No Must Buy

We decided to see another side of Bangkok, and as much as we loved the river, plotted a course inland. Phyl had been reading a guidebook and selected a walking tour. We exited the sky train at Sala Daeng and walked to the Rama VI monument in front of Lumphini Park. After a careful inspection of the monument and the city scape in the area, we walked into Lumphini Park and around the lagoon. It was midday and the park had few visitors.


P- What is that swimming in the lagoon?

G- The head makes it look like an alligator.

P- I know it's not an alligator, but it's freakin huge.

It was too far away for us to determine what it was so we walked on. As we crossed a bridge, we spotted an even bigger one.

P- There's another one!! What the hell are they?

G- I don't know. Could it be a komodo dragon? Or in that same family?

P- I guess it could be but I can't imagine that they'd be allowed loose in this park. I thought those things were very aggressive.

G- Wait, it looks like a huge version of the monitor lizards we saw in Bali. Maybe they're monitor lizards?

P- I don't know, but they scare me and if that one comes out of the water, I'm scaling that tree like a monkey.

G- Here monitor lizard. Here lizard, lizard. Gladys, I'm dying to see your ass go up that tree.

P- Well I assure you Agnes, that thing comes anywhere near me and you will get to see it!

We stood on the bridge and watched several of them swimming back and forth. Then a third one appeared and they became aggressive with each other. Once one of them started climbing onto land, we had seen enough and continued down the trail. We stopped in the bathroom to have a squat and cracked up while reading the sign on the mirror above the sink: Do not wash your feet.

P- How many people wash their feet in the sink of a public bathroom?

G- There was a time in my life when I would have thought that insane, but since my entire shoe closet now consists of 1 pair of Keens and my feet are always dusty and dirty, I totally see why one would want to wash their feet.

P- There is never any soap to even wash your hands. And how would you dry them. You'd just walk back outside and more dirt would stick to them.

We were extremely hungry as we exited the park and walked along Sarasin Road in search of one of only 2 original canals in Bangkok. Fortunately, we passed several food carts, so we purchased 2 fried chicken legs and ate them as we walked. They were quite tasty and we wished that we had gotten more. Thinking we had found the proper way, we climbed up 2 flights of steps to cross the street, and continued on a raised platform. The platform was flanked by very old dwellings made of wood with tin roofs. We sensed that we were in the correct place, but couldn't find the canal. We came to a staircase and decided to exit the elevated path. There we found the canal and a very old, rundown part of Bangkok. Even though the canal stunk like stagnant water, shops lined its concrete banks and in many locations people were eating lunch. They stared at us like we were from Mars, probably trying to figure out how we had become so lost that we ended up in their neighborhood where they never see tourists. We smiled and they smiled back. One woman invited us to sit and have a drink with them. No, thank you. After a heated debate, we returned to the raised platform and continued walking.

We walked about 3 blocks more, and seeing no one, our New Orleans sensibilities kicked in and we began to feel afraid. Finally 2 westerners on bikes approached and we asked them for directions. Yes, we had taken a wrong turn and had to go back to the street where we first climbed up to the elevated walkway, then turn right. It was hot as hell, and we were sweating our asses off, so this was not welcomed news. Plus, the chicken legs had only held our hunger at bay for a short time, and we were starving again.

We began walking down a long boulevard, Witthayu Road, lamenting the fact that we were tired of walking, when a tuk-tuk driver pulled along side us and offered to give us a ride for 20 Baht.

Driver- Where you go?

P- Just to the end of this street.

Driver - I take you. Only 20 Baht. Good for you.

G- (raised eyebrow and skeptical look) Why so good?

Driver- I do good for you, you do for me.

P- What do we have to do?

Driver- You go to shop. Very close. Help me. I drive you.

P- Oh, no. We're not interested in anything like that.

Driver – You no must buy. You good for me. I good for you.

G- (under my breath to Phyl) We are tired of walking and we have about 8-10 blocks to go. Plus, I'm interested in seeing how this scam works. I read about it in the guide book.

Driver- (sensing a crack) Yes? You do?

P- Ok, but we're not buying anything.

Driver – No must buy.

We got into the tuk-tuk and headed up the street. The breeze was nice and I was happy for the seat. Phyl continued to bitch about 'the deal', but I was interested to see how it worked and we were in no particular hurry. He drove about 6 blocks, then went around the corner and drove another 4 blocks before stopping next to a building. The driver waved to a man sitting on the stairs.

G- In there? I must go in there to help you?

Driver- Yes. Two go.

P- I'm not moving from this tuk-tuk. I'm making sure we don't get left here.

Driver – Yes. You go.

G- I'm going.

I went into the store and it was a very upscale tailor. Someone greeted me at the door and advised that I could have a suit, blouse, belt, or shoes made. I complimented the shop and advised him that I was not at all interested in having clothes made because I don't even have a job. I thanked him and left. The whole matter took about 2 minutes. My quick return to the tuk-tuk seemed to surprise the driver.

G- (to Phyl) Ok, your turn to go in. It's a tailor.

P- I don't want any clothes made and I'm not going in..

G- Just uphold your end of the bargain and go in.

P- No! The end! Not going in!

Driver – You no want.

P- No. We told you when we made the deal that we didn't want anything.

Driver- (looking frustrated) You want souvenir? I take different store.

P- Absolutely not! We want you to take us down the street to the hotel.

Driver – Ok.

G- Well, that was interesting. I still can't figure it out. Does he ever make this deal with someone who actually had a suit made once they get here?

P- It's crazy to me. One minute we're walking, sightseeing, and sweating, and the next we want to be fitted for a suit? Who does that?

G- I know. It's not as though he brought us somewhere to buy t-shirts or trinkets that may, for some, be impulse purchases. He brings us to a tailor.

P- I guess some dumbass must have something made otherwise they wouldn't do it.

G- I guess. Ok, I've seen the deal and it seems crazy to me.

P- And this dude is probably thinking.......how'd I end up with these 2 bitches when most women love to shop.

G- We told him we would never buy anything when we made the deal. He shouldn've listened.

He wasn't happy with us, but as agreed, he dropped us off in front of the Swiss Hotel. We walked through the large lobby, out into the lush gardens surrounding the pool, and exited the back of the pool area following a path to the Nai Lert Park Shrine. It was a weird penis park, dedicated to Chao Tuptim, a female spirit believed to live in the old banyan tree growing in the corner. People go to the park to pray for fertility and prosperity and have shown their gratitude by leaving colorful phallus donations to the spirit.

G- Well, while this is odd and slightly interesting, I don't think it warrants a spot on the walking tour.

P- You're right.

G- Remind me why we came to a penis park because it seems like a strange thing to interest us.

P- It's on the tour. The way the guidebook described it, I thought the park would be nicer. Look over there!

G- What is it? Another penis?

P- No, that's the canal we were looking for when we got lost.

G- That canal is boring. I'm sure glad we got lost and got to see the other nasty canal and the neighborhood surrounding it.

P- Me too. Now I'm really starving, let's get out of here.

We asked the guard for directions, then walked 3 blocks up to the Phloen Chit metro station where, of course, we had to climb 4 flights of steps to get to the upper platform. By this time Phyl was bitching up a storm as hot, sweaty, and hungry, with throbbing feet & knees, are not quite her favorite things. The station name was appropriate because she felt like Phloen Chit! We had to change metro lines at Siam Station, adjacent to the Siam Paragon, a huge mall with a theater & aquarium. It was packed with people!!! We stopped at a pizza place overlooking the main courtyard and enjoyed people watching as we consumed a whole pizza and a pitcher of root beer.

Then we went to a store in the mall that carried almost every kind of western treats one can imagine. We purchased M&Ms, Hershey bars, granola (not as good as Nature's Indulgence), Cambanzola cheese (a major coup!!!), a few Fugi apples, some Italian salami and baguettes. We needed food for tomorrow's bus ride to Cambodia. It was rush hour when we left Siam Paragon and we got the feel of being a commuting Bangkokian as we were crushed into the metro train with the locals heading home from work.

Back at the hotel we finalized our transportation arrangements for the next day, paying 1300 Baht each (about $41.50 USD/each), showered and packed.