Chicken & Pickin'

 3:30 AM

P- Are you awake?

G- Yes. I can't go back to sleep.

P- Me either. What is wrong with us?

G- I don't know, but I'm not happy.

At 4:00 AM we got up, drank some coffee, and got ready at a leisurely pace.

P- When we booked this 5:30 AM train trip, I was afraid of unhappy, early morning Gina, but I like the Gina who has been awake for hours and is happy.

G- I'm not happy to have been unable to sleep, but it was a good morning for it.

P- I never see happy morning Gina.

G- Soak it all in, baby, because this is like one of those eclipses that only happens once every hundred years. You're unlikely to see it again in your lifetime.

P- I know. I know.

At 4:30 the poor guesthouse owner called with our wake up call. We confirmed that he was calling a taxi at 5:00AM. At 5:00 AM we walked downstairs, as quietly as possible, while he opened the large metal doors, a noise that could be heard for miles. The taxi pulled up a minute later and we were off to the train station.

G- Well, now we know why we never see any Asians out jogging; they do it at 5:00 AM.

P- I can't get over the number of people out here running and walking.

G- I know it's a familiar refrain, but thank Gawd I was not born Asian. I would have hated my life.

P- No, you would have just been a morning person.

G- Not possible. I'm genetically, biologically hard wired to be a night person.

P- Whatever.

When we arrived at the station, the lobby was already full of people and ladies were already circulating through the crowd trying to sell baguettes, water, fruit, and newspapers. The newspapers lady stood in front of us, for the longest time, waiving the paper in our faces.

P- You know this woman knows we can't read Vietnamese. Why in the hell does she think we'd want to buy that newspaper?

G- I have no idea. Maybe she's telling you there is no toilet paper on the train and you should buy the newspaper to use it as toilet paper.

P- That's about all it would be good for.

G- Look. It's that Dutch couple with the baby. The ones we saw buying tickets yesterday.

P- Oh, Typhoid Mary and the feverish kid?

G- Yes. I hope they're not sitting near us because I don't want to catch whatever they have.

(to the Dutch couple) Hi. How's your little girl feeling today?

Dutch Man – Much better. Her fever is gone.

G & P – That's good.

P- (whispers to me) Typhoid Mary still sounds like she's trying to cough up a lung.

I hate getting up in the wee hours of the morning, but once awake, I love the morning and seeing the sun rise. The train followed the coastline on our right and a mountain range on our left. The sunrise, over the rice fields, between us and the sea was positively gorgeous!!! The rice fields were lush and green, the sky bright orange.  We rode along enjoying all the beauty of the Vietnamese countryside. We passed a group of kids playing badminton in a field behind a little village. It was 6:30 AM. Badminton at 6:30 in the morning!!!! The quiet, however, was short lived. At 7:00 AM, the TV in the train was turned on, the volume at typical Asian, glass shattering, decibel levels.

G- My gawd!!! Can't we just ride in peace and enjoy the beauty? Why do we have to be subjected to this noise?

P- I will never have an explanation for it. No one is even watching it.

G- Why does it have to be so damn loud?! I hate it.

P- Me too. What is it? It's kind've creepy the way the little girls are dressed up like tramps, rapping, and dancing behind that guy. I've never seen an Asian rapper, and wearing a suit. Ha!

G- It looks like one of those child beauty contests, with singing. I think they're supposed to look like fairies.

P- Yes, very Jon Bonet Ramseyish. And if I have to see that damn milk commercial with that laughing cow one more time, I'm going to scream.

G- Why is it necessary to have entertainment at 7:00 AM?

P- Just wait. The rice and vegetable cart will come around soon to serve breakfast.

We laughed, but at 7:30 AM, that is exactly what happened. The food cart came into our train car, with a smell we find horrifying at that time of morning, and damn near every person bought a container of white rice and whatever else it was.

G- OMG! Look at the food cart woman!!! She is picking her nose!!

P- That is totally disgusting. She's not even trying to be discrete, she's just pickin away like she's in the
privacy of her home.

G- She looks like she needs some heavy equipment to perform an excavation.

P- What's she gonna do with it once she gets it? 

G- I can't think about that.

P- I can't believe the people are going to continue to buy food from her.  This is positively revolting?  Nasty bitch!!!

G- There you go, we just learned something good about plain, white rice. You'd be able to see it if the food cart lady puts her booger in it.

The woman behind us began feeding her toddler some kind of noodle porridge. Blech!!

G- Look at those round boats!!!

P- How can those people paddle them without going in circles?

G- I remember seeing them on Amazing Race!!!! Do you remember them?

P- You know I'm not going to remember them.

G- Remember that young boy with the big, blondish, afro looking hair? He was racing with his girlfriend who was a total high maintenance bitch. She whined and bitched at him constantly and we wanted him to kill her, but he just quietly plodded along and ended up winning the race. One of the challenges was for them to row that round boat across the water to pick up the next clue, or something like that. I distinctly remember those round boats. I wonder if they were right here for that challenge. Remind me to Google it.

P- I vaguely remember the couple, but I can't remember those boats or the challenge.

We tried to focus on the beautiful scenery and not the horrible, cat screeching sounds coming from the TV. The train passed through tunnel after tunnel, with each exit offering a new gift of beautiful mountains, beaches, rocky cliffs, or the sea.  At lunchtime the food cart came by again and we bought white rice, with a scoop of vegetables, and 4 chicken skewers. It was pretty good for train food. The older lady sitting next to us smiled and seemed pleased that we were eating the same thing as them, and eating it with chopsticks! We have become quite adept at eating with chopsticks.

P- When you go to the bathroom, look on the floor in the section where the 2 train cars connect.

G- Why? What's there?

P- 4 chickens, or roosters, I'm not sure, in 2 baskets.

G- Well, people at home travel with their dogs. I guess when you travel in Vietnam your foul can travel with you.

After she finished lunch, the older lady began talking to the man in front of her. Sometimes she'd just lean back in her chair and talk, sometimes she'd lean forward and talk through the chair and sometimes she'd squeeze her face between the chairs and talk. Every once in a while he'd respond, but most of the time he just sat there with his eyes closed.

P- That woman has not come up for a breath in hours.

G- At first I thought he didn't know her, but now I think he may be her husband.

P- The poor bastard!

G- She's Gladys Kravitz and he's poor Abner.

P- What could she be talking about for so long without a break?

G- I don't know, but it seems he's accustomed to the assault.

After lunch the Dutch man and the little girl walked by. On their way back he sat, with his daughter on his lap, in the empty seat, next to the older lady, and chatted with us. While we talked, the older lady stared at the little girl's blonde hair. She was a toe head. I guess when she hit the point when she could no longer restrain herself, she reached around and began grabbing the little girl's hair; not pulling it, exactly, but definitely rougher than one would expect. The little girl whimpered and pulled away, and the father slapped the older woman's hand and told her NO.

Dutch man – We have this problem often. Many people grab her hair.

P- Well I'm having the problem of women grabbing my breasts.

Dutch man – What? Really!?

P- Yes.

Dutch man – (Mouth gaped open and speechless.)

The train ride was about 8.5 hours to DaNang, the town, with the train station, about 30 kilometers from Hoi An. After an ordeal exiting the train – the people getting on the train won't wait long enough to let you off, so you have to fight your way off the train, while they block your path. It's insane, but apparently common practice, and the railroad employees make no effort to make them wait for you to disembark before allowing them on. Crazy! We exited the station and debated the best way to get to Hoi An while 10 taxi drivers yapped in our ears, and squabbled with each other. The motorcycles were going to be 100,000 Dong each, and the taxi driver said he could take us, on the meter, for about 300,000 Dong.

G- Damn it to hell! Look at that meter. There is no way we're getting to Hoi An for 300,000 Dong.

P- Lied to again. Surprise, surprise.

G- We should have taken the motorcycles. We learned that lesson already. Why did we let our guards down?

P- Because we're stupid and sometimes we forget.

G- Damn!!!

By the time the taxi dropped us off at the address we had provided, it cost us $20.00, an enormous sum for a taxi ride in Asia, on a backpackers budget. We were very angry with ourselves and we didn't even stay at the hotel because it was too expensive. We set off on foot and after stopping for directions 2 times, finally located a street lined with hotels. Phyl checked them out while I sat with the bags. We finally settled on a room, for $15.00 per night, which was small, but had everything we needed.

It was late in the afternoon, so we went in search of a snack and cold beer. Travel days are exhausting even when most of the day is spent sitting on a bus or train. Fortunately, we found a great little restaurant, with free wifi, called White Sail, just around the corner from our hotel. Jackpot!!