Penis Envy

Natalie & Jeremy were able to arrange their schedules so that we could go boating.  The kids were very unhappy that they were being shipped off to school and were not invited.  Jeremy tied up a few loose ends in the morning and Phyl & Natalie went to the grocery for sandwiches and beer.  Phyl returned laughing about a local brewery that made beer called Provo Girl & Polygamy Porter (Why Have Just One?).  We packed up the boat and car and took off as soon as Jeremy returned.  Fortunately, we didn't have far to go as the lake was less than 30 minutes away.

The area was beautiful with the lake surrounded by mountains. It was a warm, sunny day with a cool breeze.  Perfect boating weather!  Unfortunately, after we launched the boat Natalie realized that she didn't have as much gas as she thought.  In fact, the gauge was on Empty! She had forgotten about that little trip, with her boyfriend, the last time Jeremy was out of town.  A little too much Polygamy Porter will do that to a girl!  (Of course I am joking.  Nat does not drink beer!!)  Jeremy was kind enough to get back into the car and fetch us some gas while we floated and baked in the sun like lizards.

After zooming around the lake for a while, we stopped for some lunch.  They had been reading the blog and we talked about our prior adventures, reasons for chucking it all and taking off, and eventually................the portable pink penis.  Of course I had brought it with us!  Boating is the perfect time to use Pinky since you're drinking beer, in the middle of water that's far too cold to get into. A couple of hours, and several beers later, we needed to relieve ourselves.............

G - Ok, I've got to go to the bathroom.  Jeremy, you have to go to the front of the boat and look the other way.

Jeremy - Oh my dear Lord!  hahahahahahahahahahahahahahh

P- I'm not using Pinky.  I'm just gonna climb down on the ladder a little hang my ass off the back of the boat.

Natalie - I can't wait to see how that thing works.

G- (standing on the back of the boat and assuming 'the position') Nat, it really is easy to use.

Jeremy - hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah  (rolls around the front of the boat holding his stomach)

P- (as she climbs back up the ladder) What is taking you so long?

Natalie - I'm not seeing anything!

G- All of ya'll shut the hell up!  I'm not a performing monkey.  I can't concentrate!!!

Jeremy - You have to concentrate? hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha (rolling)

G- Jeremy, it might be normal for you, but it is not normal for me to pee standing up and I must concentrate. 

Jeremy - hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhaha (he's laughing so hard and holding his stomach, it seems he might throw up)

G- Oh my gawd!  The pee is retreating into my sinuses!  How am I supposed to pee under these conditions?
(after several minutes pass while I'm in position and concentrating as hard as I can) FORGET IT!!!  I can't go.  When I die from urine poisoning, you'll be sorry you screwed up my concentration.

Natalie - Is it hard to use?

P- No, it's very easy to use.  The problems are all in Gina's head.

G- The problems gonna be on the floor of this boat when my bladder explodes because you people caused me so much stress I could not pee.

Jeremy - hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah *snort* hahahahahahaha

G- You, Jeremy, are a jackass!  Stop laughing so hard or you're gonna hurt yourself. 

Jeremy - This is the funniest thing I've ever seen.  The guys are NEVER going to believe this one!!!! hahahahahahahahaha

G- I haven't heard you laugh this hard since we went to see American Pie together. 

Natalie - I want to try it!

Jeremy - Oh my Lord!  (erupts in a new fit of laughter) hahahahahahahahahahahah

Natalie - (after a very brief explanation about placement, assumes the position on the back of the boat. Within short order, she is peeing.)  This is a great invention!

Jeremy - Watch the wind Nat.  Don't pee on your feet.  hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Natalie - Balancing on a boat and the wind cause a little difficulties, but it's easy to use.

P- I told you it's easy.  The problem is in Gina's head.

G- Well that's just great!  Another woman grabs my plastic penis and is peeing with it in seconds when I still can't go.  Screw all of y'all!!!!

Natalie - Thanks!  I might have to get me one of those.

Jeremy - (still gagging and rolling) hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha    I just can't believe this.  It's the funniest damn thing I've every seen.  Gina, do you need me to take you to the dock to go to the bathroom?

G- No!  Now I can wait because my bladder is in a knot.

P- She keeps telling me I have to practice, but she's the one who needs to practice.

G- Ok, can we talk about something else?  Jeremy, are you gonna be ok?  It seems you may have coughed up a lung during your laughing fit.

After a little while, we had to head back to dock.  Jeremy's & Natalie's kids had soccer games and Jeremy is a coach.  Phyl & I stayed at the house to shower and cook dinner.

Natalie - Hey I really like this deal of coming home and having dinner cooked.

G- I washed a load of clothes, so I folded that batch of white clothes that was in the dryer. I hope that's not a problem.

Jeremy & Natalie in unison - No, feel free to do all the laundry if you like.

G- Don't get any ideas Jeremy.  I'm sure you'd like to have 3 wives, but it's not gonna happen.

Jeremy - Hell no!  I have enough trouble just trying to keep one happy.

P- Smart man.