleep.

Fortunately, after a while, we were able to go back to sleep. One really great thing about Asia is that noon is the standard check out time. This enabled us to leisurely pack and bring our backpacks downstairs to the holding pen just in time for lunch. We were frustrated that it was a wasted day, but we had no options when the train only runs at one time per day. After lunch we returned to the hotel lobby to get on line and found Maddie & Vera doing the same. We talked more with them and learned that they are 19 years old, from Oslo, Norway.


At 4:00 pm we went to a nearby restaurant and purchased food to eat for dinner on the train.  The hotel van took us to the bus station at 4:30 pm. We boarded the train just before 5:00 pm and helped each other hoist our packs onto the shelves above our seats.

G- I really like the efficiency of the Vietnamese train stations.

P- It is a great idea to have everyone stand in sections according to which train car they'll board.

Maddie – It's very efficient in Oslo, and cleaner too.

P- I'm sure it's cleaner in Oslo.

G- The Vietnamese aren't the Swiss, but their system is good.

Vera – This is our first over night train ride. We prefer to ride during the day.

G- Us too. We like to see the countryside.

Of course we were the center of attention when we first got on the train. Maddie & Vera are young and cute and we're stared at for the first couple of hours, but eventually the men turned their attention to other things.

Vera- What is that noise?

G- In addition to the blaring TV, I think they also have the radio on.

Maddie – Why is everything always so loud in Asia?

P- I'm glad to hear you say that. I was thinking I complained about it because I'm older.

Vera- No, it's horrible! I don't understand why everything must be so loud. I'll ask the train man to turn it off.

P- Good luck with that!

G- I wonder if Asians have hearing problems. Maybe it's a cycle.....the older people are half deaf, so everything is loud. This makes the children half deaf from an early age, so they have to have everything loud as they get older. Then because they need everything loud, their kids become deaf, and on and on the cycle goes.

Maddie – Ha! It might be something like that.

When the train man came through the car, Vera did get him to turn off the radio, but that only lasted for 10 minutes and it was back on again. The next time he came through the compartment we asked again and it was turned down to a level that, while still annoying, was tolerable. The evening passed quickly as we talk about our lives in America & Norway and our travels. These kids were very mature for only 19 years old and we took to them immediately.

At 10:00 pm the lights were dimmed and thankfully, the TV and radio were turned off. While sleeping in a train seat is certainly less comfortable than a bed, they're much better than airplane seats, reclining at 3 times as far as the plane and with more leg room. The night was uneventful and the train reached Hanoi at 5:30 AM. We could only imagine the beautiful scenery we had missed as we sped across Vietnam for 11.5 hours on that train.

Can We Pet Your Monkey?

Because Hue was once the capital of Vietnam, the countryside surrounding the town contained numerous Emperor's burial tombs. Phyllis had done all of the research and knew which ones were the closest and which ones were worth seeing. We left the hotel and were immediately accosted by a motorcycle driver. After negotiating a price of $10.00/each for the day, he called a friend and we set off in a light drizzle.


Our first stop was the Tu Hieu Monastery where a few dozen monks still live and work. The spiritual head of the monastery is Thich Nhat Hahn, a world renowned author who had been living in exile in France since the communists won the war, and had only recently returned. The monastery was set on a relatively small hill, in a quiet pine forest.

G- OMG! Look at the baby monkey. (He walked on a leash beside a young monk.)

P- How cute is he?!

G- Adorable! I want to pet him.

We approached the young monk who gave us permission to pet his monkey, but before the permission was granted, the little monkey stopped yanking on the monk's robe and was trying to climb up Phyl's leg. She petted his head and he grabbed hold of her arm and hand. Just like a baby, of any kind, he began trying to teeth on her hand. After a few minutes, I had my turn to play with him.

G- He is so cute. I really want to hold him.

P- I don't think our permission extends quite that far.

G- I know. Isn't it nice to finally get to pet a monkey and not be afraid that it might attack us?

I'm surprised you touched him as quickly as you did considering how much you've carried on about monkey bites since we arrived in Asia.

P- This one seems tame and you may have noticed, he did not come racing towards me like he was coming to steal my jewelry.





Back on the motorcycles, we headed to the tomb of Emperor Tu Duc, stopping on the way, at a village sales stall where a lady was making scented incense sticks.

My driver – Do you want to try rolling the incense stick?

G- Yes!

P- My lil goofy girl! You are always willing to volunteer for whatever.

G- Why not? Now I'll know how to make incense sticks should the need ever arise.

P- I think there's a big need for that.

G- Hell, in Buddhist countries they burn these things like crazy. Maybe I'll become an incense manufacturer when we return home.

P- News flash, I don't think you can make a living selling incense sticks to the few Buddhists in the US.

G- Whatever. Knowledge is power.

P- You are a fool.

G- A fool who now knows how to make incense sticks! Ha!

Of course we had to buy some sticks and 2 paintings, after all, isn't that why the motorcycle drivers brought us here? The area was also known for the making of conical hats and another lady sat making one nearby. If you held them up to a light, you could see images through the palm due to the paper doll like cut outs that were glued to the inside of the hat.

P- I really want a hat.

G- I'd say get one, but how in the hell would you get it home? It would get totally smashed.

P- I know, but I want one! Whah.

G- No whining, Gladys. I bet you could buy one out in Village d' lest when we get home.

P- But I want one from Vietnam.

G- It's almost the same if you buy one in Village d'lest. Watch how she's making it and you can make your own.

P- Yeah, right. I cook. I don't do crafts.

G- Then no hat for you.

We arrived at Tu Duc's tomb complex before lunch and were directed by our drivers, to return to a certain 'restaurant' for lunch, where they would be waiting. The tomb complex was incredibly large, was set in a pine forest, included a lake, and had actually been Tu Duc's summer home. We strolled around the gardens, toured a pleasure pavilion, then climbed to his Stele. A Stele is a stone slab, upon which was etched the story of the emperor's life and reign. This one had his story etched in bronze. It is usually written by the emperor's son, after his death, but Tu Duc had no offspring (not due to a lack of trying, as he had myriad wives and concubines, but it is believed that he was sterile from small pox) and had written his himself. Most striking about the buildings and tomb was the Chinese writing and architecture. We later learned that the Chinese had most heavily influenced this area, before the French invaded.

P- Where do you want to eat lunch?

G- I guess we'll eat where the drivers want us to eat. You know they're getting a free lunch or something for bringing us there.

P- We don't have to eat where they tell us to eat.

G- I know we don't, but the food is probably the same at all of these places, so we might as well help them out.

P- You're probably right. I'm sure we can choose from rice, rice or rice, no matter where we eat.

As we were finishing lunch a cycling group of Europeans pulled up and stopped for lunch.

G- How'd you like to be cycling around Vietnam?

P- No, thank you. That's something crazy Michelle & Laurence would like, but not me.

G- Yeah, every Saturday they ride further than these cycling 'vacationers' do each day. I'm sure it'd be a piece of cake for them.

P- I'd rather just have the cake.

It was misting as we drove to and along the river, then headed onto a narrow, dirt path to the tomb of Minh Mang. This tomb was really secluded, in the countryside, and we basically walked around the grounds by ourselves. We first walked through the outer wall, across a small bridge over the Crescent Lake, then into the Honors Courtyard, which resembled the one in Tu Duc's tomb, but seemed larger. To get to the Stele we had to climb a lot of steps, but the view was rewarding.

G- What a peaceful setting. It's good to be the king.

P- Of course, you don't get this setting until you're dead.

G- At least when you're dead you don't have to climb all of these steps; other people carry your body.

P- I might be dead by the time we finish climbing all of these steps today.

G- Well I'm not carrying your dead body, so make sure you collapse at the bottom.

P- I love that you love me.

G- I'm practical.  Why hurt my back if you're already dead?  It would only be worth it to hurt my back if there was a chance of saving you. 

We walked down the stairs, across a courtyard, then up more stairs to another gate which led to the tomb. We walked through a neatly manicured planter garden, then onto another bridge spanning the lake. A woman sat nearby hawking souvenirs and selling hot tea. Fortunately, as we headed out, we were able to walk along the lake and around all of the stairs. We reunited with our drivers at an older lady's wooden structure, where we were instructed to sit in small plastic chairs and served hot tea. There was just no getting around drinking the hot tea. Chicks scratched at our feet as we drank our tea.

Our final stop was the Tomb of Emperor Khai Dinh. Built in the early 1900's, on Chau Chu Mountain, in a Vietnamese style, with obvious and abundant French elements, this is the smallest of the tombs. We climbed many steps to reach the first level consisting of the Honors Courtyard and Stele Monument. Up additional steps, we reached the tomb itself, made of white, heavily carved, stone. Whereas the outside was plain white, the glass and ceramic mosaics on the inside contained every color on the color wheel, and the ceiling was painted in vibrant colors.

On our way back to Hue we stopped at a bunker, built during the “American” war, at a curve in the Perfume River. The vantage point was incredible and we could see for miles in each direction. The bunker was relatively small, and dark, and Phyl refused to even go near the door, her claustrophobia rising to the surface.

We returned to Hue around 5:00 pm and I handed each of the drivers 225,000 Dong ($10.00/each, as agreed, plus an approximate 10% tip). Generally, tipping is not done, nor is it expected, in Vietnam, and we tipped very few people while we were there, but we enjoyed our tour and our driver/guides did a good job. Well, as usual, no good deed goes unpunished.

Gina's driver – This all you pay?

G- We agreed on $10.00.

Gina's driver – You give 1,000 Dong tip?

G- $10.00 equals 200,000 Dong.  The tip is 25,000 Dong.

Gina's driver – No. 22,000 Dong is 1 dollar.

G- We have paid everyone 20,000 Dong to the dollar and we only get 19,000 Dong to the dollar.

P- You see, that's what you get for giving a tip in the first place. I told you we didn't have to tip them.
Take back the 25,000.

Phyl's driver (who spoke good English) – (to us) Everything ok. (to Gina's driver he said something in Vietnamese.)

G- (to Phyl's driver) We agreed on $10.00 which equals 200,000 Dong.

Phyl's driver – Yes. Everything is ok.

Gina's driver – Continued to complain in Vietnamese.

P- Take the 25,000 back! Ungrateful bastard.

G- (to Phyl) Your driver isn't being an asshole! I'm not taking back his tip.

 (to Phyl's driver) What is his problem? I'm sure I don't even want to know what he's saying. Tell him he doesn't get to inflate the exchange rate and it's not as though most of my payment goes to a 3rd party and he's only getting a little bit of it. He negotiated the charge and if he doesn't like my tip, he can give it back.

Phyl's driver – (trying his hardest to soothe everyone) It's ok. Thank you. (He pulled my driver away, still complaining, as we walked off.)

We were incensed and shocked by what had happened. Part of it was our fault for having negotiated in US Dollars and not in Dong, but we could not understand why he expected a big tip. The incident bothered me for the remainder of the evening and I continued to process it. This annoyed Phyl who has the ability to just say screw it and screw him and not give it another thought.  Too bad!  While I'm processing, she has to listen.
 
We had had enough of Hue and the intensity of the hawkers and made arrangements with the hotel desk clerk to take the train to Hanoi. Our preference is to ride the train during the day so that we can see the beautiful countryside, but we learned that the only train to Hanoi left at 5:00 pm and would arrive in Hanoi at 6:00 am the next morning. As we booked our tickets, we chatted with 2 girls from Norway, Maddie & Vera, who were taking the train with us.

Pleasure Palace

The construction workers behind our hotel began their day at 7:30 am. Armed with earplugs, we were able to fall back asleep until the pile driving began at 8:30 am. Note to self, always look out the window when checking into your hotel. Phyl volunteered to trudge down the numerous flights of steps in search of hot water and returned with a large thermos, allowing us to have coffee before setting off to explore Hue.

We had barely stepped onto the street when motorcycle & cyclo (bicycle propelled tuk-tuks) drivers began harassing us. It was not possible to walk more than a few steps without being yelled at for rides. Not since Bali had we experienced such relentless pestering. As we reached the river, tour operators and boat drivers joined the assault and we did not experience a minute of peace until we began to walk across the bridge.

Hue, Vietnam's capital from the early 1800's until about 1945, when the last emperor abdicated his thrown to Ho Chi Minh, contains a walled Citadel. Inside the Citadel is another walled area that contained Emperors' private residences and ceremonial halls.

As we walked toward the Citadel gate, we passed a mobile fish store and stopped to watch a little boy gleefully stick his hands into the fish tank.

P- This is interesting. I've never seen a mobile fish store before.

G- You know they love to wheel, and sell, their goods around the streets.

Cyclo driver – (pointing to the tanks) Fish.

P- (smiling) Yes, fish.

Cyclo driver – Fishes.

P- Yes, they are fish.

Cyclo driver – (pointing again to a different tank) Fish!

P- (looking at me) Does this mofo think that I don't what fish are? (to him, pointing at the fish) FISH!

G- You know they like to teach you things, or maybe he's proud that he knows that they are fish.

P- Whatever.

I finished taking my photos and we continued walking toward the gate, of the Citadel, only to have cycloman follow us.

Cycloman – You take tour in city. One hour tour.

P- No thank you. We're going to walk around.

Cycloman – Very far. Need tour.

G- No thank you.

While we stopped to take a few photos at the gate, he lurked behind us. We walked across the bridge, he followed us. Once inside the gate we stopped to read the guidebook to decide which way to walk.

Cycloman- You take tour.

G- We are going to walk.

Cycloman – Very far. 5 Kilomets.

P- We want to walk.

We tried to read our guidebook and review our map, but he would not shut up or go away.

P- This bastard had better go away because I'm getting really annoyed. I can't even hear myself think.

G- Try to ignore him.

P- I've been ignoring him for 15 minutes now but he won't go away.

Cycloman – You take tour. Very far to walk.

P- Go away! We are not taking a tour!!! (to Gina) I wouldn't take his tour if I was a double leg amputee. I'd crawl on my hands before I'd get into his cyclo.

G- Bwahahahahaha!

Finally getting our bearings, we walked off. He followed us until we cut through a park he could not enter. The sun was hot and we were sweating. We walked to the entrance gate to the palace, only to have the large iron gates closed just as we crossed the inner mote.

P- What the hell?

New cycloman – It's closed for lunch. You want tour of the city?

G- No, thank you, we just going to walk around.

New cycloman – It's big city.

G- So we've been told.

P- We're walking.

We strolled along the inner moat and red brick wall surrounding the palace grounds, then walked through the town toward the lake. We passed women, with roadside stands, selling flower arrangements and what looked like funeral wreaths, but we doubted that was the intended purpose. We walked down a quaint neighborhood street with well manicured homes and yards, no doubt a wealthy area. We watched warily as a dog began to follow us.

P- Watch out for the dog.

G- I don't think he's out to get you Gladys. His tail is wagging and he appears to be sniffing for the perfect spot to pee.

P- Oh my gawd! Look at the spot he selected!! LMAO!

G- He is a bastard! When that woman comes out to collect her bedspread thinking it'll smell all fresh and clean, it's going to smell like dog pee. Hahahaha! That's terrible. I told you he wasn't after you.

P- I'd have kicked him in the head if he tried to pee on me.

G- You are nuts!

Two blocks later we arrived at a lake, surrounded by a wall on one side, and covered in bright green water hyacinth. In many spots hundreds of sticks of colorful incense was lined along the wall to dry.  On the far side of the lake was the footprint of an old temple that had, unfortunately, been destroyed in the war. Hue was pounded to smithereens during Tet Offensive. We walked around the lake and turned left on the far side where we passed a large home with huge pots of ancient bonsai trees in the front courtyard. The trees were amazing and the biggest bonsais we had ever seen. Across the street from the home, a man sat at an old time, foot peddled, sewing machine making alterations to a pair of pants.

With no place in particular to go, we simply wandered aimlessly as we explored the neighborhoods. On main streets, the front yards and first rooms of the homes were dedicated to whatever business the family owns, but on these neighborhood streets, we were able to view strictly private homes. Almost all of the front yards were gated with flowers planted along the fence or in neatly manicured gardens. Many dogs barked at us as we passed, a few following us. Again the myth of the Vietnamese eating all of the dogs was dispelled. Finally, we hit a dead end at a river. Hungry and thirsty, we followed it on a narrow path until we came across a young girl who spoke English and told us how to get back to the street alongside the Palace moat.

We stopped for a cold beer and ate a tomato & onion salad and a plate of fried rice. Although we ate outside in the garden, it was a fairly nice restaurant, and we watched in horror as a table of Asian tourists threw all of their refuse on the ground under their table. Napkins, plastic water bottles, chop sticks, hand wipes, whatever. It looked as though a group of preschoolers had eaten at the table. We've been in Asia now for 4 months, but will never grow accustomed to this practice.

Returning to the King's Palace, we walked along a path between the moat and wall until we reached the main entrance gate. Quite the imposing structure, it was approximately 2 stories high with 3 large, wooden doors in different entrance alcoves. Ones status determined the entrance door he would use, with the king being the only one allowed to enter through the middle door. The King's Palace was a large compound of numerous official buildings and private residences. The Palace had been allowed to fall into disrepair, but efforts were currently underway to restore the buildings.

We walked through the enormous reception hall with it's black and red painted columns, then into another courtyard. We had just begun walking across the large courtyard when the sky suddenly opened up and it started to pour.

G- Dammit to hell! I have carried my umbrella for months and never once had the occasion to use it. I took it out of my pack 2 days ago.

P- You mean I am more prepared than you for once? I have my umbrella.

G- It appears that you are. Thanks Gladys, at least we have one umbrella.

Thankfully, there were many covered walkways inside the palace compound, and we were able to make our way to the Emperor's mother's residence in the far corner.

P- This is the Emperor's mother's Pleasure Palace.

G- Oh really? Her own pleasure palace. It's good to be the Emperor's mother.

P- Notice the wife didn't have a pleasure palace.

G- I wonder what the Emperor's mother did in her pleasure palace.

P- The book says she relaxed, wrote poems and tended her garden.

G- That's all? Yeah, right.

P- I think I'd like to have a pleasure palace.

G- Me too.

The Pleasure Palace was a very cool space. Built half on land and half over a small pond, it was made entirely of wood, with many beautiful carvings. On one side of the 2 room structure was a garden with raised brick beds. The room overlooking the pond had numerous doors that could be opened to almost create the effect that there was no wall. It was understated, but very serene. Everyone should have a pleasure palace.

The rain showed no sign of stopping and we were getting cold, so we hired a cycloman to drive us home. The cyclo was wrapped in a tarp to protect us from the rain, and we sat on top of each other, cramped, but warmer, and viewing the street threw a narrow rectangle cut into the tarp.

P- I hope this poor cyclo driver can get us back over that bridge without dropping his nuts.

G- The bridge isn't very arched, but I hope the wind doesn't blow us and him over the railing.

P- He smells of alcohol, so I doubt he's feeling much.

G- Oh, good. That makes me feel much better. It's always safer when your cyclo driver is drunk.

P- At least he's only peddling, which means he can't go very fast.

G- But it's always the drunk driver who crashes and doesn't get a scratch while the other people are maimed or killed.

P- I don't think you'll be maimed or killed when we're only going 5 mph.

G- If we plummet off the side of the bridge, our speed will increase dramatically.

P- Now who's the crazy one?

We arrived at our hotel without incident and heated ourselves with warm tea. After walking so many miles during the day, we stayed in the lobby until dinner because we didn't want to climb the 5 flights of stairs to our room.  Later we found a 'western' style restaurant where we enjoyed a pizza, a glass of DaLat wine, and a conversation with a very interesting Australian couple.