Get the bucket!!!

After eating we felt slightly rejuvenated for the final push.


G- Ok, are we ready to bring everything to the SUV (Stormy)?
P- I know you're an excellent packer, but I still don't think all of this is going to fit into Stormy.
G- Well, it has to because we can't leave it here. Let's just carry everything to the curb and I'll start packing it. If need be, we can put stuff on top.

Everything was dragged to the curb and I packed poor Stormy, a Mazda Tribute, as tight as a flea's ass in a beer drum (as old Bob Bostick use to say) but there was still a lot of crap on the curb. Our neighbor, Steve, had taken pity on us and had helped us carry stuff to the curb and to the trash bin so we asked him if we could put the rest of the stuff on his patio and return the next day to pick it up. He graciously agreed. With the extra crap on Steve's patio, we only had our 2 suitcases (large duffel types on wheels) and the air mattress to strap down on top of the Stormy.

G- How in the hell are we gonna get these bags on top of Stormy? My arms are so sore I couldn't life them to cover my mouth is I sneezed.
P- Well I'm gonna help you get it up there. You lift it up to my arms and I'll hoist it up like setting a volleyball or like moving some surfer along in a mosh pit.

It did go quite well and soon I was strapping the bags down until the crank on the straps got jammed. It was MIDNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

P- you can't get it to crank anymore?
G- no, and I don't know what's wrong with it.
P-what are we gonna do?
G- (still sitting on top of Stormy) I just want to climb down and lie on the ground. I'm too tired to even cry now. Please, run over me with the damn car!!!!!
P- It's almost over, we just have to figure out how to strap these bags down and we can leave. (it is uncharacteristic that Phyllis is the one calming Gina as it is usually the other way around. Damn Peri-menopause!!!!!)
G- these bags and the air mattress have to come to Shannon's tonight! Screw the strap! Let's just put the bags in the passenger seat and I'll sit on the console.
P- Ok, but we have to be very careful for cops because Shannon just got a $400 ticket because her kid had the seat belt under his arm when he bent over to pick something up from the floor.
G- we'll be careful and it is midnight.

The air mattress bag was put onto the floor and we stood up the duffel bags in the passenger seat. I climbed in from the drivers seat and squeezed my not- as- small- as- it- use- to- be ass between the seats on top of the console. I leaned back onto the shit stacked in the back, put my feet up on the dashboard and we left Pleasanton.

G- I can't see shit, so you'll have to warn me if you see a cop.

P- Well I can't see out of the rear view mirror and I can't see out of the passenger side mirror.
G- I can pull the bags back slightly when you need to change lanes.
P- Thank God it is the middle of the night and traffic won't be so bad.
G- I'll drape this jacket over my legs and yours over my shoulder and only my head is sticking out. Otherwise I don't look like a person, I just look like the rest of the crap.
P- What about your head?
G- Hand me that square bucket that came out of the ice chest and I can put that on my head.
P- perfect!

As luck would have it, we were passed by 2 cops in Oakland and 3 cops on the Bay Bridge. Phyl would yell "get the bucket" and I would put the bucket over my head and lean into the bags. I was so exhausted, I didn't care if I smothered under the bucket and apparently neither did she as 2 times she neglected to tell me that the coast was clear and I could take the bucket off my head. It was a fitting ending to a completely F*ed up weekend!!!!!