Gonging & Chanting & Howling & Cooing.......

Due to the late hour we went to sleep, we slept in, interrupted only by the gonging & chanting monks, screwing and howling cats, and cooing and flying pigeons. We sat in the breeze way drinking our 3 in 1 coffee (packets of single cup, sugar, cream & coffee, discovered in Malaysia) packets and enjoying the breeze. I called my mom at the time that corresponded to midnight in New Orleans to tell her happy birthday. I make sure that no matter where I am in the world, I call her at midnight and tell her happy birthday since she is a New Year's Day baby.

About midday we left the guesthouse in search of food. We walked across the moat, and aswe often do, wandered aimlessly, starving and arguing because we were deliriously hungry. We came across a side street where a guy was telling 2 Asian (maybe Chinese) girls that The Yellow Bird Cafe had very good food. We decided to follow them and have lunch at this restaurant (we use the term very loosely).




The woman who appeared to own/operate the restaurant greeted the guy at the gate and told him that she was just opening because she had had a party the night before. We removed our shoes and followed him onto the porch which was made of wood, painted in bright colors, with a floor covered with throw pillows. Two tables were motorcycle tires, filled with cement, containing a beer umbrella. We sat on the floor, at a low slung table made of 2 2x4s with legs, waiting for the lady to come take our order. There was nothing even remotely speedy about this process and we began to wonder if we should have decided to eat lunch here. She did bring us 2 Chang beers which soothed us for a while.

As she cooked, we could watch her, off to the right, cooking our meals. All items were fresh, which is why she restricted what we could order, and we watched, smelled, and waited as dish after dish was presented from the tiny kitchen. When it finally arrived, fried rice & a curry dish, it was delicious. We spoke to the the proprietor and were advised that she also taught cooking classes. We paid the nominal cost of the meal and Phyl went to find the bathroom.




P- OMG! You have to go see that bathroom! It is totally bizarre!!!

G- I have to go anyway and check on the 'woman scourge'. (upon my return to our “table”) You are right, it's a very bizarre room. Do you think that the girl who just cooked us lunch, and must own this place, lives here too and that's her personal bathroom as well?


P- Yes. That is exactly what I was thinking.


G- I hated the idea of going to the bathroom barefoot, but what choice do we have when we have to leave our shoes at the “front door”? Even though it was totally weird that the bathroom floor was made of small, lose rocks, and it hurt my feet to walk on it, it seemed less gross.

P- And that is the first bathtub we've seen since that one at Sinur Bali. It was quite the eclectic room.

G- You want to have a bathroom like that when we settle down again one day?

P- Hell no!!!

G- I know we talked about going to see more temples, but I'm tired and I don't feel like walking around in this heat. Can we just go back to the guesthouse and sit in the breeze way and work on the computer.



P- Sure baby. You know I never mind resting in the shade.


That is how we spent the remainder of our afternoon, sitting in the cool breeze way, working on blogs, and people watching. That evening we grabbed a bite to eat, a few beers and another foot massage from Timmy. We just can't pass up those $2.00 foot massages!!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!

Communication with the tuk tuk driver had been difficult because we had forgotten to bring the address to the guest house. We had directed him to the night bazaar because we knew it was nearby and were pleasantly surprised when he rounded a corner and we saw something we recognized. We got out there and walked 2 blocks to the guesthouse. Just to the right of the guesthouse was a mom & pop grocery with very limited items that fortuitously included cold bottles of Chang beer for 30 Baht ($1.00). As we stepped out of the grocery a woman yelled to us.......


Timmy – You want foot massage?

P- (to Gina) OMG! I'd love a foot massage. My feet are killing me! Let's do it.

G- I want to go up to the room first and use the bathroom and get the computer. We'll come back. (to Timmy)

P- How much?

Timmy – 60 Baht for 30 minute.

G- We come back. (Yes, we've taken to speaking like this. Why waste complete sentences or proper grammar when you're trying to get your point across?)

We sat in the guesthouse's breeze way which is lined with large, almost single bed like, chaises with cushions and big pillows. We enjoyed the cool breeze and our cold beers as we checked our emails and facecrack. Around 7:00 pm we stopped for a 2nd beer and went to see Timmy.

P- Hi, Timmy! We're back.

Timmy – Sit, sit. Only me. All students off for New Year.

G- That's not a problem. You can do her first and then me second.

Timmy, mid 50s, totally knew what she was doing and was a God send. We learned that she also taught massage classes. A Thai foot massage is more about pressure points than the rubbing you get during a pedicure. She rubbed Phyl's feet with oil, then pressed on certain pressure points with a little wooden dowel.

P- (grimacing) *small gasp*

G- You ok?

P- Yes. It hurts, but in a good way. Ya know?

Timmy – You walk a lot?

P- Yes, Timmy. It seems we walk miles everyday.

Timmy -(as she rubbed up Phyl's leg to her knee) You have scar tissue here, here, and here.

P- That sounds about right. I have knee problems. Can you help that?

Timmy- A little, but it take a long time.

A man walked up (Australian or British) and Timmy told him hello.

Man – Can you make my dinner?

Timmy- No. In 30 minute. You come back?

Man- Ok, I'll come back.

Timmy then turned her attention to my feet. All was good until she drove her dowel into the middle of the arch of my left foot. ARGH!!!! I yelled and jumped.

Timmy – That hurt?

G- Ouch!! Yes, Timmy! That really hurts!

Timmy – You have small colon, too small little intestines.

G- No shit! I've had problems with my intestines and colon for such a long time.

Timmy – Yes, I can see.

The remainder of my massage was enjoyable and we chatted with Timmy whose English was very good. We started seeing little fires up in the sky.

P- Timmy, what is that?

Timmy – Um, how you say? Hot air balloons?

G- Hot air balloons?

Timmy – Yes, to celebrate new year.

P- I've been sitting here, seeing them grow in number, and wondering what the hell they were.

As we sat there, more and more hot air balloons filled the sky. It was very pretty. After my massage, the guy returned and Timmy went next door to her restaurant (yes, Timmy is a Jack of all trades) and cooked the guy dinner on a little propane burner with a wok and all fresh ingredients. We decided that we should also eat dinner at Timmy's restaurant and ordered fried rice and chicken curry. She ground the curry seasonings in the small “kitchen”, and I use the term loosely and cooked each dish one at a time. Her curry was divine and her fried rice was very yummy.

As is the norm, dishes arrive at your table one at a time, and you must eat each as it arrives if you want to eat it hot. We discovered that this is due to the fact that the cook is making each item in the same wok. The fastest things are made first. In the west, we are accustomed to soups being served before the rice or main dish, but here, the soup it typically last. We assume this is because it takes longer to make.

After dinner we decided to walk along the moat and see the goings on. I grabbed my sweatshirt and Phyl her jacket because it was fairly cool. We were ecstatic that we were not sweating!! We walked the 3 blocks to the moat and discovered that the hot air balloons were really super sized paper lanterns powered, and propelled, by a burning fuel cake. There were many lantern hawkers and we purchased one for 50 Baht (about $1.75 USD). We thoroughly enjoyed holding our lantern as it filled with hot air and watched, like little children on Christmas morning, as we released it and it rose into the dark sky. The scene was festive and the road along the moat was closed to traffic and filled with revelers.

We walked along the moat and looked at the vendors' wares. Food stalls lined the moat and we were so very disappointed that we had eaten dinner. I did purchase a skewer of grilled squid, heated on an open flame and served to me in a clear bag with some sweet chili pepper sauce. It was yummy even if a few crunchy parts were a bit disconcerting. The atmosphere was excited but relaxed. Crowds of people mingled around the food vendors and a concert at the main gate drew a large crowd. As we neared midnight, we returned to Loi Kroh Rd and the location where we had previously sent up our lantern.

We stepped into a bar to use the bathroom and grab a cold beer. We sat next to a group of Thais celebrating the western new year (It should be noted that most Thais are Buddhists, they follow a different calendar with Buddha as the starting point, whereas the western calendar follows Jesus as the starting point. The Buddhist new year is in April and they're current year is ahead of the west's.) I sat next to a Thai girl who had gone to college in America and was currently living in London. She was sharing a snack of various bugs with her friends and offered me some. The water bugs were about 3” long and she pulled off the wings before biting off the heads. This, I declined, but I did accept her offer to taste something that resembled a grub worm and something that resembled a beetle. The beetle was more tasty than the grub worm, but neither were so delicious that I would have to eat them again. Maybe if they had been sauteed in a red wine sauce! :)

Standing on the corner, waiting for midnight, we started talking to 2 Frenchman. We sent up another lantern...............

G- This sure is beautiful, but it is an environmental nightmare!! The wire on the lanterns and the paper itself, is no doubt, strewn across Chiang Mai, in waterways and rain forests, for years to come.

P- But it sure is fun and beautiful to see the hundreds of them floating in the sky.

G- I agree, it is beautiful.

We talked to the guys for a while and eventually I took a photo with one of them.

G- Did you see that that asshole had his hand on my ass while you took that photo?

P- Yeah, I saw. I was thinking, in your dreams, buddy. You might be touching her ass, but she's going home with me. I contemplated kicking him in the nuts, but decided against it since he bought me a beer. Nasty ass pervert!!!

G- I'm glad you restrained yourself. I decided not to cause a scene.

We yelled Happy New Year, but were disappointed because no one did a countdown. We just all yelled Happy New Year, in various languages, at the stroke of midnight. This was the second time we had been out of the country for New Year's Eve, the first with Connor in Paris, when changed from 2005 to 2006. Too bad Connor wasn't with us this time too!!!!

Now This Is a Temple

Having traveled, in Asia, for 2 months, with a total travel time of 5 months, we have learned that it takes a few days to become adjusted to each new place. It did not take long, however, to adjust to the wonderfully cool weather in Chiang Mai. Situated in Northern Thailand, in the mountains, it was 15-20 degrees cooler than what we had left in KL and we were thrilled to be able to sleep with the windows open and step outside without sweating. It reminded us of the difference between San Francisco and New Orleans and we had never ceased to appreciate the cool Northern California weather.

We hadn't realized that there was a temple (Wat Loi Kroh) just across the street from the guesthouse until we heard the gong sounding at 4:00 AM, followed by the monks' chanting.............gong, gong, gong, then faster and faster, gong, gong, gong.................. We could not make out the words of the chants, but heard it only as ya, ya, ya, ya, ya......................... for at least an hour. Then the cats started howling. At first we thought they were mating noises, but now we think that it was male cats fighting over territory and mating rites. You can never imagine the horrible sounds a cat can make until you hear them for yourself. After the cats howled, pigeons descend on the rooftops surrounding the guesthouse and cooed until they all flew away in a loud wing flapping serenade like something out of the birds. We were just thrilled to have weather cool enough to warrant sleeping with the windows open.

After coffee in the breezeway, we set off into the old city (the part that is still surrounded by a moat) and visited Wat Jet Rin. In Buddhism, dragons are considered sacred protectors of Buddha & the Dharma and most Wat entrances are flanked by beautiful dragons. This Wat was no exception and we carefully inspected the craftsmanship with which the dragon's scales were made. This was a smaller Wat, out of the way for many tourists, and we enjoyed sitting quietly and visually inspecting every part of the inner temple.

P- I see how quickly you take off your shoes and leave them on the steps now.

G- I was afraid to at first, but now I'm just getting use to it. We really don't have a choice and fortunately few people are around.

 

From there we walked down to Wat Chedi Luang (a Buddhist Temple) which is the centerpiece of the old city of Chiang Mai, with a chedi or stupa (c.1401), a dome shaped monument that houses holy relics, behind the Wat. There is a tall, old gum tree next to the Wat and it is believed that when the tree falls, so will the city. Just outside the temple, we had the opportunity to sit and talk to young monks. We learned that they rise everyday at 4:00 am to pray and chant, then they go off into the city to collect food from their numerous benefactors. They are clad in orange robes, have shaved heads, and very few worldly possessions. We were surprised to learn that one does not have to be a monk for life, but may return to the normal population whenever they desire, past a certain age which we could never accurately determine. Many boys are sent to to be monks because their families cannot afford to raise them or so that they can receive an education. Also, a man may chose to be a monk, or more accurately, live as a monk, at any point during this life, for as short a period as 1 month.

Wat Chedi Luang was very large and contained numerous large gold Buddhas. Many people were praying, lighting incense, and making donations in this temple. Behind and to the right of the temple was a library and manuscript museum. Being the bibliophiles that we are, we eagerly climbed to the second floor to see the collection of old Buddhist text, but were surprised to find no books. We learned that the teachings and chants were written on dried palm leaves, cut into long, narrow strips, and tied together so that they looked like a stack of thin rulers. Many were housed in individual carved or painted boxes or stacked together in larger cabinets that resembled trunks.

On the other side of the ancient Chedi was a shrine with, what has come to be known as, the laughing Buddha, and next to it, a reclining Buddha. We have learned that each day of the week is represented by Buddha in a different pose. Wednesday is represented by 2 positions, one being the reclining Buddha. We were told the story of the laughing Buddha as follows: There was a monk who worked very hard to reach the enlightenment required to become a Buddha. This monk, however, was gorgeous and the women fawned over him. Like every normal man, the monk was moved by this attention, thus blocking him from attaining true enlightenment. At wits end, he prayed that he would become ugly & fat so that women would no longer find him attractive, thus allowing him to achieve enlightenment. One morning he awoke to an ugly face and body and could not stop smiling as he achieved enlightenment and became a Buddha. (I cannot warrant the veracity of this story.)

Finally, we entered a very small Wat, maybe only 20 feet long and 8 feet wide, dedicated to a monk (Acharn Mun Bhuridarto) who worked tirelessly to help the poor and was much revered because he was such a good and compassionate man. The equivalent of a Catholic saint. In front of the large Buddha statue on the rear wall, sat a glass box, about 3-4 feet high and 2 feet wide, raised off the ground about a foot. Inside the box was the monk sitting in the cross legged meditation position.

P- OMG! Look at that!!!!

G- (I was still inspecting the doors and the mural on the wall near the entrance.) What?


P- The guy in the box!!! Do you think it's real?

G- OMG! It's scary! It sure looks real. (We approached and closely inspected the statue.) It seems unlikely, but Lenin is lying in Red Square. Still, it seems completely unlikely.

P- It looks so real. You think it's wax?

G- I don't know what it's made of, but look at the details of the face. It totally looks real. It's creepy! I don't like the way he's looking at us.

P- Me either; let's get outta here.

We exited the walls surrounding Wat Chedi Luang and walked about a block before reaching Wat Pundtow which was made of wood and much less ornate, but attractive nonetheless, and exuding a sense of serenity. Along the left side of the Wat were several round pyramids full of yellow flags. Behind the Wat was a golden chedi which created quite a contrast between rustic and ornate. Off to the left was a lotus pond with an arbor, from which colorful paper lanterns hung. It was quite a colorful and festive scene juxtaposed with the brown, wooden Wat.

P- I know we said we'd go to the next Wat up the street, but I'm tired of walking.

G- Me too and we'll be up until midnight, so let's go back to the guesthouse and rest.

P- I'm glad you agree. Let's take a tuk-tuk.

Explosive Peanut Butter

It's a horrible thing when the alarm rings in the middle of the night. I soothed my pain by taking another hot shower. It helps to wake me up and who knows when I'll get a shower this nice again. I never like to pass up the opportunity. We were amazed at the number of people waiting to catch the shuttle at 5:15 am. Does Air Asia schedule all of the flights for the crack of dawn? We had been given so many warning about the size and pieces of bags we can carry onto the Air Asia flights that we paid to check a large bag and kept our fingers crossed that we could carry on our much reduced backpacks.


Fortunately, we made it through without any trouble. We sat in the area before the security scan and drank our water.

Scanner – Can you open your bag?

G- Yes.

Scanner – You cannot take this.

G- It's peanut butter. It's not a liquid, gel or aerosol, so according to your list, it's ok.

Scanner – No. I must take it.

P- (whispering to Gina) Let it go.

G- GGGRGGRRRRRRR!!! Why didn't we think to put the peanut butter in the checked bag?

P- Because we read the list of excluded things and it doesn't qualify.

G- This is the worst part of air travel. The 9/11 terrorists accomplished far more than they could've ever dreamed. As a result of their actions, people all over the world have to be tortured, under the false pretense of safety, for the rest of our lives. It aggravates the shit out of me!

P- I know, I know. That guys wife probably told him as he was leaving, “Steal some good stuff from the travelers today! Bring home a surprise for the kids.”

G- Yeah and when he spotted our Skippy, he knew he had hit the jackpot. Damn! Damn! Damn! Why didn't we put it in the checked bag? Oh well.

We sat in a holding room with no sign of airplanes. When we were called to board, we were lead outside and walked, for several blocks, past the baggage sorting area and hundreds of suitcases.

G- I can't keep my peanut butter, but we can walk past these unattended suitcases. We could put a bomb in one of those suitcases.

P- No we can't, because he took our explosive peanut butter.

G- I hate flying.

P- Me too, but you hate everything at this time of the morning.

G- Very true!!!!

We finally arrived at the plane and climbed stairs that had been pushed up to the plane. I've only boarded a plane in this manner 2 times, when we left Belize in 2006 and in Cancun in 1982 or 83. It seems weird to walk out onto the tarmac. The flight was 2.5 hours and uneventful except for the fact that we were surprised to learn that we lost an hour from KL to Chiang Mai, Thailand. We had booked a room at Wild Orchid Guesthouse on the recommendation of Mike & Hannah. We paid 450 Baht (about $15.00 USD) per night for an air con room with a king size bed, TV, mini fridge, and a private bathroom with hot shower. We also arranged for a pick up from the airport, and we were met by Ron, a Dutchman, and the owner of the Wild Orchid. We were delighted when we arrived at the guesthouse and were immediately allowed to check in. It was only 9:00 AM.

There were many restaurants around, so we grabbed some breakfast and went to the room to take a nap. After our nap, we walked around the neighborhood to get acquainted with the area, and lounged in the guesthouse breeze way on the very comfortable chaises. We were very tired, so got in bed very early and took advantage of the myriad English speaking TV channels available in our room.

Finally Leaving KL

As expected, we learn so much from other travelers. Mike & Hannah told us about Tune Hotels, numerous people told us about the cheap flights on Air Asia, Laurie & Bo gave us guesthouse names in numerous cities, and Nancie told us about bus travel. We had been looking forward to this day; the day we'd leave Kuala Lumpur. Neither of us would say we hated KL, but we had a few bad experiences that soured us on the city. To be fair, most of the people were very friendly and helpful, but with the almost complete inability to use taxis, and the disjointed metro system, we walked and sweated more than we cared to. Overall, we just felt that KL offered nothing so wonderful to cause us to encourage anyone to visit. Everyone is different, however, and others may love KL, so decide for yourself.

One fabulous thing about Asia is that hotel check out time is usually 12:00, so you're never rushed to get out. Air Asia's hub is in KL, so they have a separate airport for the budget airlines, dominated by Air Asia. The main airport can be reached by metro, but the budget airport is reachable only by bus. We learned that buses left every hour or so from KL Sentral, so we checked out of our hotel at noon and, keeping our fingers crossed, asked the doorman to call us a taxi. As luck would have it, one company agreed to send a cab, and when he arrived, he agreed to use the meter. We were excited that we might be able to leave KL without another taxi incident. Alas, it was not to be.

G- (quietly to Phyl) – Shouldn't he have turned left back there?

P- (also under her breath) – Yes, unless he knows another way.

G- I think we're about to get screwed again. We could have walked to KL Sentral quicker. He's gonna take the long way.

P- What can we do? We have no choice but to go the way he takes us.

G- (to the driver) Why are you going this way? We could have walked to KL Sentral faster than this.

Driver – Many one way streets.

G- (under my breath to Phyl) Bullshit! He's just screwing us by driving in circles. Fucker!

P- Yes, he's running up the meter, but we'll be out of here tomorrow and we won't have to deal with these assholes anymore. Chill.

As luck would have it, we arrived at the booth just as a bus was about to leave. We paid our 21 ringgits (about $7.00) and were quickly ushered onto an almost full bus. The driver did not even contemplate taking our bags to put them in the luggage compartment, so we squeezed down the aisle with the greatest of difficulty. I took the first available seat, and Phyl sat about 5 rows back. Our pack just sat in the aisle, and I kept my day pack on my lap. The ride was much longer that we had expected, and it was about 1 hour before we were deposited at the airport terminal.

G- Well that was difficult with our packs on. You look like you were struggling. Did anyone help you?

P- No, as a matter of fact, when the jerk sitting in the seat in front of me saw me struggling to turn in the aisle, take off my pack, and get into my seat, he reclined his seat as far as it would go. I'm sure his name was probably Dick.

G- Well that was nice of him.

P- That's ok, remember what happened to that bitch who showed up at the Orpheus parade 2 minutes before the parade started, after we had been there for 5 hours, and stuck her tall ladder right in front of us?

G- Hahahah! Yes, I remember. She completely blocked our view, and she grabbed every pack of beads like an octopus so we couldn't catch anything.

P- Yeah! And you remember how I got rid of her?

G- Of course, it was classic. You grabbed that pack of long, big beads at the same time as her and yanked, then when she pulled back to rip them out of your hands, you let go and she smashed the whole dozen into her own face. LMAO!!! Had to hurt like hell and she did it to herself.

P- Immediately after she got down and moved her ladder some place else.

G- That was great! But how does that story relate to now?

P- Well, when we arrived at the airport, the man across the aisle from me helped me put my pack on and as I turned around to thank him, I spun so that my water purifier, that's clipped to my pack, flipped around and hit the asshole up the side of his head. Then I sweetly apologized.

G- Excellent! You're such a bad ass!!! You think he learned a little lesson today?

P- I doubt it.

G- Let's go see if there's a shuttle bus to the Tune hotel. I see it right over there, but it's not really in walking distance.

P- Thank God Laurie & Bo told us this airport was far away from the city and that we made a reservation for tonight at this Tune.

G- They said it was far, but I had no idea it was this far. Can you imagine how miserable we would have been if we had to leave the Olympic to get to the bus station, then to this airport by 5:30 am.

P- I know how miserable I would have been. I would've had to shoot you!!

G- Damn skippy!

We found the shuttle bus and were dropped off at the front door of the hotel. I had forgotten that I'd have to show my passport, so I had to step to the side of the counter and unzip my pants so that I could reach into my secret, interior, velcroed pocket. My mom sewed one into each of my 4 pants and they have been invaluable for safeguarding our passports, extra credit cards and cash. The pocket is a little awkward to access in times like these, but I'm getting pretty good at being discrete.

We had been told that the rooms were small, but were still unprepared for exactly how small it was. Only a Japanese engineer could design a room so feng shui, so perfectly composed, and waste not 1/16 of an inch of space. Literally, the bed was positioned on the left wall so that the door had just enough room to swing open without hitting the bed. There was about 1 foot on each side of the bed and maybe 18” between the bottom of the bed and the wall. A desk folded down from the wall at the foot of the bed and the bed was the chair.

The bathroom was similarly efficient, was very modern and had a glass enclosed shower with a large rain shower head. It was small, but we loved it! We could shower and not get the whole bathroom wet. We could wake up during the night and go to the bathroom without walking through puddles. Such little things make us happy now. The Tune is pretty cheap and you add on the extras that you require. Air con can be purchased in blocks of 12 hours, wifi in blocks of 24 hours, and you can purchase a bag of soap/shampoo/towel or use of the blow dryer. When you put your credit card style key into the reader, you are told how much time you have for each purchase.

G - You see that green arrow on the ceiling?

P- Yes. What is it?

G- I'm not sure, but there was one on the ceiling at the Olympic hotel also.  In fact, when we were in the deluxe room, it pointed toward the Petronas Towers, then when we switched to the cheaper room, it pointed toward the bathroom.  I hadn't paid much attention to it, but now I'm curious.

P- It looks like it has words on it, what does it say?

G- It says Kiblat, but it also has symbols.  I bet it points the way east so when there is a call to prayer, you know which way to face.  Google the word.

P- That is exactly what it means.  That points to Mecca, but it would be impossible to get on the floor and pray in this room.  They'd have to go out onto the hallway.

We had only purchased 12 hours of air con, so instead of sitting in the hot room, we returned to the airport to get some lunch.

G- You want rice, chicken or McDonald's?

P- None of those choices sound good, but I guess McDonald's.  Look at that sandwich, the McJoy. They make that advertisement sound sexual.

G- Maybe you can bust McWood while you eat it.

After lunch we sat in Starbucks and enjoyed the fast internet connection. We watched people come and go and uploaded several blogs, then we took the shuttle back to the hotel. Basically you're in the middle of a rainforest, so there is nowhere else to go. Upon entering the room..............

G- What the hell?!

P- What?

G- Freakin ants all over the bed.

P- Where'd they come from?

G- Beats the hell out of me. I only see them on the bed. These damn Asian ants have some kind of special powers. They can appear and disappear at will. They are so tiny! Like the ants in Ubud.

P- What are they after? The food bag is on the night stand and they're not in it.

G- Shit!!! They're in my Frosted Flakes. Whah!! How can I get them out of there?

P- Baby, don't be ridiculous. You can't save the Frosted Flakes. You'll have to throw them away.

G- ARRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!! I want my Frosted Flakes. If there was more room on the floor I'd throw myself down and have a tantrum.

P- It's ok my little crazy. We'll get you more Frosted Flakes.

G- Oh yeah, because they're on every corner. Every grocery carries them and they're so easy to find. WHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P- How about if we go downstairs and drink some beer. Would that make you feel a little better?

G- (sniff, sniff) Maybe a little bit.

We sat under a canopy in front of the hotel and had a few beers. Much to our surprise, the little cafe served shepherds pie and chicken pot pies, so we ordered one of each. They were very yummy. We talked to a few other travelers, then went to our room around 10:00 pm. The alarm was going to ring at 4:15 am!

We Can't Believe We Ate The Whole Fish!

The curtains blocked out all sunlight and because we had been staying up so late, we had been sleeping in, so we set the alarm for 8:30 am. It was morning in KL, but it was Monday night in New Orleans and we had planned to watch, or listen to, Monday Night Football (Saints v Atlanta). We were able to get online and listen to Jim Henderson on WWL, but as soon as the game came on, Jim was gone and replaced by another broadcast. Without another way to see the game, we put our netbook on a chair between our single beds and called Gina's mom via Skype. She put her laptop on a TV tray in front of the TV and we watched the 3 hour game in this way. The picture wasn't spectacular, and exact yardage was difficult to discern, but she provided the commentary. Fortunately, the internet connection held up well and we were only disconnected a handful of times. It was fun to watch the game with her and cheer for our beloved Saints together. Most of all, it was fantastic that they beat Atlanta in a critical division game.

We had been grouchy about being stuck in KL for 2 more days, but the game lifted our spirits, so we headed off to the KL Tower, which resembles the Seattle Space Needle. We exited at the correct metro stop, but then walked in circles, with several other tourists, looking for the tower. One would think it was be easy to see since it, and the Petronas Towers, dominate the skyline, but it sits up on a hill, surrounded by rainforest, and our vision was blocked by the trees. We were very thankful that a shuttle bus ran from the bottom of the hill to the tower. Once we reached the top, it was not possible to purchase a ticket only to go to the top of the tower; only package deals were offered and we were not interested in touring the zoo or riding donkeys in a circle. Also, the clouds had moved in, were growing dark and would likely block out any real views of the city.

G- Forget it. I don't to pay that much money to go up on such a cloudy day.

P- I agree. It looks like it's about to rain.

The shuttle returned us to the bottom of the hill where we spotted a TGI Friday's. It's amazing where you'll eat when you're far away from home and your options are limited. We never eat at chain restaurants at home. We were greeted by our waiter, Mr. Personality Plus, and ordered 2 beers.

Waiter – Ready to order?

P- Yes. We'll share the nachos. What comes on them?

Waiter – You have 2 orders?

G- Just 1.

Waiter – It's only 4.

G- 4 what?

Waiter – Chips.

P- The nacho plate is only 4 chips? How big are they?

Waiter – Like chips.

Phyl and I looked at each other, confused, and back at him.

P- Ok. In America the nachos are a big pile of chips with cheese, beans, and maybe sour cream, peppers, chicken on top.

Waiter – Yes?!  No. Here just 4 chips.

G- Ok, then no nachos for us. Give us the cheese dip. Does it come with a basket of chips or only 4?

Waiter – (laughs) No, a basket of chips.

While we ate our chips and cheese dip, which was very yummy, but too small a portion, we cut up with the waiter. He asked how we liked Malaysia. We told him that we liked Malaysia, but weren't loving KL. We told him about our experience with the taxi driver throwing firecrackers at us and how all of our experiences with cab driver were bad ones. He said that everyone thinks the taxi drivers are terrible. We talked about silly things people think about other countries. He guessed that there were Americans who thought people in Malaysia still lived in little huts and farmed. We learned that his vision of Native Americans resembled those of old western movies. We told him that we were surprised that Taylor Swift was being played everywhere.

Later we discussed the over the top Christmas decorations in a country that is primarily Muslim. He said that the Prime Minister had a program to encourage all Malaysians to feel as one and to support and respect each other regardless of their religious differences. (This will be difficult as long as his country contains people like the ticket taker & the fire cracker throwing taxi driver.)  He said that he was Muslim, but went to his friends' homes and enjoyed their Christmas celebration. Conversely, his Christian friends would celebrate Ramadan with him. We asked him if he knew why Christmas music was still being played and told him that in America it ends at midnight Christmas Day. He said that all holidays and festivals were celebrated for 3 days so the Christmas music should end today.

Before returning to the metro we stopped in the bathroom. It was very clean and most of the toilets were western, but there was no toilet paper in the stalls.

P- Look. The toilet paper dispenser is mounted on the wall by the bathroom door.

G- I have seen that before. How are you supposed to know exactly how much paper you'll need before you even go in?

P- I don’t' know.

G- God forbid you go in thinking you just have to pee and instead you also poo.

P- That would be bad. I guess you'd have to beg someone to hand you more toilet paper.

G- Or spray your ass with the hose. Neither option sounds good to me. Ha! This makes me think of the Seinfeld episode when Elaine goes into the stall and there is no toilet paper, so she has to ask the woman next to her for some and that woman refuses. Do you remember that episode?

P- No, I do not recall that one, but if Elaine would have had a hose, she could have just sprayed her ass.
Maybe that hose thing is not so bad after all.

G- The thing that confuses me is that if you spray your nether regions with water, you still have to dry them before you pull up your pants or it'll look like you pissed yourself. So why not just wipe in the first place and forget the hose entirely?

P- I can't answer your questions, because I'm not a hoser, I'm a wiper.

We returned to our hotel and relaxed for a few hours, then went back out for dinner. Our intended destination was the curb side restaurant we had eaten at a few nights earlier, but when we arrived, it was closed. After a short debate, we decided to eat at the place next door. It was starting to rain again and this place actually had inside seating.

G- I'm not sure if I prefer to eat inside or on the curb. The insides of these places look so dingy. They need a good scrubbing from top to bottom, a paint job, and new plastic furniture. I'm a fan of hole-in-the-wall restaurants, but blech!

P- It would be better if they were darker. They should ditch the florescent lighting. I don't want to see this place when I'm eating.

The first night we ate in Chinatown we watched a family devour a whole fish, head on, of course. We have always been freaked out about eating a fish with it's head on, and are not fans of eating around the bones. We eat filets. Period. But we're trying to branch out, so we planned to eat a whole fish while it watched us. As we told the waitress what we wanted, the man at the next table turned to look at us and smiled with a quizzical look. “Yep! We're white girls and we just ordered the whole fish. But we're not your ordinary white girls, we grew up in N'awlins, so we eat all kinds of freaky shit!! As Gawd is our witness, after tonight, we're no longer gonna be afraid of the whole, headed fish.”

One thing we neglected to consider is that it would be difficult to eat a whole fish with chop sticks, and since we had just walked down from the hotel, I didn't have the backpack or our sporks. We had no choice but to do it the Chinese way.............we pulled the meat off the fish with our fingers. Yes, we Purelled first. The skin was crispy and had a spicy seasoning. We chewed carefully so as to avoid impailing bones into the roofs of our mouths, but we ate ravinously. The fish was divine!! Of course we also had rice, what else?

Napkins are as uncommon in Asia as snow in hell. If you are given a napkin, it is usually more of a tissue than a papertowel. They come in little boxes and you pull them out just like a Puff. With the same texture as a tissue, they're pretty much worthless for wiping anything substantive off your hands. I had long ago instituted a no papertowel rule in our house and we'd been using cloth napkins for years, both to do our part to save the environment, and because cloth napkins are nice and easy to drop into the washing machine. This tissue as a napkin, when you could get it thing, was killing me. I digress....... after eating our fish with our fingers, I looked around for a tissue box and saw none.

G- What in the hell to people wipe their hands on?

P- At least the last place gave us tissues.

I made a hand wiping gesture to the waitress and she went behind the counter and dug around. After an extensive archiological expedition, she brough over a little packet of Kleenex. I think we were going to have to purchase the packet. “Nevermind, thank you.” If we had used Kleenex to clean our hands, not only would we have sticky fish on our fingers, we'd have Kleenex stuck to them too. We decided to just pour some of our water over our fingers and shake them off. We'd just have to be careful not to touch anything until we got back to the hotel and washed them with soap and water. The meal was excellent and we trudged back up the hill to take a hot shower and see if we could find anything, in English, on TV.

Cave Man

P- Did you sleep ok?


G- The bed was comfortable, but it was freezing in this room and since we're now in single beds, I don't have your body heat to keep me warm. We have to do something about that air con.

P- I keep putting the temperature higher.

G- Tonight I'm putting it as high as it goes! Did they leave us another roll of toilet paper out there?

P- No, why would they put toilet paper out here.

G- I don't know, but when they cleaned the room yesterday, we only had ½ a roll. I expected them to leave another one. Ugh!

P- They never give us extra toilet paper. It's like they want you to always be worried about running out so you don't use too much.

G- I know and I'm tired of having my toilet paper rationed!! I'd like to be able to use more than 3 quares to wipe my ass without having to worry about running out.

P- They're trying to make us use the hose.

G- I am not using the hose!!! Give me our roll. It's in the bag with Pinky. Please call housekeeping and get us another roll. We are paying too much for this hotel to have to supply our own toilet paper.

P- I'm telling ya, they think we use too much paper and that we're crazy for not hosing ourselves.

G- That's how I want to wake up in the morning...........”No, no thank you, I stopped drinking coffee, now I just spray cold water on my nether regions!!!” It ain't gonna happen.

We had read about the Batu Cave, and had already planned to visit, but when we visited the beautiful Hindu Temple a few days ago, the keeper of the shoes told us that if we loved that temple, we should definitely go to the Batu cave. Another man standing nearby told us that we could take a train for only 1 ringgit.

Wanting to see what was involved if we went to the train station on foot and by metro, we exited the hotel and went to the left to catch a different metro line. To get to this train station we went up stairs, across the street, down more stairs, up more stairs totalling 68 steps. We imagined this with our packs on our backs and our already aching feet. It was not appealling. After a few stops, we exited at Sentral Station, walked down 2 flights of stairs, across the street, around a large construction lot, past numerous buses that seem hell bent on exfixiating us, and finally, into the station. It was then that we determined that we'd have to try and get a taxi to the station on the day that we took a bus to the airport, as sherping tour shit all this way might just kill us.

We purchased our tickets from a pleasant girl at the counter and sure enough, it was only 1 ringgit (about .33 cents in USD), and headed for the bathroom. The line was long and there were only 4 stalls.

G- Have you been able to determine if there is a western toilet?

P- Yes, but only 1, so we'll just have to wait until it comes open.

G- Look, toilet paper!

P- Where?

G- Over there on that shelf. Grab it so we don't have to use ours.

Phyl went into the stall first.

G- How was it?

P- Ok, there's just so much water on the floor from women spraying themselves. I know it's only water, but it seems nasty to me.

G- I just cannot imagine how they make such a mess and not get their clothes soaked. What the hell is wrong with the toilet seats?

P- It's shoe prints. There's a sign, on the wall, behind the toilet telling them not to stand on it, but some dumb bitch must've climbed up on it and used it like a squat toilet.

G- She's lucky she didn't break the toilet. She must be the one who sprayed the place down with the hose. No matter. Still better than a port-o-john at Jazz Fest.

We found the corridor to our train and walked up to a bank of ticket taking turn stalls. After trying to put our tickets into several different turn stalls, only to have our tickets refused, we walked over to a ticket taker man and waited for him to finish answering another guy's questions. When they had finished talking, we stepped up …............

P- (showing him the ticket) The machines will not accept our tickets.

The ticket taker man, hereafter referred to as 'the douche', rolled his eyes in our direction and looked at us with a stare of disdain.

G- Are the turn stalls broken or is there something wrong with the reader strip on our tickets?

the douche - Said nothing but continued to stare are us with a look that said “I'd rather spit on you than talk to you.”

We stood there looking at him and he stood there staring with narrow eyes and a look of nausea. Finally the silence was broken by the guy he had been talking to, who directed us to the turn stall on the far side of the row, indicating that it would take our tickets. We thanked him, walked to the far side of the row, put our tickets in and went to the escalator. Neither of us spoke, deep in thought, until we reached the platform and sat on a bench.

G- Are you as incensed as I am?

P – Yes. I was wondering if it was just me or if you also have the feeling that the ticket taking asshole would rather see us dead.

G- Oh, I absolutely felt it and with every second that passes I become more outraged. I have never felt that before. That he absolutely loathes us because we're women. We certainly got the message he worked so hard to convey.

P- Yes, that we're not worthy of him wasting his breath on us.

G- I mean, surely we've experienced sexism from time to time, but nothing like this. Remember that dumbass sheriff who called you little lady and talked down to you?

P- I remember that, but he was just an old, dumb cop in a hick town. I told him he could call me Phyllis and he did. It wasn't the same kind of hatred.

G- And over the years working claims, I've had numerous men try to rattle me by talking down to me or making sexist comments, but I've never felt like this before either. Quite frankly, I'd love to tell him a thing or 2 or 30.

P- I just want to punch him in the face.

G- The tininess of that douche's pecker is probably eclipsed only by the size of his tiny brain.

P- Like a raisin.

G- I'd love to tell him “Look you piss ant. It is apparent that you feel an enourmous sense of superiority because we are women, but in case you haven't noticed, you are a ticket taker in a train station. I could run circles around you and only use 1% of my brain. I recognize that you live in a culture, in a country, that tells you you are better than us simply because you have a itsy bitsy weenie, but in my country you'd be lucky if I hired you to carry out my trash!” Then I'd like to hit him so hard that every time, for the remainder of his life, he has a nightmare about the incident, he sees my face.

P- Yikes! But that does sound good. Let me hit him a few times too. I am so pissed, I'd like to tell him “Look, you little prick, on the evolutionary scale of life we are way up here and you are still a Neanderthal. You probably still have a hairy back.”

G- “And by the way, Allah is a woman, and when you die, there will not be 90 virgins awaiting you; instead, you'll be put into a cell with the biggest, ugliest criminal to be his bitch for all eternity!” Ok now, we can't let the little penis ruin our day. We have to shake this off. I hope to gawd he does not have a wife or, even worse, a daughter. I feel sorry for any woman who would have to be exposed to him on a daily basis. A poor girl growing up around him might think that all men were as horrible as him.

P- I'm sure if he has a wife, she's wearing one of those full, black burquas.

G- ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

P- We've got to calm down. Unclench your teeth before you break a molar.

G- Unbelievable! I'm really starting to hate this city.

P- From now on, we only talk to women.

G- Really, we can't let our anger make us crazy. Most of the people here have been nothing but nice to us.

P- That's true, but it's just a feeling I get here. It's starting to bother me that all of the women are wearing headscarves.

G- I know. Me too. At least most of them don't seem beaten down, but if a little girl grows up in this culture, how can she know anything else. Blech!

The train arrived and we spent half of the hour long ride to the Batu Cave talking each other down from the over the top anger we were feeling. As we neared the cave, we could see the ***tall statue standing in front of the mountain. It was quite an impressive sight.

P- Whah! The internet article said there were a lot of stairs, but I never invisioned them to be this high.

G- It's like our pennance for being fortunate enough to travel the world. We must climb a million steps. Be careful because these steps seem to tilt backwards.

We climbed, and climbed and climbed. All told, 272 steps to reach the top. At least it wasn't 400!

The view from the top was spctacular and we could see the KL skyline off in the distance. Down a flight of steps and we were standing in a large cavern with stalagtites hanging from the ceiling. When first discovered, the cave must have been quite an impressive sight. Now the floor was blacktopped and the few veniettes that lined the walls paled in comparison to the temple we saw in KL. At the far end of the cave we climbed another flight of step and walked around an area open to the sky. Overall, we were disappointed and would only recommend making the trip to the cave if you had extra time. The temple in the city is far superior.

This outing had taken much less time than we had anticipated. It was early afternoon and we were hungry, so we headed back to the area of our hotel and stopped at a Raggae bar, in Chinatown, that advertised the coldest beer in KL. The draft Carlsberg did not disappoint, so we had a couple and ate a yummy pizza. The place was apparently a big backpacker hangout and had a chalkboard of shots prominently placed on the wall near the entrance. With cold beer, good pizza and a clean, western bathroom with toilet paper and soap to wash your hands, we knew we'd be back. We chatted with a few other patrons and relaxed.

It was early evening when we returned to our hotel. We didn't plan to leave again, so we showered and watched TV.