We interrupt this trip to start with Bali

Time got away from us in New Orleans and we did not complete the stories from Denver to New Orleans.  We will return to this trek and upload these stories as time allows.  We had a fabulous time in Iowa, Chicago, and Memphis and will definitely upload these stories soon.

In the meantime, let's talk about our trek to our first Asian stop, Bali, Indonesia.

Topless in Denver

Jerry was at home until midday because he was leaving on a business trip.  We were scheduled to finally spend the evening with Cyndie.  But first, lunch with another old friend, Dennis.  Jerry & I were in the kitchen talking when we heard Phyllis calling from upstairs.

P- Denver, we have a problem.

Jerry - What'd you do, girl?

P - I just tried to turn off the water, after my shower, and it won't stop running.

Jerry - Didn't you just break the toilet on the cruise ship?  You gonna go around the world breaking bathrooms?

G- Ha!  Tell her, Jerry.

P- For your information, I did not break the cruise ship toilet, Gina did,

G- I absolutely did not.

P- and if you didn't have such cheap, plastic knobs, there would be no problem.

Jerry -(laughing) This bathroom is shared by 2 teenage boys!  I am not putting expensive fixtures in here.

P- Well that's what you get, broken knobs for your guests.  Now shut the hell up, get a toolbox, and fix it.

G- (after learning that the plastic was stripped and needed replacement) Jerry, I know you don't have another one of these knobs sitting around, just leave the wrench on the tub and when we shower tomorrow, we'll use the wrench to turn the water on and off.  Don't worry, I'll do it so destructive Phyllis doesn't strip your screw too.

P- Screw both of y'all!!

After driving through Denver traffic in poor Stormy who was loaded to the gills, with a pack on top, Cyndie was kind enough to offer us the use of her Jeep Wrangler for the day.  She'd be asleep until afternoon, when she'd go get a pedi & mani, and would drive Stormy to the bottom of the hill for her appointment.

P- Remember the weight behind you!  Don't hit the brakes hard or you'll be crushed by all the stuff.

Cyndie- *laughing*

G- She's not kidding.  There's room for it to shift since we removed a few things.

It's amazing how easy driving can be when the car is not weighted down. We felt light and zippy and were reminded how much we missed Tini and riding with the top down.  We drove to the historic section of Denver and toured Dennis' beautiful new home.  Dennis is an old friend I met when we were both exiled in horrible Bloomington, Illinois, during frigid March, for 3 weeks of work training.  My time there was excruciating, and only bearable due to his friendship. We spent every night either in my room or his room and the tongue waggers were convinced we were having a very steamy fling. Stupid gossipers!!!  I guess the joke was on them.

After lunch, Dennis introduced us to a new cocktail (like we need another of those), a Moscow Mule: vodka, ginger beer & lime juice.  It is quite tasty!!

We  returned to Cyndie's for cocktail hour, then we went to dinner at an Indian restaurant.  Jerry is not adventurous in his ethnic food eating, so Cyndie was excited to have willing participants. Cyndie is a cool woman and dinner was very tasty!!

Mile High & Dry

Whereas our journey up the coast to Canada was designed for sightseeing, our journey back to Nola was designed to visit with friends.  Jerry went off to work and Cyndie, a nurse returned home at 8:00AM and went to bed.  We spent a leisurely morning relaxing, playing on line, and drinking coffee. About midday we went in search of lunch and Mile High Stadium.  For those of you who cringe because I didn't call it The Stadium at Mile High............... blah, blah, blah.  It's still Mile High Stadium to me and many others.  For me, calling it Invesco Field is positively out of the question.

G- I'm very excited to be going to Mile High Stadium!

P - I know, my lil freak.

G- I think I'll add to my bucket list............. visit all of the NFL stadiums.

P- Fine with me.  We're at 5,280 feet in elevation?  Is that a mile?

G- Not sure, but that makes sense. I never really questioned why they called it The Mile High City, but now that you say it, that makes perfect sense.

We walked around the stadium, played in the gift shop, then headed back to Jerry's before the traffic got bad.  Denver was not at all like we anticipated!  This seems to be a recurring theme.  We expected Denver to be hilly and surrounded, closely, by mountains.  Instead, it's this large expanse of a fairly flat space with the mountains far off in the distance.  I guess our Denver mental images were more Mork & Mindy Boulder than Denver. It seemed that visually The Mile High City should actually 'look' high.

G- It might not look high, but this altituve (for those of you who remember this audio skit...... Suzie Q Liquor) is certainly killing me.  My body is so dry and my hands are swollen.  Why would my hands be swollen?

P- I have no idea why our hands are swollen, but I feel dehydrated and my sinuses are killing me.

G- I've gotten several nose bleeds already.  I was getting worried about the swollen hands thing until Maria told me that she has that problem every time she goes skiing.

P- This is why my people went to the beach instead of skiing.

G- I'm rubbing the baby oil all over my body before I get out of the shower, then putting on lotion several times a day and still my skin is ashy.

P- Me too!  I've never had ashy skin before in my life. I look like a lizard.

We spent another wonderful evening with Jerry.  Cyndie was back at the hospital and wouldn't be home until morning.  He cooked paneed chicken and we watched Food Wars which featured Domilise's & Parkway Bakery over shrimp po-boys. Our mouths were watering!!  Jerry had recently been to Nola and was kind enough to bring us a pound of Community New Orleans Blend so that we'd have enough until we made it home.

Get the Address, Bitch!

As we entered Colorado the terrain began to change from a flat landscape to one with hills that grew into mountains.  We began to see foliage and there was more ground cover; not exactly grass, but certainly more than had grown in Wyoming.

P- Did you get the address from Jerry?

G- Not yet, why?

P- I want to program it into Fran.

G- We have time for that.  Fran knows where we're going for, at least, the next hour or so.

P- I'd just like to get the address into Fran in case she wants to take us a different way than she thinks now.

G- She doesn't want to take us a different way.  Just drive and stop worrying about it.  Find me a place to go to the bathroom.

P- Ask Fran for the closest gas station or restaurant.

G- Sweet baby Jesus!  Just drive until you see a gas station or something on the side of the road.

P- Please just put the address in Fran.

G-  ARGH!!!!!!!!!!  *sigh*  I'll text Jerry again.

We arrived at Jerry's & Cyndie's house around 6:00pm.  A good N'awlins boy, he had prepared shrimp creole for dinner. We met his son, Payton, had a couple of beers and caught up.  Jerry & I went to high school together and we probably hadn't see each other since the 10 year reunion. Facecrack surely is great for reconnecting with old friends.

Oh Deer!!!!

Sometimes it's better to fly by the landscape at 75 miles an hour than to actually stop and look down.  While stopping for a photo with the welcome to Colorado sign, we saw this unfortunate creature.  There is even a pull off area so that people can stop to take pictures.  Um, couldn't a road crew have removed this carcass?  It sure would have made a better photo op if Bambi's daddy had been alive and walking past the sign.

G- Oh deer!

P- Oh deer, indeed!

G- Why did the deer cross the road?

P- Apparently he didn't!

Mesa or Butte?

We were up early and getting our things together when Natalie's & Jeremy's boys came downstairs to eat breakfast.  Cameron, age 10, was making lunch for himself and Matthew, age 7, as Matthew tied his shoes.

Matthew - (becoming frustrated) Oh crap!

Cameron- Matthew! Fix your tongue.

Matthew - I'm sorry that I said crap, Gina & Phyllis.

P - That's ok, baby.

Cameron - No!  The tongue on your shoe.

Children began to pour in through the front door. 

P - Natalie, who do all of these children belong to and why are they here?

Natalie - They walk down from up the block and congregate here before they walk to school together.

P- Sounds like y'all should have purchased the house on the top of the hill or keep the front door locked.

We kiss Jeremy good-bye as he heads off to work and Natalie shoos the kids off to school. 

G- Oye Vey!  Too much commotion for me so early in the morning.

P- Come on, Agnes!  It's time for us to go anyway.

G- (scratching the dog's head)  Good-bye Otis.  See you next time.

Natalie - Please!  He will certainly die before you're back here again.

G- That's what you said 2 years ago and he was 150 then.  I don't think he's ever going to die.  He'll just keep walking in circles forever with his poor blind, deaf, half dead self. 

P- With all the commotion in this house, Otis is the luckiest one!  I'm sure he's happy to be deaf & blind.

G- (looks at Natalie and shakes head) What am I gonna do with her?

We hit the road and didn't have to drive too long before we entered Wyoming. The change in scenery was dramatic!  We left the mountains of Utah for the plains of Wyoming. 

P- Gawd!  I did not expect Wyoming to look like this. 

G- Yes.  I pictured it to be mountainous and forested.  Maybe that's how it is in the northern part of the state.

P- You think it's green around Jackson Hole?

G- I don't know. I've never been there.

P- What's with the huge fireworks stores every few miles?

G- I guess they're illegal in Utah so all the Mormon's cross the border and buy them in Wyoming.  That kind of thing never made a damn bit of sense to me.  Make something illegal in your state, and your citizens just cross the border and spend their money in the neighboring state and bring the stuff back home to use.  What good is your law?

P- Just like the dry counties in Mississippi.  It doesn't look like there is anything to do around here.  Maybe people just blow things up for entertainment.

G- There is nothing to blow up.  Tumble weed?

We drove throughout the day and the scenery never changed.  It was pretty, in it's own way, and we could see FOREVER, but there was just mile after mile of nothingness.   We did see many antelope and a lot of cattle.  We also saw fences erected in strange locations and angles toward the interstate.  We assumed it has something to do with snow; but what do we know about snow?  Also, it was windy as hell.  All in all, we agreed that it was nice to just see the diversity of our country's landscape.

P- How was this area formed?

G- I'm not sure.

P- Was it covered in ice at some point in time?

G- I don't know.

P- Is it a volcanic area?

G- I'm really not sure.

P- What causes the ground to be those different colors?

G- Beats me.

P- You see those hills in the distance?  Is that a mesa?

G- I don't know what qualifies something as a mesa. I know they have flat tops and are usually in desert.

P- Well what's the difference between a mesa and a butte?

G- For the love of Gawd, Gladys!!  How in the hell do you think I know the answer to these questions?  Do I look like a geologist?  My geology professor, at Tulane, looked like a mega dork and kept his belt so tight that it scrunched up the front of his pants!!  Do I have scrunched up pants?  I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS!!!!!  When we stop tonight, please Google them.

P- (looked at me like I was crazy, then started to laugh) Well, you do know a lot of things, and I thought your neurotic ass would have read about every inch of the land we would cover, because that's what you do when we travel, so give me some answers bitch!  (smiles)

G- Yes, well neurotic Gina would not have quit her job and used her savings to travel around the world.  You now have mellow Gina, and she does not spend much time on research.

P- Ok.  I kinda like mellow Gina.  But could you be a more informed mellow Gina?

G- Ya killin me!

Penis Envy

Natalie & Jeremy were able to arrange their schedules so that we could go boating.  The kids were very unhappy that they were being shipped off to school and were not invited.  Jeremy tied up a few loose ends in the morning and Phyl & Natalie went to the grocery for sandwiches and beer.  Phyl returned laughing about a local brewery that made beer called Provo Girl & Polygamy Porter (Why Have Just One?).  We packed up the boat and car and took off as soon as Jeremy returned.  Fortunately, we didn't have far to go as the lake was less than 30 minutes away.

The area was beautiful with the lake surrounded by mountains. It was a warm, sunny day with a cool breeze.  Perfect boating weather!  Unfortunately, after we launched the boat Natalie realized that she didn't have as much gas as she thought.  In fact, the gauge was on Empty! She had forgotten about that little trip, with her boyfriend, the last time Jeremy was out of town.  A little too much Polygamy Porter will do that to a girl!  (Of course I am joking.  Nat does not drink beer!!)  Jeremy was kind enough to get back into the car and fetch us some gas while we floated and baked in the sun like lizards.

After zooming around the lake for a while, we stopped for some lunch.  They had been reading the blog and we talked about our prior adventures, reasons for chucking it all and taking off, and eventually................the portable pink penis.  Of course I had brought it with us!  Boating is the perfect time to use Pinky since you're drinking beer, in the middle of water that's far too cold to get into. A couple of hours, and several beers later, we needed to relieve ourselves.............

G - Ok, I've got to go to the bathroom.  Jeremy, you have to go to the front of the boat and look the other way.

Jeremy - Oh my dear Lord!  hahahahahahahahahahahahahahh

P- I'm not using Pinky.  I'm just gonna climb down on the ladder a little hang my ass off the back of the boat.

Natalie - I can't wait to see how that thing works.

G- (standing on the back of the boat and assuming 'the position') Nat, it really is easy to use.

Jeremy - hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah  (rolls around the front of the boat holding his stomach)

P- (as she climbs back up the ladder) What is taking you so long?

Natalie - I'm not seeing anything!

G- All of ya'll shut the hell up!  I'm not a performing monkey.  I can't concentrate!!!

Jeremy - You have to concentrate? hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha (rolling)

G- Jeremy, it might be normal for you, but it is not normal for me to pee standing up and I must concentrate. 

Jeremy - hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhaha (he's laughing so hard and holding his stomach, it seems he might throw up)

G- Oh my gawd!  The pee is retreating into my sinuses!  How am I supposed to pee under these conditions?
(after several minutes pass while I'm in position and concentrating as hard as I can) FORGET IT!!!  I can't go.  When I die from urine poisoning, you'll be sorry you screwed up my concentration.

Natalie - Is it hard to use?

P- No, it's very easy to use.  The problems are all in Gina's head.

G- The problems gonna be on the floor of this boat when my bladder explodes because you people caused me so much stress I could not pee.

Jeremy - hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah *snort* hahahahahahaha

G- You, Jeremy, are a jackass!  Stop laughing so hard or you're gonna hurt yourself. 

Jeremy - This is the funniest thing I've ever seen.  The guys are NEVER going to believe this one!!!! hahahahahahahahaha

G- I haven't heard you laugh this hard since we went to see American Pie together. 

Natalie - I want to try it!

Jeremy - Oh my Lord!  (erupts in a new fit of laughter) hahahahahahahahahahahah

Natalie - (after a very brief explanation about placement, assumes the position on the back of the boat. Within short order, she is peeing.)  This is a great invention!

Jeremy - Watch the wind Nat.  Don't pee on your feet.  hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Natalie - Balancing on a boat and the wind cause a little difficulties, but it's easy to use.

P- I told you it's easy.  The problem is in Gina's head.

G- Well that's just great!  Another woman grabs my plastic penis and is peeing with it in seconds when I still can't go.  Screw all of y'all!!!!

Natalie - Thanks!  I might have to get me one of those.

Jeremy - (still gagging and rolling) hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha    I just can't believe this.  It's the funniest damn thing I've every seen.  Gina, do you need me to take you to the dock to go to the bathroom?

G- No!  Now I can wait because my bladder is in a knot.

P- She keeps telling me I have to practice, but she's the one who needs to practice.

G- Ok, can we talk about something else?  Jeremy, are you gonna be ok?  It seems you may have coughed up a lung during your laughing fit.

After a little while, we had to head back to dock.  Jeremy's & Natalie's kids had soccer games and Jeremy is a coach.  Phyl & I stayed at the house to shower and cook dinner.

Natalie - Hey I really like this deal of coming home and having dinner cooked.

G- I washed a load of clothes, so I folded that batch of white clothes that was in the dryer. I hope that's not a problem.

Jeremy & Natalie in unison - No, feel free to do all the laundry if you like.

G- Don't get any ideas Jeremy.  I'm sure you'd like to have 3 wives, but it's not gonna happen.

Jeremy - Hell no!  I have enough trouble just trying to keep one happy.

P- Smart man.

Beignet Mountains

Back to our previous schedule, we awoke around 8:30 AM and showered.   Phyl packed up the cooler and I packed the clothes.  I was checking a few things on line when she began taking stuff out to the car.

G- What are you doing?  Why are you rushing me?!  Can't you wait until I shut down the computer?!!

P- I'm just helping by taking the stuff to the car.

G- Are you gonna stand out there with it or just leave it out there for someone to steal?  Why are you rushing me?  Can I have 5 more minutes to shut down the damn computer?

P- You are crazy!  I'm only trying to help you.

G- You are rushing me!

P- I'm not sure I'm gonna live through your peri-menopausal mood swings.  You are a bitch!

G- Even if I'm a bitch for 3 years, it's still just catch back for what you put Connor & me through when you went through it.  When you know I'm in a crazy state, stop poking sticks into my cage!!!!

All talking stopped.  I packed the car and we drove away in a pissy huff.  (The secret is out.  We don't get along perfectly all of the time. HA! ) Now it was daytime in Nevada, the beautiful stars were gone and we're starting off the day pissed off.

We drove for about an hour without talking until the phone rang.

Miche - Hey Gi!  Where are y'all?  What are you doing?

G- We're in Nevada on our way to Utah.  I'm driving so talk to Phyllis.  We had a fight and she's not talking to me, so you talk to her.

P- Your friend is a bitch and I  might kill her before she makes it through menopause.

G- (yelling in the background)  Miche, remind her what she put me through all those years when she was going through it.

Miche - (laughs) I'm sure glad I'm not in the car with y'all.

The tensions eased.  I apologized and we ate our yogart and granola breakfast as we watched the brown landscape fly by.  The one good thing is the 75 mph speed limit through much of Nevada.

As we neared Utah, the flat land erupted with some small mountains.  We passed the Okie Mountains (what Natalie called them) ................

P- Look at those mountains.  They look like beignets covered with powered sugar.

G- Yum!  I can't wait to eat some when we get to Nola.

P- What is that motorcycle pulling?

G- It looks like a coffin!  People are freaks! Maybe he's pickin up his aunt and since he has no roof to put her on if she dies, he's draggin a coffin.

I texted Jeremy for his address and Phyl put it into Fran.  Ya didn't think Fran had been packed away, did ya?  Phyl had to have Fran on the dashboard from the minute we left San Francisco.  She changed to the 'night screen' between Lake Tahoe and Reno.  We had to keep her on, even during the night, so we'd "know the speed limit".  Phyl loves her computer games and I'm convinced this explains her fascination with Fran.

We arrived at Jeremy's & Natalie's house around 5:30pm. Natalie had made a yummy dinner and it was fabulous to see them again. 

(It must be stated, for the record, that if we did not love Jeremy & Natalie and if they did not live in Utah, we would boycott the state and go around it entirely, so as to not spend even 1 cent of our money there.  We are still appauled and angry at the Mormon Church's meddling into California politics and the way they poured money into the Prop. 8 campaign.  You have an entire state!  Can you not be happy with that?  Stay the hell out of ours!!!!! It is our opinion that all GLBT and anyone who loves someone who is GLBT should avoid spending even 1 cent of their money in Utah.  It's a shame because southern Utah is one of the most beautiful states in the country.  Ok, enough said.)