The Police

It was a very quiet night, but the next morning we awoke to find the police outside our door. Thank God they weren't there for us!!! I peeked out the curtain to see Nick pacing in the parking lot.

G- I've started loading the car. The police are at the next room taking a report. I can't figure out what it's about.

P- Open the window and I'll try to hear what they're saying.

As I loaded the car, Gladys Kravitz stood by the window trying to get the scoop.

Nick - I'm embarrassed to have the police here. I'm very sorry. Nothing like this has happened before. Can I help you load your car?

G- No, thank you. Everything has to go in a certain way so it'll fit. I've got it covered. Don't worry about it. Having the cops here does't matter to us at all. What happened?

Nick- It was a wild party.

G- A wild party happened here? We didn't hear a thing.

Nick - No, it happened somewhere else, but the woman in that room has some friends in there who caused some trouble. You want me to help you carry out your stuff?

G- Well, it's not big deal. Don't worry about it. Everything was quiet here last night. The room was nice. I don't need help with the stuff, thanks anyway.

Nick - You sure you don't need help packing the car?

P- Ok, I'm ready to go. Did he just ask you 3 times if you wanted help?

G- Yes!!!! One more time and I was gonna say.........Mofo, we don't need a map and I don't need help packing the car. Now take that condescending voice and go away before you need help removing my foot from your ass!!!

P- I thought so. I was thinking, Nick, you'd better just go away. I'm not even allowed to pack the car. OMG! Look at the license plate on the woman's car in the room where the police were.

G- Ugh! Louisiana!!! What did you hear the police saying?

P- Something about a wild party and they told that guy and girl who walked away that if they ever went back to the place again, they'd be arrested for trespassing.

G- It probably was a very mild party by Nola standards, but it figures that they'd be from Louisiana! Did Nick draw you a map to get us back to the freeway?

P- No, but he did tell me that we should take the scenic drive through Chuckanut.

G- Chuckanut?!?

P- Y'erd me. Chuckanut!!

G- Yeah!  If we didn't get away from that dude when did, I may have had to chuckhisnuts!!

We drove to Seattle, getting there in no time, and found a laundromat to do some much needed clothes washing. This particular laundromat had WiFi.............hot damn!!! Then we went to Alyce's house and enjoyed the evening talking to her and repacking for our Alaskan cruise.

Run, Nick, Run!!

We quickly arrived in Bellingham............it is amazing how close all of these cities are to one another......... and began the search for a hotel. It seemed that Motel 6 would be the winner, but we headed to a grocery and in search of a Chinese restaurant. On our quest for Chinese food, we passed the Lion Motel.

P- Pull in here. I'd rather stay at a motel than a big hotel. It's so much easier to get the stuff into the room when we can park just outside the door.

G- Ok, check it out and I'll wait here. If the rate is good, go see the room before you decide.

Watching the exchange between the guy at the desk and Phyl gave me the feeling that things were not going well. She started to walk out, then went back in. As she passed the car following Nick the desk clerk, she made that face at me, the one that says...........Nick is a jackass and she is annoyed.

Nick - (as they passed the car) Are you coming to see the room?

G- No. She will see it and make the decision.

Nick- You should come see it too.

G- I'll wait here.

P- (to Nick) Come on!

They returned and as they passed, Phyl advised me that we were staying. The room must be nice because I know she's not lovin Nick!! After completing the paperwork, Nick followed Phyl back out to the car.

G- Can you tell me how to get to the closest Chinese restaurant?

Nick - Oh, it's not far. Do you have a map?

G- I have a GPS, but if it's not far, just tell me.

Nick- You take a right on this street, turn left on Flora, then it's 3 blocks down on your right. Maybe I should draw you a map.

G- I think I can remember that, Nick.

P- (yelling over me) We don't need a map!!

As I drove away.................

P- Stupid bastard! We're not retarded! Apparently the women in Nick's life are stupid.

G- Yes, he's very condescening and what makes it worse is that slow talking, preacher type voice that he's got.

P- I hate him.

G- He's just trying to be nice.

P- He's an idiot! But the room was very nice. Just remodeled and very clean, with a kitchenette.

It was nice to stop a little early and eat our Chinese and watch some TV. We put some updates on the blog and emailed Alyce to let her know we'd be back in Seattle tomorrow.

Ferries..............ugh!!

Having learned our lesson on ferry schedules, and not knowing exactly where we'd have to go to catch the ferry to Vancouver, last night we made a reservation for the 11:45 am ferry from Drake's Bay to Twassen, just south of Vancouver. We enjoyed a relaxed morning and a yummy breakfast at the Port-O-Call. We were happy to discover that the ferry landing was only about 15 minutes away and arrived there about an hour before departure time. We were unhappy to learn that the $17.50 we paid when we made our ferry reservation was not a deposit, but was merely a charge to make the damn reservation. This particular ferry crossing, lasting about 2 hours, cost us a total of $91.00. This was the final straw! The romantic notions we had once entertained about ferries were permanently and irrevokably dashed to hell! Screw ferries! Give us bridges!!!!

We arrived at the Twassen Ferry landing at about 2pm and set off in the direction of Vancouver. We had picked up a map on the ferry and plotted our trek through Stanley Park and downtown Vancouver. Alyce had told us of her love for Stanley park and encouraged us to spend some time there. We hit Hwy. 99 at about 2:30 on a Friday afternoon.


P- Did you see that sign? It said that the tunnel was reduced to only 1 lane.

G- Is that the way we need to go? I thought Vancouver was up ahead and the tunnel is off to our left.

Fran - Turn right on highway 99.

G- Oh shit! Fran is taking us to the tunnel.

P- That traffic is gridlock. Just go straight.

Fran - Recalculating! In 500 yards, turn right, then turn right.

Fran - (after we passed that street) Recalculating! In 300 yards, turn left, then turn right.

G - Shut up, Fran!!

Fran - Recalculating!

G- Turn her off!!!!

P- Let me see if I can put in a new address and get her to take us a different way.

We continued down the road hoping that it would eventually lead to Vancouver. The traffic moved for a while, then came to a dead stop.

G- Ok, it appears that we are not going to make it to Vancouver. What is today?

P- It's Friday.

G- No wonder. We must be idiots thinking we can arrive in a huge city on a Friday afternoon and take a spin through town like it's a Sunday morning. I think we'll have to scrap this idea and just head to Washington.

P- I think you're right. Just turn around.

Fran - Recalculating! In 200 yards, turn right, then turn right.

Fran - Turn right, then turn right!!!

G- Shut up, Fran!!!! Ahhhhh!!! Turn that bitch off!!!

P- I'm putting in Bellingham, Washington.

Back on Highway 99, but now headed in the opposite direction, it only took about 20 minutes to reach the US/Canadian Border. It was so easy to get into Canada, getting into the US was a lot more time consuming. After about 2 hours in a snail's pace line, we were allowed back into the US. I think they should have questioned Phyl a little more than they did; after all, she does look funny!

Back in US, we switched on the cell phones and called some of the peeps as we drove to Bellingham.

Banana Slugs & Bambi

We were excited when we awoke to sunshine and looked forward to exploring the Pacific Rim. After leaving Tofino, our first stop was Long Beach where we enjoyed watching surfers and a breakfast of yogurt, granola and nectarines. This beach was the closest to what we consider a real beach, but was surrounded by a winter forest. The number of people in the frigid water continues to amaze us.


A short drive south along the rim took us to an area of rain forest where we walked along a beautiful, boardwalk type trail through ferns, lichen and giant trees.

P- Stop petting the lichen!!

G- But I'm textural and I like to feel it as well as look at it.

P- That sign said there are many banana slugs in this forest. I want to see one!

G- Ok, I'll find one for you.

We walked on and I kept my eagle eyes peeled for a slug. Lo and behold, Phyllis walked right past it and I spotted a big, yellow slug clinging to the side of a tree.

G- Phyl, look!!

P- OMG! That is disgusting.

G- Not really. He's a very pretty color. Look at his cute antenna things. I wonder if he's slimy. (as I reached out to touch him............Phyl smacked my hand)

P- Do not touch him!!! Touching the lichen is one thing, do not touch the slug!!!

We completed our rain forest walk and drove maybe 10 minutes to the next trail which was through a bog. This area was completely different and contained trees that were as old as the rain forest trees, but were naturally bonsai 'ed and only a few feet tall. The guide pamphlet called this area the Broccoli Forest. This is particularly hysterical for my family members who have called me(Gina) broccoli head ever since a certain trip to Disney World where my permed hair (it was in style then) looked like the broccoli stalk in the veggie band at one of the Epcot exhibits.

We finished the Pacific Rim National Park and continued south to the town of Ucluelet. Even smaller than Tofino, but with a completely different feel, we wished we had first checked here for lodging last night. We drove to the end of the road and began looking for a place to have our picnic lunch.

G- I think we can drive a little farther, then take a left to get to the spot on the map that showed picnic tables. Look at that deer!!! She's just walking through town like the moose in Northern Exposure.

P- AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Phyl screamed so loudly, it scared the shit out of me, and even though I didn't know why, I slammed on my brakes! Thank God that was my response because Bambi, who I had not seen because I was looking for a street sign, was right next to the car. When Stormy stopped, Bambi lept across the road and into the woods on the other side of the street.

G- OMG!!!! I'm so glad you screamed because I did not see that little deer (which still had the white spots) and definitely would have hit it. OMG!!!!

P- If you had hit that baby deer, we'd have had to stop the trip for you to go through therapy! You, the gecko and spider saving, baby bird helping, animal loving freak. I'd have had to put you in a straight jacket. Let's stop here for lunch.

After a very chilly lunch in the shade along the coast, we walked down to a pristine little inlet, absorbed the rugged beauty, and snapped a few photos before we froze to death. We then headed back to the main highway to make the return trip across the mountains to the east side of the island. The return drive reiterated that this was the most beautiful area we had seen since leaving San Francisco...... the green alpine lakes, the streams that babbled over small rocks and, in some areas, crashed over large boulders, and the sun framing some tree covered mountains in bright light and others in shadows. We found numerous areas where we stopped briefly but wished we could have spent days.

We stopped in Nanaimo and got a room at the Port-O-Call Motel which made us crave big, juicy burgers and jazz (a place in Nola). A quick internet search revealed that this location was the perfect place to stop because a ferry landing was nearby and we wouldn't have to drive all the way back to Victoria.

You're Funny Looking

The Robin Hood Motel was on the north side of Victoria, so we easily jumped on Hwy. 1 and headed north. We made a few stops at overlooks to enjoy the beautiful views to the east and followed Frans directions to Hwy. 19 and through the town of Nanaimo.


G- That's a funny name! Reminds me of Sha'naynay.

P- Hey baaaaaaby! Where you stay?

G- Gurrrl, I stay by Na'naimo.

Once on Hwy. 4 we headed almost due west and the road began to wind through mountains. The scenery seemed to change around every turn and we were soon in a beautiful forest and the sun's light dappled through the tree tops. We stopped at a grove of Red Cedars and Douglas Firs and walked several paths through this beautiful forest with a fern covered floor. The largest Red Cedar tree on Vancouver Island was located in this grove and was discovered by David Douglas, (hence Douglas Firs) a botanist from England, who brought over 200 Canadian flora species back to England.

Continuing on Hwy. 4, the road began to climb and we soon found ourselves driving alongside alpine lakes

of a beautiful green. As we drove, we commented how much this area reminded us of Switzerland, around Interlocken. At other times, we drove along streams and stopped several times to watch the water cascade over granite rocks and funnel through the walls of giant boulders.

The water was very clear, but also a beautiful green color and the air smelled so fresh and clean. The sun was shining, the scenery was spectacular and we thoroughly enjoyed our drive west on Hwy. 4 until we crested the last mountain and became shrouded in a fog that enveloped us for the remainder of the day.

When Hwy. 4 dead ends into the Pacific Rim Highway we had the option to head north to Tofino or south to Ucluelet. We decided to head to Tofino because it sounds so Italian and we love all things that remind us of Italy. Not having reservations in Tofino, we began to stop at Motels to inquire about availability and price. We also considered camping, but the State campground was full and the private campground we passed was icky and overcrowded. If the person in the tent next to you farted, it could blow your tent down!

We stopped at one Motel that looked questionable, but we were trying to have open minds. Phyl sat in Stormy while I rang the bell in the little office that seemingly had not been cleaned since it was remodeled and panelled in 1952. My mind was telling me to run, but my feet were not listening quickly enough. A little man with a squished up face stuck his head out of the restaurant across the parking lot and yelled that he'd be out in a minute. I looked at Phyllis and we made unpleasant faces to each other. Again my mind said run but my feet did not listen.

Squish face walked up to the car and, by way of introduction, told Phyllis that she was funny looking. She looked at him like he was insane! I followed him back into the shabby office and asked to SEE a room. Why oh why did we not just leave? He mumbled and laughed to himself as he showed me the room. He reminded me of a short, drunk, Irishman, but he said he was German. I couldn't understand a word he was saying and after a quick peek into the room, thanked him and ran back down the stairs.

Squish face man - It's the last room I have so don't take too long before coming back. You can have it for 2 nights.

P- What did it look like?

G- Just get me the hell out of here. We would sleep in Stormy before we would sleep in that room.

P- That bad?

G- Maybe it didn't look that bad, but I think I have Gonorrhea on the bottom of my shoes. Nothing has been changed since it was built in the 50s. If we were forced to stay there, we'd pray for Norman Bates to come and hack us up with his knife.

P- Did that Mofo say I looked funny?

G- I believe that is what he said.

P- He's got some nerve with that squished up face of his, and all those bizarre faces he made.

G- I think he's just plain ole crazy!! He mumbled to himself. He reminds me of that dude who lives around Union Square. Nutty as a fruitcake!!!

We stopped at several more places until we finally found lodging for the night. It probably wasn't a good idea to go to Tofino without reservations, because we ended up paying way too much for something not all that great, but that's gonna happen sometimes while we fly by the seat of our pants. Our hotel was in a good location, and we did have an enjoyable sushi dinner.

High Tea and Higher Beer

The day dawned sunny and cool. Yay! We moved at our typical, new, slow pace and drank our coffee and lounged until about 11:00 am. We drove into downtown Victoria, ate a picnic lunch, surrounded by totem poles, and people watched. After lunch we drove to Beacon Hill Park where we fed the ducks and walked the paths alongside gardens overflowing with blooms of all colors.


P- We're going to feed the ducks here? There are only 3 of them.

G- If we feed them, they will come.

The first piece of bread had barely hit the water and flocks of ducks appeared from all directions.

P- Damn! Where were these ducks hiding?! Every duck between Mississippi and Alaska just appeared in 2 seconds!

G- Yeah! And these ducks are great because they're hungry. They mustn't be fed often. The last time I went to Audubon Park to feed the ducks, I could hit those bastards in the side of the head with a loaf of bread and they wouldn't even eat it.

P- Well that didn't last long. We should have brought more.

There was an adorable quasi water park with a large watering can that sprinkled water from its spout and shot water from its top to the delight of many children playing in its downpour.

From the park we walked several blocks, through a neighborhood of craftsman and Tudor style homes, to the Parliament building, only to discover that we were 1 block away from where we had just had lunch. We took an interesting tour of the Parliament building, learned a little about Canada's governmental system and history, and met a cool woman from Seattle (Grace) who went to college at LSU and was married to a guy from Jackson, MS. We chatted with Grace while her young son demonstrated his talent of hopping on one foot. Having lived in the South, Grace was in agreement that the people of the Pacific Northwest who complained about the heat or the terrible rain "storms" needed to be slapped.

After our Parliament tour, we walked along the harbor to the Empress Hotel where we inquired about High Tea.

G- It's $55.00 per person.

P- For tea? Holy shit!!! Are we having tea with Queen Elizabeth or just by ourselves?

G- These people take their tea time very seriously. I think scones or little cakes are included.

P- For $55.00 tea and scones should come with a happy ending.

G - I'm thinking not. Have you seen the Queen? It doesn't look like she's had a happy ending in about 50 years.

After boycotting High Tea, we walked further up the block to discover an oyster bar in the middle of happy hour. Giddy up! Oysters on the half shell from a little island bay just off the coast and a local Canadian beer. We devoured the oysters, dipping them in all 4 of the sauces that were provided, and lamented the loss of so many Louisiana oyster beds. Thanks BP...........assholes! We discussed how much we hoped to be able to get Louisiana oysters when we got back home.

After the oysters, we walked back to our car and took a drive along the shoreline to the Chinese Cemetery. The sun was setting, the wind was picking up, and it was cocktail hour, so after a brief stop to watch some kite surfers, we went in search of a liquor store. We were unhappy to learn that Canadians can only purchase liquor at private or government owned liquor stores, not in groceries. One strike against living in Canada one day.

G- I've looked all over and cannot find Bloody Mary mix. All I see is Clamato.

P- Let's ask that guy. Excuse me, where is your Bloody Mary mix?

After staring at us with a look that indicated he was clueless, Phyl explained a Bloody Mary. Ah! A bell went off and he explained that Canadians don't drink Bloody Marys, they drink Caesars. He went on to explain that he had recently been in Seattle and had ordered a Caesar and the bartender had looked at him like he was crazy.

P- Yes, because in America, Caesar is a salad. Yes, I know that we can buy all of the ingredients at the grocery, but I need something quick and easy. I guess we'll just have to buy beer.

G- Holy shit! Did you see the price of the beer? Stella is $15.99 for a 6 pack and $29.99 for a 12 pack! That's double what we pay in the states. Even the Canadian beer is very expensive!!

P- That's it! Canada is off the list of possible places to live. I can't sell a kidney to pay for a 6 pack of beer!! We drink too often for that and I need both of my kidneys for filtering.

G- Thank goodness we brought 2 cases of wine with us from Cali. I wasn't in a wine kinda mood, but it appears we're having wine at cocktail hour.

P - Wine it is!

San Juan Island & trip to Vancouver Island BC

As we know by now, one's day is determined by the ferry schedules. We awoke at 5:30am, before Boots even contemplated crowing, and were in the ferry line by 6:20 am.  We had coffee and even changed the sheets on the bead before repacking Stormy. The morning sun was creeping over the mountains, and Gina was smiling.  How things have changed in 2 short weeks.

We stopped at Lopez Island to drop off and pick up passengers, then headed to Friday Harbor on San Juan Island. An adorable little town surrounded the harbor, but we followed Carole's instructions and headed to South Beach.  There, on the hill overlooking the Straight of Juan de Fuca we ate our breakfast of yogurt, granola and bananas.  It was a little chilly and we were in shorts, so we covered with the Neat Sheet.  We were in the middle of some much needed facial grooming, in the early morning light, when we were intruded upon by 3 kayak carrying interlopers.  We watched them brave the waves and paddle off into the Straight, then we walked on the beach and played on the huge piles of driftwood.

We followed the coast line and stopped at several overlooks and walking trails along the Straight of Juan de Fuca, hoping to see whales.  Unfortunately, no whales were spotted, but the scenery was beautiful.  We continued to the northern tip of San Juan Island and ate lunch at Roche Harbor where we watched numerous sailboats and motorboats arrive and depart.

We watched with laughter as the Phecal Phreak "We take crap from anyone!" boat prowled the waters taking shit from the other boats.  Apparently the saying, "one man's crap is another man's treasure" is true.  After lunch and a stroll around the Harbor, we made our way back to Friday Harbor to grab a coffee and get on line while we waited for our 3:45 pm ferry departure to Sidney Harbor, just north of Victoria, BC. 

It was fairly quick and easy going through Canadian customs "where are you headed?, where do you call home?, do you have any gifts for anyone here in Canada?,and do you have any firearms or pepper spray?".  Answering NO to all,  we were soon headed south, on Hwy. 17  into Victoria.  In keeping with the Sherwood Forest theme of Garberville, we finally found Robin Hood Inn and stopped for the night as we were exhausted, having gotten up at 5:30 am.  Art greeted us in the lobby, gave us directions and showed us maps for virtually every thing and place we could conceivably want to see on Vancouver Island.  He was quite the friendly character and Gina restrained Phyllis as her eyes began to roll back into her head, a definite sign of impending sarcasm. Gina thanked Art and moved them out of the lobby as quickly as possible.  Bedtime could not come quickly enough!!

Do It Now!!

Recently, New Orleans’ Will Horswood passed away, at the very young age of 47, from cancer. Each time we experience the loss of someone so young, our decision to take off on this crazy travel adventure is confirmed. A large factor in our early discussions was the untimely death of my friend and co-worker, Elizabeth “Biffy” DeBuys. Biffy was the picture of health, a beautiful 45 year old woman with a wonderful husband and 2 great, middle school age kids, when she was suddenly diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. Biffy had never smoked. Within 6 months of her diagnosis, Biffy was deceased. It is shocking, and extremely disturbing, to see someone who appears to be so healthy become so ill and pass away so quickly. Just prior to Biffy’s death, my uncle Michael Motto, age 52 passed away from brain cancer. Michael was a great guy and a school teacher. His was also a short illness with about a 6 month span from diagnosis to death.  Finally, only a few short years ago, our friend, Brian McGill, suffered an aneurysm while making his coffee one morning.  He was found later that day by co-workers, his dogs lying beside him.  He had just turned 50.

Daily we as humans say “I’ll do that when I retire” or “one day I’ll actively chase my dreams”. Well, that day may never come if your life is cut short by an accident or unexpected illness. Obviously, we do not encourage living irresponsibly or with no eye to the future, but DO NOT live for tomorrow!!! Make the most of each day on this beautiful earth, tell your friends and families that you love them, and make your dreams a reality before it is too late. What would you do if you were told you only have 6 months to live? Phyl and I have no idea how long we will have together to enjoy each other’s love and companionship, or to live our dreams. That is why we decided not to wait until retirement and took this leap now.

Our day on Shaw Island

After the chicken fiasco, it was a miracle that we were able to fall back asleep until about 8:15 am.  We told Carole about the morning's events and she roared with laughter declaring that she wished she had it on video.  So do we!  We drank coffee on the back porch, in the morning sun, overlooking the beautiful garden.  Carole then cooked us a breakfast of scrambled eggs (take that bitches!!) with a splash of sherry - we're liking this lady more and more - and sauteed grape tomatoes and snap peas from her garden.  We had more good conversation over breakfast, then we packed a picnic lunch for our island adventure.

The island is all privately owned by about 70 people, with a total of 180 people living on it.  It's not very big and can be circumnavigated, by car, in about 30 minutes.  We visited South Beach which was beautiful in its own way..............a rugged, pebbly way, with water so cold you could die of hypothermia in 20 minutes.  We sat on a piece of driftwood about the size of a tree trunk and enjoyed the beautiful view and the warmth of the sun.

(Disclaimer:  we are spoiled by the most beautiful, fluffy, powdery white sand beaches of the Gulf of Mexico and the Caribbean.  We have visited many incredible beaches around the world....Italy, France, Greece, and California, and East Coast of the US, but none are as beautiful as the Gulf and Caribbean.  Also, the water must be bathtub warm. That is our benchmark and so far we have yet to find a beach that comes close.)

We left the beach and drove past the idyllic red school house and to the library, an old log cabin about the size of a Suburban.  There was sat on a bench and utilized the Wifi. Everyone driving past looked at Stormy as though she were as spaceship.  Maybe it was the strange vehicle with the California plates? Or maybe it was the SUPERBOWL 44 CHAMPIONS license plate frame? Yeah baby!!!!  We drove past a field of cows and bulls.  One of the cows had horns, and udders.  So, either it was in the middle of a sex change or, some cows can have horns.  We forgot to ask Carole about this. Is it obvious that we're city girls?

The day was just a lazy, beautiful, rejuvenating kind of day.  We ate lunch on the front porch overlooking Blind Bay. We watched the birds fly around the garden.  We took Luna down to the pond where she scared off a flock of Canadian Geese.

G- I've seen Canadian Geese from afar, but I've never been this close to them.  They are really larger than I thought they were.

P- And watch where you walk, because they have shit everywhere!

G- Now we know where the expression "shitting like a goose" comes from.

P- I realize they are large birds, but these piles of shit are almost the size of cow paddies.

We threw the ball into the pond and Luna retrieved...............and shook her water off on us.  We went to the hen house to checked for eggs and were excited to find 7 eggs.  Carole had told us they were not laying very much because some of them were getting older and the young ones were still too young to lay.  Phyl proudly brought the eggs to Carole and told her that maybe the hens lay more after being chased around the yard at 6 am.

We then walked down to the Bay and watched otters diving for dinner and deer grazing in a field across the bay.  We stayed until the sun set at about 9:30.

It was just the kind of restful, peaceful day we needed.  We again slept in the bed on the porch.

A Rude Awakening

We were awakened at around 5:50 am by Boots who crowed to welcome the dawn.  Carole had told us that if Boots' crowing disturbed us, we could open the trap door to the pen to let the chickens out and Boots would stop crowing.  After 10 minutes of crowing, we opened the pen and went back to bed.  Just as we were falling back asleep.....................

G- (thinking as I fell asleep) the chickens sound awfully close to the bed..... then my eyes popped open and I looked over to see about 15 chickens scattered all over the yard.  I yelled, "OMG!  Phyllis, get up! The chickens are out!!!"

P- What do you mean they're out?  You let them out.

G- Yes, but they're all under the carport and they could go to the road. I don't think they're supposed to be out in that area!

P- OMG!  What are we gonna do? 

G-  We have to get them!!!  (still half asleep, we jumped up, donned our flip flops and ran down the stairs to coral the chickens)  Go around the left side of the tree and try to get them to run this way! I'll come behind them from the right.  No! Don't run directly at them!  You have to kind've shoo them.

P - WTF?!  I don't know nothin about corralling chickens!!

As Gina shooed about 8 chickens toward the back, Phyllis chased one particularly speedy bitch around a tree.  Each time Phyllis would run to the right of the tree, the hen would run to the left.  This went on for a few minutes before she dashed under a bush.  The hen, not Phyllis.

P- If I ever catch this bitch, I'm gonna ring her neck.

We opened the gate to the yard, which is separately fenced in to keep the deer out of the garden.  We got about 12 chickens into the yard, but the speedy bitch just would not cooperate.

G- Damn!  She is fast.  Let her go.  Try to keep the rest of them in this corner while I go see how they got out.

After running 30-40 yards, Gina determined that there was nothing to keep them in the back of the yard once the pen was opened.

G- Wait a minute.  There is no open gate.  The whole area is open just outside the pen.  Carole did say last night that they are free range chickens. Do you think they are allowed in the area? They could go down to the road and get hit.

P- I don't know, but we cannot lose this woman's chickens or we'll be-blackballed from the Couch Surfing club.

G- Shit!  How much do exotic chickens cost?  I don't think we can afford to replace them and they all have names, so they're like pets.  I think we have to get them out of the yard.

P- I do remember her saying something about them eating her garden, and we just locked them in the yard with the garden!

G- Oh, for God sake!  We gotta get them out of the yard.  Open the gate as wide as you can and I'll try to shoo them back out.

Again we chased these hens in circles until we got them out of the yard and back into the area they were in before the fiasco started.  There is always that one chicken that runs in the opposite direction!!!! 

Hens - What is wrong with these city bitches?!  First they chase us in here, now they're chasing us back out.  Just leave us alone and let us eat our breakfast!!!

After all of the hens were removed from the yard, we were laughing hysterically and exhausted.  It was 6:30 am and we had been chasing chickens around the yard in our pajamas.  We did get back into bed and managed to fall back asleep, to the sound of hens finally, and happily, eating their breakfast.  Luna, the dog, had watched all the goings on from the porch, barely lifting her head.