G- Let's go get our bags, check in with Continental, then find a place to get a burger and a beer. I'm hungry and I can't find the Lido deck.
P- Sounds like a good plan.
Pencil Pecker (tall, skinny, pimple faced boy of about 19, named Steve by his parents) - ok, I just need to see your ID.
We show him our IDs and he matches them up with the tags. We walk out of the baggage room, dragging our HEAVY bags, and head for Continental.
G- Ok, I appreciate that they're trying to keep our bags secure by checking our IDs, but last night when everyones' bag was sitting outside their doors in the hallway, I could have put my ID on any bag I wanted. It's not as though we're having to show the bottom half of the luggage tag because there was no bottom half.
P- Whatever. Let's just get rid of them so we can eat. What does that say? The Continental counter is not manned until 3:00 pm?!?
G- Damn it to hell! I'm not dragging this bag around for 4 hours. Let's bring them back to the baggage room. The guy said it was open until 6:00 PM.
P- (to the older, possibly wiser, man) We just claimed our bags 2 minutes ago, only to discovery that the Continental counter doesn't open until 3:00 pm. We'd like to leave our bags here until then so we can go get something to eat without dragging them around.
Older man - Ok, come this way. But I'm not sure that's allowed.
G- What do you mean it's not allowed. Aren't you open until 6:00 PM?
Older man to Pencil Pecker - These ladies just got their bags and would like to return them to the room because Continental is closed until 3:00 PM.
P- What are you talking about. We just got them 2 minutes ago.
Pencil Pecker - That's the rule.
G- Why were we not told the rule before we took our bags?
Pencil Pecker - It's not our rule it's the TSA's. It's for your safety.
G- That was not my question. My safety? My bag sat in the hallway for hours unattended. And now you're protecting me by not taking it back after I've had it for 2 minutes? Why were we not informed of the rule?
P - That's not acceptable. Where is your supervisor?
Pencil Pecker - It's a TSA rule.
G-(to Phyllis) Son of a bitch! I already hate the damn TSA. Morons! All of them!!! I'm not fighting with this little bastard. I cannot stand being talked down to by this little pencil dick bastard who just went through puberty 2 weeks ago!!! I'm leaving.
P- I am not dragging this bag around for 5 hours because it has been in my possession for 2 minutes.
G- I'm having flashbacks of that little son of a bitch Harahan cop who almost took me to jail just after Katrina and I may become violent. I'm going to sit down to breath and let it go.
P- I'm not letting it go. It is too stupid to let go!!!!!
G- Ok. I'll be sitting over there.
Gina went into the airport and began telephone bitch fest with Connor. Phyl waited for the supervisor.
G- (to Connor on the phone) OOOOH. Now she's fussing at the supervisor. She's leaning in like she does when she's drunk or pissed off. The supervisor seems to be arguing back. It can't be good. Now pencil pecker has been brought into the conversation. He'd better watch his cockiness or Phyl might rip out his lungs. She's very pissed off and I'm afraid I didn't do much to discourage it because I'm very pissed off too, I just don't feel like fighting.
Supervisor - I'm sorry mam, but we cannot take the bag back once you claim it.
P - If that is the rule, why was I not told BEFORE I took my bags?
Supervisor - You should have been told. No one got on your bus and went over the rules with you.
P- No they did not.
Supervisor - Well I'm sorry and I'll address that with the person who was supposed to do it, but we still can't take back the bags.
P- Do you realize that I could have put a bomb the size of Alaska in each of my bags last night before I put them in the hallway to sit, by themselves. Then, without even coming into the airport, I could have detonated the bombs and blown this whole place to hell. But you, and the TSA in their infinite wisdom, are worried about me putting something into my bag in the previous 2 minutes while standing in the middle of the airport!?! it's utterly dumbfounding!!!!!!
Pencil Pecker - You can take your bag downstairs and for only $7.00 a bag they'll hold it for you.
P- Well that makes a lot of sense. I guess a bomb can blow up in the Holland America baggage area but not in the baggage area downstairs? That's brilliant! I just paid Holland America thousands of dollars for a cruise and now I'm going to pay more money to have someone else hold my bag? I don't think so.
(to pencil pecker) You go away. (to Supervisor) This is absolutely infuriating.
G - (to Connor on the phone) Well, it looks like she's given up and we'll be dragging our bags around. Let me go. She's seething and I think her head is about to explode.
P- Fuckers!
G- I see pencil pecker gets to live.
P- I'd love to just choke the cocky bastard until his eyes bulged, but I'm not going to jail in Alaska. I hate snow.
G- Let's go get a cocktail!
A few cocktails did take the edge off, but at 3:00 pm when the Continental counter finally opened, the line was about 100 people deep. While in line we removed our cuticle scissors, toothpaste, wine opener, hand lotion, and all other possible plane hijacking weapons out of our carry ons and put them into the bags we would check.
Airports and airlines suck and having to use them will be the worst part of our around the world journey.
