Guilin's Ming Palace Hostel

The time really passed quickly and before we knew it we had arrived in Guilin. As we waited for the doors to open, the man who had put our bags on the shelf helped us get then down. Erin tried to lift one and exclaimed that it was very heavy. The man agreed and told her that he was surprised that we could carry such heavy bags.

Erin was taking the bus, but was kind enough to walk us out of the train station and help us find a taxi. It was not an easy task for her to get someone to take us to the address of the hotel we selected, I shudder to think of the horrors we would have experienced without her assistance. Ultimately, we went in a little thing that looked like a tuk-tuk for a price that Erin considered far too high, but we had few options. We were accustomed to being overcharged because we are westerners, and it was starting to rain harder than the standard drizzle. We felt as though we had imposed upon Erin all that we should, so we hugged her, thanked her, and climbed into the little tuk-tuk.

We arrived at the Ming Palace International Hostel without a reservation and were delighted to find that all of the employees spoke some English. They advised that they had no double rooms available, but could put us, and only us, into a 6 person dorm room that had an en suite bathroom. The only problem...........it was on the 5th floor. Tomorrow we could move to a double room. We agreed and paid the $6.00 USD for the 2 of us to stay in the dorm.

Jason- Follow me to the room. (to Gina) I take your bag?

G- No, I can carry mine, please carry hers. She'll have enough trouble just climbing to the 5th floor without her bag.

P- Jason, do you have elevators in China?

Jason – Yes, some, but not so many.

P- Great.

Jason – Where you from?

G- America.

Jason – Oh, yes? I never meet Americans before.

P- Well now you have.

Jason – You sisters?

G- Yes.

P- Do we look alike?

Jason – Yes, I think so.

G- (under her breath to Phyl) All us westerners look alike.

P- Let's close these windows, Jason, it's cold outside.

Jason – I put on heater for you. Press this button to make it hotter. Sorry we only have this room. Tomorrow we move you.

P- What floor is that room on?

Jason- Floor number 2.

P- Good.

We put the little heater on high and hoped that the room would be warm when we returned from dinner.  Downstair we asked Jason to recommend a nearby restaurant where we could get some soup.

Jason – I finish work soon. If you wait a little time I will take you to a restaurant.

G- That sounds great. Thank you.

P- (under her breath to me) We'll just sit here in the freezing lobby and wait.

G- It is rainy and cold outside and they have the door and all of the windows open. WTF?

P- There's a heater in the corner, why don't they turn it on? They're cold too because they're all wearing their coats.

G- I can't figure this out. It makes no sense.

As we walked with Jason the 4-5 blocks to a restaurant we talked about the newly opened hostel and his job as the tour organizer. He knew about TripAdvisor and asked us to write about them if we were happy with our stay. Jason was in his early 20's and was eager to promote his new employer's business. He also gave us a little history on Guilin which dates back to 200 B.C., is known throughout China for its incredible karst landscape (like Ha Long Bay, Vietnam, but on land instead of water) and is very popular with Chinese tourists.  We walked through one of the very thick walls that surrounded the old city, and emerged onto a brightly lit street lined with restaurants.

Jason led us into a place which, of course, had all the doors and windows open and patrons eating dinner while wearing coats. As we entered, every head turned and every eyeball in the place was on us.

G- Apparently we are tonight's entertainment.

Jason – Many people have not seen westerners.

Jason helped us order a pot of hot tea, soup, and fried rice. He told us it should cost 22 yuan (about $7.00) and he went home. After about 10 minutes the people tired of staring at us and went back to their discussions. We were determined to warm ourselves with hot liquids. It was a good plan, but it was so cold in the restaurant that the tea in the pot quickly cooled.

P- I wish I could have sugar in my tea. Plain tea doesn't do it for me.

G- I'd like sugar and a little milk, but good luck getting that. Just be glad it's warm. The rice is pretty good.

P- It's ok. The soup is way too fishy. I've had enough of this.

G- It's just not very flavorful is it?

P- No, it's boring as shit. Nothing like Americanized Chinese food.

G- We really need to carry Tony Chachere's when we travel.



doors wide open

Our hands were cold as ice, the food was blah, and we never warmed up so we quickly paid the bill and walked back to the hostel.

G- This is why we're losing weight, Gladys. Just by climbing up the 5 flights of stairs to our room we have burned off the 200 calories we consumed at dinner.

P- Great! I'm sure I'll wake up hungry before the night is over.

G- Well, the room is a little warmer than it use to be, but it's still cold in here.

P- Are you gonna take a shower?

G- I want to but I don't want to take off my clothes. Whah! The bathroom is freezing. Whah!

P- Stop whining, Agnes. I'll take a shower first and heat up the bathroom for you.

G- Ok (still whining) This bottom bunk looks more like a double bed than a single. Let's just sleep in this bed and we can stack the comforters on top of each other. Maybe then I'll be warm enough to sleep.

P- Sounds good.

It was still freezing in the bathroom when I showered, but at least the water was hot.  Luckily, we had an electric teapot in the room so we drank hot tea before snuggling under the double layer of comforters for, what turned out to be, a good night's sleep.



tiny toilet paper rolls

Run, Turtle, Run

G- Ok, Gladys, you ready to go?

P- What time is it?

G- We have 90 minutes before our train leaves. We'll be at the train station more than an hour before our train leaves, so we're good on time. Let me help you put your packs on.

P- These packs are getting heavier and heavier.

G- It's not helping that we're buying heavy winter clothes.

We turned in our room card, thanked the girl at the counter and headed out into the gloomy drizzle. Phyl walks slowly when she's not carrying anything, when she's a pack mule carrying 50+ pounds, she moves like a turtle, walking uphill, in a strong head wind.

Because we each had our big packs on our backs and our day packs on our front, I could not turn my head to see her but had to completely turn my body around to be sure she hadn't fallen and was lying on her shell. Having to carry an umbrella was not helping.

As we approached the entrance to the train station..........

P- Which door should we enter?

G- I don't know. None of them match the symbols on our tickets. Just pick one.

P- Step aside before this old man knocks you down. He's apparently in a big hurry because he almost knocked me, and the old lady next to me, down.

G- Shit!

P- What?

G- We're gonna have to take our packs off up ahead and put them through a scanner.

P- Ugh! It's so hard getting them back on and these people are so damn impatient.

We struggled to get all of our packs off, through the scanner, and back on while people literally ran over us and attempted to dragged there bags through us. Once repacked, we went through another checkpoint where we were scanned by a woman with a metal detector wand. I showed her the tickets and she pointed upstairs. At the top of the escalator I showed the tickets to another attendant and she pointed us through another set of doors.

P- What did she say?

G- Gladys, this may come as a surprise to you, but I do not speak Chinese.

P- I couldn't hear whether she told you something in English or not.

G- No, we're in China, she spoke to me in Mandarin, I guess.

P- She seemed a little agitated.

G- I thought so too.

At the gate, I again showed the tickets to the attendants. They became very agitated and wave us into the gate in a hysterical manner.

P- What the hell?

G- I don't know, but they clearly want us to hurry up.

P- What time is it?

G- The train is not supposed to leave for 65 minutes.

P- Well, they seem to be freaking out.

G- Then hurry.

We walked, as quickly as laden mules can walk, down a hallway, then down 3 flights of stairs. My legs were burning so I knew Phyllis was in serious pain.

G- Hurry up, baby! I know you're dying.

P- I'm going as fast as I can! I'd like to know why we're hurrying.

G- I'm not sure, but clearly they want us to hurry.

P- If I fall down the stairs, or if my knee gives out, we won't be going anywhere. I'm going as fast as I can. I'm sweating my ass off with all these clothes on.

G- Me too. Suck it up and move as quickly as you can. We'll be sitting on the train for 5 hours.

When we finally reached the platform the attendants at the bottom went ballistic. I tried to run but Phyl kept her same slow and steady pace. The attendant on the train had to lower the stairs so we could get on. They were all yelling at us, or to us, in Chinese. I pulled myself aboard, legs already like Jello, then turned and pulled Phyl up. We had no idea which car we were on because we had to jump on the one closest to the bottom of the stairs. The attendant was clearly aggravated as she looked at our tickets, pointed toward the front, and pulled the stairs back up. We tried to walk up the car as the train lunged forward.

P- Oh my gawd! I think I'm gonna die. What the hell just happened? Is the train leaving early?

G- I can't figure it out. It's leaving 55 minutes early. I don't understand why.

We dragged ourselves, bouncing from wall to wall, through several sleeper train cars. That was bad enough, but when we reached the cars with the seats and walked down the aisles, stepping over legs and baggage, with 200 eyes watching every move we made, that was extremely uncomfortable. Finally, 8 cars later, we reached our seats, which were occupied by other people. I showed the interlopers our tickets and they got up, but there was no place to put our bags.

We were both dripping sweat, so before we sat down, and while the entire train car of people watched , we pulled off our jackets and sweatshirts down to our short sleeve shirts. All eyes followed our every move!! I squeezed onto the bench seat, past a woman who looked none to happy, and wedged myself and my daypack behind the table. The people sitting across, facing us, stared. Phyl shoved my big pack under the table, jamming my left leg against the wall, and I put my right leg on the bag. I was sure the man across from me had his legs squished too, but he was nonplussed. Phyl left her big pack in the aisle. We sat trying to regroup and cool down. Everyone on the train continued to stare at us.

P- What the hell just happened?

G- I cannot figure it out. The train was supposed to leave at 11:00. Why did it leave at 10:00?

P- Maybe the guy told us the wrong time.

G- Maybe, or maybe there is a train leaving every hour, but I doubt it. I just don't know.

P- We're right above Hanoi, so we're in the same time zone.

G- Well, somehow all the other people on the train knew the correct time.

Erin – Hello.

Our heads jerked up in unison. Heretofore unnoticed was a young, early 20's Chinese girl sitting across from Phyllis.

P & G – Hi.

P- You speak English?

Erin – Yes, a little.

G- Hi, I'm Gina.

P- I'm Phyllis.

Erin- Where are you from?

P- America.

Erin – Really? I've never met an American before.

G- Erin, can you tell us why the train left early.

Erin – I don't know. Sometimes it leaves early.

G- An hour early? (I held my arm out to her and pointed to my watch.)

Erin – Maybe.

G- How will we know if the train is going to leave early?

Erin – Oh, I don't know.

P- This is very confusing. We almost missed the train because it left early.

Erin – Maybe you must get to the station very early.

P- Earlier than an hour?

Erin – Maybe.

As we spoke, people from the train car began to gather around.

Man behind us – (translated by Erin) He says he has never seen a western person before.

G- Really?

Man – (translated by Erin) He thought you were Germans.

P- But we're speaking in English, not German. We do have German ancestors.

Erin – It might be hard for him to tell. I do not know that word.

P- Some of our people came to America from Germany. Our grandmothers' grandmothers and grandfathers' grandfathers.

Erin – Oh. I understand.

Another man - (to Erin who translated) He asks if you like China.

G- Yes, but we have only arrived 2 days ago and we have only seen Nanning.

Erin – Where did you come from?

G- We took a bus from Hanoi, Vietnam.

Erin – (translating for those gathered around) No one here has gone outside of China.

P- We wish the sun would come out and it would stop raining.

Erin – Now is the time for rain. Maybe it will stop in April or May.

P- That does not sound good, Erin.

Erin – I am sorry.

A woman – (to Erin who translated) Where will you go in China?

G- Now we go to Guilin, then Yangshuo, then Changdu. Later we will go to Beijing, Xi'an, & Shanghai.

Erin- You will go far. I have only been to Nanning, where I go to school, and Guilin, where my parents live.

G- It is far to come from America and we must see all that we can..

Same woman – (to Erin who translated) She thinks Americans are rich.

G- America is a richer country than many other countries, but there are a lot of Americans who are poor. Also, things are more expensive in America than they are in China.

P- Tell her that there are many places in America that would surprise her because the people there are so poor.

G- China is growing now, but America, like much of the world, is having a very bad economy. Do you know that word?

Erin - Yes, I know it.

Man sitting next to Erin – (to Erin who translated) Do Americans like Chinese people?

P- Yes, I think so. I don't know any Americans who don't like Chinese people. There are many Chinese people who live in America, especially in San Francisco.

Erin – I don't know that place.

G- It's in California.

Erin – Yes, California I know.

G- What does he think of Americans or America?

After a long discussion between the man and Erin, she looked hesitant.

G- Tell me whatever he said.

Erin- I do not want to offend you.

G- I won't get offended. We are interested in what people around the world think of America. We know that America is not perfect.

Erin – He thinks America is aggressive.

P- I can see why he thinks that.

G- I don't disagree with that. We can be aggressive. Definitely under Bush our treatment of other countries was aggressive and rude. Obama has tried to change our tone, but overall, the American government does what it thinks is best for America without regard for the rest of the world. Many times without regard for what's best for the American people. Many governments are like that and can be very short sighted.

Erin – (after translating what I said and having more discussion with the man) Yes, he agrees.

G- Do you think your government talks about America in a good way or a bad way?

P- (to Gina) That's a weird way to ask that question.... it sounds like you're asking 'is America the good witch or the bad witch'.

G- (to Phyl) Well, I'm trying to phrase it simply and use words that I know Erin will know. (to Erin) I ask because your government is Communist, and I know it censors your information, so I'm trying to understand if your government wants you to think America is good or if America is bad.

Erin – What is Communist? I do not know this word.

G- Communist is the name for the kind of government you have. The kind of government that was created when Chairman Mao took over the country.

Erin – (blank look)

G- What do you call the kind of government you have?

Erin – A republic.

G- Well, it's called The People's Republic of China, but the style of government is Communist. Like Russia. America's government is called a democracy because the people get to vote for the representatives and the president.

Erin – We vote for our leaders in our cities, but not for the country's leaders.

P- Really? You vote for some leaders?

Erin – Yes. In our cities.

P- I did not know that. (to Gina) Did you know that?

G- No. Then, even though Americans like to think so, I guess our governments aren't all that different. China is Communist and America is a Corpocracy. The average person gets a say on a very low level, like city council or little local governments, but the president is basically picked by the very rich and corporations. They have all the money and they decide which man will run for each party. The average American has little choice in the matter, even though we like to pretend that we do.

Erin- I do not know about these things. Maybe I will learn more about this in school.

P- Maybe, but I doubt it because most Americans don't really understand it.

Erin had obviously lost interest in this topic, and we didn't press it since she didn't even know the English word (communist) for her government. It seems unlikely that Chinese people sit around talking politics. What would be the point in that? We moved on to other topics like the food, noodle bowls, climates where we live, our families. We showed them our driver's licenses, photos of our family members on my iPod, and some US currency. Gradually people returned to their seats and stopped staring at us so intently.

After about 2 hours our legs were numb from the inability to move them, so when the train stopped, we tried to move the bags around.

The man we had discussed politics with watched as we struggled to get a little more room for our feet. Graciously, he got up, restacked some bags on the shelf above us, and put our big packs up there. We thanked him profusely. The bags had been moved just in time because a short time later, the lunch cart lady came down the aisle.

Phyl & I had purchased noodle bowls at Wal-Mart and were going to taste this Chinese mainstay for the first time. Phyl followed others with their noodle bowls to the end of the train car and watched them get the hot water from a huge, heated, metal container. We watched a lady on the other side of the aisle and followed her lead by emptying our little packets of dried contents into the hot water and let it sit for a few minutes. Then we ate our first noodle bowl meal, on a train, in China. It was so very Chinese.

G- Don't you think the guy sitting across from me looks like Vikki's husband, Louis?

P- Yes! He definitely does.

G- What do you think about this food?

P- I don't know why they love this stuff so much. It reminds me of Ramin noodles and I don't care for them.

G- It's not terrible, but the sodium must be through the roof. At least it's kind've like a hot meal.

P- It'll do.

G- Chinese Louis looks like he does not feel well. I wish he'd stop coughing germs into my noodle bowl. It's grossing me out.

P- Yeah, he does look sick and hasn't picked his head up off the window. I wish he'd keep his tuberculosis on his side of the table. I don't want to get sick.

G- There's not much we can do to avoid his germs. We're packed in here like sardines.

P- We should be there in 2 more hours.

G- The scenery is pretty.  I wish the window was cleaner.

Please, No Ugly Heidi Hats

G- Ok, it's time to leave the warm bar and go buy me a new pair of shoes.

P- And I need a hat, gloves, and a hoodie.

We went back into the drizzle, walked across the mall courtyard and into the building on the other side. Each of these buildings, within the mall complex, was 3 or 4 stories high and full of stores. Neither of us had seen anything like it in the US, and it reminded us, just based on size, of the buildings on Orchard Road in Singapore. We went in shop after shop but could not find a hoodie to fit Phyl.

G- This is not going well.

P- These people are so tiny, how am I ever going to find a hoodie to fit me?

G- It is making me worry. At least the salespeople are all helpful.

P- True, but sometimes I feel like a freak. Do they really think that XL for twigs is going to fit over my chest?

G- They're mostly staring at us because we're the only white people in Nanning. Don't take it personally. Plus, you can't expect people who have only seen chests like mine to have an concept of yours. It's like expecting a person who has never left south Louisiana to have a concept of the Himalayas.

P- Shut up, ass! Look, a hat and glove shop.

We walked into this little shop, the size of a broom closet, with walls lined with cubes full of hats, gloves & scarves, and smiled at the cute, young girl standing at a small counter in the rear. She smiled back and watched us as one watches the orangutans at play in the Audubon Zoo.

ugly hat, more on the monkey later



G- Quite the selection in here. I like this hat.

P- It's cute, but it doesn't look like it would be very warm. You need something that'll cover your ears.

G- That's true. Look at these leather gloves. They must be for men because they're big enough to fit my long fingers. And they're on sale. Yay! I'm getting these.

P- Is there a pair that would fit me?

G- No, just mittens and I know you don't want mittens.

P- Hell no! I cannot imagine why anyone would use a mitten except to put them on a little baby that keeps trying to scratch its own eyes out or to take a hot pan out of the oven.

G- Duly noted. Not mittens.

P- I love this hat. I love red!

G- Oh no! I am not being seen with you in that hat!! You look like an idiot. What are those things hanging off the sides? They're like long Heidi braids.

P- I really like it and it keeps my ears warm.

G- Are you kidding me? (I started laughing)

P- I'm not kidding. I want this hat. (Starting to giggle)

G- Phyllis! It's bright reddish pink. You look like your head was smashed in some kind of vise and you can be seen for miles. (Really laughing)

P- Stop making me laugh! I'm serious. I'm getting this hat.

G- I'm serious too. You are not getting that hat. What are those braids?

P- I don't know, but when it's really cold, I can tie them together under my neck.

G- You are scaring me. (I began to yodel and we laughed even harder.)

The salesgirl watched this scene unfold; us reduced to tears as we cracked ourselves up. She had a huge grin on her face when I looked over at her, pointed to that ridiculous hat on Phyl's head and shook my head. Even though she had no idea what we were saying, our laughter was contagious, and she let out a little giggle. A few other people stood in the doorway of the shop watching us laugh. I finally realized that Phyl was serious, so I relented and paid for the ugly hat and my gloves.



live chicken delivery



We were tired of walking around the mall and ironically, I could not find a shoe store, so we headed back to the hotel. As luck would have it, there was a department store, full of shoes, on the way back to our hotel so we ducked inside. There were virtually no customers, so when we walked in, the myriad of workers spun their heads around and watched our every move.

G- I could get a complex being stared at all the time.

P- Maybe they've just never seen people so cute.

G- Yes, that must be it. Alternatively, maybe they've never seen 2 white women, with shaved heads.

P- Whatever. I like my reason better.

G- They have a lot of cute boots in here.

I selected 3 pairs of boots from the shelves, sat on the cushion in the middle and waved over the closest salesgirl. Her eyes had not left me since I walked into the store, so it was not difficult to get her attention. I smiled and pointed at the 3 shoes and then pointed to myself. She smiled and called over 2 other salesgirls. Again, I smiled, pointed at the 3 shoes, tapped my chest and pointed at my feet. They seemed hesitant.

The bravest of the bunch began to ask me questions in Chinese. I shrugged and pointed to my foot, wondering if they had a foot sizer like the kind we have in the states. A few more salespeople came over. We were up to 6. They looked at me, I looked at them, but we were helpless. I thumbed through the minimal translation section in my guide book. They spoke amongst themselves for a few minutes, then one girl went away and came back with a little pamphlet that was a Chinese/English dictionary. Now we were in business!

A guy who spoke a tiny bit of English stepped forward and said hello. He pointed to the pamphlet and said, "size"? I pointed to the Chinese word for 7, but then said American size. How in the world would I know the equivalent size in China? I sat back down, pulled off my shoe and tried to put on the largest of the 3 shoes I had selected. It was too small by about 1 size. I took the pamphlet and pointed to the Chinese word next to "bigger".

The exchanges proceeded in this manner, and I was brought 2 additional pair of shoes, but they were all too small. Finally I waved my hand in a grand sweeping manner, at all of the racks and pointed to "bigger". I was getting desperate and was willing to make a selection from whichever shoes would fit me. The final answer was surprising. There were no women's shoes big enough to fit me.

G- Ok then. Apparently an American size 7 is larger than any Chinese woman's foot.

P- That seems difficult to believe.

G- Let's go check out the men's shoes. I can't walk around everyday with wet feet.

I did a pantomime to the guy who spoke a little English that I was going to look at men's shoes. He pointed me to the other side of the store and followed me with the pamphlet. A similar dog and pony charade show ensued in the men's department, but most of the salespeople lost interest. Apparently we were no longer a novelty. The saleslady in the men's department, with the help of the translation pamphlet and the guy, figured out that I wanted the smallest men's shoe in a certain look, and brought me 2 options.

G- I think this pair is the closest to my size. It's only, maybe, a 1/2 size too big, but they feel very comfortable.

my shoe box



P- They look fine. All that matters is that they are comfortable.

I gave the saleslady, and the guy, the thumbs up, thanked them, and we all smiled. The guy left as the saleslady packaged the shoes and wrote up a slip for me to take to the payment counter.

G- Well that was exhausting. I'm starving.

P- I hope you didn't just flip them off or something by giving them the thumbs up.

G- That's right. I forgot. It was just a reflex. I forgot which country you're not allowed to make that sign in.

P- Oh well, since they both smiled, I guess you didn't offend them.

G- I have to remember not to do hand signs. Is it the thumbs up or the ok sign that's bad?

P- I don't remember and right now, I don't care.

We walked across the street from our hotel to what looked like a Chinese fast food establishment. The prior night we had elected not to eat there because we thought we'd get better food at a place that was not the equivalent of Chinese fast food. But now, after the ordeal of buying the shoes, and the prior night's ordeal of getting the food that wasn't even good, we needed easy. We each selected a noodle bowl, the only options, by pointing at the picture on the sign behind the counter (just like at McDonald's).

G- (pointing at the Coke machine I held up 2 fingers) 2 Cokes.

Salesclerk - No Coke.

G- No?

Salesclerk - No. She said something in Chinese and pointed to another "drink" machine.

P- I wonder why we can't have Coke.

G- I don't know, maybe the machine is broken. What the hell is in that machine she's pointing at?

P- I don't know. Is that a picture of a kiwi on the front?

G- I'm not sure, but it looks to scary to risk it. I think the soup comes with a little cup of tea. I'll just drink that and my water. You want to try the scary green shit?

P- No. I'll drink water too.

The noodle bowl proved quite tasty and both filled & warmed us up. We watched as the salesclerk told other people they could not have Coke, so the machine must have been broken. Even though this was a fast food type establishment, the noodle bowl was made of metal and nothing, except the napkins, were disposable. Fortunately, we were almost finished when 2 noodle slurpers sat in the chairs next to us and killed our appetites with their revolting noisemaking.

We returned to our room and watched a little news in Chinese as we repacked our bags for the train ride the next morning.

Chinese Wal-Mart

We spent the remainder of the afternoon walking around in the huge mall. We were on a mission to find gloves, warm hats, warm shirts, and a pull over hoodie for Phyllis. We thought we had hit the jackpot when we found a Wal-Mart, but it didn't sell any sweatshirts. We did buy socks and silk long john shirts. The Wal-Mart was basically set up like one in America, but the food section contained primarily seafood which was unrecognizable to us. Whereas we have more boxed items in America, this Wal-Mart contained more items in thick, shrink wrapped bags. There was a huge display of individual candies, purchased by weight, selected and placed in little, pastel, plastic baskets and taken to a separate for register for payment.


G- I was hoping that we could buy something for dinner, like a rotisserie chicken or something.

P- All I see is raw, head on, fish, eels, squids and things that look like organs.

G- Not very appetizing. We also need to buy something for tomorrow's train ride.

P- I saw apples in the produce area.

G- We may just have to buy noodle bowls. Anna said that every train has a hot water dispenser.

P- When you say noodle bowls, do you mean that Raman Noodle shit that starving college students eat?

G- Yes, I think that's basically all they are. There is a whole row of them! It's hard to believe it's so popular because it's so bad for you and so high in sodium.

P- I don't want to eat that.

G- Neither do I Gladys, but I'm not having another day like yesterday when we were trapped with nothing to eat, so pick a noodle bowl you'd be willing to eat if you were hungry. And let's buy 2 apples.

P- I wish we could find some cheese. Whah! I want cheese.

G- We've covered every inch of the food section and there is no cheese. Asians don't eat cheese.

P- I can't find pretzels, but I found a pack of oreos, and a box of granola bars.

G- Good. We won't starve, we'll just overdose on sodium and saturated fat. Let's go upstairs; we need toilet paper, shampoo, toothpaste and I need tampons. Hannah told me I could find OBs at Chinese Wal-Marts.

The walls lining the escalator, a flat treadmill type conveyor allowing us to take our basket with us, held boxes of various small items for sale.

G- Well this is a good marketing idea. You can still shop while you go up the escalator.

P- You know I hate shopping.

G- I wish I could take pictures in here; there are so many things I want pictures of.

P- I wouldn't risk it. There are cameras and clerks everywhere.

G- Not to mention the signs that say picture taking is forbidden. WTF? What's top secret in Wal-Mart?

P- It's bizarre. Who gives a shit if you take pictures in Wal-Mart?

G- I don't know, but it's driving me nuts that I can't take pictures.

P- I'm sure it's killing you Agnes.

G- The McDonald's also had signs forbidding photography. You think it's a Chinese government rule or an American company rule?

P- We can take pictures in American McDonald's and Wal-Marts.

G- I mean a rule that American companies have in China.

P- Really, I don't know and I don't care.

Whereas it is virtually impossible to find a helpful clerk in a New Orleans' Wal-Mart, the Nanning Wal-Mart was crawling with clerks.

G- It's very disconcerting having all of these clerks standing around watching everything we do.

P- I don't like it. Are they here to help or to watch that no one steals anything?

G- I can't tell, but since they're standing there, let's get them to help us. I can't tell if this stuff if body wash or shampoo.

P- This stuff is definitely conditioner because I found this Pantene bottle that says "conditioner" at the bottom.

I held the bottle up to the clerk and then pointed at my hair, what little there was. She looked at my shaved head, maybe back to 3/4 of an inch, and shook her head yes. Then she looked at Phyl's head. Her look said it all, "Why you bitches need shampoo is beyond me! You don't even have hair!". Toothpaste was easy to discern, all we had to do was find the aisle with the tooth brushes. Deductive reasoning.

G- There are 2 full rows of pads, but I cannot find tampons.

P- I've never seen so many pads in my life. It's hard to believe that all Chinese women use pads and not tampons.

G- It's revolting. It's tragic.

P- You think there's some cultural reason why they don't use tampons?

G- I guess they just follow the norm and if everyone you know uses pads, then that's just what you use. I wonder if they'll switch as they become more westernized?

P- Why anyone would use pads instead of tampons is beyond me.

G- Disgusting! Surely there is at least a handful of Chinese women, who shop at this Wal-Mart, who use tampons. Hannah said they were pretty easy to find.

P- I don't see any.

G- I'm going to ask this clerk standing next to me, staring at us. Give her a little excitement in her day.

P- I can't wait to see this pantomime!

I smiled at her and made eye contact.

G- English?

Clerk - No! No!

I pointed to the row of pads and shook my head, and my index finger, no. Then I held up my left hand and made a circle with my thumb and index finger. She watched with wrapped attention. I inserted my right index finger into the circle (like the crude, childish pantomime for sex, but instead of sideways, it was bottom up). She squinted and was clearly trying to figure out what I was trying to say. I started over with the same charade, pointing to the pads and going through the same motions. By the time I stuck my right index finger into the left handed circle, 2 other clerks were watching and she had her "ah ha" moment. She indicated for us to follow her and took us to the next row where she moved a display sign and pointed triumphantly to 4 little boxes of OB tampons.

G- Yes! Thank you. Xie Xie (Sha' sha')

P- Ok, do we need anything else?

G- Besides cheese and a rotisserie chicken?

P- Yes, besides those things.

G- I guess not.  We cannot buy what they don't have.

P- Nothing gets past you, Agnes.

Check out went smoothly but for the apple.

P- Why is it always so difficult to purchase fruits and vegetables?

G- I don't know. If they can stick the little sticker on them that says Fuji or Granny Smith, I don't know why they can't just stick a bar code on them.

P- Do you think she just told that boy, "Price check on aisle 4"?

G- Bwahahaha. Probably so. It's so funny how we're on the other side of the world, unable to speak the language or communicate in any way except gestures and eye signals, but we just had a conversation with the check out girl and the woman behind us.

P- Yes, the check out girl is saying "he's got to go check the price", you shrugged and raised your eyebrows to the woman behind saying "sorry", and she shrugged back "no problem", even though you know she's thinking 'screw me! why do I always get in the line that has to have a price check'?

G- Exactly!  Let's go find a beer.

P- Brilliant!!  It's way past time to have our first Chinese beer.

Squatter's Rights

The room was toasty when we awoke the next morning.

P- How'd you sleep?

G- Like a rock. The bed was very comfortable and it was nice and warm in the room. You?

P- I was very comfortable too but I don't sleep so well with my stomach growling.

G- I'm glad you had the idea to put the bag along the door to keep out the cold air. I can't understand why all of the windows in the hallway are open.

P- Hello! It's cold outside.

G- Let's look at the guidebook and decide on our itinerary so we can buy our train tickets now. Then, let's go find a McDonald's.

P- Did you read the notice on the back of the door?

G- The one written in Chinese?  Um, no.

P- I hope it isn't giving us some important information.

G- It says that you should put your luggage along the bottom of the door if you'd like to prevent the artic blast from entering your room.  You already figured that out.

I tried to put together an itinerary while Phyl boiled water for the coffee packets.

P- This room is great but I can't believe the bathroom has a squat toilet. I'm a little uneasy about that.

G- It's not that difficult. You'll manage, Gladys.

P- I wish there was a bar on the wall, or something to hold on to, falling in the squat toilet would be very nasty.

G- You want me to stand in front of you and hold up my arm like a bar for you to hold onto?

P- No! This is a personal thing.

G- Good answer because I was only joking anyway. It's not a public toilet; it flushes, it's clean, and apparently it was made in America. Quit ya bitchin! You didn't think you were going to make it through Asia without crapping in a squat toilet, did you?

P- Yes. After all this time, I thought I could. There is nothing for me to hold on to. I hope I don't fall over.  Made in America?  I've never seen a squat toilet in America.

G- I'm sure you'll be fine.  Did you notice the name on the toilet?

P- No, I didn't inspect it that intently, and it hardly matters.

G- American Standard.  It's kind've funny that American Standard is making squat toilets for China.  You think they're made in America?  Bwahahahaha.

P- Stop talking to me! 

Constitutional and shower complete..............

P- That's a nice hot shower. You just have to be careful not to step into the squat toilet while you're showering. There's not much room to stand next to it.

G- Have you looked at this soft porn picture over the bed? What's up with that?

P- I hadn't paid much attention to it, but you're right, it is soft porn. Why is she a Western woman and not a Chinese woman?

G- Beats me, maybe Chinese men are only allowed to lear at Western women and not Chinese women.  It's not the 'art' I would have expected to find in a Chinese hotel room.

P- What have you decided about the itinerary? Should we head east to Shanghai or west to Guilin?

G- I'm thinking we should go west, then loop back around so we can use Hong Kong to get out of China in 30 days. Then we can head east to Shanghai, go up to Beijing, then take the train to Tibet and leave China through Nepal.

P- I still don't understand why we have a 2 month visa but we're only allowed to be in China for 30 days, then get out, then come back in. That is so stupid!

G- It makes no sense to me either but we have no choice. It just makes planning the itinerary so difficult. If we go east and up to Beijing first, then there is no close place to do a border run. I contemplated Mongolia, but it's really too far so we'd be stuck having to fly from Beijing to Hong Kong and I'm trying to avoid the expense of flying.

P- Yeah, I look at that last night and flying around in China is expensive.

G- I'm starving! Let's go buy train tickets to Guilin and find McDonald's.

It was cold and still raining as we walked the 2 blocks to the train station. With great trepidation we got in line at one of the 25 ticket windows. Throughout S.E. Asia we had become accustomed to, and spoiled by, the process of hotel clerks arranging our transport, but it seemed that luxury was a thing of the past.

P- Are you sure we're in the right line.

G- I'm sure of nothing because I cannot read a single word written in this station. I just selected this line because it felt right.

P- Have you noticed that everyone is staring at us?

G- Yes. It's quite disconcerting, but I think we'd just better get use to it.

P- Now we know how Branjolina feel.

G- But without their money or good looks. And someone else would arrange for their train tickets.

I was quite nervous when it was our turn at the window.

G- English?

Ticket clerk - No.

I began by holding my guide book against the window and pointing at Guilin, fortunately written in both English and Chinese. I pointed to 11:00 as I held my watch up to the window. I pointed to the word for tomorrow and pressed the book up to the window. This was taking forever. Then I held up 2 fingers and flipped the pages of my book until I found words associated with train travel. I pointed to 'soft seat' and held the book against the window. The clerk leaned forward in her seat attempting to see the words I pointed to, then shook her head no.

P- No, what? No there are no seats available for 11:00 or no, there are no soft seats?

G- Beats the hell out of me.

I pointed at the word for 'hard seat' and pressed the book against the window. She squinted and looked at the book again, then shook her head.

G- OMG! We're never going to buy a ticket at this rate.

P- What should we do?

The people behind us were getting restless as I flipped through the guidebook. Just then, the clerk leaned back and yelled to another clerk at the end of the line. The at clerk the end of the line came down to our window and told me to come to the last window.

Every eye followed us as we exited our line and walked, as instructed, down to the end window. We passed another westerner, who I had not previously noticed. As we passed.....

Westerner - Do you speak Chinese?

G- No, do you?

Westerner - No.

G- I'd suggest you follow us to the last line. It seems that clerk speaks some English.

Westerner - Great. Thanks.

We waited in line again. This clerk did speak some English and we were thrilled for the help, but there was much that was discussed that we didn't not understand. We ended up buying 'hard seat' tickets for the 11:00 AM train and were told to be at the station 1 hour before departure. We had been told to never buy 'hard seat' tickets, but since we presumably had no choice, whatever the reason, we just hoped for the best.

With that very stressful task completed, we walked to the street and hailed a plastic wrapped, tuk-tuk type vehicle. I handed the driver the paper where the girl at our hotel had written the name of a mall, containing a McDonald's, and held up a few fingers to negotiate the price. The female tuk-tuk driver behind him, who looked at us as though we were from outer space, said something and they laughed. Finally we agreed on a price and I climbed onto the seat behind the driver.

P- How in the hell am I supposed to fit my ass in there when your little ass barely made it?

G- I didn't realize it was so small. This must be what they were laughing about.

P- Well he's going to have to scoot forward so I can get in because I'm not rubbing my boobs on him while I try to squeeze my ass in.

Phyl waved her hand at the driver indicating that he should move forward. He moved as much as he could and we crammed into it, our backpacks on our laps. We were not very comfortable.

G- I feel like those chickens and pigs looked crammed into those baskets.

P- I know you are not comparing me to a pig.

G- Whatever! I'll be the pig and you be the chicken.

P- What I want to be is out of this sardine can.

G- Thank gawd there's plastic so we're not getting wet. But my feet feel wet. How can my feet get wet through leather boots.

P- Mine aren't wet.

G- I knew there was going to be a problem with my boots. That boot making woman totally lied to us! I knew our boots were made by 2 different people; yours apparently made by Gepetto and mine made by Pinocchio.

P- I sorry your boots suck baby. You'll just have to buy a new pair of shoes.

G- That pisses me off! I hate wasting that time and money.

P- I know but you can't walk around with wet feet because you don't want to spend more money on shoes.

G- Ugh! Good lord! Look at the size of this mall.

P - It's huge!! Where's the McDonald's?

G- Look! There's the sign. My mouth is salivating.

P- And my stomach is growling! I'm not sharing french fries this time. I want my own bag and I'm eating them all!!!

Aside from the fact that the words on the order board were in Chinese, everything looked very familiar. That, alone, was comforting. The clerk took one look at me and pulled out a laminated menu card with photos and English writing. I pointed to the Big Mac meal, held up 2 fingers and said 1 coke, 1 diet coke as I pointed to the pictures on the drink machine. Within minutes, and for under $6.00 I had a 2 Big Mac meals.

G- My stomach is doing flips! I'm so excited.

P- Quick, stop talking & pick a place to sit.

We sat in silence, but for the moaning, savoring every bite of that previously frozen, grade F meat and the artery clogging french fries. The iced, fountain coke was also a taste extravaganza for our deprived tongues.

P- It's insane how good this tastes!

G- I know. I'm enjoying this as much as a medium rare, petite filet at Ruth's Chris. It's depraved.

P- It's the best beef we've had in a long time, even though it's almost not real beef.

G- Perspective is everything!!

Going To Bed Hungry

G- Look, I see buildings in the distance.

P- I guess we're almost there.

G- I don't know, we're not supposed to arrive for 45 minutes.

P- Maybe we're just early.

G- Gawd, it looks bigger than I expected. 

P- Me too. Wow! Do you think those are all apartment buildings?

G- I think so. This sure doesn't look like a border town. At least not like any other border town we've seen so far.

P- No, it looks more like Chicago.

G- But without the sprawling, single family dwellings of suburbia.

P- I wonder how many people live in this city.

G- A hell of a lot more than we had thought. Let's not forget to look that up.

We later learned the population of Nanning is approximately 8 million while the population of Chicago is around 4 million.  As we drove we saw more and more skyscraper type apartment buildings, tall office buildings, and large malls, and our mouths hung further and further open.

G- Look at the highway worker in the water proof, red conical hat.

P- That is hysterical!  I want a conical hat! Whah!

G- There goes Walmart.

P- I didn't know Walmart was in China.

G- I knew everything they sold was made in China, but I didn't know they had stores here. I wonder if everything they sell here is made in China. Do the labels say "made here"?

P- Look! McDonald's.

G- OMG! As pathetic as this sounds, I cannot wait to eat a Big Mac, fries and a large coke with ice. I'm starving.

P- Me too. How are we gonna find a place to stay in this huge city?

G- I guess we'll do what we did in every other city. The guide book said that there were many hotels around the bus station, so we'll just walk around until we find one.

P- The roadway signs were written in Chinese and English, but since we got to Nanning I have not seen a single sign written in English. That makes me a little nervous.

G- Let's not get nervous just yet. This is the entrance point from Vietnam so they must be use to tourists.

After driving through this enormous "border town" for 45 minutes we finally reached the bus station. We retrieved our backpacks as a light drizzle fell, and wandered to the street. It was about 5:30 and getting dark.



our hotel/never knew the name

 P- Which way do you think we should go to find a hotel?

G- I have no idea. Both of these streets look like huge thoroughfares and since every sign is in Chinese, I can't tell which one says hotel.

P- That place looks like it could possibly be a hotel.

G- Go ask that woman at the desk.

P- Why me?

G- Because I asked about the wieners.

Phyl went inside and I watched her point to her backpack, point upstairs, and put her hands together and lay them aside her face as she tilted her head to indicate sleeping. The woman shook her head NO and said something in Chinese. Phyl came back outside.

G- I gather it's not a hotel.

P- No, now I think it's a doctor's office.

G- I spotted an ATM a little bit up the street. Maybe we should get some money so we can pay for the hotel if and when we find one.

I tried both credit cards in the ATM but it refused to give me money.

G- Ugh! I hope the bank has done whatever they need to do to fix our account so we can use the ATMs in China.

P- Didn't you send them the email?

G- I did, but I never got a confirmation before we left.

P- What the hell will we do if we can't get money?

G- Then we'll be in deep shit, Gladys.

We walked another 2 blocks looking at all of the store fronts in search of a hotel, but without success.

P- Are you worried?

G- I have to tell you that I am getting a little concerned that we'll be sleeping on the street tonight. Since I'm already wet from this steady drizzle, it'll be a long, cold night.

P- Don't even say that! You're the one who is supposed to calm me.

G- Sorry, Gladys. I'm cold, wet, hungry, and my back is starting to hurt. Oh, and my feet are freezing and feel wet.

P- What should we do?

G- We have to keep walking until we find a place to stay. I wish we could get to the guidebook so we could find the word for hotel.

P- We'd have to take everything out of your backpack to reach it.

G- I know. It'll have to be a last resort.

We walked across a large street and stopped in another storefront with a girl behind a desk. Yay!!! It was a hotel, the young girl spoke a little English, and they had a room.

It was a huge relief for both of us. We explained to the girl that we had just arrived and had no money. She directed us to 3 ATMs up the block and let us put our big backpacks in the room while we went to find money. The first ATM, really the second one at this point, rejected us. Our elation at finding a hotel was fading quickly. Fortunately, the next ATM gave us money.

P- Thank ya, Jesus!

G- I feel much better now. Let's pay for the room and go find something to eat.

We dug our umbrellas out of our bags and walked up the street. We couldn't really find a 'restaurant', but passed several places with a few tables and chairs and a steam table displaying pans of food.

G- Well, I'm starving and all of these places look the same so let's just pick one.

P- I don't care which one. You pick. They all look the same and I'm tired of walking around in the rain.

We stepped up to the steam table and pointed, through the glass, at a pan of vegetables. Everyone was looking at us as though we had just stepped out of a space ship we left double parked in the street. The lady behind the counter shook her head no, and pointed to a man sitting at a table, in the opening, in front of the tables.

G- I guess we have to pay before we select our food.

We walked over to the man who ignored us and continued to serve other people around us. Finally I stepped in front of the next person who had just walked up and pointed to the steamer table. I put money down on his table. He just looked at me, pointed to a small sign on his table, and said something in Chinese. Then he reached around me and took the money of the person behind me.

P- He's very friendly. (Speaking, with impunity, in our normal speaking voices.)

G- No, he's an asshole who clearly does not want to help us.

P- You want to go to the other place.

G- Oh no. He's going to serve us and we are going to eat here even if we have to stand here all night.

P- Yeah, he's just being a dick because he could do some pantomiming so we can communicate, but clearly he is not interested in helping us.

G- Well, I'm not moving. Let's just watch what the other people do and figure it out.

After standing there, ignored, for several more minutes, we determined that we could pay for 1, 2 or 3 dishes. Phyl grabbed 2 cold teas from a small cooler, I pointed to the section on the sign with a 3 beside it, held up 2 fingers and held out my money. Cold and unfriendly, he took my money and gave me 2 receipts. We amused the women behind the steam counter as we had a discussion while we tried to determine the plant or animal origins of our options. Finally we were each handed a tray holding a small cup of warm, clear soup, our 3 selections, piled on top of each other, on a plate, and wooden chopsticks.

We sat at a table near the back to avoid being stared at by every passerby and began to eat.

G- It's cold in here.

P- Um, ya think it's because they have the big garage type door open?

G- Yes, but WHY do they have the big door open?

P- Because apparently that's how it is. How's the soup?

G- I can't figure out what it is. It doesn't taste like chicken or fish stock, but it's just clear.

P- Is it hot? Heat hot, not spicy.

G- Not really.

P- How is that possible? There was just steam coming off of it.

G- Maybe because it's 50 degrees in here. What do you think it is?

P- It doesn't really have a flavor. It looks like old dish water.

G- Just drink it. At least it's a little warm.

P- Ya think this stuff is cabbage?

G- Bok Choy. It tastes pretty good.

P- There's no gravy for the rice. I hate dry, rice.

G- Put the rice in the soup and solve 2 problems.

P- I'm not drinking that soup. It's cold and has no taste.

G- Then you'll be eating dry rice. Watch the guys at the table next to us. They take a little food from one of their selections, put it on the rice pile, then scoop up rice and the veggies. That's what they do for every bite.

P- Wouldn't it have made sense to put the dish on top of rice?

G- Just eat the shit! What is this meat? Is it duck?

P- It's hard to tell because they're in random parts. I can't tell if it's chicken or duck.

G- It's brownish like duck meat. Ugh! You know how much I hate picking meat off of little bones. This looks like a little duck spine. It's grossing me out.

P- Just eat the vegetables. I'm not sure if it's duck or chicken but it's grossing me out too.

G- How did they cut this? It's not possible to decifer a leg from a breast from a thigh.

P- It's like they put the whole thing on a chopping block and just whacked it up in little random pieces.

G- OMG! I just want a Big Mac.

P- Don't whine. I want a Big Mac too.

G- The green beans are good. You done?

P- I've eaten all I can stand. This looked good in the pans on the steam counter.

G- I know. It's very disappointing.

P- And you know I don't eat cold food. Everything looked hot and steamy when it was put on our plates. Why is it cold?

G- Because it's cold and rainy and the huge door is open. We're eating in our coats. How can you expect your food to be warm?

P- Asia diet! Let's go. I'm ready for a hot shower and a warm bed.

G- The girl at the hotel said we'd have internet if I plug in. Let's tell my mom we've arrived safely.

P- I'm still hungry.

G- Me too, but I'm tired of walking in the rain and I'm just ready to go to bed. Tomorrow, if we do nothing else, we are finding a McDonald's.

P- I saw several of them on the bus ride in.

G- Me too. I sure hope we can find one.

P - We will, but for tonight we are going to find out what it's like to go to bed hungry. :(

G- Today we've experienced the Asia diet on steriods!!!

Take Our Dong and Give Us Your Wiener

The day started cold and raining. We drank coffee and packed the final items into our backpacks, relieved to had rid ourselves of the souvenirs, and a few items of summer clothing, we had been carrying. The packs were, however, heavier than they had been due to the extra items we had purchased in preparation for the cold weather in China. We met Nam in the lobby at 7:50 AM. Last night we went through the same discussion we had had before our Ha Long Bay trip:

G- What time will the bus pick us up?

Nam - Be here for breakfast at 7:00 AM.

G- What time will the bus come?

Nam - Breakfast at 7:00 AM.

G- Nam! We don't want to eat breakfast!! What time will the bus come?

Nam - I have taxi pick you up at 8:00 AM.

G- Ok. We will be here, waiting for the taxi, before 8:00 AM.

Nam - Ok.

The taxi was not yet outside the door.

P- Good morning, Nam.

Nam - Good morning. You ready for taxi?

G- We're ready. We must leave today because our visas expire today.

Nam - I call taxi.

We stood, wearing our packs, watching the rain fall. At 8:00 AM Nam called again and went outside, pacing in front of the hotel.

P- Why wasn't this arranged ahead of time? He should've called last night and arranged for the taxi to be here this morning.

G- I don't know. Maybe that's not allowed.

P- Why wouldn't it be?

G- I don't know. Could be some crazy rule.

P- What if we miss our bus?

G- We won't miss our bus.

P- (sticking her head out of the door) Nam, how far is the bus station?

Nam - It not far.

P- We can't miss our bus. We have to leave Vietnam today.

G- Gladys! Come in here and sit down! Stop stressing the poor boy.

P- He's stressing me. We can't miss our bus.

G - Gladys, we won't miss the bus. I'm sure Nam will get us on the bus even if he has to have the taxi chase the bus down on the freeway and make it stop so we can get on, he will make sure we get on the bus. Calm down.

P- This chaos stresses me out!! You know I don't even like being on buses. Weren't we told we have to go through mountains to get to China? It's raining and what if there is a mudslide?

G- They're little mountains. We going on a main highway. There won't be a mudslide. Look, the taxi is here.

Nam - (poking his head inside) Come! Taxi here.

We crammed one backpack into the tiny trunk and put the other one between us on the back seat. Nam jumped into the passenger seat and gave the driver instructions in Vietnamese. Soon we were driving, in what seemed like circles, through the streets of the Old Quarter, until we emerged onto a larger street and stopped. It became clear that Nam did not know exactly where to find the bus. He got out and talked to someone standing in front of a building. It was 8:25 AM. The rain poured down. Gladys continued to mumble about the dangers of being on the bus in this bad weather and about missing the bus entirely. I'm not sure which was her greatest concern.

Nam got back into the car and pointed behind us, across the street. The taxi driver made a u-turn, across 4 lanes, and drove against traffic before pulling into a parking space next to the bus. I closed my eyes. Gladys gripped my thigh in an apparent attempt to locate my femur, and mumbled a string of curses. I was just thankful that the bus was still there. Our backpacks secured in the luggage compartment, we climbed on board and selected seats in front of a European looking couple. People continued to arrive and get on board. I assumed that they were waiting for all of the passengers before they would leave. Ultimately, we left at 8:50 AM.

We sat bundled in our coats and scarves because the bus was freezing. I caught the eye of the shivering Vietnamese man sitting across from us and made some body and hand gestures to him.

P- What are you doing?

G- I'm gesturing to that guy asking him to ask the bus driver to turn on the heat.

P- You look like you're doing a hand puppet without the puppet.

G- That's my talk to them gesture.

P- And what was the first thing?

G- That was my 'I'm freezing' gesture.

He nodded and yelled something to the front of the bus. The bus matron yelled something back and he looked at me and shrugged.

P- It doesn't look like we're going to get heat.

G- Apparently not.



The rain did not relent, but the countryside steadily became more mountainous, and rice fields were tucked in little valleys. After driving for a few hours, we stopped at a very clean restaurant/rest stop. The bus matron made an announcement, in Vietnamese; presumably about how long we'd stay at this location.

P- You hungry yet?

G- Not really. I wonder if we'll be here long enough to eat.

P- Let's go to the bathroom and see what the other people do.

G- Wow! Really nice bathroom! Well, it appears that they're all eating noodle soup.

I'm not eating noodle soup at 10:30 AM.

P- Neither am I, but I would like to buy this little bag of biscuits for later.

Back on the bus we drove for several more hours before stopping at a building where we picked up a few more passengers. A woman got off the bus.

G- I wonder where she's going.

P- Maybe to the bathroom.

G- Do you have to go?

P- Not really. Do you?

G- Not enough to go in there.

P- That concrete building without a roof! That's the bathroom.

G- That appears to be the case. She getting rained on whi...... Oh my gawd!!

P- What?

The lady in front of us looked out of the window and began laughing. She said something, in Vietnamese, to the woman in front of her and they both laughed. I grabbed my camera.

G- Damn rain! I can't get a good picture through this water streaked window.

P- I cannot believe that woman did not face the other way.

G- How can she not know that her ass is hanging out of the doorway?

P- Maybe she just doesn't care.

G- How can she be over the hole?

P- Who in the hell knows. Maybe she's not.

She yanked up her pants and ran back to the bus as we all tried to stop laughing. A few minutes later we were on the road again.

G- Geez! Does this music have to be so loud?!? I'm trying to write and I can't even hear myself think.

P- It wasn't so bad, but that last song must have been the bus driver's favorite because the minute it came on, he turned it up so loud. At least he hasn't been honking as much as other bus drivers.

G- Do you have the ear plugs?
P- I think you put them in your backpack. Lift it off the floor and I'll get them out.

G- Well, they don't completely block out the noise, but it's better.

P- What?

G- Nevermind.

Around 1:30 the bus pulled into a large parking lot and stopped.

G- I hope we're stopping for lunch.

P- Me too. I'm hungry now.

G- Now I'm thinking it's not lunch. Maybe we're at the border.

P- The border with China?

G- Yes, I think so. Look at the little golf cart type things. I guess they're going to drive us up the hill. They're pulling the luggage out and stacking them on the carts.

P- Should we take all of our stuff off the bus?

G- We should definitely take our daypacks. I'm not leaving anything.

P- You think the bus is going to drive around and meet us on the other side? That's what happened when we crossed from Singapore to Malaysia.

G- I don't know. Why does it matter?

P- Because I think I'm going to leave the biscuits, my water, and my book in the seat pocket. You think that would be ok?

G- I don't know. I guess so. Do whatever you want.

The rain continued to fall as we were driven up to the Vietnamese border building where we turned over our passports to be inspected. Even though there were 3 windows, each with a guard, no lines were formed; instead they charged the windows in a pack and handed their passports over one another as though there was a limited supply of exit stamps. The guards took our exit papers and stamped our visas with the exit stamps. We then exited that building and walked down the path and up the stairs in the no-man's-land between Vietnam and China. Once inside the Chinese border building we completed our entry papers and stood in line to have our passports inspected and stamped.

P- I've never been nervous before, but for some reason I'm nervous about this border crossing.

G- I am too, but I doubt we need to be. It's probably just all of the anti China propaganda we've heard our whole lives.

P- I hope they don't take our Lonely Planet guide.

G- I read that sometime they do, but I hope not.

A cute, young guard (Chinese Opie Taylor) inspected our passports. As his supervisor looked on, he maintained a very professional, serious, and quasi-threatening look on his lil baby face, and although I tried to return his seriousness, I couldn't help myself and I smiled at him. With a curt 'thank you' he returned my passport and I went to find Phyllis.

G- What do we do now?

P- Well, when I walked up those three guys just kept looking at their computer screen so I went up to them and made hand motions indicating 'what now' and they pointed to my backpack and then to that scanning machine.

G- Oh, so I should put my stuff through the scanning machine?

P- Yeah, I guess so. That's what I did but I'm not sure why because no one even looked at the screen as my bags were scanned.

G- I'm not sure why we were worried about this border crossing.

Our golf cart thing was waiting outside the building and we loaded our luggage on and jumped aboard. We rode up the hill, stopping at the guard's shack to have our passports inspected again, to a parking lot where a NEW bus awaited us.

P- Shit! It's a different bus.

G- Ugh! Yes it is. Damn! I guess we should have known that this would happen.

P- Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! I left my book with my special bookmark from my PeePaw's funeral in it. The cookies too.

G- I'm sorry muffin. I should have told you not to leave anything but I thought we'd get back onto the same bus.

P- It's not your fault. I should have known better. Dammit! I'm very upset about my PeePaw bookmark, and I was only half way through my book.

G- I know it's not my fault, but I'm usually the one who thinks of, and prepares for, all the things that could possibly happen. I shouldn't have let you leave your stuff on that bus.

P- Argh!!!!!

Phyl beat herself up for a while and was clearly upset. By this time we were getting hungry, so we ate most of the small bag of pretzels that we had with us and shared a bottle of water. The weather was horrible and it was difficult to see out of the fogged up windows, but we could tell that the landscape was beautiful.

G- This reminds me of Ha Long Bay, but on land and surrounded by farm fields.

P- It's very pretty. I wish the weather was better.

G- Every little town we pass looks fairly new, at least the building construction looks new.

P- They're painted in pretty colors.

G- I know. I'm surprised by that. I guess if you live in that town and don't like that color you're up shit creek since every building and home in the town is painted the same color, but at least they are a color and not just gray concrete like the apartment complexes in Russia.

After riding for about 30 minutes we stopped at another military check point. Instead of dress uniforms, these lil boy soldiers were wearing blue fatigues and carrying very large, black guns. One spoke to the bus driver outside of the bus while the other one walked down the aisle checking everyone passport. He paid little attention to us, but targeted 2 Chinese people and went through their bags.

P- (whispering to G) I wonder why he's inspecting their bags.

G- Shhhhhhh! I don't know. Maybe just to make sure their not bringing back contraband.

P- What would be considered contraband other than the obvious?

G- How in the hell would I know, Gladys?

P- You'd think he'd be more interested in searching our bags.

G- I guess we just look like tourists. I am surprised that they all seem totally unconcerned with us. I had thought that as Americans we'd be inspected more closely.

P- Me too, but I'm glad we're not.

The soldiers disembarked and we drove for another hour before stopping at a rest stop. We used the bathroom, then went into the attached store. It was about 3:30 pm.

P- I am starving!!! What smells good?

G- I think you're smelling those red wieners turning on that rotisserie machine. That seems to be the only thing to eat.

P- I never thought I'd want a wiener as badly as I do now. Do we have money?

G - We don't have any Yuan, but we still have a lot of Dong.

P- We're close to the boarder, don't you think they'll take the Dong? Go ask.

G- Why do I have to ask? How am I going to ask? When I came in I asked her if wieners were the only cooked food they had and she looked at me like I was crazy. I don't believe she speaks English.

P- Well do some charades to get her to understand. You're good at that.

G- Sigh.

I pulled out my wallet and some Dongs and pointed at them, then pointed to the wieners. The salesgirl shook her head NO.

P- No wiener for you!

G- We can't buy anything because we don't have any money.

P- In every other country the border towns would take the other country's money.

G- Well, China doesn't do that. Whah! I'm hungry! I want a wiener!

P- I never thought I'd hear you say that, but I want a wiener too. Whah!

G- Oh well, let's get back on the bus. I think I have 3 oreos and a few pretzels left.

Walking down the aisle of the bus, we spotted several people with the wieners on a stick.

Red dye and pig pieces parts had never before appealed to us as they did just then. The whole bus smelled of them and our stomachs growled. Phyl again bemoaned leaving her book, PeePaw bookmark, and now most importantly, a bag of biscuits, on the old bus. The rain continued to beat against the windows, but we were delighted to find that the Chinese do not speed along honking their horns every 2 minutes. This might have been our hungriest bus ride, but it was our quietest.