Colonel, I Want Potatoes

We needed something different to eat and had decided that we'd go to KFC for chicken strips and mashed potatoes. We were both craving potatoes. I did a search on line and discovered that the closest one was on the road, on the other side of the walled area, near the university. It was not close enough to walk, so we hopped on a motorcycle, something we were really beginning to enjoy. Traffic was heavier in this area, and Phyl (still driving) kept abruptly hitting the brake.


G- Shit! Please stop doing that! Accelerate! Stop! Accelerate! Stop!

P- What the hell do you want me to do, hit someone or let someone hit us?

G- No, but your braking seems so random that I'm not prepared and my head, with this big ass helmet, is flying forward and crashing into the back of your helmet. It's turning my helmet sideways and giving me a headache. Do you not feel my helmet hitting yours?

P- Yes, I'm sorry, but I'm trying to concentrate on not getting us killed.

G- I appreciate that, but I'd like to live without the adult equivalent of shaken baby syndrome.

P- I get nervous when I have to make those u-turns around the moat and then merge into the traffic on the other side, because even though the road is painted to indicate the cars can not come straight, we both know none of the Asian road rules are actually followed.

G- Just get all the way to the left, we have a way to go before we turn left. We have to drive the rest of the way on this side of the wall, then turn right and drive along that whole side too, then turn left on that big street that cuts at an angle.

P- Ok.

Easier said than done. It was not on the street that we thought it was on, so we drove around, starving and bitching, for an extra 20 minutes. Just as we were about to give up, we saw the KFC sign. Phyl hit the brakes, my head flew forward and our helmets crashed together just as she turned into the mall and drove into the motorcycle parking area of the garage. At least we found it and were going to eat some mashed potatoes!

We walked up the ramp, down the stairs, around the corner, and up to the counter as we searched the sign for what we wanted.

G- Son of a bitch! No chicken strips and no potatoes! Whah!!

P- No potatoes?!?!? Whah!!! Why are their no potatoes? This is KFC! Oh, but there is RICE!!!!!

G- KFC in Asia. These people don't want potatoes, they want rice. Why did we assume that there would be chicken strips and potatoes?

P- Because we're stupid!

G- Apparently so. Well, we're here and starving, let's eat something.

P- What the hell is that dish? Rice, of course, but is that a piece of chicken with some kind of green gravy with peas on it? That is disgusting.

G- You gonna try it? Ha!

P- Hell no! It looks like someone already ate it.

G- LMAO! Look, instead of potatoes, you can get that little egg custard quiche looking thing. Blech!

P- No thanks!

We each got a spicy chicken sandwich, french fries, & Pepsi.

G- How lucky for us, you can't get potatoes or strips like in America, but you're still stuck drinking that nasty Pepsi instead of Coke!

Actually, the chicken sandwich was yummy, and because we were eating in, instead of taking the food to go, we were given the Pepsi in a large GLASS with lots of ice, so that soothed us a bit. We felt better after eating and headed to the fresh market that we had visited, with Pot, the night of our cooking class. We bought more "boudin", some pork jerky, green leaf lettuce, and dried kiwi. We still had balsamic salad dressing and tomatoes from the grocery and were going to have another salad.

G- Look, fried chicken heads and feet. You still not tempted to try them?

P- Hell, no. You try them.

G- Hell, no. I really do love this market. I wish we had one at home.

P- Me too.

By now we were jumping on and off the motorcycle like pros and because we now knew where we were going, the ride back to the guesthouse was uneventful. We hung out in the breeze way and watched people go by.

P- I know I've said this before, but all of these old, white guys with these young Thai girls, is really disgusting me. Look at them. They look pathetic!

G- I agree. Nasty bastards! Can't get laid in their own country, so they come here where the playing field is not level and they have an advantage, money.

P- We didn't see so much of this in Bali. Well, there was that one guy.  Nasty bastard!

G- I think it existed in Bali too, but just not as much as here where it is everywhere you look. I am ok with an expat who lives here and dates, or is in a relationship with, a Thai woman. Like Ron & Min. He's lived here for 6 years. Who else would he date besides a Thai woman?

P- I think they've been together for 5 or 6 years. That's fine. That's not what I'm talking about.  You can look at them and see which ones are relationships and which ones are not.  The slimy, lusters are very obvious.

G- I know what you're talking about. You're talking about the huge age difference and the ones who are clearly short term.  That goes on in America too.  Hell, men are the same all over the world.

P- Yeah, but having to watch the old bastards paw all over the girls just grosses me out!  Women are pathetic!

G- True. The fake fawning by the Thai girls is gross too! Blech!  Women can be pathetic, but these women have far fewer choices than the women in America.

Finally they left the table just across the street from the breeze way and we no longer had to watch the old, white bastards embarrassing themselves.

G- I was thinking that since we had the motorcycle, we could go eat at that Italian restaurant inside the wall.

P- What about the lettuce?

G- Just leave it in the fridge and we'll eat it tomorrow for lunch.

P- I like the way you think. You know I can always eat Italian food.

We were going to invite Kosta, but he didn't come around that afternoon and we didn't know the name of his guesthouse. Dinner was very yummy, a tomato and buffalo mozzarella salad and eggplant pasta. We made the mistake of ordering red wine, which was crap, but overall the dinner was very good. Note to self: Stop trying to get decent wine in Asia and just drink the beer!!