Where Are We Now?

We are living  in New Orleans, working and dreaming of our next adventure.
 

 

Got Soup?

We awoke to another cloudy, rainy day. Reluctant to get out from under the warmth of our covers and into the cold room, we lay there discussing our next move.

P- What do you want to do?

G- I don't know what to do, but I do know that this cold, rainy weather is making me very crabby.

P- It's totally making me dislike China. You know how I hate to be cold. This weather just sucks.

G- I agree. There is so much to see in this area, but it's not worth doing in the rain. Plus, I really miss the camaraderie that we had with other travelers in southeast Asia. It sucks that we have not met any other English speaking travelers that we can exchange information with.

P- Most of what we did in the other countries was because of tips we got from other travelers and here we're not getting that.

G- Between the weather and lack of other tourists, well, English speaking tourists, there are a lot of Chinese tourists, I feel very isolated.

P- I'm not liking it either. Let's pack up and go to Yangshuo. The guidebook says it's extremely touristy with very Western parts.

G- Let's decide how long we want to stay in Yangshuo and buy our train tickets to Chengdu before we leave here. That's the other thing I liked better in southeast Asia, we could wait until the last minute to decide when we wanted to move on and where we wanted to go.

P- I liked that better, but the train tickets sell out in China so we gotta book them early. That means we have to make more of a plan on where we're going. What's in Chengdu?

G- The pandas are there and it seems like the next logical place to stop before we go to Xi'an. I don't see a point in staying in this area, which is known for it's natural beauty, since the weather is shit and will likely stay shitty for a month or more.

P- Let's also see if we can eat lunch downstairs before we go. I'm hungry and do not want to have to roam around looking for food.

We packed our bags and went downstairs to do a little internet research on Yangshuo.

G- OMG! It's so damn cold down here!

P- Put on your scarf. Hand me my gloves.

G- Ugh!

Jason - Hello. Do you decide to go on the Li River tour?

P- No, Jason. The weather is too bad. We are going to take the bus to Yangshuo.

Jason - Oh, the bus not very safe. You must be very careful for your bags.

G- We grew up in New Orleans, Jason. We'll take our chances.

Jason - Ok.

G- If you would, please write this in Chinese so I can give it to the ticket clerk at the train station. Also, I want to show you some websites, that westerners read, where you should put some posts about your hostel.

Jason - Thank you, and will you take some papers about our hostel and put them in other hostels or give them to western tourists?

G - Yes, that's no problem. We like your hostel very much. We just wish it wasn't so cold down here and you'd put the heaters on.

Jason - Cannot put the heaters on because winter is finished. Come back in the summer.

P- (to Gina) If winter is finished, why are we freezing to death?

G- I don't know. Apparently it goes by the calendar and not the actual temperature.

The owners of the hostel had an adorable 4 year old daughter who was fascinated by Phyllis. From the moment we entered the lobby, she chatted, in Mandarin, to Phyllis, drew her pictures and Chinese letters, and sat virtually on top of her. It was adorable and ironic as Phyl has never been known as kid friendly, even though children seem to love her. She told us her name about 30 times, but try as we might, we could never say it to her satisfaction. She scolded us each time we incorrectly said it and finally gave up.

As the little girl, climbed on Mt. Phyllis, we perused the menu for lunch.

P- I need some soup.

G- Jason, is this dumpling dish a soup?

Jason - No, not soup, just dumplings.

P- What about this rice dish, is the egg on top of the rice on scrambled in it?

Jason - That we don't have.

G- Do you have this noodle and meat dish?

Jason - No, we don't have. Cannot make many things on menu. Kitchen still being built.

P- Ok. Can we have dumplings?

Jason - Yes. And noodles?

G- Are they on the menu?

Jason - No, not on menu, hostel employees eat that for lunch today.

G- Ok, we'll take noodles. Can we have any of the soups on the menu?

Jason - No.

G- Ok, then just bring us noodles and dumplings.

P- (to Gina) That makes sense, we cannot have what's on the menu, but we can have what's not on the menu.

G- Whatever, I just wish I could have soup.

When the dumplings arrived, they were served in a large bowl of broth, kind've like won ton soup, but with many more dumplings. Also, the noodles, with mushrooms, and what appeared to be bok choy, were in a large bowl of broth. We considered both of the dishes to be soup dishes and just shook our heads, chalking it up to the language barrier, or more specifically, the language confusion. We experienced one more round of language confusion trying to get a taxi to take us from the hostel to the train station.

G- Mai, can you call a taxi for us?

Mai - No call. We find one in street.

We hoisted our packs and followed Mai to the street.

P- This is not a busy street, how long will we wait for a taxi to come by?

Mai - Maybe not long.

P- Wouldn't it be better to call a taxi?

Mai - No call.

G- How much should the taxi cost?

Mai - Maybe 12 or 15 Yuan.

G- How will I know? Is there a meter on the taxi?

Mai - You will pay 12 or 15 Yuan.

G- But how will I know? Will you talk to the driver before we leave or is there a meter?

Mai just looked at me trying to digest what I was asking.

G- Is there a box on the front of the taxi that will tell me how much I have to pay?

Mai - You will pay 12 or 15 Yuan.

G- (to Phyl) OMG! How will we know if we should pay 12 or 15?

P- I guess we'll just pay 15.

G- Ugh!!!

The taxi pulled up and I could see a meter on the dashboard. I never could determine why she did not simply say yes when I asked if there was a meter. Even if she did not know the word, meter, I described it and explained it's location in the car. As much as we were thankful when we found people who spoke English, the language confusion was turning our brains into mush.

The taxi dropped us at the street and we paid the amount (16 Yuan) shown on the meter. As we walked to the station, we were surrounded by people asking if we wanted bus tickets. Negotiating transportation had, thus far, been very stressful, so we could only focus on one task at a time, and the first task was buying train tickets. We ignored the bus ticket hawkers, telling them that we were taking the train, and they soon stopped following us.

Phyl stood next to a column with the bags and I got in a ticket line with my guide book and paper, translated by Jason. As we waited, we were treated to a cacophony of phlegm noises which echoed off the walls of the station. I was becoming extremely grossed out and turned to make eye contact and a repulsed face to Phyl when I saw a man hock up his loogie and expel it onto the ground about a foot away from my backpack. Phyl's eyes were wide and she returned my look of horror. Note to self: DO NOT PUT YOUR BAGS DOWN IN A TRAIN STATION!

We may have been mortified in the station, but the ticket purchasing experience went very smoothly. I slid my request, written in English & Mandarin, under the window. The clerk put my request into the computer, then wrote the amount on a piece of paper and slid it back to me. I pushed the money through and she gave me the tickets. Voila'! Considerably easier than the last time.

P- Grab your bag before someone hocks a loogie on it. We've already had one close call.

This loogie hocking is disgusting! I get that it's what they do, and they think nothing of it, but it is disgusting!

G- I agree. It's a constant assault on my ears.

P- The bus station is supposed to be right next door. I guess we'll be subjected to loogie hocking there too.

G- That is going to be more stressful because I don't have a translated paper to give them.

P- Let's talk to one of those hawkers and see if they have a bus going to Yangshuo and how much it costs.

G- The guidebook says a ticket should cost about 15 Yuan. Let's check the bus station first.

We walked around for about 15 minutes trying to find the bus station ticket office and finally gave up and went out front to the buses. The hawkers immediately descended upon us and I said Yangshuo, and pointed to the name in the guidebook. One of the women nudged out the rest and showed me a paper saying 18 Yuan, so we followed her to the bus. We looked at the placard on the bus window and compared the characters to the Chinese word in the book. Once we confirmed that they matched, the deal was done.

We put our big packs in the luggage compartment.

P- What if we hand her our money and she just disappears?

G- I'll make sure the bus driver sees us paying her.

I made a motion indicating that I wanted to hand money to the bus driver. He shook his head no and indicated for me to give the money to the woman. Of course we were not given a ticket, so we just took our seats and hoped that we wouldn't have any problems. The bus ride to Yangshuo took 1.5 hours and was uneventful. We stopped frequently to pick up new passengers, but no unsavory characters got on the bus. We could not determine why Jason thought riding the bus was a dangerous endeavor.

As Guilin slipped away, we began to see Karsts in the distance. We were surprised to see that this area looked very similar to Ha Long Bay, but the karsts rose from the land rather than the sea. The rain continued to fall, and we arrived in Yangshuo in the late afternoon. We checked several hotels until we negotiated a good, off season rate at a hotel on the main street (Xi Jie), our room having a balcony overlooking Xi Jie.

The Great Hoodie Hunt

The internet signal did not make it up to the 5th floor, so we went to the Arctic Circle downstairs in the lobby, coffee packets in hand, to see what was available for breakfast.

Jason- Hello.

P- Good morning Jason. You are back early this morning.

Jason – Did you sleep ok? Were you warm?

P- Yes, we were warm and we slept good.

Jason – You want some egg and toast?

P- That sounds good.

Jason- Ok. But you must wait because the cook must go to market and he make your eggs when he come back.

G- That's no problem. Can we have hot water for our coffee packets?

Jason – Yes, of course. I can get it. For the breakfast it is better that you eat at 10:00.

G- Oh, ok. I thought yesterday you said we had until 10:30 to eat it.

Jason – Yes, 10:30.

G- Um, ok.

P- What did he say about the market? Does the cook need to go get the eggs?

G- I'm not sure what that whole thing was about. Something about when the cook goes to the market, but it's only 10:00 and they said breakfast was served until 10:30.

P- Even when they do speak English, I'm often unsure of what they mean by what they're saying.

G- Me too. I wish we spoke Mandarin.

Jason brought us a binder of available tours which we read while we waited for our breakfast.

G- I'd like to take the rafting trip to Yangshuo, but it doesn't make sense to come back since we want to stay for a few days.

P- Maybe we could take the raft there and just stay.

G- It's a bamboo raft. I wonder if it's big enough to take our bags.

P- I sure as hell hope it's that big or I don't want to go all the way to Yangshuo on it.

G- Good point. The next question is, will it ever stop raining?!?!

P- Yeah, how can we book a rafting trip in the rain?

G- We have the option of this big boat, but I don't like it as much and it costs more. We won't be able to see good or take pictures from inside the big boat.

P- I'd love to take this excursion into the countryside to see the Karsts and rice terraces, but not in the rain.

G- You want to take the hike in the rice terraces? Who are you and where is the Phyllis I know?

P- No, ass, not the hike, this one.......... you go on a bus. Also, there are some ethnic minority tribes up there.

G- Oh, there's the Phyllis I know. We can't do a damn thing if it does not stop raining.

When Jason returned, we told him about our weather concerns. He advised that he thought there might be a break in the rain, but a weather check on the internet did not support his optimism. Ultimately, we didn't plan any excursions because it seemed pointless to do them in the rain. Jason did tell us that the bamboo boat could take our backpacks and could drop down plastic sheeting to protect us from the rain. He cautioned us against taking the bus to Yangshuo because it was unsafe. We explained that we had grown up in New Orleans, and that the US has far more crime than China, and that we had been traveling alone through Asia for months, but he was not swayed. Finally we told him that we'd take our chances on the bus. He looked skeptical.

The day was not getting any better but there was no point sitting in the cold lobby, so we donned our rain jackets and went off to explore Guilin under our umbrellas. We walked on a wide, stone paved, osmanthus tree lined, walkway along the Li River. The drizzle was light and didn't bother us under the trees. On our way to the Sun & Moon Twin Pagodas we 'happened upon' a gentleman also strolling along the river.

Man – Hello. Do you speak English?

P- (under her breath to me) Just ignore him.

G- Yes, we do speak English. How could you tell?

Man – I teach English.

G- Really, I'm just kidding. I know we stand out and look like we'd speak English.

Man – Where are you from?

P- (under her breath) Why are you talking to him? Don't encourage him.

G- (under my breath) He's not going to do anything to us. (to the man) We're from America.

Where do you teach English?

Man - At a university.

G- Your English is excellent.

Man – Thank you. Where are you going?

P- To the pagodas.

Man – They are very beautiful.

P- I'm sure they would be more beautiful in the sunshine instead of the rain. When will the rain stop?

Man – Maybe not for a month. It is the time for the rain.

G- We picked an excellent time to visit China.

Man – How long will you be in Guilin?

P- Not long.

Man – Where will you go after Guilin?

G- Yangshuo. Is it much smaller than Guilin?

Man – It is even more beautiful there. Yes, it is smaller.

G- Every city in China is much larger than we expected.

Man – China's cities are growing very quickly now. Many people from the countryside are moving into the cities.

G- We came by train from Nanning and I was surprised that we did not see more farmers in the countryside.

Man – Many of the farmers have moved to the cities for work and a better way of life. But it is difficult for them in the city because they don't get much money, because of their classification, and apartments are expensive.

P- What does that mean? What kind of classification?

Man – The money you are paid is based on your classification.

P- If you stop farming and move to the city can you get your classification changed?

Man – It is very difficult. Things are changing very fast in China, but some things not fast enough.

G- What kind of jobs can the people classified as farmers get in the city.

Man – Jobs that pay very little, this is why it is difficult for them.

P- Sounds like the government needs to move faster.

Man – Yes. How will you get to Yangshuo?

G- We are going by boat.

Man – Do you have tickets?

G- Yes. We booked it through our hotel.

Man – You should not book through a hotel because it is more expensive.

P- We'll remember that next time.

Man – Would you like to come to my travel company to look at the tours I can book for you?

G- I thought you taught English.

Man – Yes, but I also I have a tour company.

P- No, thank you.

G- We're not booking tours in Guilin because the weather is bad and we've already booked our travel to Yangshuo.

Man – But maybe you will see a tour that you would like and you will change your mind.

G- Thanks, but no. It was nice talking to you. You have a good afternoon.

We began to walk away, but he followed and persisted.

Man – My sister owns a tea house. Would you like to come drink some special teas.

P- No, we prefer beer to tea and right now we are going to the Pagodas.

G- We have enjoyed talking to you, but now we would like to walk alone. You have a nice day.

P- (under her breath) Go away mofo.

Man – Ok, if you change your mind you take my card.

G- Ok, thank you. Bye-bye.

Man – Good-bye.

We walked away purposefully and he did not follow.

P- You see, I told you not to start talking to him.

G- Why? I enjoyed our conversation.

P- Because he just wants to sell you shit.

G- That does not mean that we have to buy anything. It wasn't too difficult to get rid of him. Plus, I already read, in Lonely Planet, about the tea house scam and the fact that everyone has a tour company, so I knew what to expect.

P- There not our favorite guide book, but they sure do tell you which scams to expect.

The drizzle stopped for a few hours and we spent several hours walking along the river and around the Shan Lake where the Pagodas were situated. The Moon Pagoda is 7stories high and the Sun Pagoda is the tallest copper pagoda in the world. Later, we walked to an outdoor mall which consisted of pedestrian only streets lined with shops. Phyl still did not have a hoodie and we each needed a thick long sleeve shirt. We found the Chinese to be stylish, but also fond of clothes decorated with cartoonish characters. This made finding what we wanted even more difficult.

P- I may never get my hoodie because I'm not paying $80.00 for Nike or Adidas hoodies and I'm not wearing a Hello Kitty or cartoon character on my shirt.

G- We'll find something eventually.

P- You know I hate to shop and I'm tired of being looked at like I'm crazy to think there is a sweatshirt that will fit over my boobs.

G- I know, muffin, but cut them some slack. They've probably never seen boobs like yours.

P- I know, but I'm tired of being the circus freak.

G- Let's stop shopping for a while, get something to eat, and drink a beer.

We found a little shop where we selected a few different meats (chicken, lamb, & pork) on skewers and some vegetables (green onions, squash, & cabbage) that were flash fried in a very hot oil. It seems a little scary, but the food was not oily at all. The man behind the counter spoke a little English and was able to tell us our different meat options. They also served very cold bottles of beer, so we sat outside the shop and watched the people go by while we ate.

Much to Phyl's dismay, we returned to shopping. I was able to find a thick, navy blue shirt that fit perfectly, and was on sale.

P- Did you read what it says?

G- No, what does it say?

P- “I do more splendid”

G- Haha! I love it. Perfect Chinglish. I'm buying it.

P- Look at this one. It would look adorable on you and it's Saints colors.

G- I didn't want another little zip up jacket, but I might have to get this one too because it's perfect for Saints season. Who Dat!!

P- Yes, get both of them and you should be good.

G- Yes, I have the thick socks we bought in Hanoi, the shoes that I just bought in Nanning are very comfortable, now I have this thick shirt, and the warm ski hat I bought earlier. I'm good. But we still have not found you a hoodie.

P- I'm tired of shopping. Forget it.

G- No, we'll check the shops from here to the end of the walkway, then we'll stop.

P- Whah! I hate shopping.

G- Stop whining, Gladys. You hate being cold too and if you don't get a hoodie, or some kind of sweatshirt, you're gonna freeze your tits off in Tibet.

P- Maybe that would be a good thing. People will stop staring at me.

G- It won't be good for me because I'll have to listen to you bitch.

P- I never bitch.

G- Ha! Yeah. I wish that were true. Cold, tired & hungry. The perfect storm that I'm trying to ward off.

Halfway down the lane I went into a narrow little shop that sold sportswear and there, on a hanger, was a navy blue hoodie with the word Classic! written in yellow.

G- OMG! Look at this.

P- What size is it?

G- It's a medium, but maybe there are more. I hope there are more or I might cry.

P- I do like it, but it's more than I wanted to spend on a sweatshirt.

G- * gasp * Gladys, if they have your size we are buying this damn sweatshirt!

Fortunately, they had an XL and we were finally able to buy Phyllis a hoodie. The shopping was done!!

Guilin's Ming Palace Hostel

The time really passed quickly and before we knew it we had arrived in Guilin. As we waited for the doors to open, the man who had put our bags on the shelf helped us get then down. Erin tried to lift one and exclaimed that it was very heavy. The man agreed and told her that he was surprised that we could carry such heavy bags.

Erin was taking the bus, but was kind enough to walk us out of the train station and help us find a taxi. It was not an easy task for her to get someone to take us to the address of the hotel we selected, I shudder to think of the horrors we would have experienced without her assistance. Ultimately, we went in a little thing that looked like a tuk-tuk for a price that Erin considered far too high, but we had few options. We were accustomed to being overcharged because we are westerners, and it was starting to rain harder than the standard drizzle. We felt as though we had imposed upon Erin all that we should, so we hugged her, thanked her, and climbed into the little tuk-tuk.

We arrived at the Ming Palace International Hostel without a reservation and were delighted to find that all of the employees spoke some English. They advised that they had no double rooms available, but could put us, and only us, into a 6 person dorm room that had an en suite bathroom. The only problem...........it was on the 5th floor. Tomorrow we could move to a double room. We agreed and paid the $6.00 USD for the 2 of us to stay in the dorm.

Jason- Follow me to the room. (to Gina) I take your bag?

G- No, I can carry mine, please carry hers. She'll have enough trouble just climbing to the 5th floor without her bag.

P- Jason, do you have elevators in China?

Jason – Yes, some, but not so many.

P- Great.

Jason – Where you from?

G- America.

Jason – Oh, yes? I never meet Americans before.

P- Well now you have.

Jason – You sisters?

G- Yes.

P- Do we look alike?

Jason – Yes, I think so.

G- (under her breath to Phyl) All us westerners look alike.

P- Let's close these windows, Jason, it's cold outside.

Jason – I put on heater for you. Press this button to make it hotter. Sorry we only have this room. Tomorrow we move you.

P- What floor is that room on?

Jason- Floor number 2.

P- Good.

We put the little heater on high and hoped that the room would be warm when we returned from dinner.  Downstair we asked Jason to recommend a nearby restaurant where we could get some soup.

Jason – I finish work soon. If you wait a little time I will take you to a restaurant.

G- That sounds great. Thank you.

P- (under her breath to me) We'll just sit here in the freezing lobby and wait.

G- It is rainy and cold outside and they have the door and all of the windows open. WTF?

P- There's a heater in the corner, why don't they turn it on? They're cold too because they're all wearing their coats.

G- I can't figure this out. It makes no sense.

As we walked with Jason the 4-5 blocks to a restaurant we talked about the newly opened hostel and his job as the tour organizer. He knew about TripAdvisor and asked us to write about them if we were happy with our stay. Jason was in his early 20's and was eager to promote his new employer's business. He also gave us a little history on Guilin which dates back to 200 B.C., is known throughout China for its incredible karst landscape (like Ha Long Bay, Vietnam, but on land instead of water) and is very popular with Chinese tourists.  We walked through one of the very thick walls that surrounded the old city, and emerged onto a brightly lit street lined with restaurants.

Jason led us into a place which, of course, had all the doors and windows open and patrons eating dinner while wearing coats. As we entered, every head turned and every eyeball in the place was on us.

G- Apparently we are tonight's entertainment.

Jason – Many people have not seen westerners.

Jason helped us order a pot of hot tea, soup, and fried rice. He told us it should cost 22 yuan (about $7.00) and he went home. After about 10 minutes the people tired of staring at us and went back to their discussions. We were determined to warm ourselves with hot liquids. It was a good plan, but it was so cold in the restaurant that the tea in the pot quickly cooled.

P- I wish I could have sugar in my tea. Plain tea doesn't do it for me.

G- I'd like sugar and a little milk, but good luck getting that. Just be glad it's warm. The rice is pretty good.

P- It's ok. The soup is way too fishy. I've had enough of this.

G- It's just not very flavorful is it?

P- No, it's boring as shit. Nothing like Americanized Chinese food.

G- We really need to carry Tony Chachere's when we travel.



doors wide open

Our hands were cold as ice, the food was blah, and we never warmed up so we quickly paid the bill and walked back to the hostel.

G- This is why we're losing weight, Gladys. Just by climbing up the 5 flights of stairs to our room we have burned off the 200 calories we consumed at dinner.

P- Great! I'm sure I'll wake up hungry before the night is over.

G- Well, the room is a little warmer than it use to be, but it's still cold in here.

P- Are you gonna take a shower?

G- I want to but I don't want to take off my clothes. Whah! The bathroom is freezing. Whah!

P- Stop whining, Agnes. I'll take a shower first and heat up the bathroom for you.

G- Ok (still whining) This bottom bunk looks more like a double bed than a single. Let's just sleep in this bed and we can stack the comforters on top of each other. Maybe then I'll be warm enough to sleep.

P- Sounds good.

It was still freezing in the bathroom when I showered, but at least the water was hot.  Luckily, we had an electric teapot in the room so we drank hot tea before snuggling under the double layer of comforters for, what turned out to be, a good night's sleep.



tiny toilet paper rolls

Run, Turtle, Run

G- Ok, Gladys, you ready to go?

P- What time is it?

G- We have 90 minutes before our train leaves. We'll be at the train station more than an hour before our train leaves, so we're good on time. Let me help you put your packs on.

P- These packs are getting heavier and heavier.

G- It's not helping that we're buying heavy winter clothes.

We turned in our room card, thanked the girl at the counter and headed out into the gloomy drizzle. Phyl walks slowly when she's not carrying anything, when she's a pack mule carrying 50+ pounds, she moves like a turtle, walking uphill, in a strong head wind.

Because we each had our big packs on our backs and our day packs on our front, I could not turn my head to see her but had to completely turn my body around to be sure she hadn't fallen and was lying on her shell. Having to carry an umbrella was not helping.

As we approached the entrance to the train station..........

P- Which door should we enter?

G- I don't know. None of them match the symbols on our tickets. Just pick one.

P- Step aside before this old man knocks you down. He's apparently in a big hurry because he almost knocked me, and the old lady next to me, down.

G- Shit!

P- What?

G- We're gonna have to take our packs off up ahead and put them through a scanner.

P- Ugh! It's so hard getting them back on and these people are so damn impatient.

We struggled to get all of our packs off, through the scanner, and back on while people literally ran over us and attempted to dragged there bags through us. Once repacked, we went through another checkpoint where we were scanned by a woman with a metal detector wand. I showed her the tickets and she pointed upstairs. At the top of the escalator I showed the tickets to another attendant and she pointed us through another set of doors.

P- What did she say?

G- Gladys, this may come as a surprise to you, but I do not speak Chinese.

P- I couldn't hear whether she told you something in English or not.

G- No, we're in China, she spoke to me in Mandarin, I guess.

P- She seemed a little agitated.

G- I thought so too.

At the gate, I again showed the tickets to the attendants. They became very agitated and wave us into the gate in a hysterical manner.

P- What the hell?

G- I don't know, but they clearly want us to hurry up.

P- What time is it?

G- The train is not supposed to leave for 65 minutes.

P- Well, they seem to be freaking out.

G- Then hurry.

We walked, as quickly as laden mules can walk, down a hallway, then down 3 flights of stairs. My legs were burning so I knew Phyllis was in serious pain.

G- Hurry up, baby! I know you're dying.

P- I'm going as fast as I can! I'd like to know why we're hurrying.

G- I'm not sure, but clearly they want us to hurry.

P- If I fall down the stairs, or if my knee gives out, we won't be going anywhere. I'm going as fast as I can. I'm sweating my ass off with all these clothes on.

G- Me too. Suck it up and move as quickly as you can. We'll be sitting on the train for 5 hours.

When we finally reached the platform the attendants at the bottom went ballistic. I tried to run but Phyl kept her same slow and steady pace. The attendant on the train had to lower the stairs so we could get on. They were all yelling at us, or to us, in Chinese. I pulled myself aboard, legs already like Jello, then turned and pulled Phyl up. We had no idea which car we were on because we had to jump on the one closest to the bottom of the stairs. The attendant was clearly aggravated as she looked at our tickets, pointed toward the front, and pulled the stairs back up. We tried to walk up the car as the train lunged forward.

P- Oh my gawd! I think I'm gonna die. What the hell just happened? Is the train leaving early?

G- I can't figure it out. It's leaving 55 minutes early. I don't understand why.

We dragged ourselves, bouncing from wall to wall, through several sleeper train cars. That was bad enough, but when we reached the cars with the seats and walked down the aisles, stepping over legs and baggage, with 200 eyes watching every move we made, that was extremely uncomfortable. Finally, 8 cars later, we reached our seats, which were occupied by other people. I showed the interlopers our tickets and they got up, but there was no place to put our bags.

We were both dripping sweat, so before we sat down, and while the entire train car of people watched , we pulled off our jackets and sweatshirts down to our short sleeve shirts. All eyes followed our every move!! I squeezed onto the bench seat, past a woman who looked none to happy, and wedged myself and my daypack behind the table. The people sitting across, facing us, stared. Phyl shoved my big pack under the table, jamming my left leg against the wall, and I put my right leg on the bag. I was sure the man across from me had his legs squished too, but he was nonplussed. Phyl left her big pack in the aisle. We sat trying to regroup and cool down. Everyone on the train continued to stare at us.

P- What the hell just happened?

G- I cannot figure it out. The train was supposed to leave at 11:00. Why did it leave at 10:00?

P- Maybe the guy told us the wrong time.

G- Maybe, or maybe there is a train leaving every hour, but I doubt it. I just don't know.

P- We're right above Hanoi, so we're in the same time zone.

G- Well, somehow all the other people on the train knew the correct time.

Erin – Hello.

Our heads jerked up in unison. Heretofore unnoticed was a young, early 20's Chinese girl sitting across from Phyllis.

P & G – Hi.

P- You speak English?

Erin – Yes, a little.

G- Hi, I'm Gina.

P- I'm Phyllis.

Erin- Where are you from?

P- America.

Erin – Really? I've never met an American before.

G- Erin, can you tell us why the train left early.

Erin – I don't know. Sometimes it leaves early.

G- An hour early? (I held my arm out to her and pointed to my watch.)

Erin – Maybe.

G- How will we know if the train is going to leave early?

Erin – Oh, I don't know.

P- This is very confusing. We almost missed the train because it left early.

Erin – Maybe you must get to the station very early.

P- Earlier than an hour?

Erin – Maybe.

As we spoke, people from the train car began to gather around.

Man behind us – (translated by Erin) He says he has never seen a western person before.

G- Really?

Man – (translated by Erin) He thought you were Germans.

P- But we're speaking in English, not German. We do have German ancestors.

Erin – It might be hard for him to tell. I do not know that word.

P- Some of our people came to America from Germany. Our grandmothers' grandmothers and grandfathers' grandfathers.

Erin – Oh. I understand.

Another man - (to Erin who translated) He asks if you like China.

G- Yes, but we have only arrived 2 days ago and we have only seen Nanning.

Erin – Where did you come from?

G- We took a bus from Hanoi, Vietnam.

Erin – (translating for those gathered around) No one here has gone outside of China.

P- We wish the sun would come out and it would stop raining.

Erin – Now is the time for rain. Maybe it will stop in April or May.

P- That does not sound good, Erin.

Erin – I am sorry.

A woman – (to Erin who translated) Where will you go in China?

G- Now we go to Guilin, then Yangshuo, then Changdu. Later we will go to Beijing, Xi'an, & Shanghai.

Erin- You will go far. I have only been to Nanning, where I go to school, and Guilin, where my parents live.

G- It is far to come from America and we must see all that we can..

Same woman – (to Erin who translated) She thinks Americans are rich.

G- America is a richer country than many other countries, but there are a lot of Americans who are poor. Also, things are more expensive in America than they are in China.

P- Tell her that there are many places in America that would surprise her because the people there are so poor.

G- China is growing now, but America, like much of the world, is having a very bad economy. Do you know that word?

Erin - Yes, I know it.

Man sitting next to Erin – (to Erin who translated) Do Americans like Chinese people?

P- Yes, I think so. I don't know any Americans who don't like Chinese people. There are many Chinese people who live in America, especially in San Francisco.

Erin – I don't know that place.

G- It's in California.

Erin – Yes, California I know.

G- What does he think of Americans or America?

After a long discussion between the man and Erin, she looked hesitant.

G- Tell me whatever he said.

Erin- I do not want to offend you.

G- I won't get offended. We are interested in what people around the world think of America. We know that America is not perfect.

Erin – He thinks America is aggressive.

P- I can see why he thinks that.

G- I don't disagree with that. We can be aggressive. Definitely under Bush our treatment of other countries was aggressive and rude. Obama has tried to change our tone, but overall, the American government does what it thinks is best for America without regard for the rest of the world. Many times without regard for what's best for the American people. Many governments are like that and can be very short sighted.

Erin – (after translating what I said and having more discussion with the man) Yes, he agrees.

G- Do you think your government talks about America in a good way or a bad way?

P- (to Gina) That's a weird way to ask that question.... it sounds like you're asking 'is America the good witch or the bad witch'.

G- (to Phyl) Well, I'm trying to phrase it simply and use words that I know Erin will know. (to Erin) I ask because your government is Communist, and I know it censors your information, so I'm trying to understand if your government wants you to think America is good or if America is bad.

Erin – What is Communist? I do not know this word.

G- Communist is the name for the kind of government you have. The kind of government that was created when Chairman Mao took over the country.

Erin – (blank look)

G- What do you call the kind of government you have?

Erin – A republic.

G- Well, it's called The People's Republic of China, but the style of government is Communist. Like Russia. America's government is called a democracy because the people get to vote for the representatives and the president.

Erin – We vote for our leaders in our cities, but not for the country's leaders.

P- Really? You vote for some leaders?

Erin – Yes. In our cities.

P- I did not know that. (to Gina) Did you know that?

G- No. Then, even though Americans like to think so, I guess our governments aren't all that different. China is Communist and America is a Corpocracy. The average person gets a say on a very low level, like city council or little local governments, but the president is basically picked by the very rich and corporations. They have all the money and they decide which man will run for each party. The average American has little choice in the matter, even though we like to pretend that we do.

Erin- I do not know about these things. Maybe I will learn more about this in school.

P- Maybe, but I doubt it because most Americans don't really understand it.

Erin had obviously lost interest in this topic, and we didn't press it since she didn't even know the English word (communist) for her government. It seems unlikely that Chinese people sit around talking politics. What would be the point in that? We moved on to other topics like the food, noodle bowls, climates where we live, our families. We showed them our driver's licenses, photos of our family members on my iPod, and some US currency. Gradually people returned to their seats and stopped staring at us so intently.

After about 2 hours our legs were numb from the inability to move them, so when the train stopped, we tried to move the bags around.

The man we had discussed politics with watched as we struggled to get a little more room for our feet. Graciously, he got up, restacked some bags on the shelf above us, and put our big packs up there. We thanked him profusely. The bags had been moved just in time because a short time later, the lunch cart lady came down the aisle.

Phyl & I had purchased noodle bowls at Wal-Mart and were going to taste this Chinese mainstay for the first time. Phyl followed others with their noodle bowls to the end of the train car and watched them get the hot water from a huge, heated, metal container. We watched a lady on the other side of the aisle and followed her lead by emptying our little packets of dried contents into the hot water and let it sit for a few minutes. Then we ate our first noodle bowl meal, on a train, in China. It was so very Chinese.

G- Don't you think the guy sitting across from me looks like Vikki's husband, Louis?

P- Yes! He definitely does.

G- What do you think about this food?

P- I don't know why they love this stuff so much. It reminds me of Ramin noodles and I don't care for them.

G- It's not terrible, but the sodium must be through the roof. At least it's kind've like a hot meal.

P- It'll do.

G- Chinese Louis looks like he does not feel well. I wish he'd stop coughing germs into my noodle bowl. It's grossing me out.

P- Yeah, he does look sick and hasn't picked his head up off the window. I wish he'd keep his tuberculosis on his side of the table. I don't want to get sick.

G- There's not much we can do to avoid his germs. We're packed in here like sardines.

P- We should be there in 2 more hours.

G- The scenery is pretty.  I wish the window was cleaner.

Please, No Ugly Heidi Hats

G- Ok, it's time to leave the warm bar and go buy me a new pair of shoes.

P- And I need a hat, gloves, and a hoodie.

We went back into the drizzle, walked across the mall courtyard and into the building on the other side. Each of these buildings, within the mall complex, was 3 or 4 stories high and full of stores. Neither of us had seen anything like it in the US, and it reminded us, just based on size, of the buildings on Orchard Road in Singapore. We went in shop after shop but could not find a hoodie to fit Phyl.

G- This is not going well.

P- These people are so tiny, how am I ever going to find a hoodie to fit me?

G- It is making me worry. At least the salespeople are all helpful.

P- True, but sometimes I feel like a freak. Do they really think that XL for twigs is going to fit over my chest?

G- They're mostly staring at us because we're the only white people in Nanning. Don't take it personally. Plus, you can't expect people who have only seen chests like mine to have an concept of yours. It's like expecting a person who has never left south Louisiana to have a concept of the Himalayas.

P- Shut up, ass! Look, a hat and glove shop.

We walked into this little shop, the size of a broom closet, with walls lined with cubes full of hats, gloves & scarves, and smiled at the cute, young girl standing at a small counter in the rear. She smiled back and watched us as one watches the orangutans at play in the Audubon Zoo.

ugly hat, more on the monkey later



G- Quite the selection in here. I like this hat.

P- It's cute, but it doesn't look like it would be very warm. You need something that'll cover your ears.

G- That's true. Look at these leather gloves. They must be for men because they're big enough to fit my long fingers. And they're on sale. Yay! I'm getting these.

P- Is there a pair that would fit me?

G- No, just mittens and I know you don't want mittens.

P- Hell no! I cannot imagine why anyone would use a mitten except to put them on a little baby that keeps trying to scratch its own eyes out or to take a hot pan out of the oven.

G- Duly noted. Not mittens.

P- I love this hat. I love red!

G- Oh no! I am not being seen with you in that hat!! You look like an idiot. What are those things hanging off the sides? They're like long Heidi braids.

P- I really like it and it keeps my ears warm.

G- Are you kidding me? (I started laughing)

P- I'm not kidding. I want this hat. (Starting to giggle)

G- Phyllis! It's bright reddish pink. You look like your head was smashed in some kind of vise and you can be seen for miles. (Really laughing)

P- Stop making me laugh! I'm serious. I'm getting this hat.

G- I'm serious too. You are not getting that hat. What are those braids?

P- I don't know, but when it's really cold, I can tie them together under my neck.

G- You are scaring me. (I began to yodel and we laughed even harder.)

The salesgirl watched this scene unfold; us reduced to tears as we cracked ourselves up. She had a huge grin on her face when I looked over at her, pointed to that ridiculous hat on Phyl's head and shook my head. Even though she had no idea what we were saying, our laughter was contagious, and she let out a little giggle. A few other people stood in the doorway of the shop watching us laugh. I finally realized that Phyl was serious, so I relented and paid for the ugly hat and my gloves.



live chicken delivery



We were tired of walking around the mall and ironically, I could not find a shoe store, so we headed back to the hotel. As luck would have it, there was a department store, full of shoes, on the way back to our hotel so we ducked inside. There were virtually no customers, so when we walked in, the myriad of workers spun their heads around and watched our every move.

G- I could get a complex being stared at all the time.

P- Maybe they've just never seen people so cute.

G- Yes, that must be it. Alternatively, maybe they've never seen 2 white women, with shaved heads.

P- Whatever. I like my reason better.

G- They have a lot of cute boots in here.

I selected 3 pairs of boots from the shelves, sat on the cushion in the middle and waved over the closest salesgirl. Her eyes had not left me since I walked into the store, so it was not difficult to get her attention. I smiled and pointed at the 3 shoes and then pointed to myself. She smiled and called over 2 other salesgirls. Again, I smiled, pointed at the 3 shoes, tapped my chest and pointed at my feet. They seemed hesitant.

The bravest of the bunch began to ask me questions in Chinese. I shrugged and pointed to my foot, wondering if they had a foot sizer like the kind we have in the states. A few more salespeople came over. We were up to 6. They looked at me, I looked at them, but we were helpless. I thumbed through the minimal translation section in my guide book. They spoke amongst themselves for a few minutes, then one girl went away and came back with a little pamphlet that was a Chinese/English dictionary. Now we were in business!

A guy who spoke a tiny bit of English stepped forward and said hello. He pointed to the pamphlet and said, "size"? I pointed to the Chinese word for 7, but then said American size. How in the world would I know the equivalent size in China? I sat back down, pulled off my shoe and tried to put on the largest of the 3 shoes I had selected. It was too small by about 1 size. I took the pamphlet and pointed to the Chinese word next to "bigger".

The exchanges proceeded in this manner, and I was brought 2 additional pair of shoes, but they were all too small. Finally I waved my hand in a grand sweeping manner, at all of the racks and pointed to "bigger". I was getting desperate and was willing to make a selection from whichever shoes would fit me. The final answer was surprising. There were no women's shoes big enough to fit me.

G- Ok then. Apparently an American size 7 is larger than any Chinese woman's foot.

P- That seems difficult to believe.

G- Let's go check out the men's shoes. I can't walk around everyday with wet feet.

I did a pantomime to the guy who spoke a little English that I was going to look at men's shoes. He pointed me to the other side of the store and followed me with the pamphlet. A similar dog and pony charade show ensued in the men's department, but most of the salespeople lost interest. Apparently we were no longer a novelty. The saleslady in the men's department, with the help of the translation pamphlet and the guy, figured out that I wanted the smallest men's shoe in a certain look, and brought me 2 options.

G- I think this pair is the closest to my size. It's only, maybe, a 1/2 size too big, but they feel very comfortable.

my shoe box



P- They look fine. All that matters is that they are comfortable.

I gave the saleslady, and the guy, the thumbs up, thanked them, and we all smiled. The guy left as the saleslady packaged the shoes and wrote up a slip for me to take to the payment counter.

G- Well that was exhausting. I'm starving.

P- I hope you didn't just flip them off or something by giving them the thumbs up.

G- That's right. I forgot. It was just a reflex. I forgot which country you're not allowed to make that sign in.

P- Oh well, since they both smiled, I guess you didn't offend them.

G- I have to remember not to do hand signs. Is it the thumbs up or the ok sign that's bad?

P- I don't remember and right now, I don't care.

We walked across the street from our hotel to what looked like a Chinese fast food establishment. The prior night we had elected not to eat there because we thought we'd get better food at a place that was not the equivalent of Chinese fast food. But now, after the ordeal of buying the shoes, and the prior night's ordeal of getting the food that wasn't even good, we needed easy. We each selected a noodle bowl, the only options, by pointing at the picture on the sign behind the counter (just like at McDonald's).

G- (pointing at the Coke machine I held up 2 fingers) 2 Cokes.

Salesclerk - No Coke.

G- No?

Salesclerk - No. She said something in Chinese and pointed to another "drink" machine.

P- I wonder why we can't have Coke.

G- I don't know, maybe the machine is broken. What the hell is in that machine she's pointing at?

P- I don't know. Is that a picture of a kiwi on the front?

G- I'm not sure, but it looks to scary to risk it. I think the soup comes with a little cup of tea. I'll just drink that and my water. You want to try the scary green shit?

P- No. I'll drink water too.

The noodle bowl proved quite tasty and both filled & warmed us up. We watched as the salesclerk told other people they could not have Coke, so the machine must have been broken. Even though this was a fast food type establishment, the noodle bowl was made of metal and nothing, except the napkins, were disposable. Fortunately, we were almost finished when 2 noodle slurpers sat in the chairs next to us and killed our appetites with their revolting noisemaking.

We returned to our room and watched a little news in Chinese as we repacked our bags for the train ride the next morning.

Chinese Wal-Mart

We spent the remainder of the afternoon walking around in the huge mall. We were on a mission to find gloves, warm hats, warm shirts, and a pull over hoodie for Phyllis. We thought we had hit the jackpot when we found a Wal-Mart, but it didn't sell any sweatshirts. We did buy socks and silk long john shirts. The Wal-Mart was basically set up like one in America, but the food section contained primarily seafood which was unrecognizable to us. Whereas we have more boxed items in America, this Wal-Mart contained more items in thick, shrink wrapped bags. There was a huge display of individual candies, purchased by weight, selected and placed in little, pastel, plastic baskets and taken to a separate for register for payment.


G- I was hoping that we could buy something for dinner, like a rotisserie chicken or something.

P- All I see is raw, head on, fish, eels, squids and things that look like organs.

G- Not very appetizing. We also need to buy something for tomorrow's train ride.

P- I saw apples in the produce area.

G- We may just have to buy noodle bowls. Anna said that every train has a hot water dispenser.

P- When you say noodle bowls, do you mean that Raman Noodle shit that starving college students eat?

G- Yes, I think that's basically all they are. There is a whole row of them! It's hard to believe it's so popular because it's so bad for you and so high in sodium.

P- I don't want to eat that.

G- Neither do I Gladys, but I'm not having another day like yesterday when we were trapped with nothing to eat, so pick a noodle bowl you'd be willing to eat if you were hungry. And let's buy 2 apples.

P- I wish we could find some cheese. Whah! I want cheese.

G- We've covered every inch of the food section and there is no cheese. Asians don't eat cheese.

P- I can't find pretzels, but I found a pack of oreos, and a box of granola bars.

G- Good. We won't starve, we'll just overdose on sodium and saturated fat. Let's go upstairs; we need toilet paper, shampoo, toothpaste and I need tampons. Hannah told me I could find OBs at Chinese Wal-Marts.

The walls lining the escalator, a flat treadmill type conveyor allowing us to take our basket with us, held boxes of various small items for sale.

G- Well this is a good marketing idea. You can still shop while you go up the escalator.

P- You know I hate shopping.

G- I wish I could take pictures in here; there are so many things I want pictures of.

P- I wouldn't risk it. There are cameras and clerks everywhere.

G- Not to mention the signs that say picture taking is forbidden. WTF? What's top secret in Wal-Mart?

P- It's bizarre. Who gives a shit if you take pictures in Wal-Mart?

G- I don't know, but it's driving me nuts that I can't take pictures.

P- I'm sure it's killing you Agnes.

G- The McDonald's also had signs forbidding photography. You think it's a Chinese government rule or an American company rule?

P- We can take pictures in American McDonald's and Wal-Marts.

G- I mean a rule that American companies have in China.

P- Really, I don't know and I don't care.

Whereas it is virtually impossible to find a helpful clerk in a New Orleans' Wal-Mart, the Nanning Wal-Mart was crawling with clerks.

G- It's very disconcerting having all of these clerks standing around watching everything we do.

P- I don't like it. Are they here to help or to watch that no one steals anything?

G- I can't tell, but since they're standing there, let's get them to help us. I can't tell if this stuff if body wash or shampoo.

P- This stuff is definitely conditioner because I found this Pantene bottle that says "conditioner" at the bottom.

I held the bottle up to the clerk and then pointed at my hair, what little there was. She looked at my shaved head, maybe back to 3/4 of an inch, and shook her head yes. Then she looked at Phyl's head. Her look said it all, "Why you bitches need shampoo is beyond me! You don't even have hair!". Toothpaste was easy to discern, all we had to do was find the aisle with the tooth brushes. Deductive reasoning.

G- There are 2 full rows of pads, but I cannot find tampons.

P- I've never seen so many pads in my life. It's hard to believe that all Chinese women use pads and not tampons.

G- It's revolting. It's tragic.

P- You think there's some cultural reason why they don't use tampons?

G- I guess they just follow the norm and if everyone you know uses pads, then that's just what you use. I wonder if they'll switch as they become more westernized?

P- Why anyone would use pads instead of tampons is beyond me.

G- Disgusting! Surely there is at least a handful of Chinese women, who shop at this Wal-Mart, who use tampons. Hannah said they were pretty easy to find.

P- I don't see any.

G- I'm going to ask this clerk standing next to me, staring at us. Give her a little excitement in her day.

P- I can't wait to see this pantomime!

I smiled at her and made eye contact.

G- English?

Clerk - No! No!

I pointed to the row of pads and shook my head, and my index finger, no. Then I held up my left hand and made a circle with my thumb and index finger. She watched with wrapped attention. I inserted my right index finger into the circle (like the crude, childish pantomime for sex, but instead of sideways, it was bottom up). She squinted and was clearly trying to figure out what I was trying to say. I started over with the same charade, pointing to the pads and going through the same motions. By the time I stuck my right index finger into the left handed circle, 2 other clerks were watching and she had her "ah ha" moment. She indicated for us to follow her and took us to the next row where she moved a display sign and pointed triumphantly to 4 little boxes of OB tampons.

G- Yes! Thank you. Xie Xie (Sha' sha')

P- Ok, do we need anything else?

G- Besides cheese and a rotisserie chicken?

P- Yes, besides those things.

G- I guess not.  We cannot buy what they don't have.

P- Nothing gets past you, Agnes.

Check out went smoothly but for the apple.

P- Why is it always so difficult to purchase fruits and vegetables?

G- I don't know. If they can stick the little sticker on them that says Fuji or Granny Smith, I don't know why they can't just stick a bar code on them.

P- Do you think she just told that boy, "Price check on aisle 4"?

G- Bwahahaha. Probably so. It's so funny how we're on the other side of the world, unable to speak the language or communicate in any way except gestures and eye signals, but we just had a conversation with the check out girl and the woman behind us.

P- Yes, the check out girl is saying "he's got to go check the price", you shrugged and raised your eyebrows to the woman behind saying "sorry", and she shrugged back "no problem", even though you know she's thinking 'screw me! why do I always get in the line that has to have a price check'?

G- Exactly!  Let's go find a beer.

P- Brilliant!!  It's way past time to have our first Chinese beer.

Squatter's Rights

The room was toasty when we awoke the next morning.

P- How'd you sleep?

G- Like a rock. The bed was very comfortable and it was nice and warm in the room. You?

P- I was very comfortable too but I don't sleep so well with my stomach growling.

G- I'm glad you had the idea to put the bag along the door to keep out the cold air. I can't understand why all of the windows in the hallway are open.

P- Hello! It's cold outside.

G- Let's look at the guidebook and decide on our itinerary so we can buy our train tickets now. Then, let's go find a McDonald's.

P- Did you read the notice on the back of the door?

G- The one written in Chinese?  Um, no.

P- I hope it isn't giving us some important information.

G- It says that you should put your luggage along the bottom of the door if you'd like to prevent the artic blast from entering your room.  You already figured that out.

I tried to put together an itinerary while Phyl boiled water for the coffee packets.

P- This room is great but I can't believe the bathroom has a squat toilet. I'm a little uneasy about that.

G- It's not that difficult. You'll manage, Gladys.

P- I wish there was a bar on the wall, or something to hold on to, falling in the squat toilet would be very nasty.

G- You want me to stand in front of you and hold up my arm like a bar for you to hold onto?

P- No! This is a personal thing.

G- Good answer because I was only joking anyway. It's not a public toilet; it flushes, it's clean, and apparently it was made in America. Quit ya bitchin! You didn't think you were going to make it through Asia without crapping in a squat toilet, did you?

P- Yes. After all this time, I thought I could. There is nothing for me to hold on to. I hope I don't fall over.  Made in America?  I've never seen a squat toilet in America.

G- I'm sure you'll be fine.  Did you notice the name on the toilet?

P- No, I didn't inspect it that intently, and it hardly matters.

G- American Standard.  It's kind've funny that American Standard is making squat toilets for China.  You think they're made in America?  Bwahahahaha.

P- Stop talking to me! 

Constitutional and shower complete..............

P- That's a nice hot shower. You just have to be careful not to step into the squat toilet while you're showering. There's not much room to stand next to it.

G- Have you looked at this soft porn picture over the bed? What's up with that?

P- I hadn't paid much attention to it, but you're right, it is soft porn. Why is she a Western woman and not a Chinese woman?

G- Beats me, maybe Chinese men are only allowed to lear at Western women and not Chinese women.  It's not the 'art' I would have expected to find in a Chinese hotel room.

P- What have you decided about the itinerary? Should we head east to Shanghai or west to Guilin?

G- I'm thinking we should go west, then loop back around so we can use Hong Kong to get out of China in 30 days. Then we can head east to Shanghai, go up to Beijing, then take the train to Tibet and leave China through Nepal.

P- I still don't understand why we have a 2 month visa but we're only allowed to be in China for 30 days, then get out, then come back in. That is so stupid!

G- It makes no sense to me either but we have no choice. It just makes planning the itinerary so difficult. If we go east and up to Beijing first, then there is no close place to do a border run. I contemplated Mongolia, but it's really too far so we'd be stuck having to fly from Beijing to Hong Kong and I'm trying to avoid the expense of flying.

P- Yeah, I look at that last night and flying around in China is expensive.

G- I'm starving! Let's go buy train tickets to Guilin and find McDonald's.

It was cold and still raining as we walked the 2 blocks to the train station. With great trepidation we got in line at one of the 25 ticket windows. Throughout S.E. Asia we had become accustomed to, and spoiled by, the process of hotel clerks arranging our transport, but it seemed that luxury was a thing of the past.

P- Are you sure we're in the right line.

G- I'm sure of nothing because I cannot read a single word written in this station. I just selected this line because it felt right.

P- Have you noticed that everyone is staring at us?

G- Yes. It's quite disconcerting, but I think we'd just better get use to it.

P- Now we know how Branjolina feel.

G- But without their money or good looks. And someone else would arrange for their train tickets.

I was quite nervous when it was our turn at the window.

G- English?

Ticket clerk - No.

I began by holding my guide book against the window and pointing at Guilin, fortunately written in both English and Chinese. I pointed to 11:00 as I held my watch up to the window. I pointed to the word for tomorrow and pressed the book up to the window. This was taking forever. Then I held up 2 fingers and flipped the pages of my book until I found words associated with train travel. I pointed to 'soft seat' and held the book against the window. The clerk leaned forward in her seat attempting to see the words I pointed to, then shook her head no.

P- No, what? No there are no seats available for 11:00 or no, there are no soft seats?

G- Beats the hell out of me.

I pointed at the word for 'hard seat' and pressed the book against the window. She squinted and looked at the book again, then shook her head.

G- OMG! We're never going to buy a ticket at this rate.

P- What should we do?

The people behind us were getting restless as I flipped through the guidebook. Just then, the clerk leaned back and yelled to another clerk at the end of the line. The at clerk the end of the line came down to our window and told me to come to the last window.

Every eye followed us as we exited our line and walked, as instructed, down to the end window. We passed another westerner, who I had not previously noticed. As we passed.....

Westerner - Do you speak Chinese?

G- No, do you?

Westerner - No.

G- I'd suggest you follow us to the last line. It seems that clerk speaks some English.

Westerner - Great. Thanks.

We waited in line again. This clerk did speak some English and we were thrilled for the help, but there was much that was discussed that we didn't not understand. We ended up buying 'hard seat' tickets for the 11:00 AM train and were told to be at the station 1 hour before departure. We had been told to never buy 'hard seat' tickets, but since we presumably had no choice, whatever the reason, we just hoped for the best.

With that very stressful task completed, we walked to the street and hailed a plastic wrapped, tuk-tuk type vehicle. I handed the driver the paper where the girl at our hotel had written the name of a mall, containing a McDonald's, and held up a few fingers to negotiate the price. The female tuk-tuk driver behind him, who looked at us as though we were from outer space, said something and they laughed. Finally we agreed on a price and I climbed onto the seat behind the driver.

P- How in the hell am I supposed to fit my ass in there when your little ass barely made it?

G- I didn't realize it was so small. This must be what they were laughing about.

P- Well he's going to have to scoot forward so I can get in because I'm not rubbing my boobs on him while I try to squeeze my ass in.

Phyl waved her hand at the driver indicating that he should move forward. He moved as much as he could and we crammed into it, our backpacks on our laps. We were not very comfortable.

G- I feel like those chickens and pigs looked crammed into those baskets.

P- I know you are not comparing me to a pig.

G- Whatever! I'll be the pig and you be the chicken.

P- What I want to be is out of this sardine can.

G- Thank gawd there's plastic so we're not getting wet. But my feet feel wet. How can my feet get wet through leather boots.

P- Mine aren't wet.

G- I knew there was going to be a problem with my boots. That boot making woman totally lied to us! I knew our boots were made by 2 different people; yours apparently made by Gepetto and mine made by Pinocchio.

P- I sorry your boots suck baby. You'll just have to buy a new pair of shoes.

G- That pisses me off! I hate wasting that time and money.

P- I know but you can't walk around with wet feet because you don't want to spend more money on shoes.

G- Ugh! Good lord! Look at the size of this mall.

P - It's huge!! Where's the McDonald's?

G- Look! There's the sign. My mouth is salivating.

P- And my stomach is growling! I'm not sharing french fries this time. I want my own bag and I'm eating them all!!!

Aside from the fact that the words on the order board were in Chinese, everything looked very familiar. That, alone, was comforting. The clerk took one look at me and pulled out a laminated menu card with photos and English writing. I pointed to the Big Mac meal, held up 2 fingers and said 1 coke, 1 diet coke as I pointed to the pictures on the drink machine. Within minutes, and for under $6.00 I had a 2 Big Mac meals.

G- My stomach is doing flips! I'm so excited.

P- Quick, stop talking & pick a place to sit.

We sat in silence, but for the moaning, savoring every bite of that previously frozen, grade F meat and the artery clogging french fries. The iced, fountain coke was also a taste extravaganza for our deprived tongues.

P- It's insane how good this tastes!

G- I know. I'm enjoying this as much as a medium rare, petite filet at Ruth's Chris. It's depraved.

P- It's the best beef we've had in a long time, even though it's almost not real beef.

G- Perspective is everything!!