We're Not In Kansas Anymore

The Bali landing was a bit scary. Similar to the San Francisco airport, one minute you're just above water, then you're touching down on the runway. But I think the San Francisco airport has a longer runway. When we touched down in Bali, the captain rode the brakes for what seemed like an eternity before we stopped. We had visions of falling off the island. When the plane turned, we could see the water at the end of the runway.

We followed the crowd to the Visa payment area. We thought we'd pay with a credit card, but cash only!! Then on to customs.

Customs agent – You have same bag?

P- (smiling) Yes.

Customs agent – And you have same haircut?

P- (smiling) Yes. We need short hair because we will be traveling for a long time. (with a larger smile) Actually, we were siamese twins, separated at birth.

G- (kicks Phyllis) Don't get smart with the customs agents! I need to SLEEP!!!!!!

Customs agent – (furrows brow in confusion) How long you stay in Bali?

P- 28 days. We leave on December 17th.

Customs agent – Give this card to man at desk.

Handing off our cards, we went to baggage claim and vola! The checked bag was actually there. It was a miracle.

Before leaving baggage claim we had to put our bags through yet another scanner. Walking down the final hallway, we were solicited by booth after booth of money changers.

G- This is weird.

P- I wonder what the poor bastards at the end of the hallway did wrong and how long do you have to work here to get a booth near the front.

When the doors opened................SMACK!!!!!! The heat and humidity hit us like a ton of bricks!!!! This was the first time in 4 days we had been out of an airport and it was definitely not pleasant.

G- OMG! This is just like exiting baggage claim in New Orleans, in August!

P- But this is BALI!

We stood in line to pay for a cab, paid our fee (55,000 rupiah, about $6.) and followed our grumpy driver to his car.

G- (whispering to Phyl) I thought the Balinese are warm and friendly. What happened to this guy?

P- I'm blank. My brain shut down days ago. At least his air conditioner works.

It was 9:30 pm on Saturday night and our first introduction to Bali was not what we had expected. The town was hopping. The streets were very narrow and lined with shop after shop. Not the kind of shop you'd see in Lakeside Mall, but the kind of shops you'd see in Cancun. We passed a woman making a fire on the curb, preparing to cook. Mopeds and motorcycles swarmed the car in either direction. Every once in a while, cars would come in from a side street and would practically hit us. It was like riding the wild mouse. The mopeds were kind've like ants, swarming after someone stepped on their pile.

We began to pass hotels squished in between the shops. We drove through Kuta on our way to Legian Beach. After about 20 minutes, the people on the street changed from Balinese to tourists. We drove to the end of our street and we turned right into a very narrow alley. At the end of the alley was a little courtyard with a reservation desk to the right and an open restaurant to the left. After checking in, we were lead through a wall, past the pool, into a sparse, but very clean room. The hotel, Sinar Bali, was built in a traditional Balinese style with bungalows on 2 sides and a 2 story hotel, only 9 rooms long on the 3rd side. We were paying $35.00/night and had a/c and hot water.

Once in our room, we dropped our bags and looked longingly at the beds. After 4 days, 12,000 miles,

4 different flights, 7 time zone changes, and a total of maybe 12 hours of sleep, we had finally arrived!

P- I'm going to take a shower.

G- I'll shower after you.

P- (exiting the bathroom and finding me asleep) Wake up. Are you going to shower?

G- No. I'm not getting up. I can't take it anymore. I'll shower tomorrow. Turn off the light.

And then we fell into comas.

Singapore Slog

The flight from Hong Kong to Singapore was about 3 hours and arrived in Singapore at 11:30 pm. On our way to baggage claim.....

P- It will be a miracle if that checked bag makes it. I can't imagine how it will since we checked in for the Wednesday flight to Hong Kong but we didn't get on until the Thursday flight.

G- When I checked us in on the Thursday flight, Gina requested the bag be put on this flight. We have to find a Wifi area so we can book a flight to Bali. I read that the Singapore airport has free Wifi. First let's go to baggage claim and get the bag.

P- It looks like we have to go through customs to get to the baggage area.

G- Shit!! I don't want to go through customs because I don't want to have to return and do the damn strip search again. Whah!

P- No whining! You try to get on the internet and I'll go see if we can get the bag without going through customs.

G- (after Phyl returned) I couldn't get on. I found what appears to be the connection, but it says I need a password.

P- The woman at the custom's desk said that there is a 24 hour information desk upstairs. Let's go up there.

At the information desk we received the internet password and were told that we did not have to retrieve our checked bag. When we check in for our flight to Bali, they can call for the bag to be sent to that flight. That is a fantastic system!!!! If that can be done, why do people lose bags that were checked on a direct flight? It defies logic. We sat and searched for a flight to Bali that left as soon as possible and was cheapest. We settled on a KLM flight leaving that evening, Saturday, at 5:30 pm. It was currently 1:30 am.

P- Ok, now that we've got the flight booked, what do you want to do? The woman on the plane said that there is a hotel in this airport, short term sleeping rooms, and showers. Do you feel sleepy?

G- I feel delirious, but not sleepy, per se. I could go for a shower and a change of clothes, then some sleeping.

P- I agree. I need a shower! I feel disgusting and I think a hot shower would give me the boost I need to make it to Bali.

We went to the hotel first and learned that it was full until 9:00 am. We could get a sleep room for $30. per person for 3 hours.

G- I'm not paying $60. to sleep for 3 hours when I'm not even sleepy right now. When we become sleepy later, we'll find a place.

P- I agree. Let's get a shower for $6.50 each.

The shower area was empty. Surprise, surprise. It was the middle of the night. We each enjoyed a wonderful hot shower and changed our clothes. We felt rejuvenated. As a bonus, a bottle of water and a wafer cookie. Back in the concourse, we found a free foot massage machine.

P- OMG! This feels fantastic! I wish I could get my back into this machine..

G- Stop moaning! Someone will hear you. Look at the warning sign. Why can't you get a foot massage if you're pregnant or menstruating? Seems like those are 2 times I definitely need my feet rubbed.

The night went by fairly quickly and we still were not sleepy. At 5:30 am we ate breakfast and strolled through the butterfly garden. The Singapore airport (Changi) is an incredible place! A free movie theater, butterfly garden, cactus garden, orchid garden, wifi, foot massagers, and luggage carts. Also, upscale shops, spas, yoga studios and restaurants. It was clean and beautiful. By far it was the most fantastic airport we had ever visited.

After breakfast we went to the area where we'd check in, stopping along the way for more foot massaging. We learned that we could not check in until 2:30 pm. We began an internet search for a place to stay in Bali. After an exhaustive search, we booked a hotel.

G- What time is it?

P- It's only 9:30 am.

G- Are you shitting me? Gawd! The night flew by quickly, but since 6:30 am the time has dragged by.

P- You want to find a place to sleep?

G- It is so crowded and noisy now I can't imagine that we'll be able to sleep. Also, I am like a zombie, but I'm not sure if I can sleep.

The hours dragged on like pulling taffy through a mosquito net. We became more and more delirious and fantasized about sleeping, in a bed, for days on end. We drank espresso frappuccinos from Starbucks, but it didn't help. Finally, in the early afternoon, we ate lunch in a Chinese restaurant.

P- Ugh! Chopsticks again. I forgot that we were going to have to eat with these damn things everywhere we went.

G- Asia, Gladys, Asia.

P- Is this part of the Asia diet you've been telling me about? You know I can't eat with these things. By the time I get 1 grain of rice, at a time, in my mouth, the rice is cold and I am over it.

G- Hold them like this and try to get good scoops on the sticks.

P- (As she tries to shovel the rice into her mouth, it falls off the chopsticks and careens into her cleavage.) Oh, this Asian diet is going to work well since I can't get any food into my stomach.

G- Your stomach will be empty, but your cleavage will be full.

After lunch we walked around trying to stay awake. We stopped again for free foot massages and went to our gate. This had been the longest day of our lives!!! After going through another checkpoint at the gate, we finally boarded our plane for Bali. The food on the KLM flight (a ginger cole slaw and curry chicken) was considerably better than the United food. After I ate, I passed out.

P- Gi, close your mouth before you start drooling.

G- Leave me alone! I can't keep my eyes open one more minute! At least I didn't fall asleep with food in my mouth like I did on the last leg of my return trip from Russia.

P- I wasn't with you then so it didn't matter.

Close the Window!!!

We were assigned row 33, in the middle 4 seats. Phyl was in the isle, and fortunately there was an open seat between me and the lady on the isle on my left.


P- Believe me, I am not complaining, but I hope this 15.5 hour flight is not as horrible in these middle seats as the considerably shorter flight to Athens that almost made us crazy.

G- I was thinking the same thing, but we've flown a lot more international flights since then, so I think it'll be better. Besides, we have much better pillows this time.

The flight took off at 12:45 pm and at 3:30 pm, the flight attendants served “dinner”.

G – Why in the hell are they serving “dinner” at 3:30 pm? If we had known this, we wouldn't have eaten McDonald's. Excuse me, could you tell me the food schedule? We've never flown to Asia before. Is it like flying to Europe.........dinner, then breakfast when we wake up after the pretend nighttime?

Flight attendant – No. You'll have dinner now, then a snack later on.

P- Which one are you choosing? Chicken or pasta?

G- I guess pasta. This is a very bizarre feeding schedule.

P- I know. Why are we eating “dinner” at 3:30 pm?

G- I don't know, but this pasta sucks! It's gonna be a long, hungry flight with just a snack later. The Asia diet has begun!!!

We watched 2 movies in a row, then played rummy, continually drank water because we were already dry as a desert, watched another movie, then hunkered down for “nighttime”. Surprisingly, insteaded of heading west, we headed almost due north, over Canada, and headed west at the curve of the earth, going over Greenland. After about 4 hours of “nighttime”, and darkness, during which we slept for about 2-3 hours, we flew into sunlight.

P- What just happened? Why is it so bright in here?

G- That big, dumb boy just opened his window and fell back asleep.

P- Well that's just great! Excuse me. Excuse me! Please close your window. We're trying to sleep too!  How can he sleep with the window open?

G- I don't know. Ask the flight attendant coming down the isle if he'll close it.

The flight attendant could not reach the window over the 3 sleeping people, so he got a hanger and pushed the window closed.

P- Thank you so much! What is wrong with people?

The female flight attendant – He's a young guy and he's sitting on his brains.

P- Ya got that right. Thank you so much.

No sooner did the flight attendants walk away, but the boy awoke, reopened the window and went back to sleep.

P- What the hell?! I'm gonna kill that bastard. Close the window!! 

G- Ok, there is nothing that you can do. Here, put on your eye mask. We should have had them on all along.

P- (grumbling and bitching due to lack of sleep) Thank you. That is much better. Stupid people should not be allowed to sit by the windows.

G- That would exclude a lot of people and there wouldn't be enough middle seats. Go back to sleep.

Soon after we were served our “snack” which was a noodle bowl. The bowls arrived first, then the hot water followed.

P- Well this is an interesting snack.

G- It's a Raman noodle snack. Interesting. I never did eat those things. Did you?

P- No. Don't pull the top off. You're only supposed to pull it to here. Did you read the instructions.

G- What?! No. I'm not in the habit of reading the instructions on noodle bowels. How hard is it? Open. Pour on hot water. Eat.

P- Don't eat is yet. You're supposed to wait 4 minutes.

G- You're freakin timing the noodles? For gawd sake! Just eat the damn things. The Asian lady next to me didn't wait 4 minutes.

P- Well that's what the instructions say. I'm waiting, because this shit is going to be nasty enough without eating the noodles crunchy.

G- Knock yourself out, but my noodles are not crunchy.  They taste better than Raman noodles.

P- Shit! All they gave us is chop sticks? How am I supposed to eat this with chop sticks?

G- Gladys. Get a grip. We are flying to ASIA. Practice with the damn chop sticks. Hold the bowl by your mouth and just slurp them in. Watch that guy across from you.

P- Is this part of my Asian diet? I wish I could reach my spork.

G- Slurp up the damn noodles!! The lemon cookies are yummy. The next movie is coming on. Oh, good. Toy Story 3. Connor said it was good. This flight really isn't going by as slowly as I expected.

P- No, it's not that bad. It would be better if that damn boy would close his window.

After the movie we dozed a little longer. With about 2 hours left in the flight, and as we headed south over Russia, we were served “breakfast”. I guess it really wasn't breakfast since it would be 6:00 pm when we landed in Hong Kong. Breakfast consisted of rice and vegetables and those shortbread cookies with the raspberry patch in the middle.

P- Rice for breakfast.

G- Technically it's dinner again. But it may not be the last time you have rice for breakfast. We're headed to ASIA, Gladys.

P- I'm gonna knock you to the moon.

G- Yummy! I've loved these cookies since I was a kid. I think my grandma would give them to me.

P- Really, because I never liked these cookies. I'd eat the shortbread from around the sides and throw away the raspberry middle.

G- (gasps) What? That's the important part. I'd eat my cookie so that I'd get a little raspberry in each bite of shortbread.

P- Why did I know that before you even told me, my little freak.

G- You shouldn't have even been allowed to eat those cookies.

We landed in Hong Kong at 6:00 pm and had only a short wait before we were excited to learn that we were going to get on the plane to Singapore. It left at 8:30 pm. It was Friday night in Hong Kong. It was 6:30 am in Nola. We had lost a whole day.

O'Hare Hotel

O'Hare airport was our choice of accommodations for the night. After people watching for several hours, we decided to peruse the concourse and scout out a spot to hunker down for the night. We found a somewhat secluded area at the very end of the concourse and agreed that's where we'd sleep. We left concourse C and headed over to B which was the only other area we could get to without going through security again and we had also been told our bar and food options were better in B, and it was time for a beer. After a monetary raping, for 2 Stella's, we grabbed a quick bite to eat and headed back to our “bedroom”. We sat around reading and watching CNN news until the airport slowly emptied out of all but us and the night cleaning crew.

P – The airport is quite peaceful at night.

G – Most places are nice when they aren't crowded and noisy.

P – I don't think I'm going to have any trouble sleeping here.

G – In 18 years I have yet to find ANY place you have trouble sleeping. I on the other hand may have a problem if I have to listen to the same news stories on CNN all night.

P – Really...I do not think the fact that Bristol Palin can't dance, but is still on DWTS, is newsworthy and needs to be repeated over and over and over...

G- I think we'll be fine sleeping here, but I'm worried about our stuff. What if someone walks off with it while we're asleep?

P- We'll hear someone approaching or touching our stuff. I can't imagine that we'll sleep soundly.

Within an hour of making this statement Phyllis was snoring. I had just started dozing around midnight when the vacuuming lady made her way over to our area and startled me. She vacuumed all around us, even under Phyllis' “bed”. I offered to move our luggage cart, but she said, “No, no! You sleep. It ok.” Thank you, kind lady. Well, it is clear that we would not hear someone if they wheeled away all of our stuff. I rummaged through the bags to see how I could safeguard them. I found the strap of a bag that I wound between the straps of the backpacks and connected to a carabiner to my belt loop. I put the strap of Phyllis' purse, which she was sleeping on, over my fanny pack, then put my head on and wrist through the fanny pack strap. It was basically a cluster F, but if anyone touched any one bag, they'd all move and hopefully, so would one of us.

We got about 4-5 hours of sound sleep until we were rudely awakened by people arriving to catch their morning flights. Inconsiderates!!!

P- Why do you have everything strapped together like this? When did you do that?

G- Around midnight, right after you slept through the lady vacuuming under your chair!

P- I did? Thank you for taking care of us baby.

G- Thank me from afar. Your breath smells like ass! Let's go brush our teeth and move over to the other section that is less crowded.

P – Good idea, cuz your breath doesn't exactly smell like roses and your hair looks like Buckwheat.

We drank coffee then washed our faces, put on fresh makeup and fixed our hair (thank God we got it cut off) and were ready to face a new day! We went to gate C16 and checked in again with the gate agents. It was easy to remember the lady's name I had spoken to yesterday, Gina, and chatted her up a bit about the freight weight. Phyl ran off and got us McDonald's so we wouldn't be starving before dinner. Shortly thereafter, Gina began calling names..... Yuan, Phan, McCall, Champion, Wursteisen...... yay!!!!! We got on the flight. We texted Jeremy, Connor and our parents. We were off to Asia!!!

P- Can you believe it? We're on a plane to Hong Kong!! I'm very excited!

G- Me too, muffin! We've been planning this for so long. I can't believe it's actually here.

Well, our adventure has begun in earnest! Last night we slept on a comfortable mattress, but the pillows were unbelievably flat. If pillows were mine and Phyllis' breasts, our home pillows would be Phyl's and last night's pillows would be flatter than mine. That sucked!!!! Although it didn't matter much because I woke up at about 4:25 AM when the assholes in the room next to ours slammed the door; of course, my monkey brain was off to the races. I tried to stop thinking and focus on my breathing, but I couldn't even hear myself breathe over Phyl's snoring. Then I tried to focus on Phyl's snoring, it did permeate the room, but her snoring was out of sync with my sleeping. I think I fell back asleep after 2 hours.


The shuttle back to the airport was uneventful and 10AM was a very doable time, but we practically had to unpack our backpacks going through security because the screener did not like what he was seeing. Turns out that the charcoal filters in our water purifiers were the culprits. In the future, water purifiers are placed in an easily accessible location. We must say that every United agent and every TSA agent was very nice and even apologized for requiring us to unpack our bags and the trouble we were having. Of course, we were very polite to them as well.

G- Go check us in. Be very sweet.

P- I'm sweet.

G- Yeah, ok. Go to the guy and maybe show him some cleavage! Get us on this flight. Jeremy says it should be no problem because there are a lot of empty seats.

P- I'll do whatever I have to do.

I sat on the floor making last minute phone calls.............

G- American Express, I'd like to add my mom as an authorized emergency contact on my account. (I give her all of the information: phone #, DOB, address, blood type, name of first born, etc.)

AmExp customer service – I need her social security number.

G- I don't have her social security number. (WTF? How many people know their mother's SS#?)

AmExp- I can't send in the information on without it.

G- (Phyl returns.) Quick, call my mom and get her social security #. (Phyl gets her on the phone and I then had a phone on each ear. Problem solved.) Now, also mark my account to reflect that I'll be in Asia for the next 6 months to a year or longer.

AmExp customer service – I've made the changes you requested. I must now read you the following information...............blah, blah, blah, blah.......

G- Yes, yes, I agree. Whatever. I don't have time to talk anymore. Just update my account!

P- They said that there are seats available but there is a weight restriction and they do not know if it will be lifted.

G- What weight? I could go into the bathroom and purge a few pounds off.

P- No ass. Probably freight weight. She told me to check back in 45 minutes.

We waited as every person got onto the plane and they started calling standby people. Our names rose to 9 and 10 on the waiting list. About 5 more ticketed people strolled up to get on the flight.

P- Damn! I wish these people would stop coming!

G- Jeremy is right. This is stressful. I feel like I'm playing craps with my last nickle at stake.

P- I agree, but quit pacing.

The announcement is made that no one else can board. There are still empty seats, but due to the weight restriction no one else can get on.

G- Damn! So close. I'll text Jeremy so he can book us for tomorrow's flight.

P- What do you want to do now?

G- Would you think I was crazy if I said I'd just prefer to stay in the airport until tomorrow so that we don't have to pay for another hotel room, sleep on flat pillows, and have to go through security again?

P- No! That is exactly what I was thinking. We'll stay in the airport.

We strolled down the concourse looking for a good, fairly quiet spot to kill a few hours. On the way we encountered a man who keeled over onto the floor and had a seizure.

G- OMG! (I ran to a store clerk and told him to call for a paramedic. People were yelling for a doctor and a cardiologist appeared!)

Cardiologist- I'm a doctor! Someone get something cold! Ice would be good!!

Phyl ran off to get ice and I put my sweatshirt under his head. The cardiologist rolled him on his side. People gathered around. Phyl returned with ice. I rummaged through his suitcase to see if he had any meds (per the cardiologist's instructions). He had a strong pulse. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the seizing stopped and he started to come around. The paramedics arrived. I retrieved my sweatshirt and we walked away quite shaken.

G- Ick! I hope my sweatshirt dries before I get cold.

P- What's all over it.

G- I believe it's drool and sweat. He was sweating profusely. Poor man! I hope he is ok.

We found a spot at the end of Concourse C where we sat for several hours. I reorganized my bag because I can never reorganize too many times. Phyl sewed patches onto her backpack because she is Suzie Homemaker!

We are on our first leg of our incredible journey that we've been planning for 9 months. That time frame seems appropriate as we feel that we are giving birth to a new life and new possibilities as large as the whole world. We are feeling a flood of emotions............. excitement, anxiety, joy, fear, peace, and sadness. Phyl said good-bye to her 90 year old Mimi and I said good-bye to my 94 year old grandfather; not to mention our son, Connor, and our families and friends.

We were asked how can we leave at such an important time in Connor's life, how can we leave our grandparents who are battling cancer and congestive heart failure, and many wonder how we can be so irresponsible to quit our jobs and spend our savings. We both love our son, grandparents, parents, siblings, and friends. It is difficult to leave everyone. Hell, it was difficult to make the decision to LET GO of everything we had that made us feel safe, a home, jobs, savings, and the love of those closest to us. There are always reasons why NOW is not the right time to take such a leap , but when is the right time? If we thought in those terms, we would never have moved from Nola to Cali and we cherish the 2 years we lived in the bay area. If we thought in those terms, we would have to squash our own dreams of extended travel. We feel that this trip will change our future in ways we cannot even fathom.

The past 36 hours have been extremely stressful!! As much as we have prepared to leave, it seemed as though there were so many lose ends to be tied up at the last minute. My mom was an amazing help and we are very grateful to have been able to stay with her while we were in Nola. Thanks to her for dropping us off at the airport and then running to buy a camera memory card to replace the one that was left at her house, then getting it to us in time for our flight. We also owe a debt of gratitude to Jeremy for all that he has done to help us with our flights! We are forever thankful!

G- I can't believe we are on our way to Asia!!!

P- I can't believe I'm going 10,000 miles away from home, for God knows how long, with only 25 pounds of belongings.

G- I can't believe that I'm wearing socks with sandals. It's a sad, sad day for that to have come to pass.

P- I can't believe that I'm going to be seen with you wearing socks with sandals.

G- My feet get cold on planes. You'll be wearing yours too before long. Besides, my fanny pack, in the forest floor motif, (we'll call it Sarah) is far uglier than my socks and sandals.

P- That's true! I just hope that no small animals try to nest in it when we get to Asia.