We awoke at 6:00 AM, drank a small cup of coffee, packed a bag, repacked our backpacks and souvenirs, and arrived in the lobby by 7:20 AM. Vera & Maddie were eating breakfast and although they were also leaving for Ha Long Bay, they were taking a different cruise, so we said goodbye, hoping that we would see them again upon our return to Hanoi and the New Century Hotel.
As we stood on the curb, in front of the hotel waiting for our bus, Nam stood with us assuring us that it would arrive shortly.
P- Nam, what's going on over there? It looks like a wedding.
Nam - Yes, they get married.
G- They are getting married at 7:30 in the morning?!?!?
Nam - Yes.
P- What time did she have to get up to get her hair and make up done and get into a wedding dress to be picked up at 7:30?
P- The wedding will happen this morning?
Nam - Yes. Very soon.
P- Will there be a reception?
Nam - I don't know that word.
P- Will there be a party after the wedding with friends and family members?
Nam - Oh, yes. They will eat and have party.
G- They'll have a party at, what, 9:00 o'clock in the morning?
Nam - Yes.
G- Oh my gawd! Kill me.
Our bus arrived and we got on, but our conversation about the wedding continued.
P- They're all up at 5:30 - 6:00 AM anyway, might as well have the wedding this early.
G- How much fun can a reception at 9:00 AM be?
G- Hell, food and alcohol are the only reasons guests are willing to go to a wedding. What's the enticement when it takes place between 8:00 - 9:00 AM and there are no drinks?
P- Your people would be late, and grouchy, for every wedding.
G- We wouldn't be late. We wouldn't go at all. Get up and be at a wedding this early on a Saturday morning? No way in hell!! I would never have gotten married if it had to take place early on Saturday morning.
P - Maybe that would've been a good thing.
G- Hmmm. Maybe you're on to something. The divorce rate would plummet if less people got married.
We drove around the Old Quarter picking up passengers. As they climbed onto the bus, we tried to pick out the fun people. A group of Asian kids got aboard; we tried, but could not identify their countries of origin. Two couples who appeared to be Canadian or Australian got on, then 3 women, who looked like they could have fun potential, were picked up.
G- Yes, but I think they're speaking French.
P- If they're traveling in Asia they must speak some English.
G- Yes, but don't you agree that the French we meet tend to speak just enough English to get by?
P- That's true. We'll find someone to party with us, or we'll just party by ourselves.
G- Agreed.
After everyone had been picked up, the tour guide stood in the aisle, slightly in front of our seat, and gave us some information.
G- Why are you leaning on me?
P- Do you see that big booger in that dudes nose?
G- Yes, I saw it.
P- Well I'm worried that if he breathes just a little too hard it'll fly out and hit me. Also, his breath smells like ass!
G- That seems like a distinct possibility. Every time he looked at me I'd rub my hand across the bottom of my nose trying to send him a subliminal message to do the same, but so far, it hasn't worked.
P- Stop that! Are you crazy? If he wipes his nose with his hand, the booger might fall on me.
P- Yeah, but it's like a train wreck; you can't stop yourself from looking at it.
G- I just keep thinking of Gilda Radner doing Roseanne Roseannadanna, "there was the biggest, grossest booger on the end of his nose".
Just then the man behind us sneezed this very powerful sneeze. I think it surprise him and he couldn't cover his mouth fast enough because the spit from the sneeze rained down on us like we were standing under the spray of a waterfall.
P- What the hell is going on?
G- This is what happens when people leave their homes so early in the morning before they've had a chance to rid themselves of all of their bodily expulsions. This is why everyone should stay in their own home, or hotel room, until at least 10:00 AM.
P- Shut up, freak. I just hope he doesn't have a cold.
G- I hope he's not on our boat. I'd like a sneeze free zone on my boat.
As we drove through Hanoi, the streets were full of cars covered in bows and flowers. The tour guide confirmed that all of the cars contained brides and grooms and said that Saturday morning was the time most people got married. The 2 Canadian couples sitting behind us commented on the early hour and how different weddings were in Canada. We agreed that things were also different in America. Just then a black Toyota sedan, covered in bows, pulled up next to us.
Canadian lady behind me - I was looking at that too.
P- You'd think he could clean his car for his wedding day.
G- If he came to pick me up in that filthy car, the wedding would be called off. That is a very bad sign of things to come.
Canadian lady - (laughing) You are very correct.
G- I wouldn't be seen dead in a car that filthy on any random day, much less my wedding day.
P- And you know he's going to drop his wet towel on the bathroom floor, leave his dirty drawers & socks around, and dirty dishes in the sink.
G- That bride is destined to be a maid. She needs to rethink marrying that pig.
For several miles after entering the freeway, the emergency lane was lined with people selling bread of all shapes and sizes. We watched as motorcycles and cars pulled over into the emergency lane, purchased bread, then merged back onto the highway. The tour guide seemed not to notice, while we sat nonplused. Why would people stand on the freeway and sell bread? Who needed to buy bread so urgently that they would stop on the freeway? Why was this allowed? Was the bread fresh? How did the bread sellers get there with their large bags of bread?
Halfway through the journey, we stopped at a rest stop, built specifically for tourists, containing a snack bar and a myriad of overpriced souvenirs. Fortunately, we did not stay there long. When we arrived at Ha Long Bay we were separated into 2 groups and our group was lead to a tender that would take us to our boat. To get to the tender, we walked down about 20 concrete steps and onto the front platform of the tender. It was a fairly easy task for the surefooted, but we wondered what a person with difficulty ambulating would do in order to get onto their boat.
Once on the boat, we were seated in the main cabin for tea, given our room keys, and instructed to return for lunch in half an hour. We were thrilled to find that our room matched the photos in the brochure. looks like they're already married.
